(originally aired October 9, 1994)
This is the first of a few times we see the Springfield Republican Party headquarters, located in a creepy castle on a haunted hill, where seemingly demonic rituals and dastardly plans are formulated. Even Dracula himself is one of the representatives. What’s so amazing about this that, at least to me, this reads two ways: it’s poking fun at conservatives, but simultaneously poking fun at itself. This set piece is so ridiculously over the top that it’s laughable, but the nugget of satire works against its seeming target, and those who would bash said target. This episode aims at Democrats and Republicans, and pretty much everyone gets their head in a proverbial noose, but in a very hilarious way.

We open with Rush Limbaugh wannabe Birch Barlow spewing his brand of conservative garbage water over the Springfield airwaves, who makes a call to arms to free “political prisoner” Sideshow Bob. After Bob’s knock at Democrats at the end of “Black Widower,” it only makes sense he would be revealed a diehard Republican, but seemingly only as a means to an end Also ironic that his prior comments about Democratic leniency on prisoners got him out of jail multiple times at this point. Anyway, Bob is selected by the Republican party to run for mayor against incumbent Joe Quimby. Satire of general elections and currying public favor has been done, and quite expertly, in “Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish,” but we get lots of great material here, like Bob being fed questions that will make for clever sound bites, and a neat nod to the Kennedy-Nixon debates featuring a prim and proper Bob against a direly sick Quimby.

Bob wins, of course, but Lisa remains suspicious (“I can’t believe a convicted felon would get so many votes and another convicted felon would get so few.”) She and Bart helm an investigation on the election results, which almost feels nostalgic at this point, harkening back to earlier episodes like “Krusty Gets Busted” and “Like Father, Like Clown” when the two would tag team for a common goal. The reveal that the ballots have been stuffed by deceased voters is really great; Bart gets a classic line (“Oh my God. The dead have risen and they’re voting Republican!”) Bob’s undoing is also absolutely perfect. When Lisa claims in court that Birch Barlow was behind the election tampering, Bob’s pride gets the better of him and he gives a bombastic confession. I guess given the subject matter, people may have been expecting a more vicious political satire, but to me, this is really just a damn good Sideshow Bob episode.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Harry Shearer does a great job voicing Birch Barlow, not really imitating Rush Limbaugh exactly, but mimicking his rhythm and vocal tics. I don’t think we ever heard from him again, but I wish we had.
– Kind of like showing Bart holding a bong in “Homer’s Barbershop Quartet,” I’m surprised they got away with showing Quimby watering a pot plant in his office.
– Great opening line by Bob, with the initial reveal of just his voice over the radio, with a line that proved to be just as relevant many years later (“Kudos for bringing the public back to the Republican party. It’s high time people realized we conservatives aren’t all Johnny Hatemongers, Charlie Bible Thumps, or even, God forbid, George Bushes.”
– Great quick appearance by Dr. Demento, who is apparently Bart’s other mortal enemy, after Bob. It’s another hilarious joke that leaves you to draw your own conclusions on where the rivalry came from. We also get Larry King hosting the mayoral debate. These guest roles may be small, but at least they’re funny and make sense. It’s not like Britney Spears randomly appearing to host a Springfield award show, or a celebrity randomly appearing on the street.
– Moe apparently has a drawer full of grenades under the bar, which he can pull out at a moment’s notice (“Hey, who pulled the pin out of this one?”)
– Fabulous line by Quimby responding to the Bob protests (“If that is the way the winds are blowing, let no one say I don’t also blow.”)
– I really love the scene where Bob uses his show business training to entertain the children. It’s a side we don’t see of him too often. He’s trained as a physical performer, as well as a thespian. I also like Bart and Lisa’s return fire of acting like cloying, adorable children, bullshitting how Quimby said kids are the city’s most important research (Kent Brockman incredulously asks, “More important than coal?!”)
– The campaign commercials are amazing: Quimby’s jingle and the slogan (“If you were running for mayor, he’d vote for you”), and then Bob’s ad condemning himself, but placing the blame on Quimby.
– Great bit with the bullies mummifying Milhouse with bumper stickers and pushing him down a hill in a shopping cart. Milhouse’s screams and the small animation of him being flung from the cart at the very bottom makes it even funnier.
– Barlow tosses Bob a softball question, then hits Quimby hard (“Mayor Quimby, you’re well-known, sir, for your lenient stance on crime. But suppose for a second that your house was ransacked by thugs, your family tied up in the basement with socks in their mouths, you try to open the door but there’s too much blood on the knob…”) Quimby interrupts asking what the question is. Barlow says it’s about the budget.
– The second act break is one of the best, featuring the greatest of all Bob laughs. It’s funny enough that it’s his victory speech, that he approaches the podium, ruffles his papers, then lets loose the most evil, maniacal laugh ever. Then even funnier when Kent jovially comments, “And just look how happy he is!”
– Homer reacts to the house shaking violently (“It’s the Rapture! Quick, get Bart out of the house before God comes!”)
– I love the Flintstone phone. It seems like one of those must exist, and if so, I want one. Also I’m not sure who did the voice of Fred Flintstone (I think Hank?) but it’s pretty spot on.
– Something I love about the classic episodes: callbacks. If a joke’s good enough for one laugh, you can bring it back for another. Homer getting thrown on his ass by the Archie gang is funny, then seeing him grumbling in the car reading an Archie comic is even funnier. Then you can make something that wasn’t too funny funny. At the opening, we get a quick bit with a man opening the card catalog at the library and bats fly out. Not too funny. Later during their investigation, we take a quick trip to the old Springfield library. This is seventeen minutes after that original joke, so you’ve probably forgotten it at this point. We get an establishing shot of the library. Lisa opens the catalog and bats fly out. Cut to them leaving. Get the joke, get out. A random joke at the start comes back to a twofer, making it even funnier.
– Just as we’ve seen George Washington and Albert Einstein are apparently buried in Springfield, Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper are also buried there too (I love the inscription of the latter: “Goodbye, baaaaaaaby!”)
– Brilliant quick use of Lionel Hutz, clearly out of his element going up against Bob (“Mr. Mayor, did you rig the election?” “No, I did not.” “…kids, help.”)
– Bob quotes A Few Good Men, but unlike Homer’s ramblings in “Successful Marriage,” he twists it around and makes it funny (“No truth- handler, you. Bah! I deride your truth-handling abilities!”) When asked why he did it, Bob explains, in one of the best monologues of the series (“Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic, but deep down inside you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king. That’s why I did this: to protect you from yourselves!”) He’s then immediately arrested (“What? Oh yes, all that stuff I did.”)

(originally aired October 2, 1994)
As a kid with Floridian grandparents, I was obsessed with Disney World: the rides, the environment, the unique overall aura of the place. So I would always be thrilled when this episode popped up in syndication, since it does such a phenomenal job recreating and lampooning so many theme park staples, from the names, the abused costume characters, the lame gift shop items, even down to small stuff like the concept of Disney Dollars. But around all the Disney bashing is a vein of an emotional story of Marge’s desire to have one family vacation that doesn’t end up a disaster, which oddly enough, concludes on a positive note that both amuses and satisfies. This is one of those episodes that’s filled with so many great individual elements. Just saying the title to a fan will make them laugh at the ten things that immediately pop into their heads. It’s an absolute classic.

There’s not much of a plot here, at least until the very end, as the Simpsons take a vacation to Itchy & Scratchy Land, the new theme park based on the homicidal cat and mouse team. Although they are transported to the park via a Jurassic Park helicopter, the allusions to Disney parks start almost immediately, with the park map mirroring Disneyland with its different themed lands (Searing Gas Pain Land, Unnecessary Surgery Land) and sad, sad men in giant mouse costumes who get abused by children. Bart and Lisa enjoy the ridiculous rides and learn more about the history of Roger Myers, Sr., the Walt Disney stand-in here, and see his previous works, including the exquisitely done parody “Scratchtasia.” Meanwhile, Homer and Marge enjoy Parent’s Island, a wonderful riff on Pleasure Island in Downtown Disney, which has more adult-oriented fare, like a retro disco, and the unfortunately mentioned-but-not-seen recipe-related bumper cars.

Marge is humiliated when she has to bust Bart and Homer out of Disney jail (another spectacular send-up of the extensive underground employee facilities under the Magic Kingdom), when unbeknownst to them, chaos has set in on the park. Professor Frink’s chaos thoery (another Jurassic Park reference) has come to fruition as the Itchy & Scratchy robots go haywire and begin to attack guests, leading to a full evacuation. The Simpsons are left behind, leaving them to fend for themselves. This ending is a bit silly, but it’s still neat to see the Simpson family work together to get themselves out of trouble. I like how Marge is the running focal point of the episode, starting from her not wanting to go to Itchy & Scratchy Land, then being swayed and eventually won over by the park, then her dissatisfaction about Bart and Homer, and in the end conceding that it actually was a great vacation… that they will never speak of ever again. It’s the perfect ending and in-character of Marge to want to sweep this tale under the rug. Stupendous show.

Tidbits and Quotes
– The I&S cartoon at the beginning always disturbed me, how it seemed that Itchy would have Scratchy die slowly and painfully by blood loss. Then they give an ad for the theme park, and Itchy jams scissors into Scratchy’s brain. The cat takes them out, brain and all, and proceeds to drool profusely. Very sick. And very funny.
– I like how Bart and Lisa run into Homer in the living room, who is inquisitively looking at a Bible. I almost wish they hadn’t have Homer talk about it, like have that be a joke on its own. Also, great bit of animation and sound effects when Bart runs into the kitchen and screeches to a halt, his sneakers squeaking against the tile floor.
– Homer, the most obnoxious tourist ever, packs his suitcase (“Lobster hat, Fishnet Speedo Junior, wheelie shoes, ‘Invisible Dog’ leash…”)
– Nice quick moment with Grampa, befuddled at the responsibilties of watching the Simpson house (“What was that last thing you said? Grampa’s Little Helper?”) He sadly asks the pets which one of them is the mailman, and the animals give each other a glance.
– A lot of quick bits on the road, from Homer’s paranoia about the fruit and vegetable check-point (he nervously looks over at a pamphlet “Smuggled Vegetables: The Road to E-Z Success,”) country AM radio, which is all religious stations spewing damnation (very true), and the fabulous fake-out of Homer seemingly falling asleep at the wheel and crashing the car in a fiery wreck. And then the great finale of Homer taking a shortcut through a corn field… and ending up at the park with their car destroyed. It’s one of those great jokes that says so much with no description. There’s an army missile lodged in the back, a Homecoming banner, a chicken flies out of Marge’s hair, you can come to your own conclusions as to what the hell happened.
– We get our first great Disney swipe at the gigantic Itchy lot, and the equally as big Scratchy lot. The Disney lots have a bit more variety, but one Goofy lot is pretty much that size.
– I like the smarmy I&S Land official who keeps popping up to reassure guest concerns. When he gets cornered by Marge’s concerns regarding the violent cartoon, he makes a swift exit.
– I absolutely love that in the Tavern on the Scream restaurant, there’s a light music version of the I&S theme song playing. It’s such a wonderful minor detail that is really great.
– The I&S parade is great, which kind of mocks the various Disney parades. I like when Lisa coos about the baby axe, and Marge still expresses mild disdain (“It’s cute, but I’m sure it’s very sharp and probably dirty.”)
– The log ride is spectacularly dumb. Let’s look through how dangerous it is. The arrows and cannon fire could have been timed by the ride’s proximity, so that’s safe. Then are the spikes, which seem to be molded to get mere centimeters away from piercing the Simpsons. Now even that could be explained if the ride seats two small children in the front and the adults in back. But the giant buzz saw slicing through the ride vehicle seems like it would raise some red flags about safety. I love how there’s just mats haphazardly placed at the bottom for people to land on. Also what a waste of a good log, that ride must cost a fortune to maintain.
– Nice bit at Itchy’s Disco (est. 1980) with a sheepish John Travolta as bartender, who at the time was in a career slump. Actually Pulp Fiction came out that year, so this was right before his career insurgence, I guess.
– I love the idea of the Itchy & Scratchy & Friends hour, like at some point studio executives forced them to make more characters so they could sell more toys, with memorable characters like Disgruntled Goat and Ku Klux Klam. I’d love to see a clip of that show.
– The Roger Myers Story building is perfect: the set-up of the standing room with guard rails is just like in Disney World, where they have a similar thing for Walt’s story. The narration is brilliant (“Roger Meyers, Senior, the gentle genius behind Itchy and Scratchy, loved and cared about almost all the peoples of the world. And he, in turn, was beloved by the world, except in 1938 when he was criticized for his controversial cartoon, ‘Nazi Supermen Are Our Superiors.'”) I mentioned “Scratchtasia,” but also great is “Pin-itchio” and Dan Castellaneta’s great Italian Scratchy (“OUCH-AH!”)
– The underground, super sterile and industrial I&S Land is so wonderful. Passing the control room are three jokes, but what’s great is that two of them call back to previous events, one being the waiter at T.G.I. McScratchy’s seems to be attempting suicide, and the other that the gift shop is out of Bort license plates.
– I like Homer’s indignation about his wrongful incarceration (“I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a diagram?”)
– During the robot fight, Bart, mimicking a movie tough guy like Schwarzenegger, tells an Itchy-bot, “Say cheese” before scrambling its circuits. He comments, “With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action star.” Later, Homer emerges from a pile of robots with the less clever “Die, bad robots, die!” He then attempts to repeat Bart’s earlier comment, but Bart cuts him off, not paying the least bit of attention.
– Great final swipe with showing the completely deserted Euro Itchy & Scratchy Land (“My last paycheck bounced! My children need wine!”)

(originally aired September 25, 1994)
As the title suggests, it’s time for another clip show. The crew may have been harangued by the network into making these, but as we saw in “So It’s Come to This,” clip shows can be done somewhat effectively. I don’t know if they were just rushed with this, or completely exhausted from working on other episodes, but this one felt very vacuous. I’m sure FOX loved it because it was cheap to make, but it’s still pretty thin. Our wrap-around device is Marge talking to the kids about love, and they all proceed to share stories of past potential romances. Marge retells her almost affair in “Life on the Fast Lane,” Homer rebutts with his almost affair in “The Last Temptation of Homer,” Lisa recalls Ralph’s obsession with her in “I Love Lisa,” Bart briefly remembers his devastation at the hands of Laura Powers in “New Kid on the Block,” and Homer effectively wraps things up with remembering he and Marge’s first kiss in “The Way We Was.”

This clip show is odd in that big chunks of it are just abbreviated recaps of those past episodes, except when told in three or four minute intervals, they don’t give you the full emotional impact of the story. I guess with any clip show, half the humor comes from our recollection of these events from past episodes, but it kind of felt wrong re-appropriating the episodes like this. But beyond that, the whole topic of the show feels so wrong, in that Marge and Homer regale their children with stories of how they almost cheated on each other, even worse that Marge went first, and Homer followed her as an almost vindictive one-up. Some of the clip bits were funny, like Homer recalling kissing Flanders and Marge recalling Selma marrying Sideshow Bob, which she immediately back pedals from, but this whole episode just feels totally naught. Even a clip show requires some effort, and this one didn’t seem to get much of any. I’d say it’s the worst clip show, but I harbor a pretty deep loathing toward the much later “Gump Roast,” but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Tidbits and Quotes
– I remember when I’d watch this episode in syndication, the opening with Marge in bed is so unassuming, where you think it’s a regular episode, then we get to the first clip of Homer in the kiddie pool, and I’d always groan, “This episode again…” For some reason I remember it getting repeated a lot in reruns, but I may just be mis-remembering it.
– Great use of a clip with Homer throwing Marge’s book in the fire from “Dog of Death” with Marge commenting, “I knew we shouldn’t have put a fireplace in the bedroom.” There’s an idea of a clip show, where you try to construct a new episode using mostly old clips, but entirely new dialogue. It could’ve been a neat challenge.
– I like Lisa’s evaluation on the state of romance (“Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.”)
– Though I really don’t like the context in which they found out, I still like Homer and Marge’s reactions to their respective stories of almost-infidelity. Homer, of course, is dumbfounded (“Marge, I want you to stop seeing the Jacques. You can let him down gently, but over the next couple of months I want you to break it off!”) and I like how Marge is seemingly satisfied that Mindy Simmons apparently hit the bottle pretty hard and lost her job.
– A minor thing that annoyed me was how characters “recalled” stuff in their stories that they were not witness to. Homer’s Mindy story contained the clip of Burns and his flying monkeys, then later his memory also had Marge and Artie’s altercations in his car. They could have cut those bits out, or had Marge recall the latter moment, but I guess they had no problem with it.
– Also, we retell “Lady Bouvier’s Lover,” an episode that at the time had aired only four months earlier? Why bother?

(originally aired September 11, 1994)
Here’s another episode with a fairly simple story and plays out in a very natural way. With not many friends and a hectic home life, all Lisa really has is her reputation at school for being the overachieving brain, a title she holds quite dear to her. Enter Alison Taylor, a girl one year younger then Lisa, but who is smarter, sharper and a better saxophone player. Despite her heightened intelligence and compassion, I like how Lisa has her own foibles. She and Allison could have formed a great friendship right away, but instead she becomes instantly threatened by this girl who has horned in on her territory, seemingly taking away everything that made her feel special. She develops a quiet loathing of this innocent girl; upon witnessing Allison get harassed by some bullying bitches, Lisa laments, “That used to be me in that mud puddle.”

To pad out our Lisa story is some crazy Homer antics, of course, where he ransacks the goods of a jackknifed sugar truck, hoping to sell it off for a profit. This is Homer at his most insane, which fluctuates from hilarious to reminiscent of the Jerkass Homer of later years. His logic regarding his right to take the sugar (“Read your town charter, boy. ‘If foodstuff should touch the ground, said foodstuff shall be turned over to the village idiot.’ Since I don’t see him around… start shoveling!”) and his bulletproof marketing strategy (considering the nails and broken glass within the product as “prizes”) is classic Homer thinking. But on the whole, the scheme just feels so poorly thought out, even for Homer. When Marge urges him to stop, we get another rambling monologue similar to his movie quoting in “Secrets of a Successful Marriage,” only saved in that this one’s a bit funnier and has spectacular animation by David Silverman. Maybe it would make more sense if more time were spent on it… or maybe not. Whatever.

Bart acts at the devil on Lisa’s shoulder to use underhanded tactics to slander Allison, until she eventually breaks and accepts his brother’s help. The ending with the diorama displays, and Lisa living out her own version of The Telltale Heart is very satisfying, and a suitable conclusion to the story. In the end, Lisa and Allison are friends, but since the latter is voiced by guest star Winona Ryder, we know we’ll never hear from her again. This episode is also greatly responsible for popularizing Ralph, as we get two landmark lines from him: “I bent my Wookie” and “My cat’s breath smells like cat food.” The ending of Lisa and Allison walking arms locked with Ralph is very sweet.

Tidbits and Quotes
– The opening sets up how Lisa’s life is her intelligence and her talent, showing the rest of the family a bit perturbed at her playing her sax in the house. Bart ends up botching his prank call to Skinner (“Well, as a matter of fact, my refrigerator wasn’t running. You’ve spared me quite a bit of spoilage: thank you, anonymous young man,”) and Homer destroys Marge’s camera hammering it with a drill (“I’m going to need a bigger drill.”) The best bit is Marge’s daydreams of her ridiculous romance novel, of her in the strong arms of a tanned, muscular fellow of questionable sexuality (Marge asks if the earring in his right ear means he’s a pirate. The man noncommittally responds, “Kinda.”) She’s jolted back to reality by her daughter’s music, giving a great Freudian slip (“Lisa, stop blowing my sex. I mean, stop blowing your sax, your sax!”) I also like the somewhat sad look into her domestic life, in that she admits to sacrificing a perfectly good camera for Homer to destroy in order to get some quiet time.
– Nice brief appearance by Hans Moleman, driver of the sugar truck,. Homer offers to guard his vehicle while he finds a pay phone (“If only this sugar were as sweet as you, sir.”) Once he’s gone, Homer wastes no time to start shoveling (“We’ve hit the jackpot here! White gold, Texas tea … sweetener!”)
– I love Lisa confronting her mother about why she was never moved up a grade, insinuating that she could have been a bit “nicer” to Principal Skinner. The read and timing of Marge’s response is fabulous (“Lisa! …I am nice.”) There’s so many possible reads for this… maybe it’s just my filthy, filthy mind, but I think “nicer” implies “favors.” As said from an eight-year-old girl. Makes perfect sense. Not really. Whatever, the scene’s still hilarious.
– The first act break is hysterical, with the double fake-out and Largo’s seeming self-awareness of it (“Alison got first chair, and believe me, this is not a dream!”)
– Great bit with Bart using a tape recorder to make note of future pranks, then his evil cackle. Then stop. Then record, and finishes off the cackle. I also forgot this episode had the FBI chasing Milhouse, which is one of the best things of the entire series. Milhouse’s “Oh no, not again!” implying this has happened to him multiple times, and then the call-back to him in The Fugitive jumping off the dam (“Aaaaaaaaah!! …my glasses!”)
– Lisa’s daydream assuring there’s no shame in being second best is great, with her in a band with other famous second bananas, who proceed to boo them immediately. Lisa awakes stating the obvious (“Why would they come to our concert just the boo us?”)
– I love the extremely patronizing nature of Allison’s father. When Lisa fails to play along with their complicated anagram game, he dumbs it down a shade and gives her a ball to bounce.
– Homer’s paranoia of sugar thieves surprisingly ends up being valid when he catches a proper British fellow stealing some for his tea (“I nicked it when you let your guard down for that split second, and I’d do it again.”) Also great is his spit take when the sugar pile melts in the rain.
– The dioramas are all great: Nelson’s literal take on The Grapes of Wrath (“Yes, very good wrath,”) Uter’s complete shame of his devouring of his rendition of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (“I begged you to look at mine first… I begged you!”) And of course, there’s Ralph’s box full of unopened Star Wars action figures (“What’s a diorama?”) Skinner geeks out, and immediately announces him the winner.
– I like how the end really ramps things up to a ridiculous level. It’s pretty clear Allison didn’t make the fake diorama and seems very distraught and shocked at it, but Skinner doesn’t hold back in sternly scolding her about it. Then when the real diorama is revealed, Skinner is completely unmoved. Then we think Lisa may win, but he’s equally as unmoved by her display. Both projects are incredibly detailed and very proficient for frigging second graders, and he gives them such cold dismissals. For some reason, I find Asshole Skinner to be very amusing.