Category: The Simpsons

114. Fear of Flying

~ Mike! ~ 16 Comments

(originally aired December 18, 1994)
Where we took a glimpse at Homer’s past in the last episode, here we take a look at Marge’s. We got into some heavy material by the end of “Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy,” seeing how psychologically damaging Abe was to little Homer, small bits that really let your mind wander as to how harsh Homer’s youth must have been. Here, we get even more horrible reminiscences about Marge’s childhood. I’ve talked before about Marge’s sad state of affairs, how she lives a life of eternal under-appreciation by her oafish husband. She’s a woman who’s permanently repressed, but most often of her own volition. Why is she like that? This episode gives us a bit more information, perhaps not as much as one would hope, but I’m of the mind that less is always more. The other elements surrounding the main Marge story aren’t quite as strong, but the emotional center of the episode is rock solid.

We start with Homer being banned from Moe’s and his fevered search to find a new dive bar to get wasted in. His last resort is a pilot’s bar, which gets him mistaken for a pilot himself and he ends up botches a take-off. What’s great with this is it’s not the expected stupid thing where Homer assumes the role of a pilot to avoid getting in trouble. He flat out admits he’s not a pilot, but no one believes him (“You fly boys crack me up!”) To keep the debacle hush-hush, Homer is offered free tickets for the family to anywhere in the US (except Alaska and Hawaii, the freak states). It’s when they finally get on the plane that Marge begins to have an anxiety attack and reveals her phobia of flying. It’s here we see how damaged a woman Marge really is: struck with a painful memory of her past, she converts into even more of a Stepford wife, continuously baking and working around the house, convincing everyone that everything is alright. There’s jokes shoehorned in around all of this, some of which work, but I’m pretty invested in the somewhat serious character stuff that some of it comes off distracting.

Marge ends up receiving counseling from psychologist Dr. Zweig, voiced by the great Anne Bancroft. There, we see a bit more of Marge’s past, at first not much more than we haven’t already seen. We know her sisters were bullies to her as a kid, as well as her mother teaching her to always bottle feelings and smile incessantly (“People know how good a mommy you have by the size of your smile.”) That scene in “Moaning Lisa” spoke such volumes, of how desperate for love and reassurance Jacqueline Bouvier must have been to instill such values on her daughter. Finally, we get to the source of Marge’s fear: the shocking childhood revelation that Marge’s father was not a pilot, but an airplane steward. It’s a hilariously stupid explanation, which is piled on more with multiple concurrent memories regarding terrifying airplane-related incidents (Zweig passes them off, “Yes, yes, it’s all a rich tapestry,”) but part of me wishes the story had been dealt with in a bit more serious manner. I love the dumbness of the ending, but it kind of reminded me of “$pringfield” where we have the joke of a serious problem swept under the rug, but that still leaves it a bit unsatisfying. Ultimately, I still like the episode for the devastating look at Marge’s past and present, and the jokes that managed to sneak their way past to make me laugh through the seriousness.

Tidbits and Quotes
– The opening is pretty funny, with the bar gang pulling very dangerous pranks on Moe, but Homer’s simple “unscrew the sugar jar” trick is going too far. I particularly love Barney’s prank: the episode starts and you see he’s wearing a new jacket with a flower in the lapel, so you think you know what’s coming. So when he asks Moe to smell it, following the deadly cobra in the cash register, you think maybe it’s got lemon juice or acid in it or something. But no, Barney just lights Moe’s apron on fire.
– I never watched Cheers so I can’t really comment on that whole scene. I know Fraiser Crane was there in the bar, but didn’t speak, perhaps because you would have thought maybe it was Sideshow Bob in disguise.
– I love the name of the lesbian bar, the She-She Lounge, and Homer’s slow realization… that it doesn’t have a fire exit. After his proclamation and swift exit, a woman going to the bar asks, “What was her problem?”
– Marge’s ramblings of her mother’s advice to be good and never complain are really serious signs of her emotional problems. While part of me likes how this is left to the imagination, I kind of wish they had explored it deeper and more seriously. I watch this show to laugh, but I could get into a bit more serious territory with characters I’ve grown attached to. Why not?
– I love the Alive parody, with the cheesy title drop, and the unseen gorging session (“Pass me another hunk of copilot.”)
– I like Homer’s insane paranoia of Marge going to therapy, that he’ll instantly be villainized, which would lead to a divorce. It’s a good running bit, but with all the other crazy stuff in this show, maybe a bit too much.
– Although I don’t know if I buy Marge having a Lost in Space dream, I love Dan Castellaneta doing Homer doing Dr. Smith (“As you well know, my back is a disaster area. Oh, the pain. Oh, the pain of it all!”)
– I like in the end how encouraging Homer is to Marge on her plane ride, and of course how it backfires when the plane fails to take off and lands in the water.

113. Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy

~ Mike! ~ 13 Comments

(originally aired December 4, 1994)
Oooh, look at this, two risque episodes in a row. I like that the series felt brave enough to tackle mature topics, sort of rubbing it in the face of all the ignorant viewers who automatically think all animation is appropriate for kids. Right away, we have several scenes set over a long period of time of Marge’s dissatisfaction over her inactive husband not fulfilling needs in the bedroom. It’s a neat dynamic, and a very realistic handling of the problem, as the two seek outside help with reigniting the sparks of their marriage with a book on tape by Paul Harvey (brilliantly mimicked by Harry Shearer.) When all suggestions seem to fail, Grampa, of all people, comes to the rescue with his secret home-brewed revitalizing tonic, which Homer takes begrudgingly (in the best line of the show, Abe yells to his son, “Think of me when you’re having the best sex of your life!”)

The tonic works wonders for Homer, which leads to he and his father traveling to various cities peddling their sexual rejuvenating wares. Here we get some jokes about shifty traveling salesmen, and an aborted subplot that kind of goes nowhere as the kids of Springfield draw up wild conspiracy theories as to why their parents are going to bed so early. But it isn’t long before things get serious. The two stumble upon the old Simpson farm where Homer spent his childhood, and start to wax nostalgic on the good ol’ days… almost. Homer recalls the rampant criticism his father gave him, and how it continues well into the present. As we’ve seen in flashbacks, there’s a real sour undercurrent in Homer’s youth that Abe was pretty hostile and psychologically damaging to his son, and while most of it is played for laughs, the serious gravity of it is still present. In a fit of anger, Abe admits the love tonic was responsible for his wife’s pregnancy, and that Homer was an unintended accident. Mighty harsh words, particularly for an early 90s sitcom. This show had balls, and wasn’t afraid to tread on matters like this.

Not wanting to be like his own father, Homer vows to be a better dad to his own kids, but ends up aggravating and smothering them. They could have kept this going much longer than it needed to, even dragged it into its own episodes (many episodes in the later era would do something similar), but good sense was made to have Bart and Lisa call their father out on his aggressive new parenting style (“No offense, Homer, but your half-assed under-parenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed over-parenting.”) Father and son come together in the end as each has a hand in accidentally burning down the family house, where Abe pays his son his very first cordial remark (“I’m not sorry I had you, son. I was always proud… that you weren’t a short man.”) It’s a really sweet ending that actually carries some weight, where they both admit they’re damaged individuals, and the house burning down being like wiping away their troubled past. Maybe I’m attributing too much symbolism, but I think the Homer-Abe dynamic was worked with really well, with a great human element to it.

Tidbits and Quotes
– “Good-Time Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great ‘Frisco Freak-Out” is a spectacular 70s Cheech and Chong type flick that of course Troy McClure would have starred in (“There’s more than one way to get high, baby.”) I also love Homer’s defense of it (“How often can I see a movie of this calibre on late-night TV?”)
– Very risque bit where we see Homer and Marge in the buff and an alarmed Bart runs in thinking he’s seen a UFO… which is actually a golf umbrella. Even the saintly parent Marge is so pent up she allows a panicked Bart to sit on the roof with a baseball bat, but Homer is passed out by the time she returns to bed. Homer explains his problems (“Marge, there’s just too much pressure, what with my job, the kids, traffic snarls, political strife at home and abroad. But I promise you, the second all those things go away, we’ll have sex.”)
– Great reference to Mapplethorpe. My art history classes actually came in handy.
– The Al Gore joke is so hilarious, but I love the set-up, where Lisa says UFO conspiracies are bogus, then we get the X-Files music where we follow a bunch of wires all the way to the White House, so you think you know where the joke is going, but then we get Al Gore celebrating good times (“I will.”)
– Dan Castellaneta is phenomenal this episode as Grampa, especially when we first see him and he asks his son what’s wrong, naming off many things, including a phony condition that’s got like a hundred letters in it. Then the great line, “What, seeeex? What’s so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had seeex.” The drawn out readings of “sex” are so hilariously overdone.
– The Stock Footage film festival is such a great cop-out joke: why would there be a sign inside the theater saying what it is, and why would Bart and Lisa want to watch this? Regardless, still funny.
– I love Homer’s attempts to pitch at mall-going folk (“Hello You look like a man who needs help satisfying his wife.”) and then his musings over how that didn’t go so well (“I guess people have some sort of moral objection to our sex drug.”)
– Abe lists off their target cities, which of course all have impotent sounding names: Frigid Falls, Mount Seldom, Lake Flaccid.
– I thought li’l Homer imitating John F. Kennedy was really cute. And as I mentioned, Abe’s “advice” to his young son is as hilarious as it is emotionally devastating (“This is the greatest country in the world. We’ve got a whole system set up to prevent people like you from ever becoming president. Quit your daydreaming, melonhead!”)
– I love how pathetically the third act starts, where Abe shows up at the door with flowers apologizing to his son, who then slams the door on him. He crumbles a few of them through the mail slot, then puts his hand through and waves, “Hi.”
– Last thing, I love the blunt title. I’m sure at this point they didn’t give a shit about the episode names, so they were like, “What do we call this one?” And this is what they landed on. It may be my favorite title of any episode.

112. Homer Badman

~ Mike! ~ 10 Comments

(originally aired November 27, 1994)
Mob mentality is definitely a running theme of the show, as we’ve seen in many episodes in the past from “Bart’s Inner Child” to “Bart’s Girlfriend,” where one single perception is spread across an entire populous, making whoever’s in the crosshairs of that viewpoint a living hell. In this episode, we take a look at the media and how it can play exactly the same role, and because of its pervasiveness can be even more damaging and confusing. Homer’s supposed indiscretions from this episode are pushed and exaggerated to extreme degrees through television, to the point that by the end of the show it starts to confuse and beat down even him. A man with a love affair with television now finds it to be not only his enemy, but his undoing (“Maybe TV is right. TV’s always right.”) It’s an interesting portrait of how words can really destroy a man. It’s also funny as hell too. And on rather risque subject matter too, but counterbalanced by its goofiness.

We have our opening set piece of Homer going apeshit with excitement at a candy convention, using Marge as a drug mule to stow away as many goodies as he can in her custom made giant overcoat. During reconnaissance, he notices a glaring omission in his candy haul: the ultra rare, one-of-a-kind gummy Venus di Milo. While dropping off the babysitter Ashley Grant, a righteous college feminist, he notices that the candy was on the passenger seat and is now stuck to her pants. He reaches and grabs it off, which of course is mistaken by Ashley to be a lust-filled grope. This leads to a group of young activists camping outside the Simpson house in protest of Homer’s actions, which later sparks an insane media circus. What works here is that Ashley is a bit of a feminist caricature, but she is not vilified. From her perspective, we see a truly craven Homer reaching for her ass, so we see where she gets off, but it’s also hilarious to us that we know it’s over a candy. The rarest of all gummies, which he then eats in three seconds.

It’s not long before the entire television landscape is riddled with anti-Homer programming, from daytime talk shows, Letterman’s Top 10, Channel Ocho, and so on. It’s such an insane exaggeration of this situation: all Homer supposedly did was grab a girl’s ass, and Kent Brockman is doing 24-hour surveillance of his house. Such dramatic viewpoints from TV starts to create conflict in the Simpson house, as Lisa and Bart start to get mixed thoughts against their father (“It’s just hard not to listen to TV. It’s spent so much more time raising us than you have.”) In a last ditch effort to clear his name, Homer gives a plea of innocence on public access, which nobody watches. But thankfully, we get a truly random conclusion of Willie coming to Homer’s aid, who reveals that he videotapes couples in cars in his spare time, which is made great because it does feel like something Willie would do (“I dinna come forward because in this country, it makes you look like a pervert, but every single Scottish person does it!”) The end also features a great turn-around where the sleazy journalism show does a defamatory report on Willie, which Homer is immediately swayed by, despite him clearing his name. Homer is as quick to judge as everyone was to him, and fails to see the connection (“Marge, my friend, I haven’t learned a thing.”) He’s made up with TV, and that’s as happy as an ending as we can get.

Tidbits and Quotes
– I like Apu’s polite nature toward Homer, who has opened up hundreds of chocolate bars to find the candy convention tickets (“Hey! I have asked you nicely not to mangle my merchandise. You leave me no choice but to… ask you nicely again.”)
– There’s so many great bits at the Candy Convention, starting with Homer’s urging to get there quick so he can meet the two surviving Musketeers. Paging Mr. Goodbar, the barricades holding out all the immense crowd, Frink’s super sour lemon ball, exposing the uselessness of wax lips, and Marge’s thwarted attempt to eat healthy (“You’re going to have to put some sugar on that celery or get out, ma’am.”) I love Homer’s incredible enthusiasm, it’s his absolute paradise (“I feel like a kid in some kind of a store!”) Also the final scene is great, with Homer testing the urban legend of combining soda with pop rocks to make his exciting escape (“See you in hell, candy boys!”) The result is an explosion that would fit in any action movie, complete with Homer attempting to outrun it.
– The bit with Bart and Lisa swimming around Marge’s engorged coat finding candy, with Marge giggling at being tickled by them, is a really sweet scene, ending with the coat giving way to an avalanche of candy spilling to the floor.
– I like how quick it takes for Ashley to be turned off by Homer (“Hey, could you take the wheel for a second? I have to scratch myself in two places at once.”) He speaks out of innocence, but it makes sense that she would desperately want to be anywhere but inside this car with this disgusting man.
– Amongst the protesters is one that looks suspiciously like Velma from Scooby-Doo. We also see Marge’s activist friend from “The Way We Was,” who seems to not have aged at all since the 70s.
– Homer defends himself to his wife (“Marge, I swear I didn’t touch her. You know how bashful I am; I can’t even say the word ‘titmouse’ without giggling like a schoolgirl!”) What’s refreshing is that Marge immediately believes him. A horrible sitcom would have the wife be distrusting, but here Marge knows better that Homer would never do something like that.
– I like the scene where Bart and Lisa are understandably confused about the mature accusations about their father. Homer explains it the best he can, comparing it to a postcard Grampa sent of an alligator biting a woman’s bottom (“We all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong: that alligator was sexually harassing that woman.”) When Bart asks about the dog in the Coppertone ad, Homer admits that’s a bit of a gray area.
– Great montage of the protestors harassing Homer in his driveway, then on the highway, then at his work console (one of them yells, “We ain’t crazy about nuclear power either!”)
– The Rock Bottom stuff is absolutely fantastic, a terrific parody of sensationalist tabloid news. It’s specifically a parody of Hard Copy, but it’s great that so many years later, the reference to such programming still works completely. The Homer interview segment has got to be one of the funniest things in the entire series, with the clock in the background quickly changing with each cut, even though we saw Homer taping the footage in less than a minute. Then the clearly paused video frame of Homer zooming in, apparently attacking the host, followed by the quick disclaimer, “Dramatization may not have happened.”
– Out of options, Homer proposes the family start a new life under the sea, which leads to a great quick musical number riffing on The Little Mermaid with Homer eating all the cute sea life. Marge assures Homer that it’s not going to happen, to which Homer retorts, “Not with that attitude.”
– Great bit with Homer getting spooked coming out of the shower by a news copter outside the window, slipping and falling, bringing the shower curtain with him (“Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers.”) Homer is annoyed by the report (“Hey! That’s a half-truth!”)
– The various TV bits blasting Homer are all hilarious, from “Gentle Ben,” hosted by the bear of the same name, and the FOX made-for-TV movie “Portrait of an Ass-Grabber” starring Dennis Franz as Homer Simpson.
– Seemingly at the end of the line, Homer muses about his station in life (“This is so depressing, my only hope is this homemade Prozac.” He taste tests it. “Needs more ice cream.”)
– The scrolling Rock Bottom confessions is some great freeze frame fodder, but I’ve neither the time nor the energy to look through them. Luckily, more obsessive nerds online have done it for me, and the writers surely thank them for it (one reads, “The people who are writing this have no life.”) I particularly like “Licking an electrical outlet will not turn you into a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger” and “Quayle is familiar with common bathroom procedures.”

111. Lisa on Ice

~ Mike! ~ 10 Comments

(originally aired November 13, 1994)
Here’s another episode that feels very slice-of-life, one that’s really such a joy watching the characters react to a certain situation. Upon learning she’s failing gym class, Lisa is forced to participate in an outside sport to get a passing grade. Meanwhile, we see Bart is doing pretty well for himself in junior league hockey. While Homer greatly encourages and rewards his champion athlete son, Lisa is perturbed by the seemingly barbaric violent nature of the sport. But when it’s revealed that she’s pretty great at blocking, she is recruited by Apu’s team to be their goalie. At first she’s petrified in her position, but over time she gets more and more invested in the game until she’s just as viciously competitive as her brother, if not more so. Some might say this is out-of-character for Lisa, but I don’t think so. Firstly she’s pretty competitive in most things, priding herself on being the best, so whatever she sets out to do will have that effect. Second, I can completely relate to this; I’m not a sporty guy, but if I’m thrust into a game like that, I can get pretty pissed and riled up about it. You get swept up in that atmosphere, and the episode certainly addresses that.

People also might be bothered by Homer’s behavior in the show, goading and ramping up the antagonism between his two children and acting like a general ass. But here, Homer acts like your typical overzealous sports parent (Lisa references them herself when speaking of peewee teams, “You mean those leagues where parents push their kids into vicious competition to compensate for their own failed dreams of glory?”) It starts off when Lisa is being scolded for her one alert letter from school, Homer gleefully fills out Bart’s enormous pile of them and offers him a present. It’s both parental favoritism over something trivial, as well as like when schools give athletes special treatment to get out of classes to train or what-have-you. Lisa’s intellectualism is nowhere near as impressive as Bart’s hockey skills, so to get recognition from the school and her father, she must get into the game. By the end, Homer is completely swept up in the fight, pushing his wife to pick a side (“The winner will be showered with praise! The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore!”)

Then we have our ending, which of course is a penalty shot between Bart and Lisa. The entire crowd is out for blood, getting really worked up over this hockey game for 10-year-olds (with the amazing “Kill Bart!” and “Kill, Bart!” chants). In the final moment of truth, Bart and Lisa reflect on past moments of their lives and how much they mean to each other as brother and sister, then decide to hug it out and declare it a truce. Some people may think this is really sappy and manipulative, and to them, I say fuck you. It’s one of the sweetest moments in the entire series, and I get a bit teary eyed every time. Then like the show does, we get our beautiful moment of emotion combined with a beautiful moment of comedy. Marge is touched by the display, but Homer is devastated in a different way (“They’re both losers! Losers!!”) The crowd is so outraged by the tie game that they riot, destroying the stadium as Bart and Lisa skate off in the distance. Endings don’t get much better than this.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Great opening bit with extreme action news with Kent Brockman, who leaps into his chair screaming his name (“Our top stories tonight: a tremendous explosion in the price of lumber, President Reagan dyes… his hair, plus Garry Trudeau and his new musical comedy revue.”) It’s a brilliant parody of sensationalist news.
– Nice prank from Lisa tricking Bart to go outside thinking it’s a snow day. Jimbo’s taunt (“Nice PJs, Simpson. Did your mommy buy them for you!”) backfires when Bart responds plainly, “Of course she did. Who else would have?” Jimbo has no rejoinder.
– I love Skinner’s total displeasure about the unfortunately named Butt-Head Memorial Auditorium (“Dammit, I wish we hadn’t let the students name that one.”)
– This episode features what must be the most famous Ralph line, “Me fail English? That’s unpossible!” I also like during the big assembly, Nelson’s sheepishness over the public announcement of his doing well in Home Ec.
– A really great gag with Lisa’s spiky hair puncturing the volleyball (“Children, that was our only ball. There’ll be no team this year.”)
– Great joke that Apu’s team name is the Kwik-E-Mart Gougers, and Wiggum’s the Mighty Pigs. When Milhouse is rendered immobile, Apu hoists him up in front of the goal with ropes. The plan is kind of faulty, since he cannot move his arms to block, as a very slow moving puck easily enters the goal, despite Milhouse attempting to blow it away (Apu is annoyed, “Oh come on, you call that blowing?!”) I also like the gall of Apu to smack a puck really fast straight at Lisa’s face. She could have easily not caught it and knocked her teeth out, that would be horrifying. But Milhouse getting his teeth out? Hilarious. Marge is later revealed to have said teeth in her possession for no reason, and won’t give them back to the kid’s doctor. It’s a really weird joke, but hilarious in its weirdness.
– Great bit with Homer giddily chasing a naked Uter about the locker room (“Don’t make me run! I’m full of chocolate!”)
– The sequence of Homer and Bart laughing uncontrollably at a terrified Lisa in goal, on paper, sounds really really cruel, but for some reason, I love it. It’s the funniest thing in the whole show, especially when Homer says they’re laughing with her, followed by a scared yell from Lisa, then more laughing, and Homer instantly stopping to give a quick “With her” to Marge.
– Bart concludes if Lisa is taking his spot as the sporty one, he’ll be the brainy one. So, in a great fake-out of a potential new plot line, we get a quick montage of a grinning Bart raising his hand to answer every question of the day, only to be scolded by Mrs. Krabappel for getting them all wrong. Following this is a great scene of Nelson beating up Bart (“This is for wasting teacher’s valuable time!”) Lisa then accosts the bullies and gets them to disperse, emasculating Bart once again. I like the flow of these scenes; they could have easily had the bullies beat up Bart for no reason, but they had it tie in with the last scene. It makes everything fit together.
– Classic sequence with Bart and Lisa kicking and punching the air and walking toward each other, with great performances by Nancy Cartwright and Yeardley Smith fighting with each other. And the follow-up of Homer doing the same thing to get at a pie, but banging his head on the range hood, leaving a really sizable dent. Marge tries to stop the fight by flicking the lights on and off, which is a well animated bit, which works in the end (“Mom, that is really annoying!”) Marge reinforces that the two are not in competition with each other, only to have Homer run in with big news (“Apu just called. This Friday, Lisa’s team is playing Bart’s team! You’re in direct competition! And don’t go easy on each other just because you’re brother and sister. I want to see you both fighting for your parents’ love!”) To rev them up, he flicks the lights on and off (“Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!”) It’s one of the most perfect act breaks in the show’s history.
– Nice bit of Bart-Lisa rivalry passing and blocking condiments at the table. Homer asks for ketchup, but gets mustard instead (“I asked for ketchup! I’m eating salad here!”)
– Amazing, amazing, amazing scene with Moe infiltrating the Simpson house. It has nothing to do with the story at all, but is so damn hilarious, between Moe calling Marge “Midge” for the first time and Marge’s dissatisfied telling off to him (“You caught me at a real bad time, Moe. I hope you understand I’m too tense to pretend I like you.”) It’s just so crazy, another look at this seedy underhanded side of Moe, but showing he’s really a pathetic man (“I’m sixty-two grand in the hole! They’re gonna take my thumbs!”)
– Krusty blanking on the National Anthem and getting booed is a great scene (“I shouldn’t have turned down those cue cards.”)
– Jailbird Snake appears to be touched by Bart and Lisa’s display of affection (“Those kids are, like, so sweet. If only they had had peewee hockey when I was a lad.”) But nonetheless, he starts to riot like the others, using the crowbar he apparently brought with him to rip out a seat.

And with this, I find myself at the quarter mark. Only 333 episodes to go. Still quite a long haul, but hey, I’m impressed I made it this far.

110. Bart’s Girlfriend

~ Mike! ~ 15 Comments

(originally aired November 6, 1994)
This is yet another example of how an episode can be memorable and masterful with a relatively simple story. We’re so committed to these characters that we can be entertained by seeing them in any new situation, and can even come to learn a little more about them. Here we see Bart having to face off with a girl who pushes things too far, even by his standards. The girl in question is Jessica Lovejoy, unassuming daughter of the good Reverend, given a siren song of a voice by guest star Meryl Streep. Bart is instantly smitten with this girl who won’t pay him a moment’s notice. Assuming she’s a prim and proper religious girl, he assumes a good guy persona to attempt to impress her (a plot element that will be repeated many a time in the many stupid “Bart’s celebrity voiced love interest” episodes further down the road). But come to find out, she’s a baaaad girl, and she and Bart seem to be the perfect match.

Act two is interesting in how Jessica continues to mess with Bart’s mind and screw him over, with Bart turning mostly a blind eye to the affairs. Then we see the division between the two’s antics. Jessica is a true careless delinquent, which Bart is a loveable prankster. When Jessica steals money from the church collection plate, Bart calls her on it. He’ll deface property and pull overblown pranks, but theft is not the boy’s M.O. In the end, Bart’s left holding the bag, or rather the empty plate, and must carry the blame until Lisa comes to his aid and exposes Jessica’s thievery. Her mini-sermon about absolving of guilt is very true to her, and then we get the joke where Lisa just points Jessica out when she won’t come forward herself. We also get a nice telling bit at the end where we see Reverend Lovejoy turning a deaf ear to Jessica’s retellings of the harsh reality of her expulsion and past discretions. While I think it’d be neat to see the return of Jessica, I kind of like how that last scene sort of illustrated that Jessica is the Lovejoy’s little mistake that they’d like to sweep under the rug.

The plot’s so simple and perfect I don’t have much to delve into. Like I said, it’s just so naturally entertaining watching these characters do their thing. The opening with the parents corralling their kids (literally) a la Planet of the Apes is spectacular. We get more dim-witted Homer so oblivious to his son that he thinks he wears glasses, Lisa pining to make a changed man out of a James Dean-esque teenage librarian, Nelson pummeling Bart for apparently besmirching an honest woman’s name, and Ned Flanders singing in a high falsetto as we’ve heard in “Bart of Darkness.” These characters are so rich and familiar to us that we love seeing them in action. There’s so many hilarious bits in this one, and along with being a great character study for Bart, it’s one of the absolute classics.

Tidbits and Quotes
– The cowboys and Indians game the kids play is usurped by Nelson in cyborg garb shooting at them with a futuristic weapon. When Bart complains that his “Killmatic 3000” is not historically accurate, Nelson retorts, “Records from that era are spotty at best!”
– I love Bart singing a retooled “Soul Man” while playing with a Troll doll, as well as Marge chastising him for playing with a toy with such bizarre hair.
– We get the greatest appearance by the Sea Captain here. A shining angelic light appears behind Jessica… which we reveal is actually coming from a lighthouse. A man atop it yells to Captain McAllister that it should be pointing to sea, but the captain shoots him down. A ship in darkened waters crashes into some rocks. McAllister pats down his pipe and comments, “Yarr, I hate the sea and everything in it.”
– A great quick line from the Sunday School teacher (“Ralph, Jesus did not have wheels.”)
– I like the minor detail of the church hamster’s little house has a cross atop it.
– Bart forces himself to be good, but is literally handed temptation in the form of a “replica” of David’s slingshot. Taking aim at the teacher’s behind, he experiences a moral crisis (“Must… fight… Satan… make it… up to him… later!”)
– When his efforts to be good are a bust, Bart musses up his hair and untucks his clothes, and I love how he slaps some dirt on himself for good measure.
– Wonderful appearance by Willie at a school festival explaining Scottish customs, when Bart rigs his kilt to fly away on balloons (“‘Tis no more than what God gave me, you puritan pukes!”) The whole thing was actually an elaborate sting to catch Bart. Skinner admits there’s no such thing as Scotchtoberfest, but no one told Willie this (“Yah used me, Skinner! Yah usssssed me!!“)
– Dinner at the Lovejoys is a great scene. I love how suspect the Reverend is at having Bart at the house, as well as the slow rhythm of which Bart sets up his raunchy anecdote (“Watching FOX last night, I heard a rather amusing story. This character named Martin was feeling rather… randy, and he was heard to remark…”) He was already in hot water, that just clinched it.
– Poor Sarah plain and tall. S’all I gotta say.
– I don’t know if I care for the scene of Bart and Jessica TPing the Jebediah Springfield statue, considering the respect Bart exhibited for the town founder in “The Telltale Head.” I guess it’s the first sign of Jessica pushing Bart into things he wouldn’t normally do.
– The big skateboard scene is pretty damn great, where at first you anticipate the jokes, then they turn on you. Bart talks to himself how he’ll be fine as long as the terrain is steady, then he runs straight into an oil slick and a field of ball bearings. A damaged glue truck seems to be his salvation, but sadly it remains intact as he passes it by. Bart eventually wipes out when hitting a seed an ant is carrying, violently tumbles to the bottom, and then the glue truck ruptures, completely entombing Bart under a flood of sticky glue.
– As mentioned earlier, I love the glasses bit with Homer, along with when Marge worries about smothering Bart, he responds that they would get the chair for that. Marge retorts, “That isn’t what I meant,” and Homer responds, “It was, Marge, admit it.” I don’t know why, but that whole exchange may be one of my favorite bits of the whole series.
– I take offense to Bart’s analogy about Jessica (“She’s like a Milk Dud, Lis: sweet on the outside, poison on the inside.”) Milk Duds are delicious, how dare he.
– Getting caught with the empty collection plate, Bart assures himself everything will be fine if he tells the truth. He barely gets an “I” out before he is immediately accused (Moe shouts, “He confessed it!”) Out of options, he leaps out the window, and a slow-to-react Homer yells, “Stop him! He’s heading for the window!”
– Great Doppler effect with the car going by and a guy quickly yelling, “You stole money from the church collection plate!”
– My favorite scene of this show is probably when Bart confronts Jessica, who is twirling a baton on the front lawn. It gives visual interest to this dialogue heavy scene, but also is symbolic of Jessica’s carefree guilt-less nature, and toying with the baton mirrors his continued toying with Bart (“No one will believe you. Remember I’m the sweet, perfect minister’s daughter, and you’re just yellow trash.”)
– On the pulpit, Lisa quotes the Bible, “Judge not lest ye be judged.” Lovejoy mutters, “I think it might be somewhere towards the back.”
– When Lisa reveals Jessica to be the thief, Homer announces, “To the little girl’s room!” Rather than simply lift the girl’s mattress, Moe uses a jack to lift it, and confirms the pile of money to be the stolen goods (“Oh yeah, smells like church.”) I also like Lovejoy’s last ditch effort to make up an explaination (“I guess it’s obvious what’s happened here. Bart Simpson has somehow managed to sneak his bedroom into my house. …well, come on! Use your imaginations!”)
– Lastly, I like at the end Jessica heads off with her new boy toy… the bad boy librarian Lisa was pining for.