(originally aired February 19, 1995)
In 1993, asshole American punk Michael Fay was arrested in Singapore on multiple counts of wanton vandalism and was sentenced to a brief prison stay, and to be whipped with a cane several times as punishment. Needless to say, the States went apeshit, crying it to be barbaric and set to do anything they could to prevent the besmirchment of a pure American ass on foreign soil. Even President Clinton got involved in this, and as a sign of good will, the president of Singapore reduced the caning from six times to four. What a ridiculous current event. It’s just the right kind of fodder for South Park to tackle. But since that show doesn’t exist yet, The Simpsons swooped in to parody it. While I saw “Homie the Clown” dozens of times in syndication and loved it from the first watch, this is an episode that slowly grew on me, and between the loads of other mixed quality travel episodes, and knowing more about the Fay case, it became one of my favorites, with an incredibly strong plot that equally skewers both America and Australia, having its cake and eating it too, as the Simpsons create an international incident in a believable, hilarious way.

I love how innocently the episode begins only to have it snowball out of control. Lisa informs Bart that water always drains counter-clockwise in the Northern hemisphere, and clockwise in the Southern (another in a long line of things I’ve learned from this show.) Bart is stunned to learn this (as was I), and being a typically bratty brother, he aims to prove her wrong by making multiple long distance calls to southern countries. His calling spree ends with him bamboozling an Australian boy, keeping him on the line for hours on end, and because he accepted the collect call, ends up racking up a rather high bill. What I like here is Bart tricks the kid at first, but it wasn’t his intention to keep him on the line that long. Late that night he returns to the phone having completely forgotten about his previous activities, being the attention deficit child he is. The Aussies get hoppin’ mad, they do, as Bart’s hoopla makes its way up to the Prime Minister. Enter Evan Conover from the US State Department (Phil Hartman, perhaps his most understated character,) who urges the family must go to Australia to make a public apology to mend American-Aussie relations.

We get a few bits of the family touring Australia, but the story remains focused on the plot of having Bart doing his phony apology, only to have an additional punishment sprung: a public booting. As the Simpsons hide out at the US embassy, Conover deals with the Aussies on the most precarious of negotiations (“Then it’s agreed: during the bargaining session, we each get two candy apples… all right, one candy and one caramel.”) Eventually a deal is struck: the Prime Minister will boot Bart once through the embassy gates with a wingtip shoe, a bargaining down similar to the Fay case. There’s so many things I love about this plot, mostly how the Simpsons ends up as pawns for the government, with Conover being true to his name and selling them out to prevent international controversy, and when that falls flat, they almost begrudgingly agree to help them. Bart of course screws over everyone by mooning the Prime Minister (one of the greatest scenes of the entire series), and the family makes their swift exit back to America. It’s an episode that feels as real as it is nuts, and is without a doubt the best travel episode.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Great joke when Marge catches Bart digging his hands in the toilet (“Oh, for Pete’s sake, Bart, use the plunger!”)
– I’m not sure if it was a syndication cut or I just forgot about it, but when I saw this on DVD for the first time and the Hitler scene came up, I was like, “….wha?” It’s such a crazy joke, the idea Hitler is still alive somehow, but every time I hear Harry Shearer’s “Eine minuten, eine minuten!” I laugh hysterically.
– I like the impetus for Bart to abandon his Australia call for Milhouse appearing at the window (“Hey, Bart! The bakery caught fire and all of downtown smells like cookies! Wanna go smell?”)
– Homer argues with his brain over the ramped up phone bill, with him wondering whether he made the calls himself and just forgot. When he considers consulting Marge about it, his brain sways him otherwise (“Why embarrass us both? Just write a check and I’ll release some more endorphins.”) He signs off a check and immediately writhes with pleasure.
– Hank Azaria as the Australian kid’s father is so goddamn funny, he’s such a loud, stupid, boorish character. Right from the start he’s hilarious; his son tells him the American call was from the International Drainage Commission, he responds in shock, “Oh my God! There’s nothing wrong with the bidet, is there?” The call between him and Bart is so frigging fantastic, where Bart just fucks with this guy repeatedly. Azaria and Nancy Cartwright do an amazing job playing off each other.
– Conover’s initial proposal is imprison Bart for five years. Homer thinks for a moment, then responds, “That’s tough, but fair. Boy, go with the man.” Marge, of course, will have none of it (“I’m not going to have my son go to jail over some silly tiff with Australia. You’ll just have to find some other country to have relations with.”)
– The pan through the entire planet is a clever transition, with Vishnu operating in the Earth’s core, to seeing the plane landing upside down.
– The American toilet at the embassy is amazing for many reasons. First, it’s a nice button on the initial spark of the episode. Second, it’s such an inconsequential device. Like me, I’m sure no one even knows or pays attention to what way the water drains, making it the perfect stupid indulgent expense to preserve American “exceptionalism .” Third, of course, is Homer tearfully singing “My Country, ‘Tis Of Thee” as it flushes.
– Homer jumping back and forth from America and Australia is a tad jerkass, but made up for it with his family being embarrassed and the marine punching him out (“Here in America, we don’t tolerate that kind of crap, sir!”)
– The pub features three great jokes in a row: “I see you’ve played Knifey-Spooney before,” Homer being disappointed by Australia’s famous giant beers, and the bartender’s inability to fathom someone ordering anything else but beer (“C… O…” “B… E…”)
– A quick insane joke of the Parliament building apparently being from Austria, with the additional letters penciled in, as if the Australians stole the face of Austria’s Parliament building and brought it back with them.
– I love the Australian version of the Pimply Faced Teen, who is not so won over by the bullfrog’s name (“That’s an odd name. I’d have called them ‘chazzwozzers.'”)
– I like the very ending with the bullfrogs decimating Australia’s agriculture, if only because it was set up in two earlier great scenes, but I don’t like how Marge and Lisa take amusement out of the situation. Sort of similar to how they participated in the food fight in “Homer Loves Flanders.” But a minor quibble, I loved that episode, and I love this one too.

(originally aired February 12, 1995)
There are quite a few episodes I remember seeing run in syndication constantly. Either they’d repeat them more often than others or I just so happened to catch them over and over. Some of them I’ve grown a bit tired of. This one, I’ve seen it at least fifty times and I still absolutely love it. Not only is it hilarious start to finish, it has so many perfect elements in its story and characterizations. There’s no real overarching theme I can highlight, so let’s just go point by point. First off, this is some of the best Krusty stuff ever on the series. We haven’t seen him much this season, and boy did he come back with a vengeance. His first two scenes are brilliant, starting off with his tireless wacky showman persona, then immediately switching to the disgruntled, sell-out shill he is as soon as the show curtain falls. The jokes come flying fast, but all illustrate Krusty’s personality: stealing George Carlin’s routines, ordering roses for Bea Arthur’s grave (who wasn’t dead at the time), and pushing the release of more shoddy merchandise to get him out of a financial hole while he’s already burning money (literally.)

Krusty’s accountant urges he open a clown college to train imitation Krustys to create extra revenue. This brings us to Homer, and an over-the-top examination of powerful subliminal advertising. He’s so excited for “new billboard day” that he causes multiple pile-ups by abruptly stopping to look at each one, creating a mental list so he can buy all the marketed products. Initially he is unfazed by the clown college ad, but the image has permeated his subconscious, as he visualizes his family and co-workers as clowns with circus music playing. It’s not long before he’s convinced that his life’s mission is to go to clown college. It’s less of a biting satire on marketing and more of showing how easily a mush head like Homer can be manipulated. Homer turns out to be a semi-competent clown, who only starts to enjoy himself when he learns he can reap discounts from local merchants posing as the actual Krusty, which he of course tries to push to the nth degree.

As set up in act one, Krusty is in pretty deep debt with Fat Tony and ends up fleeing the country when his time is up. This leaves Homer clear in Tony’s sights, who is easily mistaken as the genuine jester. The two clowns come together when Krusty returns to face the music, creating a bit of a dilemma. The two must face off with Don Vittorio, a self-described old Italian stereotype, whose violent retribution can only be dissuaded if the two perform an elaborate routine on a miniature tricycle. The final scene is so spectacular because, again, all of the groundwork has been set. The very first scene is Krusty doing the trick, then we see Homer attempt multiple times to do the same at the college. Seeing Krusty and Homer bumble, but then succeed with flying colors is very satisfying, especially when Homer gets in the last big finish. We end on the conflict of the episode being exposed as nothing: Vittorio won’t kill Krusty, but still demands payment… of forty-eight dollars. Some could cry it’s a stupid cop-out ending, which I guess I can’t argue that fact, but I love me that stupid cop-out ending something fierce. This episode’s so perfect to me. It was one of my favorites when I was younger, and still is today.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Bart continues to speak great reverence of his hero Krusty (“He can take a simple, everyday thing like eating a bicycle and make it funny.”)
– Great direction with Krusty tilting his head grinning and waving as the curtain falls, then as he is submerged in backstage darkness, he immediately grimaces and lights up a cigarette. What a perfect visual representation of his two-faced nature: it’s like the stage lights literally bring him to life, and when they’re gone, he’s back to his disgruntled, bastard self.
– So many great bits in that first scene: “Put five thousand bucks on the Lakers. Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator. My house is dirty; buy me a clean one,” Krusty not wanting to hear the end of any sentences, and continually paying people off with ten grand, placing a double or nothing bet on the opera (his money’s the tenor), the accountant’s brilliant advice on gambling (“Gambling is the finest thing a person can do if he’s good at it,”) and of course the horrendous Krusty products, specifically the Lady Krusty Mustache Removal System.
– I love the build-up toward Homer cracking and enrolling in the college. It’s like the billboard has infected his brain and dulled Homer’s mental functions even further. At the dinner table he sculpts a circus tent out of mashed potatoes (a la Close Encounters of the Third Kind.) The best bit is a worried Lisa turned to her mother for reassurance, but all Marge can respond with is, “I think I’ll have some wine.”
– The clown college gives us more great bits: how “one Krusty per territory” works out… almost, the baggy pants fitting Homer perfectly, the funny place names (Seattle!), Krusty pieing a priggish royal in the face so hard she puts a crack in the wall (Homer takes note, “Kill wealthy dowager,”) and of course Homer’s multiple attempts to do the tricycle loop-de-loop, the final such attempt getting his pants caught in the pedals, leaving him bare-assed (Krusty orders his accountant, “Burn that seat.”) The best line is from one of Krusty’s lessons: “These Krusty brand balloons are three bucks each. But get a cheap one and what happens? It goes off, takes out the eyeballs of every kid in the room! What’s that going to cost you?” Then, to his accountant, “Hey, Bill, what did that cost us?”
– I like how this plot is kind of a behind-the-scenes callback to how Krusty was originally modeled to essentially be Homer with clown make-up. As Matt Groening put it, it was ironic that Bart idolized a man who looked so much like his father, whom he holds in contempt. The Homer-Krusty model is great, with the only differences being Homer has no tuft on the top of his head, and his nose is painted red rather than having a fake nose. I also like how Homer actually gained some skills at college, doing a squirt flower bank shot to spray Lisa and Bart at the same time (he sheepishly takes a compliment, “It was my major.”)
– The first act break is hilarious, with Krusty gleefully smacking his hand-buzzer all over a wailing Homer.
– Oh God… the Krusty Burglar scene is one of the best scenes in the whole series. I love how seriously Homer takes it (“Oh my God! He’s stealing all the burgers!”) and how viciously he beats the shit out of the midget actor (last seen as fake Lisa in “Burns’ Heir.”) Then of course we have the crying child (“Stop it! He’s already dead!”) and the horrified crowd clapping awkwardly as the poor actor lies down in horrible pain (“Please look at my Medic Alert bracelet…”)
– Homer arrives to Milhouse’s birthday party, and whether this was part of his entrance or not, I don’t know, but his car skids on the lawn and crashes into a tree. Then after a second, he crashes through the windshield and greets the children. I like how his act consists of balloon animals, and tiredly dancing like a buffoon as kids throw things at him.
– What a good sport Dick Cavett is, especially since they made him look like a pathetic asshole fame-leech (“Let’s walk and talk. I have some wonderful stories about other famous people that include me in some way.”)
– Another great Springfield product: Gigantic Asses Magazine. You’ll never guess what’s on the cover.
– Classic classic bit of Krusty betting against the Harlem Globetrotters and watching the game devastated (“That game was fixed! They were using a freakin’ ladder, for God’s sake!”) And another quick joke about the fate of the clown college, now under Fat Tony’s ownership (“Kids have a lot of money these days. So after you finish your performance, you might consider robbing them.”)
– The car salesman is a pretty cool and collected customer. He doesn’t even skip a beat once the car is shot at and Homer asks what the holes are (“These are speed holes. They make the car go faster.”) Then the hood becomes riddled with bullet holes and the windshield shatters (“You want my advice? I think you should buy this car.”) Then later there’s the great scene of Ned getting shot twice, first saved by the Bible close to his heart, then a piece of the true cross. Then Homer’s pick axe is hit. Luckily for him, Fat Tony’s men weren’t the most prepared for this assassination (“I told you we should have bought more than three bullets. Let’s just grab him!”)
– I like Homer’s thought process of coming up with fake names for the mob. He first sells out his best friend Barney, then throws out Joe Valachi, who I’m sure he doesn’t know, the worst name he could have picked at random, and then Benedict Arnold, a similarly bad choice.
– More great direction in the build-up for Homer doing the trick where it seems he’s actually going to make it. We see it from Homer’s POV as Vittorio, Tony and the goons look on excited as he goes upside-down… then disappointment as he goes back down the same way and fails. The drawing of Homer flat on his ass is pretty funny too.

(originally aired February 5, 1995)
Y’know, after doing so many of these write-ups, some episodes you just kinda get stuck on what to say about them. This is a spectacular episode full of lots of great character bits, memorable set pieces and a satisfying, heartwarming ending, but I don’t have much to report on besides that. I’m sure I’ll come up with something, though. For how silly this episode can get, it’s very economical, where all the events lead you through the story and pay off in the end. We open with Bart’s brilliant balloon prank, which results in his punishment to help Skinner in his early morning astronomy. The balloon returns to distract Skinner as Bart observes a comet by happenstance and gets the credit. Then at the very end, the comet shoots through the balloon coming into the atmosphere, closing the book on Skinner’s public humiliation… for now.

This episode is also a great look at mob mentality, which is a common theme in this show. A whole mass of Springfield residents arrive at the door of Ned Flanders’s bunker, wielding weapons hoping to get in, but they quickly disperse and apologize when Ned tells them they’re full. Ned thinks better and allows them all in, which leads to the hilarious image of all the townspeople stuffed in a small space, a visual that works wonders. Not only are there small jokes within (Waldo appears briefly, the bottom right with Nelson having Milhouse in a headlock), it’s interesting direction dealing with so many characters in a confined space. Anyway, Homer vindictively casts Ned out to save the rest, which Ned does so willingly of course. Then no sooner after does Homer decry everyone else for the decision he himself proposed (“I’m surprised and disgusted by all of you, especially his children!”) He goes out to join Ned, and the rest of the crowd is soon to follow. Springfield mobs are usually easy to sway, and when they shift focus, they go all out, regardless of any kind of sense (Moe is next to leave: “Hey Homer, wait up, I wanna die too!”)

Umm… ahhm… we see more general incompetence on behalf of local and national leaders. The Quimby-sanctioned plan to stop the comet is to send a missile to blow it up before it gets too close to the planet. The people of Springfield are easily mollified by this, thinking the plan sounds like dynamite. It can’t fail! They walk outside after the town hall meeting, take a look at the menacing comet in the sky, and they just laugh. And then they gather outside at night to watch the comet get destroyed like it’s some kind of fireworks display. It’s all a show, until shit gets real when the missile ends up blowing up the only bridge out of town. Later we see such ineptitude in a higher scale when a bill to evacuate Springfield on the floor of Congress is about to go through, until it is hastily paired with an unorthodox rider: $30 million of taxpayer money to support the perverted arts. The Springfield-slash-pervert bill is instantly defeated (Kent Brockman muses, “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: democracy simply doesn’t work.”) Sorry if this review feels kind of half-assed. Some episodes I kinda get stuck on, and while this is a really really great episode, I haven’t much to say about in on a whole. I’ll do better next time, I promise.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Skinner proudly closes science week with the launch of a weather balloon, which Bart seems suspiciously excited about (“‘Hurrah for science, woo’? I can’t say I approve of the ‘woo,’ but the ‘hurrah’ was quite heartening.”) The incredulous repeating of Bart’s excited words is hilarious. Harry Shearer is fantastic in this episode as Skinner, his passion for his amateur astronomy, his deep-imbedded hatred for his rival principal, and his feeble attempts to make things go his way, which always go wrong.
– The big butt Skinner balloon is such a fantastic design. It’s so fantastic, it’s something that really Bart should be praised for making something that creative and elaborate.
– I love the DJ alarm on Bart’s clock at 4 am (“Top of the hour, time for the morning news. But of course, there is no news yet. Everyone’s still asleep in their comfy, comfy beds. Good night, everybody.”)
– I could listen to Skinner read out findings all day. I love after the time lapse he’s still just as eager to read out the coordinates… but it still leads to nothing.
– Great, great line when Skinner manages to capture the balloon (“Got you, my rumpy doppelganger!”) And hilarious act break with a gut punch to Skinner: Bart steals his discovery, which causes him to let go of the balloon, then the paper boy makes his deliver, with headline “Prez Says: School Is For Losers.”
– Lots of great stuff at the town hall meeting, from Quimby’s opening statement (“Fellow citizens, when I learned about the impending crisis, I caught the very next plane to Springfeld… field”), to both the slideshow rendering and Frink’s model demonstration both resulting in Moe’s being singled out as destroyed (both accompanied by Moe reacting, “Oh… dear God, no!”)
– Great quick joke that the armory rocker is labeled, “Aim Away From Face.”
– The news report at the start of act three has some great lines, starting with Kent (“And, like Icarus, the rocket foolishly soared too high, and lost control of its servo guidance mechanism, leaving us with some six hours to live,”) Arnie Pye reporting on cars lunging over the destroyed bridge out of town (“It’s a silent testament to the never-give-up and never-think- things-out spirit of our citizens,”) and finally, Kent’s last-ditch revelation (“The following people are gay,”) a list that consists of a majority of the Simpsons staff.
– The ending with everyone coming together singing “Que Sera” is pretty sweet, and the harrowing fact that the only thing the comet destroys is the bomb shelter. And of course the very end is great with the shocking realization that Homer was right all along that the comet would break up to be no larger than a chihuahua’s head, and to further push that point, it lands right next to one of the tiny dogs just for scale’s sake.

(originally aired January 8, 1995)
I’m sure I don’t need to say, but this is one of the more famous classic episodes. Every Simpsons fan loves the Stonecutters. I’m interested in rewatching these most highly of remembered episodes for a few reasons, one of which is trying to pin what makes them stand out so much amongst the rest. Is it the great song? Is it the general silliness of the premise? Is it the exotic locale and satire of boorish brotherhoods? These episodes also get held under slightly tighter scrutiny, which sometimes can be to their detriment. In the case of “Homer the Great,” it maybe hurt a little: there are a lot of funny bits in here, and great classic moments of course, but as a whole it didn’t gel as well as I’d hoped. But it’s definitely fondly remembered for very good reason.

Homer grows suspect of Lenny and Carl’s suspicious behavior, and soon learns that they are members of a mysterious, exclusive club. He manages to worm his way in himself, becoming anointed into the Stonecutters, a secret society whose members don robes, assign identifying numbers and bow before the visage of their sacred parchment. Now, my knowledge of these kinds of clubs doesn’t extend much farther than the Royal Order of Water Buffalo, but I still get the point here: an organization of phony mysticism and alleged grandeur, but ultimately just an excuse for husbands to ditch their wives for the night, get drunk, eat ribs and play ping pong. But if this is the case, then the clientele should match. Lenny and Carl, Moe, Wiggum, Joe Quimby, Krusty, all make sense. But would Mr. Burns be a member of such a rowdy social gathering? Or Skinner? Dr. Hibbert? I dunno, maybe.

Upon desecrating the sacred parchment in the most spectacular, over-the-top way, Homer is banished from the group, until they notice an conspicuous birthmark that matches their logo. Homer is their fabled Chosen One who would lead their group to glory. Now… what does this mean exactly? If this group is really just a front to get smashed and goof around with the guys, what’s the Chosen One going to do? They keep playing cards and shooting pool, but now they have to let Homer win and bow before his every word. What do they get out of it? Is this a comment on the absurdness of ancient ritual? Like adhering to every word of the Bible? Am I digging too deep? These story issues are ultimately minor quibbles, since this episode’s got way too many classic bits to count. The egg council guy. The Gettysberg monkeys. The Stone of Shame, and the Stone of Triumph. And of course, No Homers Club. And a good sweet and sour ending in true Simpsons fashion. Despite my few issues, who still loves this episode? We do. …er, I do.

Tidbits and Quotes
– A breach of continuity, sure, but it’s really a great gag that Homer parks so far away from the plant, he’s right next to his own backyard.
– The “It’s a secret.” “Shut up!” bit is hilarious, I love Hank Azaria’s annoyed read for Carl, and when Carl can’t follow-up Lenny the third time, Homer steps right in to retort with his own “Shut up!”
– Homer attempts to present an excuse to his wife, but his brain fails to help him out (“I’ll be back in a minute. I’m…going outside. To…stalk… Lenny and Carl. …D’oh!”)
– Some bonehead Homer logic: hooking the paint to Lenny’s car to leave a trail is a good plan, I suppose, but then he tails him pretty much the whole way there. Why do the paint thing then?
– Homer confronting Lenny and Carl the night after witnessing the Stonecutters is great (“I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff! And I want in.”)
– Homer laments to his wife in bed why people don’t like him. Marge responds that he’s a wonderful person. Perfectly on cue, Homer vents, “Why don’t those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?” Then cue a classic flashback to the past of li’l Homer being barred from a neighborhood clubhouse: no Homers allowed. But Homer Glumplich is allowed (“Guh-hyuk!”) The explanation is flawless (“It says no Homeeeers. We’re allowed to have one.”) This of course has a pitch perfect callback at the very end.
– I like Abe at the table’s desperate pleas for attention. I could listen to him yell, “I’m a member!” through an entire irrelevant dinner conversation all day. Also great is how Homer carts him around like a possession at the lodge, gloating that now they have to let him in, whether they like it or not (“Okay, Homer, you’re in. Just don’t point that thing at me.”)
– Maybe another conflicting issue with the Stonecutters is Patrick Stewart as Number One, who delivers each dumb line with such a confident and serious air. He does an great, great job of course (his read on “The Paddling of the Swollen Ass… with paddles” is so very powerful), but I take him so seriously in that part, that the jokey nature of the story starts to drift.
– Homer lives it up with his perks as a Stonecutter: the secret passageway with fancy gilded paintings and music is great, and of course, the real 911 (912).
– Homer couldn’t have done more damage to that parchment: wiping his mouth, licking at it, cleaning his ears, blowing his nose… it’s a spectacular sequence, with great shots of the horrified members (my favorite is an incensed Moe, “Oh God!“) Then of course in a fit of merciful passion, he smashes the tattered remnants to bits accidentally.
– The turn at the end with Homer taking Lisa’s advice for the club to be more philanthropous and the group begrudging that makes total sense. He took their fun boy’s club into something that helps people and they hate him for that. I just feel there’s a way it could have worked better and hit the mark I believe it could. At the end, their over zealous anger feels too much when the joke should work better. Now I feel like I’m bitching again. I love the guest spot by H.W. Bush (“I’m afraid I have to disagree with Orville, Jack, and Mr., can’t we just do something to his voice box?”)
– We do have the sweet ending with Marge reminding Homer is club Simpson, where two members have very special rings (not Bart and Lisa’s cereal box ones, which actually look real cool). And then our snark with the team hazing of Homer (“Alright, alright, it’s Lisa’s turn.”) Not much in character for Marge, but hey, still funny.