7. The Call of the Simpsons

• Pretty strange that the very first “Shut up, Flanders” actually came from Bart complaining about Rod.
• Albert Brooks really is the perfect Simpsons guest star, with all of his characters being wonderful smooth-talking manipulators in some form or fashion. Big Bob isn’t as legendary as Jacques or Hank Scorpio, but he totally dominates the entire first act, buttering Homer up even after all but telling him he’s a broke loser who can only afford his shittiest RV (“Simpson, you’ll never own a better RV, and I don’t mean that in a good way. I mean, literally, buddy, this is for you, you know. It’s this or a wagon.”)
• “The Simpsons have entered the forest.” Lisa immediately nailing her deadpan lines.
• While Homer and Bart are out starving and/or freezing to death in the wilderness, the Simpson women fare much better for themselves, making a little home-away-from-home. Not only do they use a large branch as a broom, but Marge also arranges live squirrels as little knick-knacks, as they just stand there motionless, making peace in their new lot in life as decorative pieces in this deluded housewife’s makeshift outdoor home. This episode is silly.
  
• The rabbit getting flung out of Homer’s snare is the best joke of the entire episode, and even though the visuals are great, the sound design is what really makes it tremendous.
• I watched Grizzly Man a couple months ago, and I felt kind of bad that I was thinking of this scene by the ending.
  
• This is the first episode to lampoon the vile phenomenon that is the media circus, and three decades later, it still feels like fresh satire.
• It’s such a small moment, but I love when a reporter asks Marge if her marital relations with “Bigfoot” are “brutish,” she smiles briefly before asking if her answer will be on TV.
• The ending where a team of scientists can’t tell if Homer is man or monster still feels dumb to me, but Marge parroting one of the eggheads, calling Homer her “brilliant beast” is pretty sweet.
• In0between Albert Brooks at the beginning and the media circus at the end, the middle “lost in the woods” chunk isn’t really that interesting, outside of a few choice great moments like the rabbit in the snare. Homer and Bart’s woodland shenanigans mostly feel like they’re out of a Nickelodeon cartoon (well, except for Bart proposing he and his father hang themselves), and I have no real sentiment toward the Maggie and the bears storyline. This is definitely my least favorite of season 1.
  

8. The Telltale Head

• Our first official Krusty line is him screaming “KILL HIM!!” at a young child as part of a vicious, bloodthirsty mob. Season 1 really is pretty hardcore.
• “We’ll die together, like a father and son should.”
• “All these questions… is a little blind faith too much to ask?!”
• I’ve always loved the sequence of Bart getting undressed in the hall, it’s so well executed. Speaking of, it’s pretty incredible how quickly the animation quality has shot up from the first few episodes to now. By the end of the season, the show was nearly firing on all cylinders visually, leading right into season 2, where things only got even sharper.
  
• I like the two instances of Homer and Bart echoing each other through the episode. First is outside of church, when the two are confronted by Marge, when she asks if they were going to sneak a walkman into church (Bart) or planning on staying in the car to listen to the game (Homer), both sheepishly reply, “Maybe,” signaling to the like-mindedness of the two characters. Later, Homer offers Bart a kindly aphorism, “Share the wealth, that’s what I always say!” Bart mimics his father in offering to pay for the bullies’ Squishees, only to find they stole a bunch of other stuff as well. With Bart’s admiration of Homer in place, we see why his “advice” on how being popular and accepted sunk in with him so much.
• The best one-off character of the season is the owner of the Candy Most Dandy shop. This is a man who hates children.
  
• Homer is agog reading about “The Stealth Bowler,” a bowling ball with a liquid center. Curious if that’s actually a real thing, a quick Google search suggests no. According to a random blog post specifically referencing this episode, “A liquid centre in a bowling ball would tend to retard the rolling motion of the ball, decreasing its power and accuracy simultaneously.”
• I love how when Bart grabs Snowball II to muffle the cat’s scream, we hear only one half of its screech, then when he lets it go outside, we hear the second half, almost like he paused and unpaused it.
• In 1990, the idea of a population getting whipped into a violent frenzy over the desecration of a statue of a problematic historical figure was probably a very amusing exaggeration at the time. In 2020, however… We also get a small taste of the dismissal of actual history for the sake of embellished idol worship with the Jebediah Springfield documentary, where the narrator offhandedly mentions how new evidence suggests that Jebediah was most likely killed by the bear, rather than vice-versa.
• I have no idea why they posed Homer so daintily sitting here, but I love it all the same.
  
• It’s pretty amazing thinking back on how concerned parents and nagging media groups were coming down on this show for Bart being a bad role model for children, while in the show, he’s really just a believable little kid. He’s a bit of a brat, but despite his snark, he still has great capacity for shame (“Bart the Genius”) and empathy (“Moaning Lisa.”) This episode almost plays out like an after-school special of Bart stepping in with the wrong crowd and learning his lesson by the end. Hell, the most dangerous semi-imitable prank he pulls in season 1 is dropping a cherry bomb in the toilet, and his punishment for it is literal deportation and being abused and tortured by two dirty Frenchmen.

9. Life on the Fast Lane

• I like how even Bart can’t help but admit that Lisa’s birthday macaroni art is pretty damn impressive.
  
• “Good morning, consumers. The Springfield Mall is now open for your spending needs.”
• Among the list of Homer’s awful birthday presents Patty & Selma bring up, they mention “the Connie Chung calendar.” At the time, Chung was a CBS news reporter. Was she viewed as an attractive woman from television, or is that a Connie Chung calendar exists at all the gag? I’m not entirely sure.
• We get a perfect duality of Bart at the dinner scene. He bickers with Lisa about which gift their mother loves most, where Lisa touches a nerve that she hasn’t used Bart’s perfume. Bart then asks his mother with genuine concern why that is. When Marge quickly bullshits an excuse that she’s saving it for a special occasion, Bart is quick to fire back (“What the hell are you talking about? There’s gallons of it!”) Marge covers her ass again (“But this occasion is already so special, if we make it any more special, we might end up making it less special.”) The naive kid that he is, Bart buys this, and rubs it in Lisa’s face, who simply groans, “Oh, brother.” What a lovely scene.
• The bowling ball absolutely crushing the cake is so well done. I love how quickly the waiters book it after it happens. There’s not even an awkward pause, they just leave immediately.
  
• “The holes were drilled for your fingers!” “I wanted to surprise you! I couldn’t chop your hands off and bring it to the store, could I?”
• I love how casually Marge admits to the bowling alley attendant that she’s only there out of spite.
• Albert Brooks as Jacques is brilliant, of course. I love the interplay between him and Julie Kavner, as it’s clear that they recorded a lot of their scenes together. There’s a bonus feature on the season 1 DVD of outtakes with the two of them, where Brooks keeps ad-libbing, cracking up Kavner and the rest of the crew. I can’t find it online anywhere, but if you’ve got the DVD, do yourself a favor and rewatch it.
• Homer tending to the kids by himself feels so real, trying to put on a brave face, but family time quickly proves awkward for him (“Does the time always drag like this?”) But he does his damn best; his nighttime checklist and the four handing off the pizza box to chuck in the trash is pretty adorable.
• “I’m a married woman!” “I know, I know. My mind says stop, but my heart, and my hips, cry proceed!”
  
• Another perfect first appearance: Helen Lovejoy, the self-admitted “gossipy wife of the minister.” She’s the perfect false-faced “friend,” claiming to be well intentioned while clearly being anything but. Jacques is right, “let’s hope something runs over her.”
• I’m still dumbstruck by the dead serious tone of some of the scenes in the last act. Homer picking up the autographed glove, pain clear in his voice as he reads the inscription, “For Marge?” Later, he approaches his wife in the morning in the kitchen, tentatively reaching for her hand, but loses his nerve and grabs the lunchbox instead. He feebly attempts to finally show appreciation for Marge through her PB&J sandwiches, but ends his childish talk with a grave conclusion (“I’ve just never mentioned it. But it’s time you knew how I feel. I don’t believe in keeping feelings bottled up. Goodbye, my wife.”) It’s really chilling. I can’t think of any other scene in the whole series that has this intense of a tone.
• “I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!”

10. Homer’s Night Out

• In one of the earliest continuity Easter eggs, we see Bart’s piggy bank has been hastily taped back together, after being previously smashed by a crazed Homer desperate for beer money in “Homer’s Odyssey.”
• The two bathroom scenes with Homer and Marge six months apart are so great. You get your quick storytelling in Homer’s former assistant (now supervisor) meeting and then getting engaged to a coworker, as well as some lovely interplay between husband and wife, showing them at their best before the episode tears them apart.
• “Where’s my spy camera? Where’s my spy camera? Where’s my spy camera?!”
  
• Have we ever seen the Rusty Barnacle after this? Once we were introduced to the Sea Captain and the Frying Dutchman, it seems redundant Springfield would have two nautical themed seafood restaurants.
• I love how absolutely miserable the groom and his father are at their own bachelor party (“How do I tell you this, my boy? We’re in hell.”)
• As Princess Kashmir makes her dramatic entrance, we catch a glimpse of this angry dishwasher. One can only imagine how frosty things were when Kashmir was hiding back there.
  
• It’s quite jarring hearing Martin eagerly ask, “Who’s the sexy lady, Bart?”
• Homer becoming a town-wide phenomenon still feels really silly. It would be one thing if he were the subject of ridicule, like it’s this big dumb fat guy cavorting with an exotic dancer, which at times that kind of seems to be the case (outside the schoolyard, the most realistic scene is the women at the aerobics class giggling at the photo on the bulletin board.) But in the third act, men the town over seem to be un-ironically cheering on Homer as this party animal stud.
• Barney’s apartment is quite the sight (“If you get hungry in the middle of the night, there’s a open beer in the fridge.”)
  
• “A plant employee carrying on like an over-sexed orangatang in heat! This is a family nuclear power plant, Simpson! Our research indicates that over fifty percent of our power is used by women!”
• Teaching Bart his lesson involves his father dragging him to every gentlemen’s club in town, with him eagerly trying to peek over the crowds to check out the shows (“Bart!! I said look at the floor!!”)
• It’s great how Marge’s plan to teach Bart that women aren’t vapid sex objects basically backfires as Shauna Tifton is revealed to pretty much be just that (“My pet peeve is rude people, and my turn-ons include silk sheets and a warm fireplace.”)
• “How does he do it, Smithers?” “He’s a love machine, sir.”

11. The Crepes of Wrath

• Homer incapacitated at the bottom of the stairs for hours on end is so pathetic (and sadly, more relatable as I enter the wonderful world of random aches and pains in your 30s.) Dan Castellaneta’s shudder before weakly imploring, “The boy… Bring me the boy…” is so damn good. The performers are just getting better and better as the season goes on.
  
• I understand why they made Agnes Skinner a kindly, doting mother, a source of embarrassment for Principal Skinner for the kids to exploit. I don’t think we saw Agnes again until what, season 5? I wonder what the impetus was to wildly shift her character after all that time.
• I love how clear the show makes it that as bad as Bart may be with his pranks and mischief, Principal Skinner and the school staff are even worse. Skinner is more than willing to kick Bart out of the country through this dubious exchange program just so he won’t have to deal with him anymore, regardless of any danger the child may encounter abroad (“But Bart doesn’t speak French.” “Oh, when he’s fully immersed in a foreign language, the average child can become fluent in weeks!” “Yeah, but what about Bart?” “I’m sure he’ll pick up enough to get by.”)
  
• The parade of abuse on Bart starts right away when a flight attendant grabs him and literally chucks him through the airplane doors on the tarmac.
• Skinner’s speech welcoming Adil to the school is just wonderful, a backhanded call for acceptance while still being incredibly jingoistic and pandering (“You might find his accent peculiar. Certain aspects of his culture may seem absurd, perhaps even offensive. But I urge you all to give little Adil the benefit of the doubt. This way, and only in this way, do we hope to better understand our backward neighbors throughout the world.”)
• “How can you defend a country where five percent of the people control ninety-five percent of the wealth?” That margin’s only gotten thinner since then. We should’ve listened to Adil.
• “Your paperthin commitment to your children sends shivers down my spine!”
• We can add international espionage to the list of hot button topics covered in the first season of this silly little cartoon show that I’m sure many parents at the time figured was family friendly, joining the likes of infidelity, depression and sex work.
• I love that despite knowing there’s antifreeze in the wine, Bart still gulps it down in one go.
  
• “He brought us gifts! His first unselfish act!” Lisa isn’t featured much in this episode, but she gets a fair share of great lines.

12. Krusty Gets Busted

• The Krusty the Klown Show is children’s entertainment at its most depraved: loud, obnoxious and pandering to children’s most basest impulses. That his daily call-and-response concludes with kids pledging to kill themselves if the show ever went off the air is another line I can’t believe they got away with, and perfectly reflects the idol worship of the young and impressionable.
• Though first appearing in “The Telltale Head,” Apu becomes more fleshed out here, portrayed as a friendly, but mostly apathetic retail worker who cares just enough to make informed small talk with his regular customers (“What’s the matter, sir? Never have I seen you so unhappy when you are purchasing such a large quantity of ice cream.”) He later threatens two small children who enter his store that he’s “armed to the teeth.”
• In describing the assailant, Homer claims he was a man with “big red hair,” which always struck me as odd. Had they not finalized Krusty’s design before recording the episode? It makes sense to describe a clown’s hair as red, but I wonder if someone caught it too late and it was too late to fix it. They could have just dubbed “green hair,” even if the lip sync would have been wrong, it wouldn’t have mattered. Ah well.
• The feds busting into Krusty’s house culminating in the biggest gun ever being pointed point blank at his head is such a great sequence. This episode has the best animation of the season, it’s really beautiful throughout.
  
• It’s honestly very sweet that Homer attempts to conceal the truth from Bart about his hero, trying to send him off to bed before the news announcing Krusty’s arrest, and later his apprehension of fingering the clown in court in front of his poor son.
• “Earlier this evening, the Springfield SWAT team apprehended the TV clown, who appears on a rival station, opposite our own Emmy award-winning Hobo Hank.” A throwaway line, but such a fantastic joke of this blatant editorializing by a struggling network getting in a potshot at their competitor in a time of crisis.
• I don’t think I ever noticed that magazine text before. Yet another thing I’m surprised they slipped by 1990 censors.
  
• The report on Krusty’s life and career is fantastic. The heart attack scene is one of the first true hall-of-fame animation moments as Krusty hangs on for dear life to a crowd of braying children. Even Kent Brockman can’t help but chuckle at it. But just as great to me is the clip showing Krusty post-recovery, showing him as a “changed clown,” socking his trusty sidekick in the face. How slow the pie is smushed into his face followed by how quickly the violent retribution comes makes it all the funnier.
  
• I can’t imagine how bizarre and hilarious it must have been to hear Sideshow Bob finally open his mouth and Frasier Crane’s calm, soothing voice came out. I only feel like this reveal might have hit even harder if a silent Bob had appeared in a couple more episodes throughout season 1, but he and Krusty were only featured incredibly briefly in “The Telltale Head.”
• I like that despite his calls for a more intellectual, stimulating program that will enrich young minds, Bob is just as crass a capitalist as Krusty, only wanting to veer away from the chintzy Krusty keychains and mugs to more “sophisticated” fare like collectors plates and commemorative coins. He may have slapped a new coat of paint on his former tormentor’s media empire, but he’s still just as greedy and vain as he was.
  

13. Some Enchanted Evening

• One of the things most interesting about this show is noticing which scenes were survivors from the original production of the pilot (the biggest giveaway being those damn gradient backgrounds). There are some wonky remainders from the first cut, but most of the episode is as good as the show has ever looked up to this point. I assume the reshoots for this episode occurred at the very end of season 1’s production, and it’s clear the crew had figured out what they were doing at that point and pulled off a great looking episode.
• “You’re a pig. Barney’s a pig, Larry’s a pig, we’re all pigs, except for one difference. Once in a while, we crawl out of the slop, hose ourselves off and act like human beings.”
• Marge’s lion scream is so bizarre. The only other time this happened was in “Homer Alone,” it definitely doesn’t feel like it fits within the world of the show.
  
• “Son, there’s not a woman alive who can resist a man who knows how to mambo!”
• At least twice I’ve seen this clip of Ms. Botz threatening Bart float around on social media with people marveling at the fluidity of the animation mostly unseen on this series, especially within the last decade or so. And yes, it is a beautiful piece. There’s certain elements of the early years of the show that I kind of miss, and one is the looser feel to how the characters move and react. There’d be plenty of great expressions and moments of more “realistic” animation acting as the show went on, but there’s a part of me that actually does miss some of the goofier stuff of season 1 and 2.
• Case in point, Lisa and Maggie dashing off-screen at the end of this gif. It’s just so silly, but I kind of love it. I also love Homer and Marge’s saunter out the door, and as it slams shut, you can see the kiss mark left by Marge attempting to kiss her husband goodbye in a scene from the original version of the pilot.
  
• I love the animation of the guy at the desk on “America’s Most Armed and Dangerous.” The incredibly choppy movement reminds me of animations from the Konami arcade game for some reason.
  
• There’s some genuinely unsettling moments after the Ms. Botz reveal, with her stalking her prey down in the basement, and when Lisa is desperately on the phone calling for help and gets pulled by the phone cord out from under the table. It’s a goofy cartoon, yes, but the reality of the situation, three innocent children being victimized by a remorseless thief, still shines through a bit.
• “You’re a smart young man, Bart. I hope you’re smart enough to keep your mouth shut.” “He isn’t!”
• God bless that blue thing with the things. You saved Homer’s marriage.
  
• “Lord help me, I’m just not that bright.” Once again, it’s much funnier when Homer acknowledges and is shamed by his own shortcoming and lack of intelligence. And it makes it all the sweeter when Marge is able to boost him up (“The way I see it, you raised three children who could knock out and hog-tie a perfect stranger. You must be doing something right.”)

Note: There will be week breaks between seasons, so Season Two Revisited Part One will be up on August 3rd.

To introduce again, this “Revisited” series will chronicle my rewatching of the show’s first eleven seasons nearly ten years since starting this blog, consisting of off-the-cuff observations, notable quotes and other related remarks. I decided to do these in parts to keep these posts from being super long. Don’t expect any in-depth analysis, as I’m trying my best not to repeat the same comments from a decade ago. Feel free to watch along!

1. Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire

• First laugh of the series: “Pardon my galoshes!” I don’t know why I love that line so much.
• Principal Skinner’s character quirk of mispronouncing words didn’t pop up much, but it lasted quite a while (“Lisa’s Pony” is the last time I recall it happening.) Probably for the best. I also don’t think I noticed that after correcting “medlies,” he gaffes again, introducing some holiday “flavorites.”
  
• Homer falling off the roof and the kids applauding him as he gets up is such a wonderful human moment.
• It’s honestly pretty adorable that Bart wants to get the “MOTHER” tattoo. After Marge firmly told him no, he genuinely believed that getting ink in her honor would soften her heart.
• Pitch perfect satire in Mr. Burns proudly announcing increased safety protocols at the plant have not affected upper management pay raises, but there will be no Christmas bonuses for the other “semi-skilled” workers.
• Lisa is posed just like a Life in Hell rabbit. Season one is full of little design elements of artists attempting to mimic the Matt Groening style.
  
• “I get the feeling there’s something you haven’t told me, Homer.” “Huh? Oh, uhh… I love you, Marge.” “Homie, you tell me that all the time.” This first episode solidly affirms Homer’s character: he’s a complete dolt who’s always dealt a bad hand in life, but he’ll never stop fighting tooth and nail for the love and respect of his wife and children. Homer is at his finest when he’s doing absolutely ridiculous and moronic things, but for completely earnest reasons, like nearly killing himself jumping Springfield Gorge. The biggest trait that “Jerkass” Homer lost was his sense of shame, which drives him through most of this first episode.
• The Santa instructor looks like such a hardass. The gag is that Santa school is serious business, but his formidable presence behind Homer judging him adds to it so well.
  
• One of the show’s greatest tricks is when it mocks cliche schmaltz while being authentically endearing, which is especially the case in this episode, lampooning sickeningly sweet Xmas specials. Upon discovering his father’s mall Santa secret, Bart earnestly smiles, “You must really love us to sink so low!”
• It’s interesting that, upon first airing, Lisa’s thoughtful defending of her father to Patty and Selma could be viewed as a single “child talks like an adult” gag, rather than being true to her character. But it’s great either way.
• Sitcom convention is immediately bucked as Homer loses big time up until the very end. His “win” in bringing home the new family dog is completely unintentional, as he only took pity on the mutt for being as big a failure as he is.

2. Bart the Genius

• Ah, the season 1 opening. Whatever happened to these guys? Did they ever catch that bus?
  Also, as far as chalkboard gags go, “I WILL NOT WASTE CHALK” is a pretty perfect one to be the first.
• A season 1 staple of the Simpson home was having portraits of characters all over the walls, but here, past two corridors, we see a picture frame of two more corridors. Pretty trippy stuff. Another artistic staple is all of the backgrounds having that weird, washed out gradient look. I don’t really know what they were going for, but I’m glad it was changed for season 2. They look awful.
  
• As I came upon this heavily memed shot of Skinner, I realized this re-watch is taking place after many recent years of non-stop Simpsons shitposting, so I’m sure I’ll spot many, many more familiar shots like these that have been re-appropriated a billion times.
  
• “What are you looking at, Bart? Are those naughty dogs back again?” One of many lines I’m surprised they got away with in 1990.
• “He’s a good boy now and he’s getting better, but sometimes even the best sheep stray from the flock and need to be hugged extra hard.” “That’s exactly the kind of crapola that’s lousing him up!” It’s funny how “Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie” has Homer & Marge switch their good cop/bad cop parenting styles, and both still feel true to character.
• “What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.”
• “Pay attention, because if you do, one day, you may achieve what we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations: you may outsmart someone!” Another early example of a main theme of the series: the Simpson family’s hopeless desire to be looked upon favorably in an uncaring society.
• Everything about the gifted school is perfect: the teacher’s snobbery toward “low” art like comic books, their cold apathy toward the lives of the class hamsters, and a group of ten-year-olds thoughtfully contemplating fate vs. free will, while next period they gleefully swindle the new kid out of his lunch like normal awful children. “Discover your desks, people!” sums up the enlightened, pompous bullshit perfectly. And if them being full of shit wasn’t clear enough, the episode doesn’t end with Bart being exposed as a fraud, but only when he admits it himself. The Enriched Learning Center for Gifted Children was duped just as easily as Springfield Elementary.
• Episode two and we’re already seeing how thoughtful these scripts are. Act three opens with Bart reading the Radioactive Man comic he swiped from class. Homer is surprised by this (“Comic books? Guess you don’t want to overheat the old noggin, eh?”) Later, we see Bart’s crude graffiti, once subject of outrage by Skinner, is now behind velvet rope as a landmark to Bart’s supposed brilliance. Both of these small callbacks not only make the story feel more complete, but play into the themes and character motivations as well. Especially the latter point, since of course Skinner would try to shamelessly advertise that a genius student attended his school for his benefit.
• The acting is so subtle, but upon reading Bart’s confession, you can see the soul leaving Dr. Pryor’s body as he realizes he’s been had (“You know, you misspelled ‘confession.’”)
• Homer and Bart tenderly bond through the entire episode, but at the very end when Bart comes clean while admitting how much he cherishes his newly strengthened bond with his dad, Homer is still blinded with rage and chases his naked son through the house. How bizarre this must have seemed at the time playing next to the likes of Full House and The Cosby Show.
  

3. Homer’s Odyssey

• In his very first appearance, Otto arrives late to pick up the kids for their field trip, openly admitting he was hung over. He proudly shows off his fruits of his blackened out state to Bart: a new tattoo, and closes out by offering him some sage advice (“Cool! I want one!” “Not until you’re 14, my little friend.”) As I recall, so many of these classic characters showed up almost fully formed in these early seasons.
• I love that Mrs. Krabappel threatens Bart with the humiliating punishment of singing in front of the whole class, but as big a ham as he is, it backfires when Bart actually enjoys it.
• The show’s very first fake filmstrip (Nuclear Energy: Our Misunderstood Friend) is perfect, with its chipper presenter Smilin’ Joe Fission literally sweeping all criticism under the rug in this propaganda film. I also love the serious opening with the nuclear blast eliciting uproarious cheering from the children.
• Why didn’t the “MUST BE 21!” sign sick around at Moe’s? Man, season 1 backgrounds were weird.
  
• The Homer-Moe relationship is firmly established in this episode. Moe bluntly tells Homer he won’t spot him for a beer because he doesn’t think he’ll ever get another job to pay him back, but as Homer solemnly leaves, he calls out with a smile, “Don’t worry, we’re still friends!” 
• I love the continuous action of Homer signing the report card and his arm starting to fall, continuing in the next shot as the kids quickly make their exit. Just the way the arm flops down as Homer just lies there motionless, like writing his signature took his last ounce of strength. That drawing of him on the couch is just so pathetic it’s hysterical. Also, yet another bizarre double-painting of Marge and her hair.
  
• “LoafTime, the cable network for the unemployed, will be back with more tips on how to win the lottery, right after this!” Hey wait, the family didn’t get cable until Homer stole it next season! What a plot hole! This also leads right into the first appearance of Duff, and it’s a doozy (“Unemployed? Out of work? Sober? You’ve sat around the couch all day! Now, it’s Duff time! Duff: the beer that makes the days fly by!”) Just brilliant.
• Not just any series would be brave enough to have its main character try to commit suicide in the third episode, but dammit, this show not only has the balls to, but is even able to make writing a suicide note funny. Not only does Homer pen it on “Dumb Things I Gotta Do Today” stationary, but the message itself is dripping with irony (“I can only leave you with the words my father gave me: stand tall, have courage and never give up.”) Homer’s inner turmoil is played completely straight, even while dragging a giant boulder through town to toss off a bridge like out of a Looney Tunes cartoon. It’s incredible how the two tones don’t clash at all.
• I never noticed the drunk passed out in front of city hall before. What a cynical touch.
  
• The third act still doesn’t quite work for me. Homer’s righteous crusade for safety and his adoring fan base that follows feels too rushed to be completely earned, but I like that there’s an episodic origin to our favorite lovable oaf being hired as safety inspector. 
• Lastly, I present the greatest crowd shot of season 1. Just look at this. I can’t decide who I like best: the weirdo in the red mask, the dummy above him with the gigantic smile, or those strange fellows on the right who appear to be conjoined at the head.
  

4. There’s No Disgrace Like Home

• Even with this being the strangest season 1 episode in terms of characterization, the theme of the Simpsons being mystified by “normal” people still holds true. Also, coming directly after Homer being driven for safety, it kind of makes sense for him to try and apply that kind of passion to having a model family. In any case, it’s worth it to see Homer chasing after his children like a wild man screaming, “Be normal! Be normal!!”
• The mom circle at the company picnic is so perfect, with the one mother humble bragging about which of her super talented children she should love more (“Usually, I use their grades as a tie-breaker, but they both got straight A’s this term, so what’s a mother to do?”) An already tipsy Marge doesn’t have that strong a rejoinder regarding her own family (“If it’s not true greatness we have, we’re at least average.”)
• Between “Cease the infernal tootling!” and him threatening to release the hounds on his invited guests within ten minutes, Mr. Burns is truly born.
• The end of act one lays it on so thick with the picture perfect family, but it’s just so over-the-top that I still love it.
  
• “Sometimes I think we’re the worst family in town.” “Maybe we should move to a larger community.”
• Look at these weirdos. Bart’s right, “these people are obviously freaks.”
  
• At his lowest point, I love Homer’s “I want to be alone with my thought.” Singular.
• Not only is Homer’s pathetic excuse for attracting the police dog’s attention funny (“I got some wieners in my pocket…”), but even better is how Lou and Eddie buy it immediately.
• A rare snippy line from Lisa when her father turns off the television (“Why can’t we have a family meeting when you’re watching TV?”)
• Such a pivotal touch that we see the happy family from the company picnic, the ultimate ideal that Homer has been trying to hold his own family to, are grumpily sitting in Dr. Monroe’s waiting room. As screwed up as the Simpsons think they may be, they’re not the only ones. There’s some kind of lesson in that. Also, the waffle cone walls always make me hungry.
  
• “There go my young girl dreams of Vasser…”
• Like the gifted school before him, Dr. Marvin Monroe’s practice is a total sham. From his empty affarisms to his patented aggression therapy mallets, his quickie therapy is clearly a means to line his pockets as fast as possible. While most families are probably easy sheep to his bullshit, the Simpsons prove to be so dysfunctional that his previously bulletproof “family bliss or double your money back” guarantee prove to be his undoing, and the Simpson family’s gain to their much earned happy ending.
• The shock therapy scene is another moment that must have been so bizarre to see in 1990. Where the last episode saw the patriarch of a family sitcom attempt suicide, now we have several children, including an infant, get electric shocked repeatedly. What a wonderful show.
  

5. Bart the General

• “Bart! You’re saying ‘buttkisser’ like it’s a bad thing!”
• The bus scene with Bart and Lisa is truly excellent. The first two scenes further cement her character as a good, model student, but also a kid who is more than happy to mess with her brother, “forcing” him to say sweet nothings about her before finally giving him his most coveted cupcake… after it falls to the dirty bus floor.
• God, I love Bart’s dream funeral so much. It’s even funnier remembering the scene is all in Bart’s mind, where Skinner openly admits in retrospective all that schoolwork was a big waste of time, and Homer psyched that his son’s funeral got him a day off of work. And we end on punching a child’s corpse, as all great scenes should end on.
  
• I love how deformed Bart’s entire head gets in the Nelson POV shot of him getting pummeled. Bart is pretty beat up through most of this episode, but it sits at just the right level of his anguish being believable, but not too much that you’re disturbed by it.
  
• Homer’s Code of the Schoolyard is an undeniably classic bit, and ties in perfectly with his behavior in the previous episode of wanting more than anything else to be viewed as “normal” (“Don’t tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you’re sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do.”) I like how Homer grumbles at Marge’s attempts to suggest a pacifistic approach, and even here, there are still great character-building jokes thrown in for good measure (“I’ll bet he doesn’t do well in his studies, either.” “No, he’s pretty dumb.  He’s in all the same special classes I am.”)
• Grampa Simpson is another fully formed first appearance, as is the Retirement Castle itself (the attendant guiding Bart, “Second floor, third dank room on your left” is just excellent.) His ornery letter to the editor in defense of the elderly being “bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days” really says it all.
• Despite only having a handful of appearances, Herman is such a great character. The absolute glee in his voice when he’s crafting the declaration of war is so funny and genuinely disturbing (“That way, everything you do will be niiiiiccee and legal.”) Herman made a random reappearance on the show a season or two ago, but in 2020 America, he would most definitely be a QAnon supporter.
• I don’t think many sitcoms in 1990 did extended sequences parodying war films like Patton. Or have children directly quote from the Nuremburg trials. In case you needed to be reminded, The Simpsons truly was one of a kind from the very start.
• Abe’s got two hall-of-fame speeches here, with his admonishment of Bart slapping one of his soldiers, and his tearful ode to past horrors (“I thought my time had passed. I thought I’d never hear the screams of pain, or see the look of terror in a man’s eyes. Thank heaven for children!”)
• “Article Four: Nelson is never again to raise his fists in anger. Article Five: Nelson recognizes Bart’s right to exist. Article Six: Although Nelson shall have no official power, he shall remain a figurehead of menace in the neighborhood.”

6. Moaning Lisa

• I love how this show goes from a goofy school bully story akin to a Saturday morning cartoon (featuring parodies of graphic war movies) to a quiet and honest look at the existential ennui of a little girl. This series showed off its immense range so early in its first season.
• It’s great how this shot is just a freeze frame where they just moved Bart’s pupils, but for some reason it makes it even funnier, with Bart being content to just stand there and watch as he sends his father on a wild goose chase for his missing keys. I also love the loud squeaking of his shoes in the  next shot as he walks across the kitchen floor.
  
• This is the first time I’m registering how woefully inept Springfield Elementary is that rather than help Lisa’s emotional state in any way, they send her home with a reprimanding note to her parents that “she is sad.” Never mind that four episodes ago we met the school’s on-site psychiatrist, but they serve only to commend or punish, not to actually help in any way.
• After failing to help one child, Homer reaffirms his parenting abilities by forcing Bart to do chores (“Hey, man! I didn’t do anything wrong!” “In times of trouble you’ve got to go with what you know.  Now hop to it, boy!”)
• I love how much tenderness there is in season 1. The scene where Homer confronts Lisa somberly playing her sax always gets to me. His impulsive anger at the noise dissolves immediately upon hearing the pain in his daughter’s voice. He knows he’s too dim to understand what’s wrong with her, but he’s truly doing what he can.
• Marge’s dream of her childhood is so perfectly succinct, with her mother instructing her to “put our happy face on, because people know how good a mommy you have by the size of your smile.” That subliminal conditioning completely explains Marge’s impulse to put a positive, unquestioning spin on everything, which is a perfect set-up for the ending with her and Lisa.
• The goofy video game boxing subplot feels like it should clash tonally with the Lisa A-story, but it really doesn’t. They even cross paths when Homer and Marge both discuss their problems in bed, where the silly side story is actually given an element of emotional weight in Homer feeling threatened by his son outshining him (“Getting old is a terrible thing. I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.”) And nothing beats seeing a grown man crumpled on the floor sobbing uncontrollably over an unplugged game system.
• The ending with Marge and Lisa is so incredibly beautiful. The happy ending doesn’t have Lisa just “get over” her emotions like any other sitcom would have, but rather finds comfort in her mother affirming that she has a caring support system that will be with her always. One of the best, if not the best, scenes of season 1.
• I love Lisa sheepishly waving to Bleeding Gums on stage at the Jazz Hole. This ending is so damn sweet; even at this early stage, the show has mastered executing comedy and genuine emotion without even switching gears.
  

 

Original airdate: May 17, 2020

The premise: When Santa’s Little Helper starts exhibiting signs of extreme trauma, the Simpsons enlist the help of a renowned dog psychologist (voiced by Cate Blanchett) to figure out what’s wrong with him.

The reaction: Nothing like ending the season of your comedy program with an over dramatic tale of the family dog’s newly emerged traumatic past. Also it’s a Christmas episode! They couldn’t have saved this shit for December? The Simpsons are concerned when Santa’s Little Helper starts acting depressed. Enter Elaine Wolff, a woman who delves deep into a dog’s psyche, seeming to prefer them over human beings. The episode is all seemingly centered around the big reveal of what the fuck Santa’s Little Helper’s deal is, as the family worries over him and the dog shrink agrees to take their case. She takes the dog back to her institute or whatever and monitors him, trying to get to the core of his traumatic affliction. At this point, we’re getting multiple scenes of her and the dog, and then her would-be suitor voiced by Michael York tries to propose to her and she refuses… I honestly hadn’t a clue what the hell I was watching. Does anyone really give that much of a shit that the dog is sad? I say this as a huge lover of dogs, but really, this story is just so boring. Finally, Wolff starts to crack the case: Santa’s Little Helper was initially triggered by a Santa hat Marge took out of the Christmas decorations box, the very same hat that Bart wore thirty-one years (or however much time has gone by in-universe) to the dog track when they first got the mutt in the first place. They track down the dog’s original owner at his farm to get some answers. Turns out he misses his mother, as we see in flashbacks of him and his siblings as pups. Previously we saw the dog staring at a stain with three dots on the side of the cupboard morosely, which we find were meant to remind him of his mom’s teats, which is a bit strange. The show ends with Santa’s Little Helper and his mother reunited, as everyone, including the dog’s original bastard owner, looks on teary eyed as Barbra Streisand belts out “The Way We Were.” Hey, isn’t this some kind of comedy program? What is this disgustingly saccharine display? When Bart realizes the fateful origins of his Santa hat, we cut to a clip from “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire,” and really, what an utterly revealing compare and contrast. The very first Christmas special, a biting send-up of overly emotional and empty-headed holiday affairs, wherein Homer, our lovable everyman hero, can’t catch a break in this horrible, cruel world, but through dumb luck, he manages to stumble into a happy ending by bringing home a dog for Christmas. Santa’s Little Helper leaps into his arms and Homer takes pity on him, a sweet moment that feels genuine and motivated by everything he’s gone through in the story: he sees himself in the dog at his lowest point (“He’s a loser! He’s pathetic! He’s… a Simpson.”) Six hundred and eighty-three episodes later, we get this episode, a super dramatic build-up to showing the depressed dog actually has PTSD after being separated from his mother, leading to his previous owner to be tracked down, slapped and admonished repeatedly, and then the dog reunites with his mommy and everybody’s happy. What in the ever loving fuck is this? The very little strands of DNA that this show still shares with its most formidable years are so few and far between, but this may be the episode that feels the most removed from the original show that I’ve ever seen. At times it’s not even trying to be funny, playing the dog’s distressed state and Wolff’s methods completely straight. Like, I’m kind of at a loss in how to even talk about this, it was just so bizarre. Last week I talked about how this show is basically doing nothing but regurgitating ideas it’s already done, or from other shows or movies, but this certainly feels new to me, in that the original series, or any other good comedy, would never try and do something this unabashedly schmaltzy and treacly. Pair this with “Playdate With Destiny” for the perfect double feature of anti-Simpsons. What a way to close the season.

Three items of note:
– This episode vaguely reminded me of one from a few seasons back (or maybe like ten years back? Honestly, it’s hard to remember), the one that was about Homer missing his childhood dog that Abe got rid of because it bit Mr. Burns or something? I remember thinking how cloying and incredibly saccharine that was then, but I got a feeling this episode has that one beat. I hope they never make another Santa’s Little Helper episode again, how can they possibly top this? If they did “Two Dozen and One Greyhounds” today, She’s the Fastest giving birth would be the climax, with loving shots of the proud parents and their puppies as the Simpsons look on adoringly. Holy shit.
– In trying to convince Homer to let them go to Wolff’s seminar, Lisa opts for a new tactic (“Dad, I need to tell you something, but I’ve come to the sad conclusion that you have difficulty hearing the female voice.”) So she has Bart ask Homer for her, to which he understands and accepts. Many have griped and complained about Lisa’s insufferable rabble rouser characterization, of which most of those criticisms have been pretty valid, but this “joke” might be one of the strangest of all. So Homer’s a big misogynist now? They have him dismiss Lisa after that first line (“Awww, I love you too, honey!”) but he’s not ignoring her “female voice,” he’s talking down to her as a kid. There have been plenty of gags at Lisa and Bart’s expenses of him not taking them seriously because they’re children, so I really don’t get it. Maybe next season that radical girl group that recruited Bart can teach Homer how to GET WOKE. I CAN’T WAIT.
– The ending is just so bizarre, where the family confront Santa’s Little Helper’s original owner, who talks about how he tore the poor pup from his mother to make him race, prompting Wolff and the Simpsons to repeatedly slap him over it. Like, yeah, he’s a piece of shit, that’s incredibly clear. It’s like this weird moralizing about how awful dog racing is? It’s just so fucking weird. The Simpsons used to exist in a world where most everything was pretty shitty, with Springfield being full of scammers, lowlifes and generally pretty dumb people, but the hope spots came in how the Simpson family and other characters would boost each other up to stay afloat. In “Open Fire,” it’s clear that SLH’s owner was pretty shitty, chasing him out of the dog park (“You’ve come in last for the last time!”) We didn’t need Bart to turn to the camera and say, “He’s abusing that dog! Not cool, man!” Ugh.

And there you have it, another season to toss in the garbage can. I’ve noticed some commenters either saying themselves or speculating about my thoughts that this is the worst season of the show yet. Honestly, I’m not sure. Season 28 still sticks out in my mind with that distinct honor. When I re-opened the blog a few years back, I covered seven seasons in nine months, with season 28 being the last, and even after being inundated non-stop by hundreds of awful episodes, season 28 still stood out as being particularly awful to me. The seasons that followed also had the benefit of spaced out over time since I watched them live, so it’s really hard to judge, especially since so much of the episodes have (thankfully) faded from memory. But make no mistake, this season was total shit, with “Go Big or Go Homer,” “Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?,” “Bart the Bad Guy,” “Warrin’ Priests” and this season finale sitting atop the dung heap. We also had “Thanksgiving of Horror” as the sole bright spot in a dark season. Does that spell any potential hope in a better season 32? No. No it does not. Even if one good episode sneaks by, we’re still left with twenty-one brand new, absolutely ghastly half-hours. CAN’T WAIT FOR SEPTEMBER!

Original airdate: May 10, 2020

The premise: Lisa is excited for a sleepover at her new friend Addy’s house, but quickly finds herself the subject of ridicule of her snobby rich friends. With nowhere else to turn, Lisa enlists Bart’s help to rescue her and enact her own revenge.

The reaction: It’s pretty impressive that despite coming off an incredibly empty two-parter where it felt like nothing was happening, this episode felt like the most boring show I’ve seen in a while. We open with the Simpsons finally checking their mailbox after it’s stuffed almost to bursting, and Lisa discovers an invitation to a sleepover. At first I thought she would be bummed that she had already missed it since no one’s checked the mail in weeks, but I guess that opening bit didn’t matter, because next thing we know she’s packing her bags for the big night. Said sleepover is at Addy’s house, a girl she met at the library, who lives in a palatial estate with horses. There, Lisa meets Addy’s three other friends, girls who act like what the 50-year-old writer Joel H. Cohen assumes stuck up young girls nowadays act like, or rather what he and the other writers have seen on current teen shows like 13 Reasons Why and Riverdale (the girls are voiced by the actresses from that show). These little bitches immediately target Lisa to mock her, and Addy joins in on the bullying. Lisa repeatedly tries to call her parents to come get her, but they’re busy rocking out on a booze cruise so they’re of no help. This repeats like two or three times until she eventually calls Bart, who arrives via Lyft to help out. This being a Matt Selman produced show, the episode attempts to actually have two emotional pay-offs by the end: the episode began with Bart and Lisa having a scuffle, with Lisa announcing she’s severing their sibling ties, and by the end, they’re back in each other’s corners. Bart helps Lisa prank the girls who ragged on her, and Lisa helps Bart get over his fear of horses (she helpfully narrates, “You didn’t let me quit when I was scared!”) They escape on horseback, but are quickly cornered by the four girls. Lisa convinces Addy to be herself and not put up with the other girls’ having power over her, so she incapacitates them (she tells Lisa before she leaves, “You were my best gift!”) This is all well and good, but it’s incredibly basic storytelling we’ve seen a billion times before, and all done with characters and situations that I couldn’t care less about. Lisa is trapped in a house with a bunch of insipid stereotypes, but really, who cares? And all we know about Lisa and Addy’s relationship is they both like books, and reading books is totally not cool according to the three cool girls. Again, who gives a shit? This episode is seriously just so boring, it’s all just regurgitation of stuff they’re already done, or things I’ve seen done on a hundred other shows. This season can’t be over fast enough…

Three items of note:
– As this series enters its fourth decade on the air, its portrayal of cool kids changes with each passing generation. Bella Ella, Sloan and Tessa Rose are flat pastiches of privileged children the writers have either seen on TV or kids of rich celebrities they know, yammering on about kombucha, bronzer, and making videos go viral on InstaSnap. They represent nothing that means anything to Lisa other than they’re just TV bullies who happen to be bitchy rich girls the common audience should automatically hate. We’ve seen a couple episodes over the course of the series featuring Lisa being thrust into whatever the current popular flock of girls is at that particular cultural moment, but the episode I was thinking about during this was “Lard of the Dance,” with Lisa feeling out of sorts fitting in with a more “modern” kid like Alex Whitney. And while it still featured then-relevant pop culture references to Calvin Klein and Titanic, most of them were pretty off-hand, and moreover, the episode was actually about something: the pressure for young girls to grow up faster, and Lisa feeling uncomfortable with that, and as a result, feeling left behind. Alex was a bit of a stereotypical character, but she served a story function that thematically played into the episode, and actually had a bit of nuance, portraying her as snobby, but always congenial to Lisa, despite her reservations. Meanwhile, this is an episode about nothing, featuring stock characters going through a predictable story that I don’t care about.
– Homer and Marge are out on a booze cruise in what I don’t know if I can even call a B-plot. Homer ends up fighting with the band and knocking the bar off the ship, the other passengers get mad, and Homer placates them with a speech and oh my God who cares. Also we initially see the Michael Rappaport character from the beginning of the season get onto the boat and I was terrified that he was going to have a reappearance. Thank God he was just an extra.
– The episode ends with Weezer performing the Simpsons theme song, which I just fast-forwarded through. It reminded me of the opening of The Simpsons Movie where Green Day performed the theme, and then again during the end credits, but their appearance actually introduced the environmental theme of the film, and also ended in their quick demise (a shockingly mean joke at a celebrity’s expense in the show’s modern era that I appreciated.) Here, it’s just a random coda at the end of the episode of them performing on the booze cruise to rapturous cheering. Who is this for? How big of an eternally apologetic super fan must you be to be entertained about a minute segment of a band performing the theme song before the end credits? Pointless filler bullshit.