(originally aired December 3, 2000)
Where “Homer vs. Dignity” perfectly displayed how characterization has completely gone to shit, this episode does the very same to proper and sensible storytelling. So far we’ve seen a bumper crop of insane and absolutely dreadful plot twists. An impromptu trip to Scotland to find the Loch Ness monster. Homer and pals get their ship attacked by pirates. Jockeys are revealed to be actual elves. But no episode comes even close to the ridiculous and insulting third act we have here. It’s just bonkers, taking one more giant leap away from anything even slightly resembling reality on this show. We start with Homer finally entering the digital age and getting his very own computer, but because he’s a big dummy, he has no idea how to use it. Whether he’s dragging his new desktop behind his car or somehow believing it has the power for murder Flanders, this show is full of cringe-worthy Homer moments. He even comes up with his own web page, which is chock full of ripped-off animated gifs and sound bites. Annoying, but it’s one of the few things here I buy Homer would do.

To get more hits on his home page, Homer tries his hand at guerrilla journalism, exposing the questionable doings and misdoings of the citizens of Springfield. The story so far actually isn’t too shoddy, but every single scene is just Homer either being brain dead, inconsiderate, or just a complete dickhead. His anonymous moniker “Mr. X” is eventually awarded the Pulitzer Prize for God knows why, but while his secret identity is unknown, it’s decided the cash prize will go toward starving children. So Homer freaks out and insists that he’s Mr. X. I mentioned this in the last review, that bit was bad enough, but they even follow it up in the next scene with Marge (“I do feed bad about the starving children.” “They’re with God now.”) As he’s counting his money. Honestly, are the writers just trying their hardest to make Homer a flaming asshole? When he finds he can’t perform espionage as well now that he’s outed himself, Homer starts making up stories for his site, with one lie in particular that lands him in some hot water. Which leads us to our third act…

Homer is kidnapped and winds up on a mysterious island with other prisoners who are known only by number. They’re kept there because they “know too much,” and Homer finds that his seemingly made up story about flu shots being used for mind control was actually true. While he’s stuck on the island being gassed repeatedly, a decoy Homer with a thick German accent is sent to the Simpson home to keep the family none the wiser. Now, what can I possibly say about this? This whole act is a parody of The Prisoner, an old TV series I’ve never seen, and something the writers seem to hide behind when it comes to criticism of this episode, that people just don’t get the reference. Well, one, that’s a poor excuse, because a reference should work on its own even if you don’t know the source, and two, the parody should make sense within the show’s universe. Where the fuck is this island? Who is the organization running it? Who do they work for? What are their plans, and to what end? Why do they continually gas Homer? Why do the Simpsons accept the fake Homer when he’s clearly a fake? What the fuck is happening? It’s just so much nonsense crammed in at the very end. As if the episode wasn’t already awful enough, here’s the worst, most disjointed and out-of-left-field third act in the show’s entire history. Absolute shit.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Lenny and Carl are just driving past the plant together on their day off. Really, I liked it better when they were just casual chums who were Homer’s work mates and drinking buddies. They have separate lives. Or not, I guess. Next season we’ll see Lenny’s masterpiece Mount Carlmore. Which now that I read it like that also could double for a sex joke, alluding to their questionable sexuality. Goddammit…
– More feeble Burns with him fumigating the plant with a bug bomb. Seriously, why is he doing this?
– Quality moments are few and far between here, and that’s being generous. I like the Springfield Police Department website (“If you’ve committed a crime, and want to confess, click ‘Yes.’ Otherwise, click ‘No.’ You have chosen ‘No,’ meaning you’ve committed a crime, but don’t want to confess. A paddy wagon is now speeding to your home. While you wait, why not buy a police cap or T-shirt? You have the right to remain fabulous!”)
– What is with the bit with Bart confessing to carrying switchblades, assaulting cops and getting suspended? And he says he’s “just mad all the time,” then the very next scene he’s happily getting himself some cookies and milk. Just more bullshit scenes placed together with no rhyme or reason as to what happened before them.
– I don’t know if I’m just actively seeking out sex jokes because they’re becoming so common, but Comic Book Guy is scouring through porn sites, like Lady Triple-X, then comes across “Mr. X.” He ponders, and finally decides to “cross the final frontier.” Like, he’s exhausted every porn video he can think of, so now maybe it’s time to try jerking it to some dudes? Am I reading too much into the line? Because I actually thought it was amusing in that regard. And also the classic “There is no emoticon for what I am feeling!”
– Ah, the days you could make jokes about selling uranium to Middle Eastern terrorists (“You are a credit to the great Satan!” “Oh, pshaw!”)
– I don’t know why people couldn’t figure out who Mr. X was, considering the gag earlier of Homer’s picture loading quicker than the bag over his head on the site. Maybe Comic Book Guy has a particularly slow computer, as we’ve seen before.
– The fake Kwik-E-Mart bit is awful. We see the concrete siding to the left of the building, then later we see it was all in the back of a truck. Where the fuck was the truck? It wasn’t there! They could’ve hid it better, but they apparently could care less.
– Just quick observations about the third act, because I really just want to wipe this entire affair from my memory: the writers seemed to love seeing Homer get gassed, it makes no sense why any of the Simpsons would put up with the fake Homer, and we’ve got real Homer stealing the escape raft that took another prisoner decades to build. He shoves him out of the way and takes off with it, after he said it can fit two people. Again, this is our fucking protagonist. Why are they going to such great lengths to make me want to punch him in the face?

(originally aired November 19, 2000)
As character degradation would continue throughout the years, Lisa will eventually turn into a rabble-rousing liberal mouth piece, where being morally indigent would become one of her new character traits. But Lisa was always socially conscious and took up moralistic causes for specific reasons, some even slightly naive or misguided. This episode certainly showcases her passionate activism but always within the realm of her being child. The show also takes a deft aim at youth environmentalism, part out of actual concern, but mostly in attempts to seem hip and ahead of the curve. There’s a lot of sharp things in this episode, but it mostly suffers from not having many laughs, and of course, lots of dumb Homer shit going on in the background.

Lisa finds herself crushing over teen activist Jesse Grass after a radical protest at Krusty Burger with his organization Dirt First. The scene of her visiting him in jail is pretty great, where she tries desperately to prove how eco-friendly she is (“I started an organic compost pile at home.” “Only at home? You mean you don’t pocket-mulch?”) Jesse talks about how he was into yoga before it was cool and how Lisa can enter their group under the “poser” level, it all just shows how superficial he is under the surface. I also like that Jesse doesn’t even acknowledge who Lisa is that much, forgetting her name but then making how he knew her dearly upon her supposed death, complete with an amazing backhanded comment (“But, in death, she will do more for our cause than she ever could have done in life.”) In fact, now that I think about it, Jesse is kind of a mirror of what Lisa would turn in to, in a way. Overly self-righteous, looking to cause a scene over his beliefs, it sort of makes sense.

The largest redwood in Springfield is set to be chopped down, and Lisa volunteers to camp out in the tree to prevent it from happening. But when she becomes homesick and climbs down for the night, lightning strikes it down, leaving the town to believe she had gone down with it. Now Lisa must choose between lying low and letting her memorial nature preserve be built, or to come clean. It’s an interesting twist, and I do like how Lisa’s metal bucket was accidentally to blame for the tree coming down. Premise-wise, this episode is pretty solid, but it’s nothing too spectacular. The opening with Bart delivering menus is pretty superfluous, but it’s an adequate lead-in to our main story. Meanwhile, Homer is still deplorable. While Bart’s casual and callous attitude toward Lisa’s “death” works, Homer forcing her daughter to record a post-mortum message and wearing a shirt with her face with a halo on it to garner sympathy is pretty rough. So, not a spectacular episode, but nothing too major to bitch about. S’alright.

Tidbits and Quotes
– For some reason I’m kind of bothered they made the barber into a maniac. He’s been around since the Tracey Ullman shorts, he deserves a little respect.
– I found the name of the “You Thai Now” restaurant more amusing than all of the schtick from the owner. Also Bart ends up at the Watergate Hotel delivering menus somehow.
– Great bit of the police shooting the protesters down with beanbags, with mission accomplished thanks to some heavy artillery (“That’s nice work with the bag-zooka.” “Gotta love what you do, Chief.”)
– Kent Brockman reports on the protest (“The eco-radical group, Dirt First, staged a daring protest today at Krusty Burger. Krusty the Klown has issued the following statement: ‘This I don’t need.’ The group is led by teenage activist, Jesse Grass, a dreadlocked dreamboat whose Birken-stock is on the rise.”)
– I don’t understand the joke with Homer talking about saving the planet his own way, then proceeds to make donuts in the parking lot. Is it just that he’s wasting so much gas?
– Hilarious joke implicating Homer has drugs hidden in the house. Haven’t they done this joke before? And wasn’t it not funny then? The answer is yes. If you can remember the episode, no need to comment, because I don’t particularly care. But do it if you’d like.
– Kent Brockman again with another great report (“It’s day four for Springfield’s li’lest tree hugger. …excuse me, that’s littlest tree hugger. And whether you love or hate her politics, you’ve got to go gawk at this crazy idiot.”)
– Kent Brockman nails it again, reporting that Springfield’s oldest resident has died. He chuckles and assures us it’s not Mr. Burns. Cue a superimposed picture of Burns with the descriptor “NOT DEAD.” He’s pretty much the MVP of the episode.
– Marge is not on board with Lisa’s charade (“You are not pretending to be dead, young lady! This family has had nothing but bad luck when it comes to farce.”)
– I hate Homer cynically wringing sympathy at the bar, but I do like Moe’s attempt to be tactful in expressing condolences for Lisa’s death, or how he puts it, “riding the midnight train to Slab City.”
– Great bit with a crestfallen Milhouse grabbing Lisa’s sax, insisting they can clone her from the spit. He runs off, with Quimby shouting, “Good luck, Milhouse!”
– The Rich Texan dates all the way back to season 5, but somehow he’s been brought back in these later seasons quite a lot. He’s a veritable cartoon character, which is fine for one-off appearances, but I feel like he appears so many times from this point on and it’s the same joke every time.
– It’s a bit of a cheat that the people in the woods can see what the Lisa Log is crashing into miles away, but hey, whatever. I like Rich Texan taking pleasure in Hemp City being destroyed (“Yee-haw! Score one for the bad guys!”)

(originally aired November 12, 2000)
A couple commenters have brought up how despite episodes in the Mike Scully era having shit for stories and awful characterization, the memorable and amusing quotes at least keep them somewhat watchable, unlike later years where episodes would be so ineffective and innocuous that they’d all run together. I think I agree with that; in spite of all the awfulness that went down during his four-year run, at least Scully’s tenure has a distinctness to it, as with the show runners before him. In kind, this episode has a fair amount of funny bits, but not enough to save the totally muddled story and ridiculous ending. We open of course with stupid Homer doing stupid things, namely blowing through his chores list with dynamite. They later end up at a book fair, which for some reason is populated with the likes of Stephen King, Amy Tan, and John Updike, a veritable parade of worthless guest appearances. Updike is especially disconcerting, as all he says is his name and he chuckles. That’s it? What a waste.

Krusty is doing a book signing and is shocked to meet Sophie, a little girl claiming to be his daughter. Conceived after one frisky night whilst Krusty was in the Middle East at a USO show, she’s finally tracked down her show business father. Sophie is voiced by Drew Barrymore, and her interplay with Dan Castellaneta is pretty sweet. Despite his profession, Krusty has absolutely no idea how to deal with children, and that’s especially the case with his own kid (“I’m not the kind of dad who, you know, does things, or says stuff or looks at ya. But the love is there!”) The scenes with the two of them are pretty good, but where the episode loses me is when they cram Homer in there, where Krusty randomly seeks parental advice from him. This inevitably leads to more wackiness and lame dialogue involving Homer having short term memory loss and ignoring the frightened cries of his children. It would have made more sense if Krusty enlisted Bart’s help, asking him to teach him how kids think and what they want. By the third act when Krusty bursts into the Simpson back door asking for help, I’m wondering why this man, who I’m sure has plenty of assistants and other contacts, is turning to this schlubby upper-lower-middle class family with his personal problems.

Krusty bets his daughter’s violin on what he thinks is an unsinkable hand in poker, but loses it to Fat Tony. So Homer suggests they break into the mafia compound to get it back. Silly and ridiculous, but an idea with potential, and it has a lot of amusing bits throughout. And it gave us Johnny Tightlips (“Where’d they hit ya?” “I ain’t sayin’ nothin’.” “But what’ll I tell the doctor?” “Tell him to suck a lemon.”) But there’s really no rhyme or reason to the climax. They make all this effort about sneaking in, then make their escape through the main area in front of everybody. Then a shootout ensues and they make their escape with no raminifcations at all. It’s like they had no ending and just bailed. So there’s a few good ideas here, but with a pointless first act, loads of jerkass Homer, and an ineffective climax, this one ain’t too good on the whole. But even with all that, I’m still entertained by something like this more than I would a season 17 episode, which all just run together in a bland mess in my mind. But more on that in time.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Homer and Bart dymamiting their chores is totally stupid and gratiutious, though I admit I like them blowing out Marge’s drawer (“Do you want the job done right, or do you want it done fast?” “Well, like all Americans, fast.”) and her being surprised that it works. Their coup de grace is completely destroying Lisa’s bedroom, on her birthday, no less. She is understandably horrified, and Homer shows little to no remorse about it (“This must be a rough time for you.  Do you have any friends or family you can stay with?”) It’s like the plot of “Make Room For Lisa,” but even worse because it’s just the throwaway opening. Lisa is not affected by this after this scene, and Homer is a jerk to her not once but twice more this show. He says he’ll do anything to make it up to her, a good start, but when she suggests the book fair, he balks at the idea. They end up at the fair anyway, but I guess they figured Homer wasn’t cruel enough, so they ADR’d him saying, “Stupid Lisa.” Fuck this guy.
– I like Reverend Lovejoy’s “Someone’s in the Kitchen with Jesus” and his “stigmuffins” (with a hole in them, of course) Then there’s his Mary Magdalene’s Chocolate Orgasms, an eclair that when Homer bites into it, the cream shoots out of it. This is three questionable sex jokes in a row this season, with one of them being funny and the other two being offputting and weird.
– Dr. Nick has a booth at the fair too (“With my diet, you can eat all you want, any time you want.” “And you lose weight?” “Uh, you might. It’s a free country!”)
– My favorite celebrity in this show isn’t voiced by a celebrity… sort of. It’s Christopher Walken, voiced by Jay Mohr, reading “Goodnight Moon” to terrified children (“Please, children, scootch closer. Don’t make me tell you again about the scootching. You in the red, chop-chop.”)
– Krusty’s USO show ends disastrously thanks to some easily offended soldiers. The Cincinatti Bengel cheerleaders don’t sway them either (“I can’t look at that! I have a girlfriend back home!” “This is an insult to our Muslim hosts!”)
– Creepy and uncomfortable scene where Homer is gossiping to God about how many guys Maude Flanders is banging in heaven. He’s so weird in this whole episode. The story’s not about him, but he’s all over it, making annoying noises and dumb jokes in the background.
– The animation of Krusty searching around his car is pretty good. The flashlight shining about, him getting shot into the backseat by the airbag, it’s visually interesting. I also like his hallucination of his poker hand persuading Krusty to bet Sophie’s violin. But before he can, Fat Tony has his appraiser look it over (“Well, it won’t bring much cash, but its sentimental value is through the roof!”)
– Homer and Krusty attempt to get into Fat Tony’s compound via power lines, but their weight drags them down right above Legs and Louie’s heads. Thankfully, they are none the wiser (“Hey, I heard there’s a lunar eclipse tonight. Maybe we should look up.” “Nah. For me, it’s solar or nothing.”)
– We of course have to undercut the emotional ending with Homer getting chased by mobsters, then get shot at while he screams and yells. And he’s almost scot free when he apologizes, then he taunts them and he pays the price for it. He deserves it. Shouldn’t we always be sympathizing with our main character? I find I’m rooting against him quite a lot recently.

(originally aired November 5, 2000)
Wow, two hundred and fifty episodes. And I got nearly two hundred more to go. Oof. But while I’ve essentially given up hope that the show will return to its former glory in terms of storytelling, I still think I’m gonna get a fair amount of laughs from these remaining seasons. This episode kind of shocked me in that I found myself chuckling at a fair amount of the jokes. It has a laundry list of problems with it, and it’s by no means good, but I actually enjoyed watching it for the most part. It’s pretty baffling. The plot begins as Homer is dumbfounded when he is informed that the town has been split up into two area codes, and rather than memorize three extra numbers, he raises a stink at a town hall meeting and convinces his side of town to secede and become New Springfield. Homer is made mayor, but it isn’t long before his fellow citizens jump ship across city lines, and he must come up with a plan to get his townspeople back.

Homer is an absolute maniac here, having a nervous breakdown upon hearing the tri-tone, coming to city hall strapped with dynamite, and smashing his hand through glass windows in stores to pick up items. But what’s so odd is that I was amused with all this. I think the show crossed the threshold here, in making the content so ridiculous and absurd that it came back around to being funny again. There’s things Homer does here that still pisses me off, like thinking the phone mascot in the film is a real person and chloroforming his wife, but his wacky antics, while nothing akin to classic Homer, still were kind of amusing. I think that despite the plot being kind of dumb and a mess, the episode was helped by a lot of great individual lines and scenes. Olde and New Springfield’s petty rivalries is reminiscent of Springfield and Shelbyville’s feud, and just as asinine. Even special guest stars The Who were funny, and actually were set up in the beginning of the show when Homer lost his chance to get free tickets to see them. They actually bothered to lay groundwork for their celebrity appearance. I’m shocked.

I feel so weird praising this episode so much… to clarify, it’s by no means good. The plot is pretty flimsy and its resolution even more so. Despite my praise, Homer is still a complete dunce, and there’s no way that anyone would consider him qualified to be a mayor. None of it really makes sense in terms of characters acting like humans, it’s just a bunch of silly stuff that follows a very general plot. It’s not classic Simpsons, but in a weird bizarre way, it kind of works. There’s a fair amount of junk in here, namely Homer acting out and yelling and screaming, like when he get set on fire atop the wall and attacked by the badger at the beginning. I’ve always said humor can absolve many sins, and this episode ate through some of them. I’d say the good and the bad are about even here, and I’m just surprised that I ended up so favorable about this episode. Have I gone mad? I guess we’ll see as our season begins…

Tidbits and Quotes
– At the time of the first airing, FOX had registered whatbadgerseat.com. I was curious if it was still active, but it just redirects to the main Simpsons website. It was a clever idea. They’d later do it again this season for the Mr. X blog.
– The badger rips Homer’s torso apart, revealing his internal organs. I… really have no words. I can’t even complain about the logistics, or why Homer and Lisa are so nonchalant about it, because I don’t believe what I am seeing.
– I like how upset Homer gets about such a minute change (“939!? What the hell is that!? Oh, my life is ruined!”) and how he basically shoos away the badger story in favor of this one (“Go away, we got bigger problems now!”)
– Classic bit with Homer’s written reminder on his hand (Lenny = White, Carl = Black).
– I love the final line of the first act (“Now who’s stupid!”) …you are, Homer, and everyone else in your crazed mob.
– The Olde vs. New Springfield bits are great, with Bart tricking the bullies into doing his homework over city lines, and Marge feeling nervous about going to the Kwik-E-Mart in Olde Springfield (“I don’t know why, but I just didn’t feel comfortable until I was back here in New Springfield with my own kind. They were looking at me… with their eyes!”)
– Nice dirty joke from Kent Brockman after the town discovers gold (“Thanks, Mayor Simpson. Because of you, we’re all taking golden showers!”) Production assistants giggle in the background. This makes more sense and is funny, unlike Homer randomly mentioning a glory hole last episode.
– I like The Who’s terrible guard who instead of throwing Bart and Homer out, makes good on his sarcastic promise and takes them right to the band. He’s also impervious to being fired (“Oh, yeah, right; I got fired by The Who. Whatever you say, pal.”)
– The Who are actually pretty funny here (“Come on, what happened to the angry, defiant Who of ‘My Generation,’ ‘Won’t Get Fooled Again,’ and ‘Mama’s Got a Squeeze Box’?” “We know our songs, Homer.”) (“Just send the car for us.” “What, something wrong with your legs?” “You’re right. The walk will do us good.”) And of course, the Who Huddle.
– Nice back-and-forth by Krusty and Sideshow Mel waiting for The Who to perform (“I opened for The Who at Woodstock. I came out in a Beatle wig with a ukulele. Hendrix said he almost plotzed! His exact words.” “Oh, I never tire of that story…”) I pull that Mel line out when the situation seems appropriate.
– Homer dancing on the wall like a moron is pretty rough, but it’s saved by John and Roger’s perplexed looks at each other.
– Awful ending where Homer passes the buck of the blame to his wife and then drugs her, and a swarm of badgers enter the city to maul everybody. But at least I got some Who to listen to.