(originally aired February 4, 1996)
I feel a lot of regular fans of the show are not too thrilled about Marge episodes, but I think there’s great potential in delving into her character. I’ve addressed this many times, so pardon any redundancies. Any hopes and dreams Marge had for herself were basically extinguished upon getting knocked up, making her a doting housewife. She’s the kind of person who never wants to raise a fuss or do anything out of the ordinary, unless it’s a happenstance impulse, like when she became a cop. There have also been many times she’s dreamed of being more affluent; she looks upon the high life of the well off with awe, thinking they are truly the better people, a life she cannot attain. But when presented that opportunity, she goes for it, ending up getting sucked into this other life that turns her into something she’s not. It’s not the jokiest of episodes, episodes focused on Marge and Lisa never are, but it certainly raises some interesting character stuff, and has a lot of classic moments.

On a trip to the outlet mall to get a new TV, Marge uncovers a ridiculously marked down Chanel suit. Her overly modest personality is illustrated immediately in her hesitance to buy it (“It wouldn’t be right to buy something just for me. If it were a suit we all could wear, maybe…”) She eventually does, but is discouraged that she has no special place really to wear it but going to the Kwik-E-Mart to run errands. There she encounters a former classmate Evelyn, a high society girl who never really acknowledged Marge, but only does so now by her fancy, expensive suit. She invites her to the Springfield Country Club, Marge’s ticket to a seemingly better life. From the start we see how the rest of the family has no real interest in this strange new place. Lisa is vocal about the highfalutin nature of it all (until she spots some riding horses), and Bart and Homer are mainly bored or bewildered by it. Marge meanwhile runs with a new crowd of incredibly pompous women with equally pompous names (all ridiculous alternate pronunciations of normal names, like Eliza-beth and Rau-berta), but despite their gilded, self-centered ways, Marge is enraptured, believing this is how the “good” people are.

There’s a small subplot later in the show where Burns challenges Homer to a game of golf, which gets some earned laughs, but is mainly there to pad out the story. Responding to snide commentary from Sue-sin, Marge manages to alter her dress a few times to make it appear different, but an incident with the sewing machine completely destroys it. At her height of her desperation, she ends up going to Chanel and blowing through the family’s savings on a brand new dress. At this point, she’s getting especially curt with the family, particularly Lisa. Her continued dwellings in the high class world has made her near antagonistic toward her seemingly imperfect family. This continues to build as she forbids Homer from driving their crappy car to the valet, and before entering the club, demands they all must behave (“No vulgarity, no mischief, no politics. Just be good!”) But she then manages to see what she’s become and what she stands to lose, realizing how much she loves her family just the way they are. It’s a great episode with a nice lesson, and we learned a bit about Marge, the show’s most underrated character.

Tidbits and Quotes
– I love Bart and Lisa’s suggestions where to get a new TV: the former at Sharper Image (“They’ve got a TV shaped like a ’50s diner!”) and the latter at the Nature Company (“They’ve got a TV assembled by Hopi Indians!”) Marge asserts that they can’t afford to go to a store with a philosophy.
– The salesman gives a great pitch to Homer on the ‘Carnivale,’ a TV that looks exactly the same as their old one (“It features two-pronged wall plug, pre-molded hand grip well, durable outer casing to prevent fall-apart…”) Homer is swayed immediately (“Sold. You wrap it up, I’ll start bringing in the pennies!”)
– Cletus has a great one-two punch this episode: picking out the Classy Lassy shirt for Brandine, then later popping in when he hears the outlet mall will be receiving slightly burned Sears activewear later in the day (“What time and how burnt?”)
– Marge’s debate on buying the suit is filled with small great moments, maintaining that she does treat herself (“I treated myself to a Sanka not three days ago.”) Lisa explains she doesn’t have to rationalize everything, and Marge ends up buying it… then rationalizing it’ll be good for the economy. And the design of the suit is real good too, Marge looks great in it. I also like how when Marge looks at the tag, and later drives to the actual store, the ‘Chanel’ name is always conspicuously blocked.
– We’ve got the gas station right in front of the Kwik-E-Mart, which we only see if the plot or a joke requires it. The only other time I can think of was “Sweet Seymour Skinner’s Baadassss Song,” but there may have been others. My readers seem to be more knowledgeable than I, so maybe they’ll know.
– Lisa is displeased about the country club from the start (“Do I have to go? That country club is a hotbed of exclusionist snobs and status-seeking social climbers.”) Marge doesn’t approve of Lisa using the word “hotbed.”
– Great animation of Krusty flailing to get out of the way of Homer’s car. He appears throughout the show constantly getting hurt (great animation of him falling to the ground after getting hit by a golf club), then after a final injury, he bemoans, “I knew my kind wasn’t welcome here.” Whether he’s talking about clowns or Jews, I’m not sure. Perhaps both.
– Marge is really out of sorts with these high society women, talking about how all of their food is fancy and mail order. She attempts to jump in with her own related commentary (“I get food in the mail, but in a different way. Every month, Good Housekeeping arrives in my mailbox bursting with recipes. Sometimes the most satisfying meal is the one you cook yourself.”) One of the other women responds with a story of how rather than waking their maid, she and her husband dared to microwave their own soup. It was a spectacular mess, but they had the maid clean it up.
– I love how Kent Brockman’s bratty daughter looks exactly like him, white hair and all (“I didn’t ask for a bologna sandwich! I wanted an abalone sandwich!”)
– Guest star Tom Kite is slightly unnecessary, but he’s made worth it when he reveals that Homer stole his clubs (“Stay the hell out of my locker! You can keep the shoes!”) and then later when he’s coaching Krusty, who then gets knocked unconscious by a lost club, he darts his eyes and runs off.
– That Sue-sin’s a real bitch, with her snide commentary about Marge’s suit. Evelyn attempts to mollify Marge’s concerns (“Don’t worry, Marge. Susan’s idea of wit is nothing more than an incisive observation humorously phrased and delivered with impeccable timing.”) Later at the gala event welcoming the Simpson family, Susan explains, “I hope she didn’t take my attempt to destroy her too seriously.”
– The golf subplot has a lot of great bits: Homer teeing off in the men’s room, hitting one in the handicap stall as his finale, Burns’s imitation of Richard Nixon (“Oh, I can’t go to prison, Monty. They’ll eat me alive!”), the greatest use of Homer’s “Mmmm…” for “open faced club sandwich,” and Burns’s slow realization that he actually isn’t a golf champ. The plot also even ties in with the main story, as Homer has to swallow his pride and keep Burns’s secret to assure Marge will get in the club.
– God, I love the second act break. After mangling the suit beyond repair, Marge laments, “At times like this, I guess all you can do is laugh.” Then five seconds of silence before the fade to black. Amazing.
– We get a horrid look at Patty and Selma’s closet. Their scandalous purple number is much too tight on Marge, and I can’t even imagine (nor do I want to) what it looks like on Selma.
– I love each of the family’s mentionings of what they’re going to do at the club, each completely true to their character: Homer aims to amuse with the anecdote that got him bleeped on the radio, Bart looks to be up to some trickery posing as an Italian count, and Lisa plans to ask if people know their servants’s last names (or in the case of their butlers, their first.) Marge immediately reprimands all of them, even Maggie, and we get beautiful performances by the subdued family (Homer’s is particularly heartbreaking: “I just won’t say anything, okay, honey?”)
– Marge says she can return the dress, but they’ll just have $3300 credit at Chanel. Homer asks, “They have beer and gum, right?”
– The very ending is sweet, with the family back where they belong and are most comfortable: the Krusty Burger. Pimply Faced Teen sees it otherwise (“Man, you’re crazy. This place is a dump!”)

(originally aired January 14, 1996)
Last time I gave Team Homer” some minor criticism for being too silly, so now I’m gonna look like a big ol’ hypocrite by saying how much I like this one, one of the craziest episodes of the entire series. In this show, the large mansion across the street from the Simpsons which has always been there and always will be has been sold… to George H.W. Bush. The real George Bush (voiced by Harry Shearer, that is.) It doesn’t get more absurd than that, but dammit the show makes it work. His explanation of coming to Springfield is believable, wanting to get away from politics by moving to the town with the lowest voter turnout. His presence is much to the awe of most of the town, and George builds a small kinship with Ned Flanders, who shares his penchant for good Christian living and kooky catchphrases (“Fine and dandy like sour candy!”) But nothing could prepare our ex-President for a brush with our favorite little hellion Bart Simpson.

Bart becomes a pestering irritant to Bush with his constant questioning and lack of traditional respect for elders. So the episode pretty much becomes “Dennis the Menace” with these two, as well as Barbara Bush as the kindly forgiving Mrs. Wilson. Sure, Bart isn’t typically this bratty or spastic, but it’s not incredibly out of the realm of his character, and moreover I just love the idea of this parallel. In the show’s early days, the real H.W. Bush made an offhand comment in one of his speeches that America should be more like the Waltons and less like the Simpsons. This 100% was something one of his speechwriters came up with as a good sound bite, but it gives this episode some context, making Bush actual enemies with Bart and Homer. In no way does this feel like vindictive or petty on behalf of the writers though, since the tone is always goofy and Bush is never portrayed as a truly bad guy, just out of touch with the current generation, as evidenced with that real-life quote.

When Bart’s antics accidentally lead to the destruction of Bush’s newly completed memoirs, he is given a light spanking, something that infuriates an already agitated Homer, who had been jealous of Mr. Bush the moment he stole his thunder at the swap meet. The third act becomes a ridiculous prank war between the Simpsons and George Bush, ending in an all-out brawl in the sewers. It’s so, so very absurd, childish and stupid… but damn it all if it isn’t so much fun to watch. By the time Mikhail Gorbachev shows up with a house warming gift at the end, I’m beyond the point of questioning what’s happening. There’s no sort of political angle here, or any harsh criticism about Bush at all; it’s still a story about our characters: Homer’s rampant jealousy, and the generational rift between Bart and his elders. I’m sure when this aired, it must have completely polarized the fans, some thinking that a literal former president showing up in Springfield was just too much to swallow. But I absolutely love it. It was one of my favorites as a kid, and it’s even better now being more familiar with H.W. Bush. As dumb as it is, it appeals to multiple sensibilities, like the show does at its best.

Tidbits and Quotes
– I’ve always loved the beginning TV bit (“The Grand Nationals of Sand Castle Building… Preview!”) which has a bait and switch with promises of bikini girls and daredevil surfing… exciting things the beach would normally have, but all of which has been cleared for painstaking sand preparation.
– I don’t remember ever firmly establishing where Apu lived… he lives in an apartment later on with Manjula, and we saw him with Princess Kashmir at the Fiesta Terrace, but that might have been her place. So I guess he moved after this. Lots of people show up to the rummage sale, but I assume they don’t all live on the same block.
– Great artful covering up of the “Ayatollah Assahola” T-shirt to get past censors, and Homer displaying more specific knowledge of how such a dated shirt could still be relevant today (“It works on any Ayatollah: Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi… even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmada and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power!”) Also, great explanation of the ‘Disco Stu’ jacket, that he ran out of space to write ‘Stud.’ And that of course leads to the introduction of one of the greatest tertiary characters: Disco Stu (“Disco Stu… doesn’t advertise.”)
– I love Mrs. Glick’s firm enforcement of her item’s prices, and their very specific uses (“Just candy, Ned! Ninety dollars!”)
– God, I love Skinner’s dissertation of the tie rack, first complaining about the loud motor, then of the inability to reach ties in the back if it’s taken out. He then surmises since he only owns one tie, he’ll pass… but then he comes back and buys it. And then later when Homer puts the motor up for sale, he takes that too. So dumb.
– Homer’s bombastic karaoke is lovably bad, with Wiggum accompanying on keyboard.
– I love Rod and Todd’s harrowing warnings to George Bush about Bart, with Ned quieting them down (“Now Todd, don’t scare the president.”) Then Bart comes by on his skateboard and dramatic music plays.
– I really like Bush’s glee at the U.S. News cover article, featuring Clinton as Public Enemy #1 (“Roasting the new guy…”) Again, not painting him as vindictive, he’s just glad to see his replacement is catching some flack just as he did for four years.
– I love all the scenes with George and Bart. So many great quotes, like when Bart screws with his card shuffler (“Those cards are from Air Force One, and they only give you so many packs!”) and then when he accuses the boy’s hands are filled with mud and cookies, and then Bart reveals clean hands, he mutters under his breath, “Probably stole a napkin…”
– George at the drive-thru line is hysterical, his confused reading of “Krusty Burger” is fantastic, and his insistence that cheeseburgers are more of a Wednesday thing. Homer, behind him in line, incessantly honks at him until a secret service member disables his horn (“Hey! My taxes pay for that horn!”) Even better is that Homer willingly popped the hood when the agent asked so he could do it.
– Great bit where Homer has to consult a book that says Bush was President, then begrudgingly concludes, “Well, his story checks out.” He then sadly asks if his wife would love him more if he was President, to which Marge responds that as long as he keeps the car full of gas, she’s happy. Homer is relieved, then nervously looks back at the car in the driveway.
– I love the ending of Bush’s memoirs (“And since I’d achieved all my goals as President in one term, there was no need for a second. The end,”) and the fact that he considers them good, not great. The animation of the motor going nuts and wrecking everything in the garage is fantastic, especially the exterior shot where you see it all in silhouette, then the final part where a light bulb drops and causes it to reactivate and shred up all the memoirs. And great minor joke where we see one bit of paper fly by reading (“V.P. Quayle Disappointment.”)
– Great brief moment with Abe, not knowing what all the fuss is about that Bart got spanked (“When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions!”) Marge replies that she just doesn’t believe in that punishment, to which Abe retorts, “And that’s why your no-good kids are running wild!” He accusingly points to Lisa, who is quietly reading.
– It’s so very childish, but excellently executed prank with cardboard cut-outs of Bush’s sons at the door, but only serving as a ruse to slap a rainbow wig on George’s head. The writers claimed they didn’t even know who “George Bush, Jr.” was at the time, but we’d learn alllll about him soon enough. I love the reveal of Bush at the Elk’s club with his sheared technicolor hair (“Now, are there any questions? …keeping in mind I already explained about my hair.”)
– This episode contains my favorite line reading of the entire series. George is pushed to the limit and is driving donuts on the Simpsons lawn. Marge naively questions that maybe he’s lost. We’ve panned across the front window until we see Homer at the edge of the window, who has an amazing stern expression on his face. “He’s not lost.” I can’t even describe it. It’s so severe and knowing, I laugh every goddamn time. That and, “It’s time to hit him where he lives!” “His house?” “Bingo.”
– The great Bush lines keep coming after he gets out of his car (“Can’t decide if this will be considered feisty, or crazy”) and then when he spies Homer and Bart through the sewer grate (“If he thinks George Bush’ll stay out of the sewer, he doesn’t know George Bush.”)
– I love Bush threatening while choking Homer, “I’ll ruin you like a Japanese banquet!” referring to the famous incident when an ill Bush vomited on the Japanese Prime Minister at a state banquet.
– Hank Azaria as Gorbachev always makes me laugh (“I just dropped by with present for warming of house. Instead, find you grappling with local oaf!”)
– The ending is great too, with Gerald Ford moving in and Homer finding his true equal, with both of them tripping on the walk to the house and uttering “D’oh!” in unison. Can’t think of a better final moment than that.

(originally aired December 17, 1995)
Six years following the first Christmas episode, now we get our second: a show with an Aesop-heavy vibe, but it never gets too seeped in unearned sentimentality. Bart is hell bent on getting the new Bonestorm video game, but Marge believes it’s too violent. Out of options and tempted by a recklessly open display case, Bart swipes the game from the local Try-N-Save (is there any Simpsons store that doesn’t have an brilliant name?) His efforts are thwarted by gruff no-nonsense security guard Don Brodka, voiced by Lawrence Tierney (of Reservoir Dogs fame.) Eventually Marge finds out and becomes very disillusioned about her son, unsure how she should treat him from now on. This creates a sizable rift between mother and son, and Bart has to find a way to make things right by her.

If you read this blog then you’re probably familiar with Dead Homers Society, and their viewpoint that this is the sole blemish on seven flawless classic seasons. I can’t claim some of their points aren’t valid; when you boil it down, this is a “very special episode” played fairly straight, with no real twist or subversion. But what keeps it engaging and effective is its honesty. When you’re a kid, you’re afraid if a parent getting angry at you, but then you find the worst thing they can be is disappointed, especially your mother. The characterizations are perfect here; Bart isn’t a bad kid, he was tempted, as we all were to steal a little sumthin’ sumthin’ in our childhoods. When his actions are exposed, Homer can only get mad, but Marge basically shuts down emotionally, not believing her special little guy could steal. Bart, who complained about Marge’s over-mothering earlier, is surprised that he misses it, and starts to yearn any kind of parental affection, even if it’s not from his own. The overtly emotional moments of the episode work because they feel genuine, and we are completely invested with these characters we love. Some may feel Marge getting the portrait and hugging her son is too saccharine, but I thought it was totally earned.

Besides all that, this show has just as many laughs and incredible moments as any other classic episode. Most effective are the video game parodies: the excessively violent Bonestorm is a ten-year-old boy’s wet dream, complete with an aggressive marketing campaign (“Tell your folks, ‘Buy me Bonestorm or go to Hell!'”) In contrast to this gore-fest is Lee Carvello’s Putting Challenge, which Bart has to feign interest in to appease his mother at the end. The game footage over the credits is absolutely one of the funniest bits of the series. Everything is perfect, the digital effect and choppiness of the voice, and the fact that the game developers included a parking lot setting at all. Even when things get heavily emotional in the third act, there’s still lots of jokes, like Homer’s list of punishments and Bart somehow managing to improperly combine marshmallow with cocoa. So I’m not bothered at all by this episode, I think it’s got a lot of great bits and a good heart. What’s a little bit of schmaltz every now and again, huh?

Tidbits and Quotes
– Gotta love Krusty’s horrible Christmas special, “A Krusty Khinda Kristmas,” sponsored by ILG chemicals, and Li’l Sweetheart Cupcakes (a subsidiary of ILG). Of course the show is half-assed, with an open window exposing the fake set, and Krusty’s inability to pronounce the name of one of his guests. Lisa questions why Krusty, a Jew, would be doing a Christmas show, to which Bart wisely responds, “Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.”
– A tour de force performance by Comic Book Guy (this is really his shining season), overflowing with mockery in Bart’s belief he can purchase Bonestorm for 99 cents (“Net profit to me, negative $59. Oh, oh, please, take my $59. I don’t want it. It’s yours.”) Not getting his obvious tone, Bart reaches for the money, but CBG stops him short. (“It seems we are unfamiliar with sarcasm. I shall close the register at this point.”) Hank Azaria does such a fantastic job, each line of his just drips with utter contempt for his customers.
– Bonestorm is one epic game, as when Milhouse plays it, it seems that it creates a wind tunnel in his living room. Also great is his game handle, “Thrillhouse,” which thanks to character limits only appears as THRILLHO. We also get a great end to the scene with Milhouse getting Bart out by yelling to his mother that he’s swearing, which gets repeated again later, claiming he’s smoking.
– Arriving at the Try-N-Save, Bart comes up with a logical plan on getting the game (“Maybe if I stand next to the games looking sad, someone will feel sorry for me and buy me one.”)
– I love the bratty kid and hot uncaring mom, who happily buys her son a Bonestorm (“Get two. I’m not sharing with Kaitlin!”) Bart overlooks in awe (“That must be the happiest kid in the world.”)
– Great daydreaming with Mario, Luigi and Donkey Kong convincing Bart to take the game (“It’s the company’s fault for making you want it so much.”) Lee Carvello shows up to protest; that game’s not going to help his putting. Then a manic Sonic the Hedgehog seals the deal (“Just take it! Take it take it take it take it take it!!”)
– More foolproof logic from Bart, when Detective Brodka stops him on his way out of the store and asks him to unzip his coat (“I don’t think this is the kind of coat that opens.”)
– Another great tape for the Troy McClure video library, “Shoplifters Beware!” where he openly admits his involvement with the production is part of his plea bargain with the good people at Foot Locker of Beverly Hills. He explains stealing originated in ancient Phonecia (“Thieves would literally lift the corner of a shop in order to snatch the sweet, sweet olives within. Oh, Shakazaramesh, will you ever learn?”) Before he goes on to ancient Babylonia, Brodka angrily shuts off the tape, a dual joke in showing Brodka’s impatience and contempt for showing the tape, and that the video must be incredibly lengthy.
– I love Tierney’s performance, a man of absolutely no mercy, taking his job at a lame retail store very seriously (“You know, that kind of mush might fly at Lamps Plus, but don’t peddle it here.”) His monologue calling the Simpson house, only to be revealed that he was just talking to the answering machine, is hysterical.
– Homer is puzzled at his answering machine (“We didn’t have a message when we left. How very odd.”) But Bart had managed to switch the tape to Allan Sherman’s “Camp Granada,” which only confuses Homer further (“Marge! Is Lisa at Camp Granada?”)
– The steam out of Bart’s ears actually being two teapots is such a cheat, but I’ll give credit where it’s due.
– I love Bart’s paranoia in the car, with the car locks sounding like prison doors, and imaging Brodka on the seat back, complete with his continued ignorance of “Capiche.” (“Catfeesh?”)
– I really like that the Simpsons are excited at a fun day out at the Try-N-Save, basically the equivalent of a WAL-MART now. It speaks to their upper-lower-middle class roots.
– Wonderful bit with Marge gazing at a watch, and Homer implying maybe somebody will get her it for Christmas. He obliviously thinks that’s a great cover; now she’ll really be surprised when she opens the iron board cover he got her. Also great is Homer being annoyed at the photo center’s fake TIME magazine cover, with Flanders as man of the century (“Must have been a slow century.”)
– Kind of like Homer having knowledge of Supreme Court justices, I like that Bart apparently knows who Ansel Adams is.
– God, I love Detective Brodka, he’s one of my favorite one-off guest stars. Every line of his is great (“Sure, now he’s just a little boy stealing little toys. But some day, he’ll be a grown man stealing stadiums and… quarries.”)
– Homer’s angry rant at Bart is hysterical. First he can’t remember Reverend Lovejoy’s name (“Captain Whatshisname,”) then he gets side-tracked in his second blast against Police Academy of the series, then caps it off with, “Stay out of my booze!”
– I like how Lisa is able to decipher Marge’s emotions (and cute bit where she admits she hasn’t known Mom as long as Bart has), but is still kid-like in giving a meek shrug when Bart asks if she’ll be mad at him forever. In a later show, Lisa would just flat out tell Bart (and the audience) exactly what to do with the decorum of a forty-year-old.
– I love Homer’s list of punishments (“First, he’s grounded. No leaving the house, not even for school. Second, no egg nog. In fact, no nog, period. And third, absolutely no stealing for three months.”) We then find the paper he’s been writing actually just contains a drawing of a robot grilling a hot dog.
– I like the subtle dig at the limited appeal of video games, that Milhouse quickly gets tired of Bonestorm in favor of a cup and ball game (“Man, you never know which way this crazy ball’s going to go!”)
– “Welcome to Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge. I am Carvallo. Now, choose a club. You have chosen a three wood. May I suggest a putter? Three wood. Now enter the force of your swing. I suggest feather touch. You have entered ‘power drive.’ Now, push seven eight seven to swing. Ball is in: parking lot. Would you like to play again?  You have selected ‘no.'”