Original airdate: May 9, 2010

The premise: Whilst on a getaway cruise with their kids, Homer, Apu and Reverend Lovejoy receive a mysterious letter from Moe, saying he will be leaving town forever with one of their wives. The three men must think back to figure out what made their significant others so discontented that they would fall into the slovenly bartender’s open arms.

The reaction: I’m hesitant saying I think the writers were trying to make this a somewhat serious episode, but with all the “tense” moments and the attempts to link all of the flashbacks together, it feels that way to me. Of course it’s all nonsense and none of it is emotionally impacting whatsoever. I mean, what am I supposed to feel, exactly? I know none of their wives are going to leave, and especially not with Moe. This might be believable with literally any other character but him. Plus, we know about Homer and Apu’s family life, but we’ve barely seen any of Helen Lovejoy in many, many seasons (and Jessica randomly appears?) But in the end, it turns out it was Moe’s plan to help these three idiots save their marriages by arranging incredibly nice things for all of them. Why in the ever loving fuck would he do this? So not only is he incredibly, cripplingly lonely, but he’ll go extremely out of his way to help the married folk of Springfield? This don’t make no sense to me.

Three items of note:
– The Homer/Patty and Selma dynamic has felt really, really off for over a decade at this point. The two sisters are much better making snide comments that chip away at Homer then just openly insulting him to his face. Also, Homer calls them “penis-curling she-devils.” I never want to hear him say that ever again.
– Funtendo Zii returns, but this time with their DDR ripoff, Dance Dance Evolution. And apparently Moe had enough money to purchase the game system, dance pad and a giant flatscreen TV. I guess he’s got the money since Moe’s is so damn popular, as we see from the first scene, where it’s completely crowded with people, including those who make no sense to be there, like Burns and Quimby. Moe’s is a fucking dive bar that’s falling apart where sadsack losers like Homer go to waste their lives away. What is this shit I am watching?
– My God, the ending is so fucking tedious. We get unbelievably phony “tension” as we arrive at each house to see that the marriage is safe. We see the husband relief scene play out in its entirety all three times, and it does nothing but kill time, since we know nothing was going to happen anyway. Also, Marge’s mother understanding Homer was “innocent” because she knows Patty and Selma are “evil”? What?

One good line/moment: The boat smashing into the dock at Weasel Island and exploding. Random and stupid, but it was the only thing I smirked at the whole episode. Also, it was a moment where something actually happened.

(enjoy the nightmares caused by this framegrab!)

Original airdate: May 2, 2010

The premise: When an incident of typical Springfieldian idiocy is mistaken for an act of terrorism, an English security consultant is hired, who proceeds to install cameras around the entire town. Citizens are instated to monitor them all, and none takes to it more than Ned Flanders, who revels in being able to correct the misdeeds and sinful acts occurring all over Springfield.

The reaction: Another unfocused episode that feels all over the place. We start leading up to the national security incident, which involves Smithers sneaking nuclear material into Homer’s duffel bag for some reason. Then Springfield can apparently afford to hire an international consultant to help with their security problems and put up cameras everywhere. So it’s an episode about the slippery slope of protecting one’s freedoms by invading their privacy and infringing on people’s liberties? This show can still do satire, right? Like that great episode “Bart-Mangled Banner”? It doesn’t matter, since the episode  ends up focusing on Flanders, who finds his dream job amongst the hundreds of surveillance screens, tsk tsking his way across town on whatever he deems inappropriate (read: everything). So once again Flanders is an ultra-conservative mega-prude antagonist, with the story lumbering along to a limp-wristed “twist” ending, where the episode once again shoots for nostalgia points with Prince Charles quoting a season 6 Ralph line. Same with the Shary Bobbins cameo,who turns into a Terminator for some reason. Oh, there’s also an unnecessary B-story about Lisa’s discouragement that people joke about blondes being dumb. Le sigh.

Three items of note:
– This episode is semi-notorious for its opening. In lieu of the regular title sequence, we get a new segment of everyone lip syncing to Kesha’s “Tik Tok,” which seemed to have infuriated nerds all across the Internet when it aired. Apparently it was a mandate from FOX, who was holding “FOX Rocks Week,” “encouraging” all their shows to include some kind of musical element. So how can we read “encouraging”? That they were forced to do this? Or did the staff just roll over and slapped this together? Regardless, even if they did cave, you’d think they could come up with something more original, or even something that poked fun at the network mandate to begin with. But no, it’s just like a straight music video with little gags thrown in that tie into the song’s lyrics. Once again the show proves depressing in how amazingly uncreative it is.
– It really is so sad hearing Tress MacNeille voicing Lunchlady Doris. They retired the character and left her silent for a good decade before randomly bringing her back. It’s almost as if they were waiting for the old fans to drop off, and the casual ones to not remember or not be bothered by it. Usually she’s given a token line, but here, where she has a back and forth bit with Milhouse in complete sentences, it feel so wrong. It doesn’t even sound remotely like Doris Grau. Why oh why didn’t they just create a new cafeteria worker? Because that would mean creating a new regular character, which the show clearly isn’t interested in. Who’s the last reoccurring secondary… hell, tertiary character they introduced that you can think of? The best I can come up with is Crazy Cat Lady from season 9.
– Almost as horrible as the bit of Smithers leaving and re-entering the bar to overhear Homer, Lenny and Carl badmouthing him, we have Marge finding the wild party in her backyard and muttering to herself in the front yard so Flanders can overhear her exposition (“I don’t want to get Homer in trouble, but it’s just plain wrong to use that blind spot to turn our backyard into a mecca of misdemeanors!”) Flanders then calls Rod to hold a mirror out the window so he can see. Also, it seems this guy’s at the surveillance HQ 24/7. What’s happening with Rod and Todd? It doesn’t matter, all characters are just props now and appear and disappear when needed.

One good line/moment: The opening with Duffman and the cheerleaders appearing at Moe’s, with the direction at the start feeling almost exactly like his first appearance in “The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson.” So basically I was pleased thinking about that episode. I guess the show’s nostalgia fumes work every once and a while.

Original airdate: April 25, 2010

The premise: A massive wind storm in Springfield causes a whale to become beached onto shore. Lisa takes a vested interest, but any effort to move the creature comes up short. When the whale dies, Lisa is crestfallen, before realizing there are baby whales to protect, currently being hunted by a troupe of sharks.

The reaction: As usual, there’s so little plot here. We don’t even get to the whale until literally the halfway mark, once we get through the show’s take on wind powered energy. The joke? Once there’s no more wind, there’s no more power! There just isn’t anything here. People try to move the whale, it dies, we see Lisa is sad over a long montage, then she sees the baby whales. Homer inexplicably appears from nowhere to help Lisa, then some environmentalists block them, also coming from nowhere, looking to protect the sharks, because all sea creatures lives are equal. This one piece of dialogue causes Lisa to have a random change of heart, as illustrated by a push-in on her face during said dialogue. Then some stupid shit with Homer in danger, and a gigantic fucking whale picking him up out of the water and safely back in his own boat with no one acknowledging how fucking bizarre and crazy that is. Just another wacky day in Springfield!

Three items of note:
– The Energy Expo at the beginning is so sad. This is the kind of set piece you would relish in the early years, full of joke after joke after joke. I remember the similar energy convention from “The Last Temptation of Homer,” with Hans Moleman’s solar energy booth being ransacked by big oil, and the subtitle on the power plant’s booth, “As Seen on 60 Minutes.” What jokes do we have here? Kid power by Ralph? Burp power by Barney? Really, guys? That’s the best you could come up with?
– Even with the main story as compressed as it is, we get so much useless time filler: Lisa’s dream of the whale being free, the town blowing up the whale and harvesting it for profit, and Lisa’s montage of being sad about the whale, in case you forgot that she was, I guess.
– Homer’s being encircled by sharks during the “dramatic” portion of our show. Then in the next shot, Lisa and the environmentalists shout some stuff to him, and we see the sharks start swimming away. Yeah, they’re just leaving. What? And why is no one acknowledging this? Then Homer gets hit with a bucket and starts bleeding and the sharks come back. Couldn’t they have made this into a coherent gag? Like the sharks notice something else and start to leave, they try and throw Homer something to hold onto, he gets hit and starts bleeding, which attract the sharks back. Instead, it’s like no one’s even paying attention to the show they’re making. It’s really bizarre.

One good line/moment: Lisa pushes away Homer’s harpoon at the last moment, causing it to strike a seagull in the distance. It doesn’t just get killed, it literally explodes into a puff of feathers. It’s so quick and bizarrely violent that it’s kinda great.

Original airdate: April 18, 2010

The premise: Homer bonds with Chief Wiggum during his term of community service, and the two become good friends, but things take a turn when Wiggum takes a near fatal bullet for his new friend in a scuffle with the mob. Meanwhile, Bart becomes obsessed with a new toy craze, only to be misinterpreted by the school staff as him dealing narcotics.

The reaction: Here’s an idea I felt I could go with halfway. I enjoy episodes where we take a closer look at our supporting players, seeing them in a new, semi-serious light. A show about Wiggum feeling unwanted at home and finding a new kinship with Homer could work, and in a few moments here, it kind of did. But like many things nowadays, they push it too far, and comment on it whilst doing it. Vulnerable Wiggum? Sure. Wiggum acting like a giddy teenager in love? Nope, that’s too much. By the time he gets shot, it feels like things have been pushed too far. The relationship hasn’t felt strong enough to justify this dramatic of a turn, and then when Wiggum wakes from his coma and starts taking advantage of Homer, it comes out of nowhere, and their little bit of strife feels forced. But I did enjoy select scenes of their interaction, and as hokey and joke-free as it was, I liked Homer staying by coma Wiggum’s side in the hospital. This is easily the closest I’ve come to liking an episode this season, which is to say I didn’t think it was complete and total trash.

Three items of note:
– Marge trying to figure out the gender of the kid whose birthday it is, Homer’s concealed candy apple mistaken for a gun, the initial bonding scene with Homer and Wiggum… I was surprised how much was working in the first half of the episode. Some of the scenes definitely ran longer than they should have, but I at least enjoyed their set-ups.
– The B story is so lackluster. Apparently the toys are a parody of Bakugan Battle Brawlers, something I’ve never heard of, and the idea of surely came from one of the writers seeing his kids playing with them. Last episode we had the hacky soap opera contrivance of a character overhearing others talking bad about them, but this time it’s even worse with Marge listening in on Bart and Milhouse talking about the toys, but sounding like drugs. Oh, but it’s okay, because Marge lampshades it (“Let me just listen to a little more, out of context.”) The plot “ends” when Marge discovers the toys and thinks they’re cool, ergo Bart thinks they’re uncool. Great job, guys, you basically lifted the ending of South Park‘s “Chinpokomon” episode from over ten years ago.
– In act two, we see Wiggum able to put sugar in his coffee while driving using his tongue. Then in our conclusion, we see him utilize those skills to mess with Fat Tony’s CD changer. At this point, it’s really shocking to see any form of set up/pay off in these episodes, so I was really impressed.

One good line/moment: “Chicken parm, meatball parm, eggplant parm, shiska parm, angel food parm, moo goo gai parm, my wife can parm anything.” Also, I’m really really hungry as I write this.