(originally aired November 1, 2000)
Ah, the first Halloween episode to be aired after Halloween. This became almost a tradition in itself back in the day. It always came as a result of FOX’s baseball coverage running to the end of October, and it always infuriated me. It became so predictable that even the show itself started commenting on it (“Remember Halloween? It was last week.”) Eventually FOX started their Sunday shows back in September again, but that was a year or so before I stopped watching. This one is absolutely the weakest Treehouse of Horror far, especially coming off the heels of the awesome one last year. There’s nothing particularly offensive about these segments, they’re just overall not terribly clever or funny. “G-G-Ghost D-D-Dad” is indicative of that, where Homer dies and must perform one good deed as an apparition to get into Heaven. There’s one or two smile-worthy moments, but is nothing really special. Homer is stuck in jerkass mode here. The opening where he acts nonplussed after almost getting killed numerous times is kind of annoying. While I acknowledge that’s the point of the joke, it just reminds me of this new characterization of him feeling he’s invincible and awesome.

“Scary Tales Can Come True” is an amalgam of fairy tales parodies as Bart and Lisa traverse through the dark woods encountering trolls, the three bears and a wicked witch dead-set on eating them. Again, nothing all too memorable. I’ll say particularly with this segment and the following one, there’s a lot of really graphic violence. Goldilocks getting mauled, Rapunzel getting scalped, the witch getting cooked alive, there’s some brutal stuff in here. I feel later Treehouse of Horrors would ramp up the gore factor, I guess as a result of TV standards being more and more lenient, but that doesn’t make the shows any better or more scary. In fact, it kind of hurts it, since a lot of times the violence is so ridiculously cartoonish that it sucks any dramatic tension out of the scene. Compare Martin’s death in “Treehouse of Horror VI” to anything here and you can see the difference. Sometimes violence is best left to the imagination.

“Night of the Dolphin” features Lisa’s humanitarian effort in freeing a captive dolphin backfiring on her, when the aquatic creatures mobilize and come ashore, seeking to take back the land from the humans. This segment is just as violent, with decapitation, bashing faces in, skewering through torsos, and much more fun. I sound like I’m some kind of harpy media watchdog complaining about the “offensive” content, but just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. There’s nothing really funny about the over-the-top violence, at least the way it’s done here, so it all kind of feels for naught. On the whole this segment just felt very silly. When head dolphin Snorky reveals he can talk, it felt like too much, even though that’s the only way they could convey the story point. Made even worse is there was like no lip sync, so it felt like someone poorly performing a puppet. There’s a nice The Birds reference and a few chuckles around, but a lot of it fell flat. “Treehouse of Horror X” really felt like a last hurrah for Halloween shows, and this episode does more to prove that. Hopefully there will be a few shining segments in the future, but given what I can remember about them, I’m not all that hopeful. But who knows…

Tidbits and Quotes
– I do like the Munsters opening, the character parallels really do work well. The townspeople arrive to do the family in, save Lisa of course, as a purebred human, who nonchalantly walks away from her massacred family.
– Nice bit at the kitchen table where Marge has cut out Beetle Bailey from the paper, tired of her husband ogling Miss Buxley. She suggests he read Cathy, which Homer declines (“Too much baggage.”)
– It’s really dumb, but I like Hibbert’s explanation of broccoli being deadly (“Why, it tries to warn you itself with its terrible taste.”) Also great are the medical attendants carrying off Homer’s body, who have to tone it down in front of the kids (“Sure is easy when they’re stiff like this. …and very sad.”)
– This may feel like the nittiest of nitpicks, but I kept trying to figure out to what effect ghost Homer could affect objects on Earth and vice versa. He can touch and hold things, which is necessary for the end, but he has no organs as evidenced by the Squishee scene. Nelson is able to attack him, but how can a real person physically touch a ghost? Yes, yes, I know, I am Comic Book Guy incarnate.
– I like Bart’s solution to the famous hot-cold porridge dilemma: just mix the two together and you get the perfect temperature (“This doesn’t take a genius.”)
– Bart and Lisa dash out of the three bears’s house, and Bart bars the door shut with a chair. But we saw twice before that it opens out the other way. Yet when Goldilocks tries to open the door to escape, it doesn’t budge. I sure hope someone gets fired for that blunder.
– Nice homage to The Brady Bunch in the witch’s seemingly fake boyfriend George Cauldron (“Maybe he can set me up with Ed Ladle!”) And good callback when he’s shown to be real at the end (“Is Suzanne ready yet?” “Almost, just give her another 20 minutes.” “But the concert’s at eight.”)
– The only thing I liked in the third segment was Sideshow Mel’s over dramatic set-up to Snorky talking, which almost saves the bit (“Surely, he cannot speak!”) Then later Homer mentions one of man’s greatest accomplishments to be the glory hole. Umm… now, according to research, a glory hole is a furnace used in glass blowing, but I doubt Homer knows what that is. But I don’t want to know why he knows about the other kind of glory hole either. What the fuck’s with that?
– Kang and Kodos get squeezed in at the very end, annoyed they were left out of this year’s special (“Do we want to do a commercial for something called ‘Old Navy’?” “Work is work.”)

(originally aired May 21, 2000)
Somewhere out there, there must be a parallel universe in which this exists as the show’s series finale. What a world that would be, huh? The show acknowledging the well has gone dry and decided to go out with an insanely meta episode that put that realization at the forefront. Not only does it send up itself, but it also deftly parodies all the tropes and cliches of the “rise-and-fall” story of so many bands featured in Behind the Music. They even have Jim Forbes do the narration to authenticate it. The idea itself is so strange, in revealing that The Simpsons is a “real” show and the Simpsons are actors, but actually still a real family. Kind of like when Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd would talk about their contracts with Warner Brothers and address the audience. I remember absolutely loving this episode when it first aired, and while I don’t think it’s quite as funny or clever as I used to, it definitely stands out. The concept alone makes it a landmark episode.

There’s not really a plot to describe, so to speak. We find The Simpsons got its start when Homer filmed his own crude demo tape of his family after getting frustrated of never seeing families like his own on TV, similar to the inception of the series in real life (“TV families were always hugging and tackling issues.”) Turned down by all the real networks, Homer must settle for FOX, who orders thirteen episodes, and the rest basically can write itself. The episode recreates the history of The Simpsons, but as if they were real characters. Bart Simpson T-shirts, cash-in records, and money by the truckload, the Simpsons were a national phenomenon. There’s so many great nods to Simpsons lore, like Bart’s insistence of never having said “cowabunga,” which reminded me of Matt Groening’s insistence that he never did, and for the first time actually addressing Homer’s strangling for what it really is (“And that horrible act of child abuse became one of our most beloved running gags.”)

As so many rock bands before them, the Simpsons are fast and loose with their cash, dwindling their savings to almost nothing before the IRS busts them on tax evasion. Things only go downhill from there until they have a huge falling out, a fence that can only be mended by one man: Willie Nelson. This episode’s patron saint is Jim Forbes, delivering all of his lines with such professionalism and seriousness (“That night, fate wore a cummerbund… of suspense.”) The new intro sequence, the phony “coming-up-next” act breaks, it all authenticates the experience that you’re watching something different. In its decline segment, the series actually takes some harsh shots at itself for pandering guest stars and nonsensical plots, but in my opinion, they’re not harsh enough. But the episode is ballsy, I’ll give it that. Once again, I’ll reiterate how perfect this would have been as a series finale. After a season filled with over-the-top crazy cartoonish nonsense, the show just throws up its hands and forgoes its established universe entirely, going out with an episode that not only exposes the entire series as being a fraud, but “reveals” where Springfield is in the last minute. Could’ve been a wonderful outro. Yep. Would’ve been sweet…

Tidbits and Quotes
– I don’t know why the normal opening title sequence is still on the episode. It should just start immediately, since this is technically a different show. The fake-out with going through the clouds to the still shot of the family on the couch would have worked a lot better.
– Part of me kind of wishes they had pushed the personalities of the characters in weirder directions, since these are technically just actors. Marge gets it a little when she tells Homer to “shit or get off the pot,” but it would have been fun to push it a bit more.
– Again, much love for Jim Forbes. Great bit of calling Homer a “penniless Peckinpah.”
– Great take on doing a Beatles parody in having girls go mad over footage of Bart, then it’s revealed to be taking place in a hysteria ward.
– Nice swipe at the Bart Simpson T-shirts with the lifted slogans (“Life Begins at Conception, Man!”) It reminds me of the DVD commentary story of a Bart billboard on the FOX lot going from clever quips the writers would come up with to just announcing executive’s birthdays, and eventually “Increase Productivity, Man!”
– I’ve always loved this read from Moe (“Homer was spending money like a teenage Arab. He bought me a Rolex and, uh, Cashmere jeans. I felt kinda guilty ’cause I was always trying to score with his wife. So, when do we start filming? …oh.”)
– The explanation of why Homer had to do the gorge stunt from “Bart the Daredevil” is pretty amusing, as is the aftermath. But here’s where I take issue: “Somehow, Homer became addicted to painkillers. It was the only way he could perform the bone-cracking physical comedy that made him a star.” Homer becoming a beloved character had nothing to do with him getting hurt in ridiculous ways. If you’ll notice, the clips shown during that bit are all from seasons 9-11, and are all horrible, especially seeing them all at once. Then later we see other clips while Homer is talking, all shorter ones , one from “Sideshow Bob Roberts” and the other from “A Milhouse Divided.” Moments of Homer getting hurt and screaming are few and far between in the first eight years, and that’s what made them so funny. One of the greatest moments of the series ever is Bart hitting Homer with the chair in “Divided,” it’s a perfect storm of funny, that it had a set-up, but also was totally random that he would do it in the tub. Dan Castellaneta’s screams and wails are hysterical because it’s not just out of pain, but also shock and confusion of what the hell just happened and why. I love Homer for so many reasons, but his ability to take great amounts of pain is not one of them. But I guess the writers don’t agree.
– Somewhat disturbing image of seeing Marge’s scolding visage on a diaphragm. That’s easily a mood killer.
– I love how poorly Apu is obscured in the shadows as the anonymous tipster. You can see the Kwik-E-Mart behind him, he has no voice distortion, and you can see his hand when he gestures to the take-a-penny-leave-a-penny tray.
– The show takes a shot at itself using gimmicky premises and nonsensical plots, highlighting “The Principal and the Pauper.” Good, but it’d be better if they also mentioned nonsense like “Saddlesore Galactica” and “Viva Ned Flanders.” They also mention “trendy” guest stars like Butch Patrick, Tom Kite and Stephen Hawking, which is a good joke in that they’re not exactly what you’d call ratings-grabbing guest stars, especially given the A-list talent who have already been on the show.
– My favorite bit is when Forbes talk about the later Simpsons episodes resulting in yawns in the ratings. Clip of a guy yawning. “…angry yawns.” Clip of a guy yawning angrily. It happens so quick, and I had no idea how one could yawn angrily before that point, but whatever that noise was, it completely nailed it.
– I love the family’s solo careers: Homer in “Rent II: Condo Fever” (“I literally chewed the scenery,”) Bart filling in for Lorenzo Lamas in Renegade, Marge’s cowboy dinner show (“So the next time you see a sheriff, shoot him… a smile!”) and Lisa’s tell-all book (“To prolong the run of the series, I was secretly given anti-growth hormones.” “That’s ridiculous. How could I even get all five necessary drops into her cereal?”)
– I kind of like that Hibbert was fraternity brothers with Willie Nelson (“I’d do anything for Kegmeister Julius.”)
– Revealing the Simpsons as living in northern Kentucky is amazing, since it’s not really a reveal since this is the location of the “real” Springfield. But it also explains why the town isn’t really anywhere, since it’s shown here as a fake show. Re-runs would switch back and forth between Kentucky and southern Missouri, but on the DVD, it’s just Kentucky. I love that they just threw it in at the end to blow minds.
– Bittersweet moment where Homer leans over to the editor and comments, “This’ll be the last season.” If only. Not only that, but the clip they’re editing was used in the next season’s finale “Simpsons Tall Tales,” so you think maybe they were right. But nope. Not even close.
– “Next week on ‘Behind the Laughter’: Huckleberry Hound.” “I was so gay. But I couldn’t tell anyone!”

Season 11 Final Thoughts
Hoo boy… I’ll say this, even though there seemed to be a lot more shit in this season, the bar set at season 10 was pretty much kept still. All the awfulness that occurred last season was confirmed to be here to stay in this one. The proficiency of storytelling has pretty much evaporated, replaced with whatever the hell the writers could come up with for unrelated set ups and ridiculous, out of left field climaxes. Characterization waxes and wanes depending on what cheap joke or plot turn they need to pull off. Humor is coming more from over-the-top physical comedy and dumb jokey jokes than actual satire or multi-layered gags. Homer is now completely brain dead, barely resembling a functioning human being anymore, and the rest of the cast has begun their process of caricaturization, turning in one-note shades of their formerly fleshed-out selves. Though there are a few glimmers of quality and brilliance, this season and the show’s future is pretty dark. The series is certainly at a low point, and there’s no telling how much lower it can possibly go. And I still have nine more seasons left. Holy macaroni…

With the classic seasons, it was always so difficult to pick out the best episodes because there were so many, and the worst because there were basically none. From this season on… it’s pretty much going to be the reverse of that.

The Best
“Treehouse of Horror X,” “E-I-E-I-D’oh!,” “Grift of the Magi,” “Pygmoelian,” “Behind the Laughter”

The Worst
“Beyond Blunderdome,” “Saddlesore Galactica,” “Alone Again, Natura-Diddly,” “Bart to the Future,” “Kill the Alligator and Run”

(originally aired May 14, 2000)
Marge episodes must be very hard to write. Even in its classic days, the series seemed to struggle a bit with handling the character, so what chance doe they have now with it? Last season we had the ridiculous road rage episode, which was pretty lame, but at least premise-wise it had a somewhat workable idea in its head. This episode, I don’t know what they were thinking. Marge’s jealousy turns into insane rage, turning into possible insanity? If it were written perfectly with no plot holes or flimsy characterization it would be a stretch, but here, nothing really makes no sense. But first let’s clear through some other business. We open with Otto proposing to his girlfriend Becky, and thanks to Bart’s generous nature (or rather, not asking Marge’s permission), the wedding is held at the Simpson house. Otto has never been the most developed or dynamic character. “The Otto Show” displayed his limited range, but still gave somewhat of a deeper insight into our favorite lowlife bus driver. Here he feels so one-note. He proposes to his girlfriend on the bus, drives to and from the wedding in the bus, why does he drive the bus everywhere? Rather than expand out characters, later seasons would relegate them into their little boxes to be further caricatured. Otto is the heavy-metal loving bus driver, nothing more and nothing less. Until standards and practices lessened up and they could get away with more drug references. SO EDGY.

When Otto calls off the wedding, Becky lives with the Simpsons. For some reason. She really has nowhere else to go? I guess she was living with Otto, but he wouldn’t let her stay? And Marge being held responsible for “breaking them up” doesn’t make any sense. I’m all over the map here… The point is that explaining why Becky had no home would have shed some light on the situation and developed her as a character more. Perhaps Marge would have taken pity on her and let her stay, then later regretted it when she found how much she was stepping on her turf. Instead she’s bulldozed by the rest of the family as usual and grows more and more displeased by Becky’s presence each day. A visit to Patty and Selma puts it in her head that Becky intends on killing her and stealing her family away. And Marge believes it. This is just bonkers. Even when Marge acknowledges her sisters are pulling their information from fictional sensationalist movies, she still becomes paranoid about Becky wanting to bump her off and sleep with her husband. Okay, maybe it could have worked. And that’s a big maybe, but if you lay enough track down for your plot, I can buy it. A big problem in these later seasons is that events happen with barely any or no set-up. Patty and Selma plant the idea in Marge’s head, Marge’s brakes get mysteriously cut, and then next thing you know she’s manically attacking Becky with a jagged ice cream cone. That scene is cringe-worthy, like what am I watching here?

Act three is absolute garbage. Marge is put on trial and deemed insane, for no reason whatsoever, and proceeds to escape, triggering a manhunt. How do the rest of the Simpsons react? They appear worried at first, but none of them seem to concerned about it. They spend most of the act sitting on the couch in front of the TV. Shouldn’t they be out trying to find and help her? And how long is this hunt going on? It seemed to be no longer than a day, but seems long enough to hit the local news, for Krusty to make a sketch out of it, and for Bart and Homer to talk about how she’s become a local schoolyard legend. None of this adds up. And nothing happens in the third act besides Marge finding out Becky was innocent. Or maybe she wasn’t, as Becky reveals that she actually did intend to kill Marge the whole time but got hung up on what kind of shovel to buy. So Marge says because of this, she’s not crazy, and everything turned out okay. It’s maybe not as egregious, but I say this episode is to Marge as “Monty Can’t Buy Me Love” was to Mr. Burns. If this is the best they could come up with as a story for her, maybe it’s time to pack it in.

Tidbits and Quotes
– They make a joke about it, sure, but Springfield Elementary is poorer than poor, and yet they could get a camera to each student.
– Nice joke that Otto’s wedding invitations are done out on rolling paper.
– I guess we’re at the point where “Homer does stupid shit for no discernible reason” is fair game, as we see Homer at the kitchen table stabbing his hand with a knife repeatedly. Your guess is as good as mine as to what the fuck that’s about.
– Marge should not be such a wet blanket in this episode. She folds so quickly regarding holding the wedding and then letting Becky stay with them that you don’t feel sorry for her as much as you are annoyed that she’s taking so much shit laying down. Also her meddling with Becky’s affairs seems so wrong for her to do. And thinking Homer is the perfect husband just to set up an awful joke where Homer gets part of his tongue ripped off onto an ice sculpture? …wow, this episode is terrible.
– Becky walks down the completely open aisle. When she unplugs the power, a big long electrical cord going across the threshold. I know it seems like I’m nitpicking, but at this point I’m half paying attention to these episodes and I’m still noticing these overt animation errors. Are the people making this show test screening these at all?
– More just shoving characters in scenes. What’s Moe doing at Otto’s wedding? Barney? Grampa and Jasper?
– More needless and boring suspense with Marge not being able to hit the brakes. Even though they threw in some lame jokes, it still felt so vacuous since you know Becky didn’t do it and also you don’t care.
– The end of the second act is terrible, but it’s got two great bits in it. First the employees being paralyzed by getting eyes full of sprinkles (“I can only see a horrible rainbow!”) And also the line “I know where you live! My house!” I’ve used multiple times with my roommates.
– Wiggum teaching his son to kill people, Homer and Bart seeming to not give two shits Marge is in danger and needs help, the obvious and easy newspaper headline jokes… it’s like I’m watching a totally different show now. And I am. I read a great article on the show’s downfall years back, I’d credit it if I could remember it. It said something along the lines of that the classic years would end an episode by having Homer bike off into the sunset with the love of his life, and a later episode ends by having him shoot a tranquilizer dart into her neck. I don’t think there’s much more than needs to be said, do you?
– One more thing, what the fuck is with the living room being transformed into a gothic dungeon? With cobbled walls and everything? Let’s say that was some wallpaper, and they got together some working torches, a torture table and straps, cobwebs, chains, a big cage, all this junk was just lying around somewhere. Even with all of that, what are they doing? Marge is missing and they’re doing this elaborate shoot for Bart’s stupid fucking video? Man, fuck this show. How many seasons I got left?

(originally aired May 7, 2000)
Here’s another episode where I find myself with not much to say. It’s not so bad in the way that it’s totally bland, just that I don’t have any specific commentary to dole out. Inspired by a ridiculous (and very amusing) Latin dance film, Lisa decides she wants to take up dancing, but ultimately is stuck struggling with tap under the tutelage of famed ex-child actor Little Vicki. Vicki is a pretty good character, playing off of Shirley Temple basically, with a sort of bitter, spiteful streak to her. Like most great adults in Springfield, she isn’t shy or hesitant about belittling young children. She works for what she is, and gets her fair share of laughs (“Turn that frown upside down! …that’s a smile, not an upside down frown. Work on that too!”) There are a couple other isolated moments of greatness coming from the likes of Chief Wiggum and Professor Frink, but they seem to be few and far between.

This isn’t really a bad episode, but there’s definitely not much here. Lisa wants to pursue dancing like she saw in the film, but ends up in tap basically as a result of a joke. So when she’s no good at it, there’s no real desire for her to continue since she didn’t want to do it in the first place. That’s why they needed to shoehorn the completely out-of-left-field notion that she didn’t want to let her parents down by giving up when they shower her with praise and call her their “Broadway baby” apropos of nothing. They should have either bored that in earlier in the show, or gave her another reason not to quit. I could be mistaken, but a later episode had Lisa take up ballet when her mother failed at it, so it had an angle of Marge living through her child. I’m sure it was bad, but even that makes more sense than this does.

And now for our big dumb ending. We can’t even have a simple Lisa episode without culminating in an over-the-top climax. Professor Frink notices Lisa’s plight and figures he can help. He places a sensor into Lisa’s shoes that will move in reaction to sound, thus she will be able to tap in time with the rest of her class. Now, this… doesn’t make sense. Let’s say that it could work that Lisa could manage to control her own upper body while her feet move of their own accord. But it just becomes more and more of a stretch when she starts doing splits, slides and back flips when Little Vicki tries to outdo her in the performance, then starts going absolutely mental when the audience applauds wildly. This ending just felt way too out of place in what should have been a smaller, more intimate show. So yeah, it’s a pretty alright episode slightly tarnished by a ludicrous ending. Oh, there’s also that B-plot of Bart and Milhouse in the mall, but I got nothing to say on that. Amusing at parts, but wholly disposable. You’re telling me there’s not one camera in that whole mall that wouldn’t have picked up their antics? Only in Springfield…

Tidbits and Quotes
– I really like the Cyborganizer (“I can streamline any procedure, except this thing you call love,”) and Homer’s lament of how the network retooled it so that he’s a single father.
– Homer getting eye surgery is just another excuse to give Dan Castellaneta’s vocal cords a workout. And to have a truly disgusting shot of his eyes crusting over. [shudder]
– It’s a little odd that in this season we’ve had the only other two characters Yeardley Smith has ever played, and since her voice is so distinct, they’re both parallels of Lisa. Here, it’s Lisabella, the mousy librarian turned sexy dance star in Tango De La Muerte. The film is full of lots of great bits and lines (“There is just one dance that will beat them: the Tango de la Muerte.” “Only one man was crazy enough to dance that dance, and he is dead! “My twin brother, Freduardo. But where he died, I shall live… in his apartment.”)
– Great sign gag with the Little Vicki dance school, as the motorized pinky into the cheek continues to bore into the metal sign.
– Vicki’s “tappa-tappa-tappa” schtick starts to grow a bit thin, but it’s saved by this line (“Back when I was your age, I had forty three movies under my belt, and I had to do it without tappa-tappa-tappa! I would’ve killed for tappa-tappa-tappa!”)
– Bart and Milhouse skip out going to camp to hide out at the mall. Then later the mall owner mentions that it’s President’s Day weekend. They’re doing a week-long camping trip in February? What’s that about?
– It’s silly and obvious, but I love the bit with Wiggum and the ACME anvil (“Gosh, that cheese looks good. Think I could grab it before that anvil hits?” “I don’t know, Chief. It’s a million to one.” “I like those odds!”)
– The mall story really has no ending. The police bring in a mountain lion for some reason to catch a rat, then Bart and Milhouse dissuade it with some yarn. A string hangs from the lion’s mouth, and Lou assumes it’s the rat’s tail, and that’s the end. …okay?
– I love the violent nature of the “dimpling” and how cheerful Vicki is about enforcing it on children (“Now this may hurt a lot! What am I saying, ‘may’?”)
– Me and my friends have quoted “Why walk when we can dance!” many times over. It’s just a wonderfully dumb line for this dumb play. Homer is enthralled though (“Where’s Lisa?” “Shhh! This plot is hard enough to follow as it is.”)
– Homer’s been pretty absent this episode after the eye surgery thing, so we gotta cram in some Jerkass-ness at the end, first with him trampling over Frink’s attempts to cheer Lisa up, then we end on more Homer screaming after he grabs Frink’s weasel weapon. …that sounded unintentionally sexual, I apologize.

(originally aired April 30, 2000)
I think at some point, John Swartzwelder noticed the decline of the series or he himself lost interest and just began punking his fellow writers, and then nobody got the joke. The man responsible for some of the greatest episodes of the show’s prime now has his name attached to some of the worst of these later years. Now either the scripts got completely botched in the rewrites (of which Swartzwelder is not present), or he’s just fucking with us. I kinda feel it to be both. You flip through some of his novellas and you know that not only is he still hysterical, but he is quite partial to over-the-top silliness. So basically I’m not entirely sure who to point the blame for some of these episodes, particularly this one, definitely one of the worst of the entire series. Messy, uninspired, derivative, directionless… I could throw about more negative adjectives, or I could just give you a plot synopsis. I don’t even need to critique that much. Just read this shit, it speaks for itself.

Homer is shocked after taking a magazine quiz revealing he only has three more years to live. It’s basically the beginning of “Wizard of Evergreen Terrace,” but worse, where we have him become a sleep-deprived insane wreck. A lot of times Homer has acted like a mental patient, but here where he actually is one, it’s just as not funny. The plant psychiatrist suggests he take a sabbatical, and soon the family is off to sunny Florida to get some rest. Unfortunately they’ve arrived during a rowdy spring break bash. Despite him being completely incapacitated prior, Homer is now an insane wannabe party animal, acting as obnoxiously as possible. There’s also a running bit of him trying to look cool to today’s youth, another plot string that’s been lifted from a previous episode. When spring break ends, Homer tries to keep the party going and drags his family along with him, but ends up mowing down the beloved town mascot, Captain Jack the gator. Now the family is on the run from the law, and holy shit, we’re not even to act three yet…

So more crazy shit happens… the Simpsons work at a diner in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, they’re caught and put in a chain gang, they end up catering at a fancy party for some reason, then try to escape and fail, then the gator’s alive again and they can go. Whatever. What a fucking travesty of an episode. There’s just so much shit in here that makes so little sense it’s frustrating. Why would Homer want to tackle a lost child? Why would the entire family fall asleep while their goddamn car is being pushed by a train? Why does the family become a bunch of hicks for some reason? Why be so complicit with Homer after he’s basically ruined everything? As you may have guessed, there’s no theme here, it’s like they had four stories lying around and just pieced them together. They attempt to justify that Homer’s exhaustion from partying and subsequent passing out cured his insomnia, but it’s done so haphazardly. This episode doesn’t care about its own rules, or logic, or proper characterization, or humor. It’s just a bunch of stuff that happens, but done in the least coherent and least funny way possible. A true landmark of awfulness for the series.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Homer’s a swell guy right off the bat giving Flanders a ‘sex test’ and belittling him for all the crying he did. Apparently he forgot that his wife died (“Six months ago. You were at the funeral. You fell into the grave!” “Oh, yeah. I saw a gopher. What a day!”) Man, this guy sucks!
– I did smirk at the ridiculous set-up for one of Homer’s quizzes (“There’s a black widow at the door, a rattlesnake in the window, and a scorpion on the phone…”)
– Why would Marge recoil in horror after checking Homer’s life expectancy quiz? She shouldn’t be giving it any credence at all.
– More useless guest stars to add to the pile. Was having Charlie Rose and Robert Evans on the show really necessary?
– If nothing else (and really, there is nothing else), this episode gave me the moniker of Florida being “America’s Wang,” which has come in handy since I’ve moved here.
– Do the writers realize when they’ve turned Homer into an asshole, and how it’s really kind of worrying? Act one ends with him helping some rowdy teens flip the car with his wife and children, including an infant, inside. They could have been really hurt. That Homer is just so wacky!
– I don’t mind Kid Rock and Joe C., they fit perfectly into spring break. It’s just they have no material written for them, other than to react to Homer’s moronic escapades. Homer’s just this comedy imp now, appearing on stage for no reason to get drunk, then takes the mike and tries to play up the crowd. Just a drunken idiot raving like a lunatic. That’s our lovable protagonist.
– I like the bit of Homer attempting to drive without a license, and being surprised that the engine was able to start.
– So the car jumps over the railroad tracks and stops. We see the car has stopped in frame and it’s still on road. Cut back to the sheriff. Then cut back to the car, which is now on another set of tracks. Fucking lazy. What is happening? And once more, why would the family just fall asleep? Even for Homer this is a stretch. And the conductor wouldn’t have stopped after hitting a vehicle with people inside, let alone wait for many, many hours to do something about it? Fucking bullshit.
– I really don’t feel like talking about this episode anymore… I can’t really dissect or explain what the hell happens in act three, because it really is just whatever the writers could pull out of their ass. Like there’s this diner literally in the middle of the swamp that can afford four new employees, and the owner lets them sleep in her trailer. Then they get caught and are sent to prison, and Bart, Lisa and Maggie are in the chain gang! What? Then later when the family tries to escape, the whipping guy whips the door shut, then whips over a torch creating a ring of fire around them. And the family applauds him for no fucking reason. Then Captain Jack is okay and they’re banned from Florida, and apparently every other state but two, in a fucking stupid ending to a fucking atrocious fucking show. …fuck.