Original airdate: May 17, 2020
The premise: When Santa’s Little Helper starts exhibiting signs of extreme trauma, the Simpsons enlist the help of a renowned dog psychologist (voiced by Cate Blanchett) to figure out what’s wrong with him.
The reaction: Nothing like ending the season of your comedy program with an over dramatic tale of the family dog’s newly emerged traumatic past. Also it’s a Christmas episode! They couldn’t have saved this shit for December? The Simpsons are concerned when Santa’s Little Helper starts acting depressed. Enter Elaine Wolff, a woman who delves deep into a dog’s psyche, seeming to prefer them over human beings. The episode is all seemingly centered around the big reveal of what the fuck Santa’s Little Helper’s deal is, as the family worries over him and the dog shrink agrees to take their case. She takes the dog back to her institute or whatever and monitors him, trying to get to the core of his traumatic affliction. At this point, we’re getting multiple scenes of her and the dog, and then her would-be suitor voiced by Michael York tries to propose to her and she refuses… I honestly hadn’t a clue what the hell I was watching. Does anyone really give that much of a shit that the dog is sad? I say this as a huge lover of dogs, but really, this story is just so boring. Finally, Wolff starts to crack the case: Santa’s Little Helper was initially triggered by a Santa hat Marge took out of the Christmas decorations box, the very same hat that Bart wore thirty-one years (or however much time has gone by in-universe) to the dog track when they first got the mutt in the first place. They track down the dog’s original owner at his farm to get some answers. Turns out he misses his mother, as we see in flashbacks of him and his siblings as pups. Previously we saw the dog staring at a stain with three dots on the side of the cupboard morosely, which we find were meant to remind him of his mom’s teats, which is a bit strange. The show ends with Santa’s Little Helper and his mother reunited, as everyone, including the dog’s original bastard owner, looks on teary eyed as Barbra Streisand belts out “The Way We Were.” Hey, isn’t this some kind of comedy program? What is this disgustingly saccharine display? When Bart realizes the fateful origins of his Santa hat, we cut to a clip from “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire,” and really, what an utterly revealing compare and contrast. The very first Christmas special, a biting send-up of overly emotional and empty-headed holiday affairs, wherein Homer, our lovable everyman hero, can’t catch a break in this horrible, cruel world, but through dumb luck, he manages to stumble into a happy ending by bringing home a dog for Christmas. Santa’s Little Helper leaps into his arms and Homer takes pity on him, a sweet moment that feels genuine and motivated by everything he’s gone through in the story: he sees himself in the dog at his lowest point (“He’s a loser! He’s pathetic! He’s… a Simpson.”) Six hundred and eighty-three episodes later, we get this episode, a super dramatic build-up to showing the depressed dog actually has PTSD after being separated from his mother, leading to his previous owner to be tracked down, slapped and admonished repeatedly, and then the dog reunites with his mommy and everybody’s happy. What in the ever loving fuck is this? The very little strands of DNA that this show still shares with its most formidable years are so few and far between, but this may be the episode that feels the most removed from the original show that I’ve ever seen. At times it’s not even trying to be funny, playing the dog’s distressed state and Wolff’s methods completely straight. Like, I’m kind of at a loss in how to even talk about this, it was just so bizarre. Last week I talked about how this show is basically doing nothing but regurgitating ideas it’s already done, or from other shows or movies, but this certainly feels new to me, in that the original series, or any other good comedy, would never try and do something this unabashedly schmaltzy and treacly. Pair this with “Playdate With Destiny” for the perfect double feature of anti-Simpsons. What a way to close the season.
Three items of note:
– This episode vaguely reminded me of one from a few seasons back (or maybe like ten years back? Honestly, it’s hard to remember), the one that was about Homer missing his childhood dog that Abe got rid of because it bit Mr. Burns or something? I remember thinking how cloying and incredibly saccharine that was then, but I got a feeling this episode has that one beat. I hope they never make another Santa’s Little Helper episode again, how can they possibly top this? If they did “Two Dozen and One Greyhounds” today, She’s the Fastest giving birth would be the climax, with loving shots of the proud parents and their puppies as the Simpsons look on adoringly. Holy shit.
– In trying to convince Homer to let them go to Wolff’s seminar, Lisa opts for a new tactic (“Dad, I need to tell you something, but I’ve come to the sad conclusion that you have difficulty hearing the female voice.”) So she has Bart ask Homer for her, to which he understands and accepts. Many have griped and complained about Lisa’s insufferable rabble rouser characterization, of which most of those criticisms have been pretty valid, but this “joke” might be one of the strangest of all. So Homer’s a big misogynist now? They have him dismiss Lisa after that first line (“Awww, I love you too, honey!”) but he’s not ignoring her “female voice,” he’s talking down to her as a kid. There have been plenty of gags at Lisa and Bart’s expenses of him not taking them seriously because they’re children, so I really don’t get it. Maybe next season that radical girl group that recruited Bart can teach Homer how to GET WOKE. I CAN’T WAIT.
– The ending is just so bizarre, where the family confront Santa’s Little Helper’s original owner, who talks about how he tore the poor pup from his mother to make him race, prompting Wolff and the Simpsons to repeatedly slap him over it. Like, yeah, he’s a piece of shit, that’s incredibly clear. It’s like this weird moralizing about how awful dog racing is? It’s just so fucking weird. The Simpsons used to exist in a world where most everything was pretty shitty, with Springfield being full of scammers, lowlifes and generally pretty dumb people, but the hope spots came in how the Simpson family and other characters would boost each other up to stay afloat. In “Open Fire,” it’s clear that SLH’s owner was pretty shitty, chasing him out of the dog park (“You’ve come in last for the last time!”) We didn’t need Bart to turn to the camera and say, “He’s abusing that dog! Not cool, man!” Ugh.
And there you have it, another season to toss in the garbage can. I’ve noticed some commenters either saying themselves or speculating about my thoughts that this is the worst season of the show yet. Honestly, I’m not sure. Season 28 still sticks out in my mind with that distinct honor. When I re-opened the blog a few years back, I covered seven seasons in nine months, with season 28 being the last, and even after being inundated non-stop by hundreds of awful episodes, season 28 still stood out as being particularly awful to me. The seasons that followed also had the benefit of spaced out over time since I watched them live, so it’s really hard to judge, especially since so much of the episodes have (thankfully) faded from memory. But make no mistake, this season was total shit, with “Go Big or Go Homer,” “Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?,” “Bart the Bad Guy,” “Warrin’ Priests” and this season finale sitting atop the dung heap. We also had “Thanksgiving of Horror” as the sole bright spot in a dark season. Does that spell any potential hope in a better season 32? No. No it does not. Even if one good episode sneaks by, we’re still left with twenty-one brand new, absolutely ghastly half-hours. CAN’T WAIT FOR SEPTEMBER!
Me Blog Write Good 
Seriously dude, I wont mind if you stop writting these blogs. You’ve seen a lot of dogshit that I think you need a big rest.
… Also thank you Disney for giving Us another season *sarcastic clap*
You do realize that Disney had nothing to do with that, right? The first season they have true control over is 34, so please spare us your Disney hate propaganda.
The question is: what’s your problem? Nobody is attacking things you like (you already know you’re gonna love Disney’s Simpsons?).
johnauditore is actually right, because of that pathetic Disney&co the show will keep going on and on, more than Fox would have done. And, for your information, Disney already announced the show is theirs now, so anything that comes out from it is officially approved by Disney. If they cared they would have announced the transition only before their first official season (it would have been a better marketing move too. but they don’t care).
And above all, how can anyone in his mind really defends the crap the Disney brand has become? You’re not defending a specific movie of theirs, or a show; you’re defending… a brand?! I don’t understand. Why you care? This makes you sounds like the greatest example of consumer society in the world.
Also an Extra: The simpsons are everywhere since Everyone thinks that they predicted the Covid-19… Plz shut up with that bullcrap. Stop saying the simpsons knew it was going to happen like : “uuuuuh they predicted Donald Trump, The Virus, Lady gaga’s train with heels”
To be honest, your continual “this is the emptiest/laziest/most removed/most boring/worst episode of the series so far” statements have gotten as tiresome and as empty as the show itself. I hope the irony of repeating yourself over and over is not lost on you. I dare say your energy would be better expended elsewhere?
If the show continues to make crap, it’s his right to highlight said crap. Over at No Homers, they’re just going to give it their worst review possible of “seven thumbs up”. He didn’t have to come back after the episode where Moe became a judge on American Idol.
Honestly, I miss Charlie Sweatpants more.
“Over at No Homers, they’re just going to give it their worst review possible of “seven thumbs up”.”
I’ve frequented that forum for years and this is a gross exaggeration and you know it.
@vyrnnus, Yeah, you’re right. After going back there and seeing all of the reviews they gave the episode, with scores like “4/5”, “5/5”, “10/10”, “4/5”, “Best Season Finale in Years”, with the lowest score being “3/5” and their complaints being more about why this blog got a mention at all for being a fuddy-duddy, I should have been more honest.
They would have said “nine thumbs up”.
You have cherry-picked an episode (admittedly the most recent) to support your blanket statement. Have you checked the threads of other episodes from this season on that forum? You might discover quite a few low scores.
Tell me Mike, how often did they play the sappy string music in this sugary schlock? They certainly ended this season with the worst episode. And I said that for last episode!
Anyway, WOO-FUCKIN’-HOO! Season 31 done! I agree with you that Season 28 is more aggressively terrible but this season may be the dryest, blandest, most forgettable cluster of episodes of this show’s 31-year run. The immortal first 8 seasons keep getting dwarfed more and more… I know it’s hopeless, but a small part of me reeeeeeaaaaaally hopes that the show will conclude with it’s 32nd season.
The best and only good episode without a doubt was “Thanksgiving of Horror.” The worst five in my mind were “Go Big or Go Homer,” “Hail to the Teeth,” “Bart the Bad Guy,” “The Hateful Eight-Year-Olds,” and the episode that you see above. “Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?” also wins the “Most Disappointing Episode” award complete with a Russi Taylor Memorial Scholarship to Evergreen State’s Class of 2042.
See you in September, and enjoy a summer free of Zombie Simpsons.
Ironically, they used the same song during the “Springfield’s Most Wanted” special, but that was sort of tongue-in-cheek, given that it was used to highlight a terrible, terrible human being and romanticize him when the plot of the episode was “WHO shot this asshole, and why?”
Out of season episodes are also a trademark of Zombie Simpsons. Remember when “Dude, Where’s My Ranch?” began around the holidays? The bigger issue is how the show approaches sentimentality and plays it straight to the point it might as well be the Family Circus. Santa’s Little Helper is, without a doubt, one of the worst dogs in fiction, up there with Cujo and Charkie from the Curious George animated series of the late 2000s. He’s dimwitted, cowardly, intolerant, and all-in-all not that good at anything; the antithesis of your standard canine companion. The only other character similar to him around that point of his introduction was Bud/Lucky from “Married… with Children”, but the difference was Bud broke the fourth wall through thought and the family rarely cared for him since Al was often broke so he often returned the favor if the family actually needed him whereas SLH was just too dumb to understand abuse or discipline and would do something on impulse as a result of his id (not “I.D.” like an abbreviation). So, when there was an episode around him, the episode usually would involve a consequence of his actions; “Bart’s Dog Gets an ‘F'” involved Bart having to discipline and train the dog to not be destructive, “Dog of Death” saw the dog need a life-saving operation which resulted in the family being forced to make lifestyle choices in the short term which just happened to be at the worst possible times that made the dog feel unloved, “Two Dozen and One Greyhounds” had the family learn the dog the hard way the dog was in heat, and “The Canine Mutiny” saw the dog used in mail fraud & Bart growing disinterested in the newer, better dog almost immediately as opposed to everyone else who prefer Laddie over the idiot mutt.
The problem with later episodes was that they decided that the dog would become the plot, rather than an accessory to the plot. Sure, “Two Dozen and One Greyhounds” involved 25 puppies, but the story was about the difficulties of having such an absurd litter on a small budget, and “The Canine Mutiny” became Bart’s quest to get him back, but then you had “Old Yeller Belly” where SLH become the mascot for Duff Beer and his owner just so happens to show up now that the dog is famous, and then the one where the dog, after years of being depicted as dumb and useless, becomes an effective police dog. Throw that in with sentimentality originally being used either sparingly or to be grounded with a gut blow immediately after, and an episode like this would have never happened in the first decade.
To be honest, I always regarded the SLH episodes as by far the weakest back in the day. With the exception of “Two Dozen and One Greyhounds” (which I suspect is only as fondly remembered as it is due to Burns’ musical number), the resolution usually pivots on some kind of mawkish boy-and-his-dog cliche being played entirely straight. I responded better, emotionally, to the family’s relationships with one-shot pets like Stampy and Princess.
And Cujo gets a bad rap. He was a good dog who got terribly unlucky.
At this point the show is no longer a zombie: it’s a fucking skeleton.
Why couldn’t they wait until December to air this garbage?
Also, will you still be using the “one good line/moment” section when you find some in an episode?
Why did this story even have to take place at Christmas time?
You’ll have to ask Carolyn Omine; she wrote this episode.
A SLH based season finale set at Christmas? Was this intentionally intended as a mirror episode to ‘Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire?’ Wouldn’t it be ironic that the decline of Western Civilisation as we know it, exacerbated by the fallout from the Coronacrisis, results in Season 32 onwards being cancelled and this becoming the unintentionally circular finale?
I started watching Simpsons in 1991 on the other side of the ocean on the recommendation of a friend. Over the years I kept following it as one of the best shows ever. A few years ago I started re-watching little by little all the episodes in the original version (aside from those of season one, which I had watched a little while earlier). I have observed the gradual decline starting from (in my opinion) shortly after season 10. I have to say I haven’t always agreed with the comments in this blog: I think that some funny gags and some rare good episodes are also found even after season 20. Nevertheless I agree with the general feeling that season 31 is simply awful. Some episodes were just abominable, and in some cases the plot was so shallow and tasteless that I had to check the outline of the plot on the blog in order to understand what on earth I had been watching… For me, this is my season 28 (perhaps because it’s the first season I watch “live” in its original version).
This episode was just dreadful to sit through and I don’t get half of what was going on. Is this supposed to be the Christmas the year after they got Santa’s Little Helper? Why would he now have PTSD issues? In fact, half of this episode seemed to be ripping off “Bart’s Dog Gets an F” by showing SLH not having any idea what people were saying to him while it also screwed up it’s continuity by having SLH’s original owner not know they kept his name. After all, we had an episode a long ass time ago where the owner wanted SLH back so he met with the Simpsons demanding the dog back.
Anyway, I think I laughed once in the entire thing and I can’t even remember what it was towards, so yeah, this was a pretty shitastic finale.
I have to say, I kind of regret bothering with this season, but it made for some background noise while we ate dinner these last few weeks, so I guess it worked out in the long run. It didn’t encourage me to watch the episodes I skipped of S30 though.
Thanksgiving of Horror is hands down the only truly outstanding episode from this season. I can not believe we got a Thanksgiving anthology episode that managed to pull off what the old Treehouse of Horrors did. I will say the only other episodes I did somewhat enjoy from this season include “Marge the Lumberjill,” “Livin’ La Vida Pura,” and I guess “The Fat Blue Line” just to round my list out at a top five.
As for my top five worst episodes of the season, oh god, that is hard, but I will most definitely include “The Warrin’ Priests” two parter, “Hail to the Teeth,” and “Bobby It’s Cold Outside.” For my last two, I think I’m inclined to put “Frinkcoin” and “The Incredible Lightness of Being a Baby,” though I could select five other episodes and it wouldn’t make a difference, but those two are the ones I remember the most and being totally lost on them.
So much respect to you for doing this as it’s so refreshing to read a blog that gives the show what it deserves but call it quits man. Don’t waste your time and do a better show. Why not return to your Futurama one? Or do South Park since there are over 300 episodes to go through. You are also so good at spotting the little things, your talents are wasted on this show and why not do something new?
I wouldn’t mind Mike doing one on Bob’s Burgers. I watch that show every once in a while and it is freaking hilarious. Even the lackluster episodes are full of fantastic jokes.
There was one episode I caught last week that had Bob and his daughter come home from some Girl Scouts thing and he meets his wife and other kids coming home from visiting the fire station and he says something like, “So who’s been manning the restaurant all day? No one? Okay, I guess we don’t need money today.”
The way “I guess we don’t need money today” was delivered had me laughing all night as it was probably the best line I’ve heard from any Fox show in years.
I openly admit I’m keeping this going just to be a completionist, which does clash against my belief that the show is awful and no one should be watching it anymore. At this point, I don’t see the harm in just seeing it through. I know years back I opened that secondary blog for like two weeks with the Futurama rewatch and other reviews, but I don’t know if I really care to continue it.
This seems to be a very questionable reason to continue wasting hours doing something you clearly hate.
Vyrnnus, surely you know that you don’t have to keep visiting this blog if you’re tired of Mike’s moaning and repetition of things like “this is possibly the worst/laziest/emptiest episode ever”?
You can’t make him stop either. As Johnathan says above, “if the show continues to make crap, it’s Mike’s right to highlight said crap”. Whether or not he should continue doing so is really beside the point here, as is how much he hates the show now.
Of course it’s Mike’s right. I haven’t actually suggested otherwise. At the same time, I also have the right to express my incredulity at his willingness to subject himself to such a waste of time.
I may not like the show, but through it all, I still enjoy maintaining this blog, otherwise I wouldn’t still be doing it. And I like that others seem to enjoy it too. But me running this blog is just as much of a “waste of time” as you repeatedly commenting on it. If you don’t think my reasoning for keeping up with the blog isn’t sufficient to your liking, then I don’t know what to tell you. You’re more than welcome to not read.
Yes, please continue!!! The blog has become part of my Simpsons experience!
vyrnnus, I totally get Mike’s completionist mentality. When you’ve been watching a show for this long you want to see it to the end no matter how shitty it gets. I’m the same way. Every time I try to walk away from the show, I find myself coming back to it years later and playing catch up. I quit the show after Season 23, but the summer before Season 27 aired I ended up having this desire to watch 24-26.
After I quit watching last year in the middle of 30, I clearly came back during this season and watched everything. I’m sure at some point I’m going to feel compelled to watch the episodes to 30 I skipped on too. And I know I’ll be back for 32 even if it isn’t right when it airs.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, no, NO, no. Dirt Simpsons, stop dragging classic Simpsons down with you for cheap views.
I loved the first Christmas special, and this just spits all over it.
The season has been over for over a week but I still feel like making some commentaries. I think that there is an agreement that the season was awful. One thing that over the weeks I haven’t been seen highlighted enough in the comments though is that a reflex (if not a cause) of the astounding decay of the show is the fact that it’s now produced by Disney. Disney movies are in the hearts of many. Nevertheless it is an undeniable reality the Disney movies tend to provide fakely optimistic messages (Disney movies are famous for changing finales or fairy tales or novels the theme for each in a version of sad into saccharine imbued endings: I’m thinking of “The Little mermaid” or of “The hunchback of Notre Dame” for example). This is precisely the opposite of the type of message that the Simpson originally made fun of. I cannot think of a clearer sign of the complete modification of the original spirit of the show!
This growing trend of revisiting classic episodes is worrying for a few reasons. The first concern is wondering what classic episodes they will butcher and retcon next. Perhaps an episode next season will see Maggie develop violent tendencies that stem back from her shooting Mr Burns.
Secondly, once they run out of great episodes to revisit, they’ll start referencing the drivel of post season 10. In season 44 we’ll see the Simpson home under attack by the vengeful jockey elves from Saddlesore Galactica. *Shudders*
They already started revisiting post-classic episodes. “Angry Dad: The Movie” was a sequel to “I Am Furious (Yellow)” from Season 13.
I’m more concerned about them making Joey Jo Jo Jr. Shabadoo or Guy Incognito fleshed out characters, or trying to do more with Armin Tamzarian, Snowball V, or Fit-Fat Tony.
I can totally see them doing things like that. My hope is that the current crop of writers have never really watched most of the older episodes and wouldn’t even get the Joey JoJo reference.
Does anyone out there think the Simpsons will only end if/when Matt Groening dies?
At this point, I’m seriously subscribing to that line of thought.
Here’s hoping that it ends after season 32.
So apparently they’re gonna change voice actors for black characters in this show such as Apu and Dr Hibbert, to allow non-white actors to play non-white characters? That will sound weird given how used to these characters’ voices a lot of people are. Though I feel like not as many people will actually care later with this show in the state that it’s in
Hardly anybody cares at this point, considering that “The Simpsons” has been stuck in an almost constant state of suck for nearly 25 years now
I am not worried about being taken out of the reality of the show. I am going to like future seasons of The Simpsons with these new voice actors of color. Alex Desert, Eric Lopez, Jenny Yokobori…they are all veteran voice actors I never knew existed before now (except Jenny, who started in 2015), before they were recurring characters of color on The Simpsons, and I think having new people like them really gives The Simpsons a bit of new energy. You already told us you liked Jenny’s performance of Kumiko in The Dad-Feelings Limited more than most past episodes with Tress MacNeille, and the material she was given in the story clearly helped you there.
I mean, sure, it’s bad that the voices weren’t properly cast in the first place, or re-casted during the The Simpsons days, but considering there’s still people who watch Zombie Simpsons and consider it the same show as The Simpsons (certainly all the people who have been part of production of the show since day 1 do, even if they’re aware Zombie Simpsons is crap, it’s their job after all and who can blame them for having a job?), it’s better to do it while it’s still on air. It’d be extremely late, but better than nothing.
And I do think most of the people who will complain about the voice change are the same people who believe comedy that punches people down (as in, the comedy is not used for self-deprecation or self-reflection, it’s just cruel humor with no political attack against the powerful) is equally the same as comedy that punches up (a distinction even The Simpsons had problems with, let’s be honest), or never watched (and will never watch) Kondabolu’s great documental, rather than just being confused because “huh, different voice actor, that’s weird”.
I care though. I’ve been hearing the same voice out of Carl, Hibbert, and Apul for over 30 years now, there is no excuse to change them now.
If they really cared, they wouldn’t have voiced them in the first place.
I mean, yeah, that they probably shouldn’t have voiced them at all is kind of the point. While I admit this does feel less impactful of a decision regarding a thirty-year-old lumbering dinosaur of a series versus the more contemporary shows that should have known better like “Big Mouth” or “Central Park,” but I really don’t understand why anyone is genuinely upset over this. The very, very few non-white/yellow characters The Simpsons actually has make what, a dozen or so appearances a season? What difference does it make if a tertiary character has a slightly difference voice in season 32? What, you’re worried it’s going to take you out of the reality of the series? The show’s absolute garbage now, who gives a shit?
Also, and I understand this is an entirely different situation, but we’re literally going through this right now with Martin and his new voice actress. If you can get used to that new voice for a character we occasionally see, what’s a few more?
Hay Mike.
Just wandered back to this blog, and nice to see it’s still going.
Every time I feel like changing my decision and actually bothering to watch seasons 24 onwards, this blog reminds me why that is a horrible idea.
I wonder though has the tendency to prop up status quo rather than commit satire actually increased in post Disney simpsons? It’s been something I’ve been noticing and was largely why Gaga was the last straw for me, but from the sound of the entries later, it seems to be increasing markedly.
I’m also still really sorry the futurama episode blog never worked out, since I would’ve been interested to here your commentary on the series.
“Maybe next season that radical girl group that recruited Bart can teach Homer how to GET WOKE. I CAN’T WAIT.”
I’d love to see this, only because so many of the commenters here would have a meltdown, it would be amazing.