39. Bart the Murderer

(originally aired October 10, 1991)
Well, I was originally going to write about how brilliant this show is able to integrate parodies into its universe, in this case seamlessly borrowing plot elements from Goodfellas, but then I read this story was in development right before the movie came out. So now I can instead praise the genius visionary writers who were able to think quicker than a Scorsese picture. This is a very sharp, clever episode that is both over-the-top and relatively grounded, paying homage to classic mafia films, and of course giving us the great Fat Tony and his associates. Our episode opens with Bart looking forward to a great new day, and then every conceivable thing that could go wrong, does, culminating to him missing out a school trip to the chocolate factory because he forgot his permission slip. It cuts even deeper because of how absurdly fun the trip looks, with kids going wild in the factory, some even swimming in the vats of chocolate, while Bart is stuck licking envelopes for hours for Principal Skinner. Just when things couldn’t get any worse, a skateboard accident lands Bart right into Fat Tony’s clutches.

Fat Tony, voiced by Joe Mantegna, is such a wonderful character, the golden archetype for a mafia boss, confident, in-control, and an expert at playing dumb (“What’s a murder?”) He and his goons take a liking to Bart at their headquarters, the Legitimate Businessman’s Social Club (an absolutely brilliant name, by the way), and they decide to give him a part-time job. There’s some great scenes involving Homer and Marge’s reactions to their son’s new dubious employment, from Homer’s obliviousness to Marge’s concern for Bart, and for the odd pizza van parked outside their house (her questioning blows their sting operation, only to be replaced with a truck ‘Flowers By Irene.’) There’s also Chief Wiggum breathing down Fat Tony’s neck, in the first episode that fleshes out his character a bit; he’s somewhat competent… but also quite dim (“Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer, and I am the… um… What cures cancer?”) Upon hearing Bart complain about his problems with Principal Skinner, Fat Tony decides to pay him a little visit. The next day, Skinner is reported missing. Bart is more than a little concerned, all culminating to a wonderful black-and-white macabre dream sequence imagining his principal’s death. Right when Bart confronts his employers, they are all arrested.

The third act turns into a bizarre legal drama as everyone throws the blame onto Bart, making it seem like he’s the junior-sized kingpin. The plot turns again where right before sentencing, a disheveled Skinner arrives, alive and well, prepared to divulge the truth. The incredibly ridiculous and stupid scenario of Skinner trapped under piles of newspapers, and his equally ridiculous, MacGyver-esque escape, is something only this show could pull off, thanks to the great writing and Harry Shearer’s completely genuine and serious read. His testimony gets Bart off the hook, and Bart breaks ties with the mob, realizing that “crime doesn’t pay,” as Fat Tony gets into his cushy limo with two cars trailing behind him. This episode keeps building as it goes, from Bart’s bad day to the mafia, then to a potential murder; at this point, the show has learned that if it’s going to tackle a large story, it’s go big or go home, and they certainly went big. And funny.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Gotta love Bart and Lisa’s cereals: Lisa is eating Jackie-O’s (with free stretch pants inside), and Bart is having Chocolate Frosted Frosty Krusty Flakes (“Only sugar has more sugar!”)
– I like Bart’s genuine surprise that Santa’s Little Helper actually ate his homework (“I didn’t know dogs really did that.”)
– Troy McClure narrates the video at the chocolate factory, and we get out first “you might remember me from…” line; in this case, McClure cites his great work like “The Revenge of Abe Lincoln” and “The Wackiest Covered Wagon in the West.”
– I love the horse race featuring horses named after classic cartoon catchphrases like “Yabba Dabba Doo” and “I Yam What I Yam.” “Don’t Have A Cow” wins, much to Bart’s benefit.
– I’m surprised they were able to get away with Bart not only working for the mafia, but serving alcohol. The cheat was to not show Bart actually mixing any drinks (with the great shot of him making the Manhattan, but he’s so short you only see his spiky hair over the bar), but I still can’t believe they got away with it.
– Homer walks past Bart’s room, which is literally filled floor-to-ceiling with boxes of cigarettes. Homer walks in, “Bart! Have you started smoking?!” He then picks up a box, takes out a pack, and concludes, “Aha! Just as I thought!”
– The press conference regarding the hijacked cigarette truck (and the jittery smokers itching for a fix) is hilarious, with the great press statement by the head of Laramie (“Folks, I’m pleased to announce that a new truckload of Laramie’s, with their smooth good taste of fresh tobacco flavor is already heading towards Springfield. The driver has been instructed to ignore all stop signs and crosswalks.”) The audience cheers wildly.
– Skinner’s reactions to the mob are priceless: when his secretary informs him there are “some large men” here to see him, he retorts, “I don’t have any appointment with any large men.” When Fat Tony and crew enter, he defiantly inquires, “How, may I ask, did you get past the hall monitors?”
– An early Wiggum dumb line: “I can assure you that we’re using the most advanced scientific techniques in the field of… body-finding.”
– Bart’s nightmare is such a great sequence, with Lovejoy’s pathetic comforting of Bart (“There, there. There, there”) and Homer’s “Kill My Boy” sign.
– If your episode features a courtroom scene, you know we’ll get some great Lionel Hutz material (“I’ll be defending you on the charge of… Murder One?! Wow! Even if I lose, I’ll be famous!”)
– I do like the very brief commentary by Burns observing news of Bart’s trial (“Thank God we live in a country so hysterical over crime that a ten-year-old child can be tried as an adult!”)
– I love the newspaper the day of the sentencing, “Sentencing Today for Dinky Don,” featuring a caricatured Bart octopus engulfing Springfield in its tentacles.
– I’d reprint Skinner’s laborious explanation of his whereabouts, but it’s too long, and does no justice to print it with no audio. Just watch the episode, it’s well worth it.