Original airdate: April 25, 2010

The premise: A massive wind storm in Springfield causes a whale to become beached onto shore. Lisa takes a vested interest, but any effort to move the creature comes up short. When the whale dies, Lisa is crestfallen, before realizing there are baby whales to protect, currently being hunted by a troupe of sharks.

The reaction: As usual, there’s so little plot here. We don’t even get to the whale until literally the halfway mark, once we get through the show’s take on wind powered energy. The joke? Once there’s no more wind, there’s no more power! There just isn’t anything here. People try to move the whale, it dies, we see Lisa is sad over a long montage, then she sees the baby whales. Homer inexplicably appears from nowhere to help Lisa, then some environmentalists block them, also coming from nowhere, looking to protect the sharks, because all sea creatures lives are equal. This one piece of dialogue causes Lisa to have a random change of heart, as illustrated by a push-in on her face during said dialogue. Then some stupid shit with Homer in danger, and a gigantic fucking whale picking him up out of the water and safely back in his own boat with no one acknowledging how fucking bizarre and crazy that is. Just another wacky day in Springfield!

Three items of note:
– The Energy Expo at the beginning is so sad. This is the kind of set piece you would relish in the early years, full of joke after joke after joke. I remember the similar energy convention from “The Last Temptation of Homer,” with Hans Moleman’s solar energy booth being ransacked by big oil, and the subtitle on the power plant’s booth, “As Seen on 60 Minutes.” What jokes do we have here? Kid power by Ralph? Burp power by Barney? Really, guys? That’s the best you could come up with?
– Even with the main story as compressed as it is, we get so much useless time filler: Lisa’s dream of the whale being free, the town blowing up the whale and harvesting it for profit, and Lisa’s montage of being sad about the whale, in case you forgot that she was, I guess.
– Homer’s being encircled by sharks during the “dramatic” portion of our show. Then in the next shot, Lisa and the environmentalists shout some stuff to him, and we see the sharks start swimming away. Yeah, they’re just leaving. What? And why is no one acknowledging this? Then Homer gets hit with a bucket and starts bleeding and the sharks come back. Couldn’t they have made this into a coherent gag? Like the sharks notice something else and start to leave, they try and throw Homer something to hold onto, he gets hit and starts bleeding, which attract the sharks back. Instead, it’s like no one’s even paying attention to the show they’re making. It’s really bizarre.

One good line/moment: Lisa pushes away Homer’s harpoon at the last moment, causing it to strike a seagull in the distance. It doesn’t just get killed, it literally explodes into a puff of feathers. It’s so quick and bizarrely violent that it’s kinda great.

Original airdate: April 18, 2010

The premise: Homer bonds with Chief Wiggum during his term of community service, and the two become good friends, but things take a turn when Wiggum takes a near fatal bullet for his new friend in a scuffle with the mob. Meanwhile, Bart becomes obsessed with a new toy craze, only to be misinterpreted by the school staff as him dealing narcotics.

The reaction: Here’s an idea I felt I could go with halfway. I enjoy episodes where we take a closer look at our supporting players, seeing them in a new, semi-serious light. A show about Wiggum feeling unwanted at home and finding a new kinship with Homer could work, and in a few moments here, it kind of did. But like many things nowadays, they push it too far, and comment on it whilst doing it. Vulnerable Wiggum? Sure. Wiggum acting like a giddy teenager in love? Nope, that’s too much. By the time he gets shot, it feels like things have been pushed too far. The relationship hasn’t felt strong enough to justify this dramatic of a turn, and then when Wiggum wakes from his coma and starts taking advantage of Homer, it comes out of nowhere, and their little bit of strife feels forced. But I did enjoy select scenes of their interaction, and as hokey and joke-free as it was, I liked Homer staying by coma Wiggum’s side in the hospital. This is easily the closest I’ve come to liking an episode this season, which is to say I didn’t think it was complete and total trash.

Three items of note:
– Marge trying to figure out the gender of the kid whose birthday it is, Homer’s concealed candy apple mistaken for a gun, the initial bonding scene with Homer and Wiggum… I was surprised how much was working in the first half of the episode. Some of the scenes definitely ran longer than they should have, but I at least enjoyed their set-ups.
– The B story is so lackluster. Apparently the toys are a parody of Bakugan Battle Brawlers, something I’ve never heard of, and the idea of surely came from one of the writers seeing his kids playing with them. Last episode we had the hacky soap opera contrivance of a character overhearing others talking bad about them, but this time it’s even worse with Marge listening in on Bart and Milhouse talking about the toys, but sounding like drugs. Oh, but it’s okay, because Marge lampshades it (“Let me just listen to a little more, out of context.”) The plot “ends” when Marge discovers the toys and thinks they’re cool, ergo Bart thinks they’re uncool. Great job, guys, you basically lifted the ending of South Park‘s “Chinpokomon” episode from over ten years ago.
– In act two, we see Wiggum able to put sugar in his coffee while driving using his tongue. Then in our conclusion, we see him utilize those skills to mess with Fat Tony’s CD changer. At this point, it’s really shocking to see any form of set up/pay off in these episodes, so I was really impressed.

One good line/moment: “Chicken parm, meatball parm, eggplant parm, shiska parm, angel food parm, moo goo gai parm, my wife can parm anything.” Also, I’m really really hungry as I write this.

Original airdate: April 11, 2010

The premise: After a stolen famous art piece is discovered in his home, Mr. Burns is thrown into prison, where he’s taken in by a physically intimidating, but humble born again inmate. But when conditions at the plant worsen under the rule of Smithers, Homer, Lenny and Carl seek to break Burns out and set things back to normal.

The reaction: As we’ve seen, Mr. Burns is a heavy casualty of latter day Simpsons, flip-flopping from cartoonishly evil to pathetic frail old weakling. This episode utilizes mainly the first, with the opening act featuring Burns forcing his employees to work during their 4th of July picnic for his own amusement. It’s so elaborate and dumb. Burns would rather be left alone with his immense wealth than waste his time with common folk for any longer than he has to. Then he’s thrown in prison on an insane technicality, and somehow is unable to bribe his way out of there. Alright, whatever, Burns in jail, what can we do with this plot? Become born again? Sure, except it happens late in the episode and doesn’t mean anything, and of course he reverts back to his evil ways in a matter of minutes. Apart from that we have Smithers inexplicably become an even worse boss than Burns, and a side story with Bart and Lisa involving an ant farm. Quality!

Three items of note:
– The scene of Burns’s arrest is unbelievable, it’s one of the worst scenes I can recall from this show. The cops come in to bust Homer, Lenny and Carl for trashing Burns’s house. Then Lou notices a Vermeer painting on the wall that was stolen twenty years ago. Even if there was a line about how he would know that, it would still be clunky and awkward. Yes, it’s true, The Concert is still missing, but I didn’t know that. What percentage of the people still watching this show are art history majors? Rather than plead ignorance, claim it’s a replica, fucking anything to absolve him of guilt, Burns stammers on about how he’s above the law, and then he’s arrested. What about the three drunken idiots you came to arrest? But how fucking dumb is this? The cops come in, Lou points out the painting, Burns is arrested. That’s it. They mention once how it’s ironic he got arrested on such a technicality, but it’s just so, so dumb and meaningless.
– The Smithers turn is stupid. The guys take him to Moe’s for a drink for what a great job he’s done running the plant, where in thanks, Homer lifts his shirt for him (“Use that image any way you want.”) Ugh. Then Smithers goes outside to take a phone call for a customer survey? But that’s just an excuse to get him out of the room and come back to overhear the other guys talking about how they love taking advantage of a pushover sap like Smithers. Why are they so needlessly vindictive? And what the fuck, this is like soap opera level contrivance, leaving the room and coming back to overhear part of a conversation? And plus, this gives us no sympathy for the punishment Homer, Lenny and Carl get, since they brought it on themselves. It’s all just an excuse to have them want to bust Burns out of prison, which I guess they can do easily. Dress up as guards, get the keys and walk him toward the exit. Simple!
– Always on the cutting edge of pop culture, this episode references The Shawshank Redemption with the formidable black inmate who wants to cleanse Burns’s soul. So rather than show him molding Burns into a good person despite his resistance, he literally sucks the evil out of him, which is like this green goopy stuff that shoots out of Burns’s mouth in a disturbing and bizarre sequence. Then, he’s good now! What the fuck is this shit?

One good line/moment: The portrait in Burns’s office of himself in the style of Saturn Devouring His Son by Goya. Now there’s my art history knowledge coming into use.

Original airdate: March 28, 2010

The premise: In one last grand gesture to attempt to save Homer’s soul, Ned Flanders invites the Simpsons to join his Bible study group to Israel, only to have his patience continuously worn out by Homer’s ignorance and misguided blasphemy.

The reaction: I continue to be amazed how characterization keeps getting bastardized this season. This episode begins with Flanders being annoyed and exasperated by Homer’s antics, which carries on through basically the entire show. The always upbeat Ned, completely impervious to any negativity Homer throws his way, is pissed off right from the jump. I could buy it if he was worn down over time, like in “Homer Loves Flanders,” but here he goes from aggravated to extremely aggravated. When he finally snaps, Homer is hurt and worries about losing Ned’s friendship? What? He hates Flanders… right? The two make up in the end, because I guess in the series now they’re just old buddies, except we have him saying “Stupid Flanders” because that’s a thing he used to say when the show was watchable. Tied to all this is our usual travel show beats of visiting every famous landmark in Israel and making a stupid joke, with references to Jewish things, like latkes and yarmulkas. Bleh.

Three items of note:
– Sacha Baron Cohen voices the Israeli tour guide, a role completely bereft of jokes. He gets a lot of dialogue too, and multiple instances of him, for some reason, telling the tourists to shut up and pay attention. This happens at least three times, I guess they thought it was funny. Singer Yael Naim voices his niece, who gets a pointless montage of chasing and fighting Bart. I thought maybe this was going to be Bart’s new celebrity-voiced love interest, but no, it’s just time killer with no bearing of the story. Also, the chase is set to Run Lola Run music? Remember when you parodied that thirteen year old movie nine years ago?
– The Homer/Ned dynamic in this show is so weird. I guess this stems back to “Viva Ned Flanders,” where Homer would be this goofy guy who gets on this guy’s nerves. But at least there, Ned was still Ned, and not constantly being irritated. I feel it could have worked if they went from zero to sixty on it, rather than Ned telling Homer how much he pisses him off right at the start.
– The ending is so goddamn terrible. Homer the Messiah speaks upon Muslims, Christians and Jews, giving them the guidance to stop all their religious wars forever: celebrate your commonalities, and be good to each other. It’s like the episode where Bart resolves the Catholic/Christian debacle with words just as cliche and hackneyed. What? But this serves as our reconciliation where Ned can tear up that he finally “reached” Homer. Whatever.

One good line/moment: Not much to go on here. Homer playing with his kids on the slip and slide was pretty cute at the beginning. I like it whenever we see him being a fun dad.

Original airdate: March 21, 2010

The premise: When the school’s two fourth grade classes are joined, Bart meets Nikki, a spunky fellow skateboarder he develops a crush on. When he kisses her, she freaks out, causing her litigious parents to come down on the school, which institutes a strict “no touching” policy. Meanwhile, Lisa feels discouraged for being mocked for her overachieving nature, which is resolved from a random appearance by First Lady Michelle Obama.

The reaction: Another thin, confusing outing. It’s another Bart-gets-a-celebrity-girlfriend episode, but this one doesn’t seem to even want to bother to try. Sarah Silverman voices Nikki, who goes back and forth whether she likes Bart or not, for no other reason or joke other than them girls be craaaazzzy! As with other girls in the past, we barely know anything about her character, and once again we get twenty minutes of confused, whiny Bart, which seems to be a favorite of this season. As barebones as this feels, we get a B “plot,” which is really only three scenes. Lisa gets an “F” and is discouraged. Then she’s on the playground and kids inexplicably think she’s cool because of her failing grade, but it snaps right back to resentment when Miss Hoover confirms she actually did get an A. Then Michelle Obama appears for a three minute scene to give a speech about treating smart kids nicely with no jokes in it. At one time, the Simpsons were an unfortunate lot of losers. Things would never quite go their way, but they would always find a way to make peace with their lot in life and find some form of happiness. Now, if Lisa’s feeling down, the fucking First Lady appears out of nowhere to cheer her up! Lady Gaga too! Christ.

Three items of note:
– Both plots are so very short on content, we get three fucking montages. We see Bart and Nikki skateboard in an elaborate fashion, which I guess is them bonding? Or something? Then we see another extending Itchy & Scratchy, this time “parodying” Koyannisquatsi. Itchy & Scratchy shorts are meant to be short, just these ridiculously violent bursts of energy, but if they are long, they better have a damn good payoff. Between this and the House “parody” from last episode, it’s clear it’s nothing but filler. But the most egregious example, the most pointless montage in the show’s history, is at the end. Nikki gives Bart mouth-to-mouth, and we’re treated to Simpson-ized recreations of famous kisses in movie history. From Here to Eternity. Lady and the Tramp. Spider-Man. WALL-E. There’s no jokes here, they just animated these sequences, except for the Xenomorph alien tongue kissing the girl’s cheek, which is ripped from The Critic. What the fuck is this? Why waste a minute of screentime on this montage, which adds nothing to the story? Ugggh…
– The assembly scene is pretty disturbing, where Skinner and Willie at first are forced to make out in front of the students, but then over time appear to be enjoying themselves? So we’re treated to seeing a shot of them behind Chalmers appearing to be very passionately sucking face. Dude, what?
– I don’t understand the Michelle Obama thing. It’d be one thing if they actually were able to get her to do the voice, by all means, if the First Lady is willing to do your show, book her. But here, like with all celebrity appearances nowadays, it’s just an extended ass kissing session. She makes a grand entrance, totes how smart and accomplished she is, emasculates her bodyguards with her muscular arms (which is really our only “joke”), and leaves. I’m not saying you have to rip on her, and I’m certainly not looking to get political with this, but if you’re going to put the First Lady on your comedy show, maybe it’d be a good idea to include some comedy? Novel concept, yeah?

One good line/moment: A quick line at the beginning from Skinner on the whereabouts of Edna (“Mrs. Krabappel had to go to Portland. Apparently the people she hired to reprogram her sister from that cult ended up being an even worse cult.”)