Original airdate: March 14, 2021

The premise: Through flashback, we see 90s teenage Homer’s dreams of being DJ to a Showbiz Pizza-esque robot band fall apart. In the present, the Simpson family’s efforts to recover the old robots to lift Homer’s spirits are dashed when they fall into the hands of J.J. Abrams, looking to reboot the property into a film series. Homer now has a new life’s purpose: to troll the movie online in efforts to stop it from being made.

The reaction: Holy shit, this episode was all over the fucking map. By the midpoint, I was just staring in confusion as to where the hell it was going and what the point of it all was. Can you even understand that premise I wrote up there? I watched the damn episode and I barely understand it. Act one is almost all flashback, as we see teenage Homer, now living in the 1990s, working as DJ at a Showbiz Pizza-type restaurant with an animatronic band. When he gets the chance to perform his own remixes with the characters, it becomes a true dream come true for him, until the establishment is shut down. In present-day, Homer is devastated when this memory gets triggered, causing the other Simpsons to try and track down the four robots to cheer Homer up. The episode presents this idea that this memory of Homer’s is so foundational that it causes him to have this severe emotional breakdown, but it’s just so incredibly stupid, and feels so far removed from what we know about Homer that it’s impossible to have any kind of investment. In fairness, Homer was in the Be Sharps, but being creative in any way is not really a big part of his character. You’d think being in a world famous music group in your 20s would be more important that dicking around with some pizza robots, but who knows where that shit lines up the timeline anymore, if at all. The final robot is absconded by J.J. Abrams’ people, and after hearing Homer’s sob story, he takes them all away to create a CG animated reboot. Now we’re into act three and I’m struggling to figure out just what the fuck is happening. Homer spends almost all of the following year becoming an obese slob obsessing over his Reddit board trashing Abrams’ upcoming movie, spurned on by Comic Book Guy, teaching him the ways of being an over-critical fan shitting on Hollywood reboot culture. So now it’s about Homer’s obsession about the creative integrity of the pizza robots? He himself was “rebooting” the characters as a teenager by making them contemporary to the 90s, having them sing “Whoomp! There It Is” in new hip-hop outfits, so how is this any different? It’s the sacred memory in his mind that’s most important to him, and Abrams’ new movie is an excuse for him to lash out to him for “ruining” it. But what the fuck does any of this matter? Why does he give a shit? In the end, Marge gets Abe to apologize for being a shitty dad, and Homer realizes that’s where his trauma came from all along. Oh fuck, whatever. Boy oh boy was this a huge turd. It’s for sure one of the worst of the season, though I don’t really hate it too much since it was just more baffling than anything. It was just a big confusing mess.

Three items of note:
– So I guess we have to talk about the floating timeline again. Some fans will complain about showing Homer as a teenager in the 90s as a contradiction, but it really isn’t. If Homer is 36 (or 38?) now in present day, then he was born in the 1980s, that’s just how it has to work. I don’t care about any of that as a concept (repeated references to Abe and Skinner still having served in WWII and Vietnam despite the increasingly illogical time difference is a different story.) My problem is what is the point of showing teen Homer in the 90s? The show already ran through the 90s, satirizing current day culture along the way. Perhaps looking back at the decade with a 2021 lens could make it different, but the first act is content enough to settle with namedropping Crystal Pepsi and Digital Underground and calling it a day. It’s the same problem with “That 90s Show” back in the day, it was just an exercise to see how many 90s references they could make in a story where Homer invents grunge music for some reason. I wonder why The Simpsons wasn’t doing on-the-nose reference humor in its early years? I guess they were too busy actually writing stories. For those keeping score at home, “That 90s Show” was written by Matt Selman, and now over a decade later, this episode was executive produced by him, so I guess he didn’t really progress much. Also, the fucking pizza robot band not only feels like material that’s been played on so many other shows from years and years ago (Dexter’s Lab’s “Chubby Cheese” comes to mind), but on this very show too. The Wall E. Weasel set piece in the first act of “Radio Bart” has dozens of jokes, and the robot band’s birthday song has been etched into my brain for life. To contrast, the pizza band here sings “Rock Around the Clock” with “pizza” replacing every third word. Solid writing.
– Act two starts with a seemingly normal Homer leaving the breakfast table for work. Marge nearly breaks down into tears, knowing that he’s devastated inside. Then we see little memories of all the fun things Homer used to do that he’s not doing, and then Moe randomly appears at the Simpson house and gives more memories. “He’s missing his youthful spirit! That spark that makes him who he is!” Marge croaks. This has to be the most egregious example of “tell, not show” this show has done in a while. This whole episode is basically about Homer’s obsessive emotional attachment to these pizza robots, and here we just have Marge and Moe explain how Homer is feeling, rather than actually see it from Homer in any way. After contently leaving for work, we don’t see Homer again for six more minutes.
If you want to see a story about people who truly, deeply care about their cherished memories of watching pizza robots, check out the documentary about the Rockafire Explosion, the Showbiz Pizza robot band. It’s a truly fascinating look at these people who revel in the nostalgia of their youth, and the lengths they’ve gone to to hold onto those good feelings. It really feels like this episode was directly inspired by the documentary, except they did an absolute shit job “adapting” it. Do yourself a favor and give it a watch, it’s really engaging and has a lot of charm, even as someone who’s never stepped foot in a Showbiz Pizza or a Chuck E. Cheese.
– I feel like it’s been a while since we’ve had a mega celebrity voice themselves in an episode that is just a sickening, fawning love letter to how great they are. John Legend and Crissy Teigan from a few seasons ago comes close, but they were more or less a cameo, while J.J. Abrams is pivotal to the plot of the latter half of the episode. There’s some gentle ribbing with  the introduction of Abrams’ underlings, scouring Springfield for nostalgic kitsch to fuel Abrams’ creative vision, but their worshipful reverence of their boss don’t really feel like jokes to me (“Master of story!” “He’s the ultimate architect of cinematic universes!”)  He sets up shop in Springfield in a huge warehouse with a loving staff, instantaneously buys the IP rights to the pizza robots and gets to make his “Agents of P.I.Z.Z.A.” movie without a hitch, winning over Homer in the end. Abrams’ pursuit in making a soulless piece of colorful cinematic tripe designed to deceptively pull at nostalgic heartstrings, and yet the third act paints Homer as the villain, aligning him with Comic Book Guy as an irritable Internet nerd never satisfied with any big budget Hollywood adaptation. It’s almost like the show is running damage control for Abrams and his critics, it’s really pathetic. One of the worst “jokes” is where Abrams lists off the gag names of all the digital effects studios who toiled away on his movie (Dream Prison, Indentured Servi-Dudes, Mr. No-Health-Care’s Wonder Emporium, “and too many others to count… or pay.” A guy in the audience shouts, “Yeah!”) It’s paying lip service to how VFX artists work horrible hours and get paid shit for it, but it’s coming out of the mouth of J.J. Abrams, big time Hollywood director/producer, who has serious industry pull to actually do something about this problem with the movies he produces, and instead, he just makes a joke about it. I speak as someone who used to work in VFX (and funnily enough, actually worked on one of Abrams’ movies) and has experienced firsthand the grueling hours and stressful work environment. I hold no grudge against Abrams, but it would be like if the producers of Sausage Party showed up in “Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie,” touring the Korean animation sweatshop instead of Kent Brockman. Like, ha ha, let’s laugh at these poor digital effects artists and how miserable their lives are because the major movie studios underbid for contracts the VFX houses need to stay in business, but those GODDAMN INTERNET TROLLS, they’re the real problem! Just terrible.

1. The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson

• Coming in under the wire at the very end of the eighth production season, Duffman is the last great character to come out of this series (Gil was funny at times, but forever living in the gigantic shadow cast by Lionel Hutz.) It’s like “Oh Yeah” was made for him and his bravado showmanship. I also like his reluctant, but contractually obligated support of the designated driver program when Barney brings the mood down.
• I feel kind of foolish not thinking of this before, but where the hell is Marge’s car? Why is Homer riding around on a scooter and building his own vehicle out of a mattress when the family has always had two cars, as angrily pointed out by Frank Grimes just three episodes ago.
• “If you do not remedy this malparkage within 72 hours, your car will be thrown into the East River at your expense.”
• Homer’s nightmare flashback to his bad New York experience is a wonderful sequence, it’s so expertly timed to the music.
• Obligatory “SIMPSONS DID 9/11” reference.
  
• The second and last (as far as I can remember) appearance of the Very Tall Man is sadly a syndication cut. It’s not the best joke, but to be fair, his first appearance was an all-time great, so to top that would be a tall order (ha ha ha.) Also interesting in that this episode is written by Ian Maxtone-Graham, the physical inspiration for the character.
• Watching Homer in this episode kind of reminded me of “Homer Goes to College;” he acts wildly exaggerated in both shows based upon preconceived notions in his head that cloud everything else. In “College,” he was convinced he was living in a bad college movie, and here, his one bad New York trip (which he’s most likely exaggerated in his head over the years) has created his irrational hatred of the city. He may be crazier here than he was in “College,” but I can accept his behavior in context for the most part. But of course, it’s a slippery slope for Homer from here…
• Homer biting the nuts on the tire really makes me wince. The sounds effects make it even worse, my teeth just recoiled inside my mouth.
• Marge and the kids traveling from NYC landmark to landmark definitely set the template for all future travel shows, where it’s just a matter of showing a handful of tourist locations, make your tepid jokes and call it a day. It’s pretty similar here, but the jokes are definitely stronger, and their wonderful day exploring the city contrasts Homer’s miserable escapades.
• “Chinese fire drill! Serious this time!!”
• “Checkin’ In” is one of the last great songs of the series, it’s very catchy and well-done, feeling very evocative of a Broadway-style tune. It’s also another song off the soundtrack CDs that I never quite understood as a kid. Not many cartoons back in the 90s talked about methadone clinics and Liza Minelli. Also, the lead actor seems to be modeled off Robert Downey, Jr., one of two RDJ jokes in the series about him being a washed-up druggie, which is especially funny in retrospect, since he’s been the highest paid actor in Hollywood for several years now.
• I totally get why some people would find Homer aggravating in this episode, but I love it. I laugh every time that boot just completely destroys the side of his car, and just how blinded with misplaced rage he is in his attempts to get the fuck out of NYC (smashing in the car radio as “Everything is Beautiful” plays is a highlight.) The only bit I don’t really like is when he tells Marge and the kids to jump in the car (“No time for the baby!”)
• Simpsons Archive retro review: “Bland with little to laugh at – even with the contrived plot, there were plenty of opportunities for jokes that were missed. Homer was blazingly out of character, unless you prefer the idiot version of Homer, and the rest of the family, with much potential with NYC jokes, took a backseat to Homer’s antics. The age of the show is definitely showing, and seems to be lacking an overall QA manager.”
  

2. The Principal and the Pauper

• “Superintendent Chalmers!  Can I offer you a cup of coffee-flavored beverine?” “Yes, I take it grey, with creamium.”
• I like Agnes’ poorly-disguised deception in getting Skinner to his surprise party. I feel like up to this point, there have been just enough moments showing that Agnes depends on her son and cares for him to some extent, while past this point, it would just be an endless parade of scathing remarks about how she wish he were dead while Skinner just takes it like a wuss.
• “I’m an imposter. That is the real…” has become a really solid shitpost meme that’s been used for so many different things.
• So yeah, this will mostly just be talking about the controversial story of this episode, and hopefully I won’t just retread what I talked about ten years ago. I can’t imagine what I would have thought watching this when it aired, especially to have a bombshell show like this as the second episode of the season. Even with Skinner’s rewritten history not contradicting much from what we already know, it still recolors him in a less than favorable way. Skinner looking back fondly about the horrors of war, be it his nostalgic satisfaction finding his old POW helmet at a swap meet or his desperate attempts to recreate his beloved rice stew stateside, was incredibly funny irony, but also spoke a lot about Skinner’s character. Here, his Vietnam experiences feel more normalized, where he was a punk kid who learned to be a better man under the wing of his commanding officer. Depicting Skinner as a rebellious youth is an interesting idea, but it’s an episode I’d rather like to see as its own story, not in this overcomplicated misfire of a show.
• I know for sure I mentioned the audio commentary last time around, but I’d highly recommend listening to it, as writer Ken Keeler attempts to explain what he was going for (and admits himself it didn’t quite work out as he hoped.) He talks about how he never expected anyone to care so much about a secondary character like Skinner, a point seemingly represented in the episode with this Marge and Skinner exchange (“How would you feel if you suddenly found out Ned Flanders was an impostor?” “…who’s Ned Flanders?”)
• Exactly how much time goes by between Sgt. Skinner’s arrival and Skinner leaving town? Where was he staying, and what was he doing? Another sizable problem with this episode is just what a black hole of a character Sgt. Skinner is. I get that he’s supposed to be this weird interloper that the rest of the cast doesn’t quite gel with, but we only get that from Agnes getting upset that he was at a bar and he’s borrowing her car. But who is he? What kind of life does he want for himself in Springfield? His lifelong dream was to be principal, and we barely even see that. And why did he come home to change to a turtleneck? Creating a deeper contrast between the two Skinners and emphasizing how weird life is with the “real” Skinner back may have helped this episode, but it’s already juggling so much plot I’m not sure if it would have helped much.
• “Up yours, children!” is great, but why exactly are the kids just hanging by the storage center at night? Maybe the ice cream shop was just down the block.
• Skinner’s new job outside Topless Nudes is definitely one of the highlights of the episode (”They’re not even wearing a smile! Nod suggestively!”)
• Everything really starts to tear apart the more you mentally unravel it. You can say Agnes was an old woman who had forgotten exactly what her son looked like (even though they imply that she always knew, which is a whole greater topic I won’t even go into), but surely lots of other people in Springfield knew the real Skinner and would be confused as to what was going on. But the episode doesn’t really want you to think about any of that; as Homer explains at the end, “Do any of you care?” And the answer is yes, yeah, I kind of do. Ken Keeler is responsible for some of the greatest Futurama episodes (as well as Simpsons gems like “Two Bad Neighbors” and “Brother From Another Series”), but he really way over thought this one. The episode is a failure, but it’s an interesting failure, definitely enhanced by listening to the commentary. It also feels like Oakley & Weinstein’s very last meta deconstruction, but unlike “Poochie” and “Homer’s Enemy,” this one just really missed the mark.
• Simpsons Archive retro review: “Ken Keeler, I hate you. This episode is certainly a waste of tape. Abandoning all continuity and destroying a great supporting character in exchange for a few cheap laughs? I’m sorry, that might have worked on ‘The Critic,’ but if you haven’t noticed, this ain’t ‘The Critic.’ The only solace is that this appears to be Keeler’s final episode. Well, Mr. Keeler, with this episode, you have earned yourself the most welcome exit since Jennifer Crittenden.”

3. Lisa’s Sax

• Man, it’s so weird that Michigan J. Frog was the WB Network’s mascot. It was meant to appeal to kids and younger teens, but not only is he a relatively obscure character, but he’s a fucking frog who sings turn-of-the-century showtunes, and he’s gonna appeal to 90s kids? Whatever. When they finally retired him in 2005, WB chairman Garth Ancier commented, “The frog is dead and buried,” which is pretty hardcore.
• “It all happened in 1990! Back then, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince was currently known as Prince. Tracey Ullman was entertaining America with songs, sketches, and crudely drawn filler material…” The first big warning sign that the show’s been running too long is that the flashbacks are now officially clashing with show history. It’s a cute nod now, but it would become more of a nagging problem in the future.
• Li’l Jimbo’s bunny shirt is just adorable.
• I like Lisa’s demure clapping next to a more enthusiastic Bart and Lisa after Homer and Marge finish the first part of their story/song in the first act. It’s a great touch leading up to her outburst that they were telling the wrong damn story.
• Gotta love Curious George and the Ebola Virus.
• Li’l Bart’s troubling drawing is appropriately disturbing. Homer’s dismissive patronizing turned outright horror when he finally looks at it is a great performance by Dan.
  
• Dr. Pryor and the owner of King Toot’s make their first re-appearances in years, but neither of them have the same voices. Could they not have checked the old tapes to double check that?
• This episode has the first of what seemed like many Milhouse-is-gay jokes, with Dr. Pryor’s file about his “flamboyant homosexual tendencies.” The joke doesn’t really seem like it’s about the wild paranoia at overanalyzing and sexualizing young children, it’s more like, ha ha he’s gay/effeminate. Same with in “All Singing, All Dancing” with Bart’s lyrics “I hate to dance and prance and sing/That’s really more of a Milhouse thing.” 
• “The point I’m trying to make here is, that Bart must learn to be less of an individual and more of a faceless slug.”
• Yeardley Smith gives an adorable performance as 3-year-old Lisa (“Wave of the future!” still manages to touch my cold, black heart.)
• The plot of this episode is weirdly kind of start-and-stop, since we focus exclusively on Bart for the first half, then it becomes about Lisa up until the very end, with Bart getting a scene wrap-up to his story in act three. It’s funny that li’l Bart and li’l Lisa don’t even have any kind of interaction. But what we get is pretty good; Bart meeting li’l Milhouse (who is INCREDIBLY flaming, right?!) and his birth as a class clown feels very appropriate and satisfying. 
• I really like the jazzy end credits, which Homer angrily interrupts (“Lisa! Enough saxa-ma-phone already!”), then continues and closes out minus the saxophone part. It’s a pretty clever joke.
• Simpsons Archive retro review: “Hmmm. This episode read kind of like the old Simpsons- old in that they stuck to a plot, made some sort of sense, and still verged on hilarity. I liked it a lot, but there were a couple of things I just sort of shook my head at. The Fruitopia bashing, the WB bashing, etc- what’s the point they’re trying to make? It’s not satire, just bitter bad-mouthing. What was the whole ‘Simpsons is filmed in front of a live studio audience’ supposed to mean? Why were they reminiscing about the ’70s at the start of the show? All in all, it could have been a lot worse.”

4. Treehouse of Horror VIII

• God bless the FOX censor and robbing us of that bit about the crack pipe (“As the FOX censor, it’s my job to protect you from reality.”) It’s also probably the last clever TOH opening. The one next year with the twisted opening sequence where everyone dies is neat, I guess, but this one feels more creative.
• “I stand by my ethnic slur!” is a Quimby line for the ages.
• It’s weird that Homer refers to “The Far Side” calendar as a Gary Larson calendar. It couldn’t have been an issue of permission; why say the cartoonist’s name when most people would most recognize the name of the comic?
• There was a period where I thought the show writers had forgotten to put Kang and Kodos in this year’s special. Sadly, they were victims of syndication cuts, which sucks because it’s one of their best appearances; I like the idea of a reverse-UFO sighting and their shock at seeing the missile fly by.
• Seeing Homer in that theater full of corpses makes me really miss going to the movie theater. I’d even see a David Spade/Chris Farley movie, I don’t give at shit.
• I always smile at Homer singing along and responding to “War” (“Say it again! Okay!”)
• “The Homega Man” kind of falls apart by the end. The freaks and why they want to kill Homer feels kind of rushed, and we get an extended chase sequence that isn’t really funny, and Marge and the kids killing them as the twist ending feels more random than unexpected. The chase scene did give me Hit & Run flashbacks to the final Halloween level. Even the music felt kind of reminiscent of the game. Remember the last mission where you have to carry nuclear waste barrels to the spaceship, but you can’t drive too recklessly or else they’ll explode and you have to start all over? What a pain in the ass that was.
• Not only is the cat ear medicine the exact same type of can as a Duff, but it’s placed right between two Duff cans. Amazing.
• The two-headed Santa’s Little Helper/Snowball II fusion actually beat Nickelodeon’s CatDog to the punch by a year. FOX should have sued!
• It goes against Matt Groening’s long-attested rule about animals never acting too humanlike, but the spider shaking its fists at fly Bart as it escapes is still really funny to me.
• I love the touch of 1649 Krabappel having the scarlet A.
• Impressively, this show has gotten two equally funny retorts to Lisa quoting the same Bible verse to make a point (“Doesn’t the Bible say `Judge not lest ye be judged?’”) In “Bart’s Girlfriend,” Lovejoy murmurs, “I think it’s somewhere towards the back…” and here, 1649 Wiggum dismisses, “The Bible says a lot of things,” before ordering Lisa’s mother to be shoved off the cliff. 
• “Oh, Neddy, look at them up there, plotting our doom! They could force us to commit wonton acts of carnality!” “Pffft, yeah, that’ll be the day.” Great line, and interesting that 1649 Ned is considerably hornier than his modern day counterpart.
• It really is funny how quickly the dial is being turned on Homer’s characterization. This is the second episode of the ninth production season, and first to air, and we’ve got Homer angrily punching corpses, threatening Bart with an axe and an ending where he gets an angry mob to chase Lisa out of town. Season 9 still has a lot of the same writers as season 8, but Oakley & Weinstein must have tethered these impulses to some extent, and then Mike Scully moves up and I guess decided to just let the chains loose. And look how good that turned out!
• Simpsons Archive retro review: “While TOH VIII didn’t quite reach the heights of III or VI, it was a decent entry in one of the most unique holiday series on TV today. ‘Fly vs. Fly’ was the best episode; it lacked any jarring shifts in tone and had an abundance of good gags. The endings for ‘The Homega Man’ and ‘Easy-Bake Coven’ clashed with the shorts’ beginnings, but each short had something to recommend it.”

5. The Cartridge Family

• The soccer ad feels like a classic manipulative Simpsons commercial (“It’s all here: fast-kicking, low scoring, and ties? You bet!”) Also, Ariaga and Ariaga II is one of those jokes I absolutely don’t understand but love all the same.
• Great bit of Springfield history from Marge about the soccer stadium (“It’s hard to believe this used to be an internment camp!”)
• Great detail at the riot with Dr. Hibbert strangling Dr. Nick.
• “But surely you can’t put a price on your family’s lives.” “I wouldn’t have thought so either, but here we are.”
• Hey, have I mentioned Dankmus in a while?
• Homer in this episode feels reminiscent of “Homer’s Phobia,” where his character is being co-opted slightly to represent the average American man, previously in his latent homophobia, now with his loudmouth support of his right to own a gun. He definitely comes off worse here than “Phobia” for a few reasons, but the core of the episode feels sound to me.
• The episode has its fun with gun-nut culture, with the NRA group scenes feeling depressingly familiar over twenty years later. It’s not really even parody anymore. Moe’s closing joke of his story about shooting and paralyzing a would-be robber (”I guess the next place he robs better have a ramp!”) being met with raucous laughter from the crowd is quite literally something I’d expect to see from CPAC or a similar militantly right-wing meetup.
• Homer’s fantasy about the gilded life he would lead if he robbed the Kwik-E-Mart is another wonderful looping gif-worthy moment.
  
• I feel like I had greater anxiety with Homer’s reckless fooling around with his gun this time around. After the gun goes off twice during dinner, he sets it down on the table and it fires a third time. When we cut back to a wider shot of the kitchen, the gun is pointed incredibly close to where Maggie is sitting. Yeah, that scene is the breaking point with Marge, but Homer coming this close to shooting his infant daughter is pretty hardcore.
• Homer going to respond to Marge’s “I think you’d agree that I’ve put up with a lot in this marriage,” only to stop when he sees Bart and Lisa sternly shaking their heads is a great moment.
• Homer’s hiding place for the gun is pretty stupid, even for him, considering Marge is the only person in the family that would actually open the vegetable crisper.
• There’s been so many “last straw” moments in the last twenty years of the show, of Marge insisting this is the worst thing Homer has ever done, and that it may actually threaten their marriage and their family. Here, it really does feel like it. The episode does a solid job with Marge’s progression, humoring Homer’s new obsession, then her calm and concerned plea for him to give it up, then her justified outrage at his betrayal.
• Homer’s excitement over the gun is fine, but it goes too far by the third act when he’s gleefully shooting the TV and blasting every light in the house. It’s just way too silly.
• “Are you some kind of moron?” This one line from Cletus is not only funnier than anything we saw in “Yokel Hero,” but says more about his character than anything we “learned” in that episode. He may be simple folk, but even he has better gun sense than Homer.
• The episode really falls down at the ending, which I’m not even sure what to make of. Homer is exposed to lying to Marge again, but the day is saved by the other NRA members arriving, packing enough heat to frighten off Snake. So is this like a “good guy with a gun” happy ending? They joke about letting Snake get away, but characterizing reckless dimwits like Moe and Lenny as concerned citizens responding to the triggered silent alarm feels wrong and antithetical to the episode. Homer concludes he can’t trust himself and surrenders the gun to Marge, which I guess I understand, but then Marge decides she looks good with it and keeps it for herself, which I guess is the unexpected twist ending, but I don’t find it very funny.
• Simpsons Archive retro review: “I find that this episode was confusing, trying to preach a lesson that it couldn’t sustain. Lisa’s statement that the Bill of Rights was out of date, picking out one section, while ignoring that her statements could apply to freedom of speech and religion, seemed far too radical for her. On the bright side, all of us that find Marge to be a sexy woman got two treats in this show. One, Homer’s mental view of her in a very sexy and revealing outfit,  plus Marge’s strut when she pockets the pistol for herself. I don’t think this one is destined to be a classic by anyone’s reasoning, but like any of the Simpson shows, it does have a bright spot or two.”
  (we don’t kink-shame on this blog, but what the fuck)

6. Bart Star

• I love Dr. Nick’s big goofy grin manning the “What’s Your Sex?” booth. What else could his procedure possibly entail other than groping the genitals of whoever is foolish enough to indulge him?
  
• The goaded fury which Milhouse repeatedly and violently kicks Bart in the crotch to test the cup is still very funny.
• Lisa’s attempts to rabble rouse pee wee football is a really wonderful scene. She’s raising a stink to get attention, but she’s clearly just a little kid who sheepishly backs down when her efforts are foiled. She doesn’t come off as unlikable or out-of-character; she’s exaggerated a bit to serve the purpose of the scene, but it’s not pushed too far. Thankfully, this would be the very last time Lisa would bitch about a self-righteous cause and she would go onto be a worldly beloved, non-problematic character. Thank goodness for that.
• The two teams both being the Wildcats is even funnier to me as my high school mascot was the Cougars.
• Is there a reason that Uter is depicted throughout the episode only wearing one cleat? Is that a reference to a specific athlete?
• Homer’s hatred of coach Flanders goes sour mainly because of how long it goes on for, as we see him badmouthing him and acting like a dick over multiple scenes over multiple weeks. It also comes out of a self-processed place of meanness, which is incredibly out-of-character of Homer (“Dad, that was really mean!” “I know, sweetie!”) Maybe if he had vied for the coach job and lost to Ned, he would have some kind of motivation, but here, he’s just an asshole. Meanwhile, Ned seems quick to anger, or at least strong annoyance, at Homer’s taunting, and seeing him climb up the stands, stare down Homer and insult him to his face made this feel like a sequel to “Hurricane Neddy.” 
• Homer’s flashback to his gymnastic days is great (Smithers’s excitement when we go from women’s events to men’s, Abe’s “You’re gonna blow it!!”) but it seems like it should have come earlier in act one, or a bit later in act two. As it is now, Homer acts like an overbearing coach dad to Bart for the first minute, then switches gears completely after the flashback. A little more breathing room in either direction would have helped.
• “Son, you can do anything you want. I have total faith in you.” “Since when?” “Since your mother yelled at me.”
• Joe Namath is fantastic, miraculously appearing to help Bart when he needs it most, only to leave without giving any actual information. I like how Bart cycles through all the things he said to him in his mind, trying to parse out anything useful, but ultimately comes up with nothing. On its face, the scene reeks of what would come later where celebrities will just appear out of nowhere and a character will announce who they are (“Wow! Joe Namath!”), but this was intentionally done like that. Plus, Namath ends up looking like kind of a dope, especially in his ending PSA.
  
• The King of the Hill guest appearance is pretty worthless. My mind wants to read it as intentionally underwhelming in response to a presumed big marketing push promoting the crossover, but it doesn’t really feel that way.
• Homer’s awkward mending of fences with Bart is pretty sweet, while being biting at the same time (“If you forgive me, I promise I’ll never encourage you again.”)
• The bait-and-switch ending with Bart taking Nelson’s place in the back of Wiggum’s squad car really works, it’s satisfying unexpected and feels like an appropriate ending.
• Simpsons Archive retro review: “Did anyone else notice how superficial Lisa’s lines were tonight? She only wanted to play football because she thought it was going to cause trouble! As soon as she found out there were already girls on the team, she ran away. I’ve seen writers that couldn’t handle Lisa before, but this time they were just plain wrong! The C.U.P. joke was neither funny nor subtle. The only people that will laugh at it, have either forgotten it, or never heard it before. Even then, it’s likely to be a weak laugh.”

Original airdate: March 7, 2021

The premise: After being incredibly moved by a jail cell serenade by Cletus, Homer vows to make him a music superstar, which he succeeds at. However, he must pull Cletus back down to Earth when he hires a new manager after fame goes to his head.

The reaction: I’ve long spoken of my desire for this show to flesh out its secondary cast in the pursuit of new and different stories to tell, but I don’t think every denizen of Springfield deserves to be put under the characterization microscope. Case in point: an episode about everybody’s favorite slack-jawed yokel Cletus. He’s played a part in a couple plot lines over the last decade or so, but this feels like his meatiest role yet. I guess you could make a substantial episode all about Cletus, but man, I am perfectly fine with keeping him a goofy side character, because I did not give a flying fuck about him at all in this story. It also doesn’t help that the premise is obviously lifted from “Colonel Homer” (they even directly reference it), and it’s not even worth comparing the two. Homer gets tossed in the drunk tank, missing yet another family dinner, and Cletus’ heartfelt song about family or something motivates him to be a better family man, which we know because he goes home and tells the family that directly. And like all good family men, he then proceeds to spend all his time managing a hillbilly’s singing career. Cletus sings about how he doesn’t need the finer things and loves his country life, but none of the songs are funny or catchy, or honestly, even intelligible, as I had trouble hearing his low singing voice over the music at points. He has no motivation to want to be famous, nor does Homer to actually give a shit about making him famous. His jail cell song didn’t move him in a profound way like Lurleen Lumpkin back in the day, at least it didn’t feel like it at all. When Cletus hits it big and he and Homer are on a private jet for some reason, he fires Homer, gets a new agent and moves to a fancy Shelbyville loft, content to shill low-grade moonshine on TV with tee-vee actors playing his kids. I’m finding it difficult to really parse through the plot, because I honestly and truly did not give a shit. Cletus abandons his family through one quick line to Homer at the agent’s office that it doesn’t even register, so Homer and Marge end up confronting him with his wife and kids, and Cletus makes good with them, and then that’s the end. But the episode was short, so we end on Albert Brooks’ agent character talking with an unnamed client for two minutes. Boy, maybe you could have used those extra minutes to flesh out the story some more? No matter, it would have been wasted anyway. But like I said, some characters like Cletus, or Miss Hoover earlier this season, you can leave well enough alone in the background, and they’re much better for it. Later this season, we’re going to get an episode spotlighting Sarah Wiggum. I think I’d put her right below Cletus on a list of characters I want to learn more about.

Three items of note:
– Homer’s desire to be a better family man ultimately translates into him being the good guy not wanting Cletus to abandon his family for his career. But he’s basically abandoned his own family to manage Cletus. It’s unclear exactly how much time elapses between the first montage and when they’re on the private jet before Cletus fires Homer. We see a bunch of magazine covers with Cletus’ face on it, and it’s implied they’ve been touring and working a lot, presumably with Marge and the kids stuck at home. In the third act, when Homer is finally back, rather than be pissed at all about this, Marge insists they both go get Cletus back with his family? Why? What loyalty does Marge have to this random hillbilly who lives in her town? It’s a big leap for me in certain episodes where she supposedly cares about Moe, but he at least has some connection to the family, but fucking Cletus? Ridiculous.
– The only scene devoted to actually showing Cletus’s success is her appearing on the Ellen Show, or “Elin Degenerous” as she’s called here. They attempt to do material about the recent stories about the toxic work environment on Ellen’s actual show by having her trapdoor the audience for not applauding enough, and her billboard shooting lasers out its eyes, but it all just falls flat. First, why the hell don’t they just make it Ellen? I hate this change-one-letter bullshit when it comes to referencing real people. But beyond that, I remember a decade or so ago in that fucking terrible American Idol episode, they had Ellen on as a guest, because that was the one season she was an Idol judge for some reason, and they made fun of her by having her dance, because that’s the thing she does in real life. And what does “Elin” do when we first see her? She’s dancing in her office. Eleven fucking years and they can still only do the same fucking “joke” about Ellen. A good show would have fucking ripped her apart, not this softball nonsense.
– The unnamed agent is voiced by Albert Brooks, having last appeared six seasons ago as an anger management counselor (I think?) in the brilliantly named “Bull-E.” I remember not being too taken by his character then, and I feel about the same here. It hurts him that he’s showing up thirteen minutes into a story that nobody could possibly care about, but none of his lines are really very funny, which makes it more baffling that they give him two whole minutes at the end to just ad-lib and fill up time. I guess his material is a lot funnier in isolation, and I imagine it was very funny to hear him in the booth just riffing and they laughed so much they decided to keep it all in, but none of any of that humor translated onto the screen.

20. The Canine Mutiny

• How little do Homer and Marge care about where Bart got an entire room full of new expensive items? They also have absolutely no questions about his story of getting Laddie at a truth-telling contest at a church two towns over. I get that that’s the joke, but it makes Marge (and to a lesser extent, Homer) out to be gullible idiots in the process.
• When Bart returns to find the repo men taking back all his stuff, he asks Lisa if their parents are home. Lisa replies, “They went for a walk with the Flanderses.” Say what now? Can you believe for even a microsecond that Homer would not only agree to go on a walk, but go on a walk with Ned Flanders? I know they needed Homer and Marge out of the scene, but any other excuse would have been more believable.
• I remember having an issue with this episode being about Bart and Santa’s Little Helper, but Bart never really regarding the dog or having any kind of connection with him to set it up. It’s not even about how he realizes he ignored this dog he loved and needs to work overtime to get him back. Bart actively ignores Santa’s Little Helper for most of the first act. Watching this episode for the first time as a dog owner, those scenes of SLH being shut out made my heart hurt, and I found myself rooting against Bart even more through the episode. It also doesn’t even make sense he would prefer Laddie, since we don’t see much of a personal bond between the new dog and Bart either. Also, Bart loves SLH because they’re both disobedient screw-ups. The “perfect dog” shouldn’t have much appeal to a little hellion like Bart.
• “Why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?!”
• On the Simpsons Archive, the madam in Bart’s dog-furnace fantasy is credited to Tress MacNeille, but it really sounds like Yeardley Smith to me, which is an absolute rarity. She’s voiced, what, ten characters over thirty years?
• Baby Gerald blinks one eye at a time. That’s how you know he’s evil.
• Moe’s repossessed floor is easily the best joke of the episode. It’s stupid by itself, but made even funnier that we see Bart walk into the building, and it was clearly much, much too small for the huge floor to fit inside of.
  
• Bart prepares himself to beg for SLH back by wetting his hands to streak tears onto his face. Again, not making it easy for me to want him to succeed.
• Bart sneaking into Mr. Mitchell’s house to take the dog is basically a joke-free action set piece, something we would see a lot more of going into the Mike Scully years. It sucks.
• This really is the first giant dud of the series. I’m not a fan of “Secrets of a Successful Marriage,” but it definitely has its share of funny lines. This episode is just such a vacuum leading up to an overly dramatic ending that I couldn’t care less about. Though we did get Chief Wiggum feebly attempting to sing along to “Jammin’.”
• Simpsons Archive retro review: “Finally, a solid Season 8 episode! As an utterly forgettable season nears its close, it’s good to have at least one episode that qualifies as an instant classic. Groundskeeper Willie was hilarious, as was the Comic Book Guy. And for a change, the ending was a) hysterical, and b) a complete surprise. Let’s just hope that ‘Canine Mutiny’ is not a fluke in a deteriorating series, but a sign that the Simpsons are back on track for good.”

21. The Old Man and the Lisa

• We get two great gags within the first twenty seconds: Marge’s beehive smushed against the pillow before popping back into place, and the snippet of “Colonel Dracula Joins the Navy” (“Uh, Colonel?” “BLEHH!!”) The episode just started and it’s already better than “The Canine Mutiny.” 
• “What a load of garbage. I’m ecstatic!”
• I like that Burns’ internal dictionary for “redskin” is labeled as “usually taken to be offensive,” which seems impressively progressive for him. I also love “running dog: one who does someone else’s bidding: LACKEY (ie: SMITHERS)”
• Burns’ incredibly sycophantic underlings (and Smithers) being responsible for bankrupting him is a good enough excuse to get this plot started (him reacting in horror at the 1929 stock market crash is a great moment), but it does seem a bit silly. I feel like either Burns would be smart enough to listen to his advisors (as we’d seen in other episodes like “Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?” and “Homer Goes to College”) or his lawyers would know how to best placate their feeble old man of a client while still investing correctly to keep them all stinking rich.
• I love how violently Skinner smashes into the tree and knocks it down, complete with the screaming and children inside the car, just completely undercutting the wholesomeness of everything that came before it.
• Something I never noticed before on the bottom of Burns’ bankruptcy chart: “Prepared for You by ChartCo,” complete with little smiley faces.
• Burns’ shopping trip feels like an extended, more exaggerated reprise of him trying to be self-sufficient in “Homer the Smithers.” While these moments would creak open the door to many, many pathetic, neutered Burns moments in the future, I can still appreciate them in the context of these episodes for what they are. Him getting trapped in the freezer is a bit much, but goddamn do I love me some ketchup-catsup confusion (“I’m in way over my head!”)
• It’s a little on the nose with the one leaf waiting to fall, but I like Burns standing by the window, lamenting at this being the end of his life, his legacy. It’s actually kind of affecting, and a much-needed “real” moment following his more enfeebled behavior after losing his fortune.
  
• I don’t know one damn thing about That Girl, but the sequence of Burns pursuing Lisa still works as a silly little montage. I absolutely love how the song ends with the doorbell ring in time with the music. Such a small attention to detail that’s just fantastic.
• “People, if we meet this week’s quota, I’ll take you to the most duck-filled pond you ever sat by!” “Hot-diggity! That’s how they got me to vote for Lyndon LaRouche!”
• The reveal of the new recycling plant’s operations is so incredibly well done. It was set up with Lisa explaining the hazards of soda can rings to the sealife, and of course, Burns’ mind interprets this in a completely different way than her. It’s not like Burns was doing an act in seemingly reforming himself, this is just environmentalism through his own prism, that of a brutal, heartless capitalist.
• Smithers walking into the Simpson living room at the end, asking Homer, “Why aren’t you at work?” definitely feels like a harbinger of things to come. The seat at sector 7G is about to get colder and colder as we enter the Mike Scully years…
• If you want, you can watch the episodes out of order and put this one last, so the series finale is Homer suffering a heart attack and dying. I can’t imagine the actual series finale, if we even live to see it, could be a more satisfying ending than that.
• Simpsons Archive retro review: “Pretty much your Ho-hum 8th season Simpsons episode. A few good gags thrown on top of an unrealistic plot followed by an abrupt ending. Anyone notice that the writers’ things to be killing a lot of things on the show this season? Dogs, sea life, soldiers, James Bond… Some of it is funny because it is well done, but a lot of it seems to be done for shock value (like tonight’s episode), which isn’t especially funny (at least that’s what it seems like to me).”

22. In Marge We Trust

• Snowball II scratching under the floorboards between the first and second floors is a very grim joke, but I guess if the cat got there in the first place, it can find a way out too.
• I love how painful Homer smacking his head on the backside of the pew feels, making his incredibly loud “DAMMIT!” even funnier.
• Homer and the kids giddily scrounging around in the dump has shades of Scully-era antics, but it fits in line with them being a not-so-well-off family trying to score some free stuff the more fortunate have discarded. Similarly, Homer getting attacked by the raccoon feels like a moment that would go on for twice as long and be incredibly annoying just a few years later, but here, it happens quickly, you get your laugh and you get out.
• Reverend Lovejoy gets just the right amount of backstory: he was once an idealistic man of God ready to lead his new flock (“The sixties were long over and people were once again ready to feel bad about themselves,”) until he found himself getting pestered relentlessly by a neurotic Ned Flanders (“I think I may be coveting my own wife!”) until his spirit finally broke (“Finally, I just stopped caring. Luckily, by then, it was the eighties, and no one noticed.”) I wouldn’t be opposed to other episodes about Lovejoy, but this section is so satisfyingly succinct, I don’t really need anything else. We just got that terrible “Warrin’ Priests” two-parter last season that ostensibly was about Lovejoy, but didn’t tell us a goddamn thing about him, so I’ll pass on any further attempts, thanks.
• “Mother’s gone too far. She’s put cardboard over her half of the television. We rented Man Without a Face, I didn’t even know we had a problem!”
• “I’ve lost the will to live.” “Aww, that’s ridiculous, Moe. You’ve got lots to live for.” “Really? That’s not what Reverend Lovejoy’s been telling me.”
• I absolutely love Homer dialing the phone at the library. I feel with these scenes that go on for so long, they can hit or miss with some people, but I think it’s great. The librarian shooting him a look before leaving, Homer not being able to remember more than one number at a time, it’s fantastic.
• In certain situations of meeting up with people, I feel like I would say “Let’s talk, why not?” a bunch, like the English-speaking Mr. Sparkle employee.
• I assume the writers looked up a bunch of saints’ names and picked the most obscure one with the longest name they could (“St. Eleutherius of Nicomedia!” “That’s my name, don’t wear it out!”) His Wikipedia page is literally one line. Also included is an “In popular culture” section, referencing this episode, which is as long as the “article” itself, which is pretty amazing.
• What more could I say about the Mr. Sparkle commercial? The entirety of that scene, complete with the intro and outro dialogue, was on one of the soundtrack CDs, despite it not being a song. It’s certainly weird to hear only audio. Also, I really hope whoever designed the two logos merging into the Mr. Sparkle head got a raise.
  
• The Sea Captain lamenting his lost Game Boy is one of those scenes that’s so dumb, but that’s why I love it. Losing your Tetris high score is no laughing matter.
• Act three is where the episode starts to derail. The bullies are hassling Ned at the Leftorium, fair enough, but then they proceed to chase him out of town literally all night? It doesn’t really make much sense. The culmination also doesn’t represent any character change. Marge’s “bad” advice didn’t really create Ned’s situation, and there’s nothing specifically that Lovejoy did to save the day, besides actually give a shit to try and save Ned. I’m not expecting a deep, thoughtful re-examination of Lovejoy’s faith, but something a bit more grounded and character-based would have been preferable to him attacking a bunch of wild baboons. At least they utilized his love of trains in some fashion, it added a nice character touch to the action sequence, which is more that can be said for similar scenes in the future.
• “You’ve got to get him out of there!” “Jeez, I’d like to, but if they don’t kill the intruder, it’s really bad for their society.”
• Simpsons Archive retro review: “Yuck! What a stretch for a story-line (Both ‘Mr. Sparkle’ AND ‘In Marge We Trust’). This episode was as flat as a five-year-old can of Coors Light. Could the ending be any less believable? Sheesh! At least we know Ned still runs the Leftorium and Rev. Lovejoy’s first name is ‘Tim.’ After ‘Canine Mutiny,’ I guess the writers were bound for a DUD! During Act 3 I was not ROTFL, as hoped. Instead I was RFRC (Reaching For The Remote Control).”

23. Homer’s Enemy

• Frank Grimes’ sad backstory is just great (clashing wonderfully with Kent Brockman’s enthusiastic narration.) I still love the implication of seeing the footage from inside the car as li’l Frank is being abandoned, implying not only did his parents film this devastating moment, but later made the video public in some form, or provided Channel 6 with the tape after the fact.
• I feel like Burns hiring the dog as his executive vice president is a little too silly, but I really like when he’s chewing out Grimes later and you hear the dog growling.
• Just like Julie Andrews almost voicing Shary Bobbins, I can’t imagine anyone else bringing Frank Grimes to life than Hank Azaria. I knew he had based the voice on William H. Macy, who I had thought was actually considered for the role, but apparently according to Wikipedia, producers were thinking of Nic freaking Cage for the part. While that would have been its own kind of amazing, it certainly wouldn’t have been the same character, and much less appropriate than Azaria’s take.
• Frank Grimes perfectly rides the line of being just a regular guy we have some sympathy for, but also being kind of a stuck-up ass. Wiping his hand before he shakes anyone else’s, his special dietetic lunch, his manner of speaking with others, like his humorless response to Homer first calling him “Grimey” (“I took the trouble to learn your name, so the least you could do is learn mine.”) It brilliantly sets up the grand finale; if he was too likable, his tragic death would hit a little too hard, but giving him these foibles, as well as his continued obsession with Homer through the episode being his own undoing, serves to soften the blow.
  
• I like that the “Bart Simpson” on the abandoned office door looks like it’s written in blood.
• “That’s the man who’s in charge of our safety! It boggles the mind.” “It’s best not to think about it.” The first of many great meta lines.
• Grimes’ angry tirade at the Simpson house is an all-time classic scene, and now feels especially more venomous following a recent article about how unattainable the Simpsons’ standard of living is by modern standards. The Simpsons were originally supposed to be an average, but struggling American family, but nowadays? Grimes is right, their place is a palace. A huge house and kids on a single income? It’s like a fantasy for a lot of people I know.
• As discussed last time, this episode is kind of patient zero for Jerkass Homer… sort of. His irritating behavior driving Grimes to the edge teeters on the edge of being way too annoying, but it’s the whole point of the episode, and it never feels like it goes too far. The problem would come when these characteristics would bleed into the series and become normalized, similar to Lisa’s militant liberal pestering from “Lisa the Vegetarian” or pathetic, feeble old Burns from “The Old Man and the Lisa.” Homer is saved in this episode because he still has a sense of shame and self-awareness, genuinely wanting to win Grimes over, as seen with him fretting before the big dinner. The scene where Marge finds Homer sitting in the driveway is also strangely affecting, like he’s a kid afraid to go to school and face his bully. It’s endearing and sweet, two traits that Homer would soon shed in favor of selfish and irritating.
• The scene of Bart enlisting Milhouse as night watchman is a syndication cut (losing the terrific line, “So this is my life. At least I’ve done better than Dad,”) leaving me to always find it weird, while watching this in reruns, that we only get the one quick scene in act three wrapping up the B-plot of the destroyed factory.
• I love Smithers’ amused chuckle at Ralph’s converted Malibu Stacy Dream Home model. Burns is not as tickled by it (“It’s supposed to be a power plant, not Aunt Beaulah’s bordello!”)
• Homer getting applauded by everybody, Burns included, made me wince a bit about how often this dumb oaf would be commended town-wide for his dumbass actions in the future. That’s the thing with this episode, it’s holding a mirror up to the series and how nonsensical it’s become. Homer, once a schlubby everyman, has rubbed elbows with celebrities, nearly caused multiple meltdowns with no risk to his job, and been to outer space. He’s incapable of being the lovable loser he once was. So where to go from here? That’s when we get the real chilling harbinger line (“I’m better than okay! I’m Homer Simpson!” “Pfft. You wish!”) With that, we set the doors open for Homer to shed his sweet humbleness and become an egotistical lunatic in the Mike Scully years, engaging in crazy schemes and fucking shit up because why not? Once you open up this Pandora’s Box of exploring who Homer is, he really can’t go back to the way things were. And once again, this is another example, if not the biggest example, of why the show shouldn’t have gone past one more season. Episodes like this and “The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show” are fantastic within their own stories, but their meta-narratives about the worn-out nature of the series sour a little when you remember there’s five hundred fucking more episodes that follow it.
• Simpsons Archive retro review: “I’ve never said this about any episode, because my opinions usually change on them. But this was by far the worst episode in the history of The Simpsons. I don’t think any other program will be able to top this one. Homer’s irresponsibleness is glaring, and the story focuses too much on Homer’s lack of professionalism, making him very unlikable. Frank, on the other hand, had many a good point, and got a raw deal throughout the entire thing. I actually felt sorry for him, instead of Homer. Our hero is sleeping through Frank’s funeral, and cracking an inappropriate joke during it. And everyone LAUGHS at it. This is perhaps the single most tasteless, cruel, cold-blooded moment in OFF’s history. Let’s hope this one is played few times in syndication, and buried as a ‘Lost Episode.’”

24. The Simpsons Spin-off Showcase

• This episode gets a big laugh right away at the quick zoom as Troy turns to camera, proudly shouting, “Spin-off!” Always the professional, doing his damndest to sell this bullshit. This episode and “The 138th Episode Spectacular” are two-of-a-kind in this fourth wall breaking format, but this one in particular feels like the embarrassed forefather of the future anthology episodes, most of which are terrible. I certainly wouldn’t want them to do a “Spin-off Showcase 2,” but maybe a different kind of trilogy episode, showing “What If?” scenarios or different moments in the lives of supporting characters with a shared theme or something. Instead, we got such riveting anthology episodes like the one all about famous historical ships. Remember that classic?
• Great exposition dump at the start of “Chief Wiggum, P.I.” explaining the impetus for the premise (“I still don’t understand, Clancy. Why give up your job as a small town police chief to open up a detective shop in New Orleans?” “Oh, lots of reasons, I suppose. Got kicked off the force, for one thing.”)
• “Look, Big Daddy! It’s regular Daddy!”
• Gailard Sartain earned his paycheck for Big Daddy just for the “BLEEAGH” noise he makes throwing Ralph at Wiggum before he tosses himself out the window.
• The canned laughter is used so perfectly in “Love-Matic Grampa.” I can’t believe there are still sitcoms being made with laugh tracks, even ones that aren’t shot in front of a live audience. It feels like such an antiquated format.
• “I’ve suffered so long. Why can’t I die?” The only way this line could be improved is if the laugh track were put right after it.
• “You know what’s great about you, Betty, is you’re letting your looks go gracefully. You’re not all hung up on looking attractive and desirable. It’s just so rare and refreshing.”
• I love Moe’s quick “He’s haunted!” during the laughing outro of “Grampa.”
• Nice touch that the clock behind Kent Brockamn during the “Variety Hour” intro is in “real-time” for its primetime original airing, at around 8:20 pm.
• “And now, a family that doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘cancelled,’ the Simpsons!” A cheeky line when it was written, a dire threat over twenty years later.
• Cutting back to the Sea Captain with his manufactured loud pipe whistle and floating hat for mere seconds before the finale always makes me laugh.
  
• Gotta love Tim Conway booking it the hell out of there the second the show is over. I don’t blame him.
• For the series finale, they might as well go for broke and give Homer magic powers and have Bart’s triplet siblings make an appearance. Fuck it, why not?
• Simpsons Archive retro review: “In answer to the question, ‘How do you keep the Simpsons fresh after 8 long seasons?’, you don’t. Let’s not drag it through the mud here guys. Like many episodes this season, it’s funny for about 2 minutes, then it degrades into absurd, outlandish jokes that are hard to follow and not particularly funny. If they had ended the show with ‘Summer of 4′ 2’’ I would have been pretty upset, but after seeing most of season 8, I’d say it’s time to put OFF to rest.”

25. The Secret War of Lisa Simpson

• Of course Chief Wiggum would leave the police station door key under the mat.
• Wiggum’s hippie mannequins are great. The woman getting ready to chow down on her “California cheeseburger” reminds me of reading through Snopes.com when I was younger in their ‘Horrors’ section, looking at all the different urban myths and legends, including the likes of the babysitter who was high on LSD and put the baby in the oven thinking it was a turkey, that kind of shit. Nowadays, the site seems to be focused on debunking fake political news, fact checking all of the stupid phony bullshit we see on social media every minute of our lives. The nostalgic innocence is all gone…
• “It’s not my nature to complain…” Just give it a few years, Lisa, your character will be ruined soon enough.
• I really love the bit where everyone has to wait until the town-wide ringing noise stops. It helps to further emphasize the enormity of Bart’s prank, and having a follow-up scene gives it even more weight.
• A rebuttal to anyone who thought “Diary Queen” was believable characterization for Edna: her and Skinner toasting in celebration when Bart gets shipped off to military school (“You dream about this day for so long, then when it comes, you don’t know what to say!” “Edna, your tears say more than words ever could.”)
• The gag about the girliest cadet at Rommelwood certainly hasn’t aged well…
• “Since you attended public school, I’m going to assume that you’re already proficient with small arms, so we’ll start you off with something a little more advanced.”
  
• This episode is a bit more of a slog than I remember. There’s not really much of a critique about military schools. You’d think it’d be a prime target for a show like this, but it’s completely hyper focused on Lisa’s struggles, which all comes down to the other students giving her and Bart a hard time, the type of bullying and hazing you can get in many other different shows. Also, Lisa specifically wanted an academic challenge, and there’s not really any connective tissue between that and her feeling like she would be up to the actual physical challenges of the school. Why does she care about doing this?
• “Good job, Simpson. Although that’s more cursing than I like to hear from a cadet in peacetime.”
• Act three is almost a deadzone between the training and the loooooonnnnggg sequence of Lisa doing the Eliminator. There’s so few jokes, and while Bart ultimately rooting for Lisa is sweet, it doesn’t feel worth the time investment. The greatest emotional moments of the series sometimes caught you by surprise, or were motivated through the story that was almost jam-packed with jokes. Here, the entire back half of the episode is devoted to Bart feeling bad for shutting Lisa out and making it up to her, with not much else to, as Bart himself once said earlier this season, “cut through the treacle.”
• “The wars of the future will not be fought on the battlefield or at sea. They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall mountain. In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by small robots. And as you go forth today remember always your duty is clear: to build and maintain those robots. Thank you.”
• Simpsons Archive retro review: “VERY, VERY disappointing. It’s amazing how far a show can fall in one season. The episode was so bad, I really must wonder why anyone bothered to make it. Seeing Bart spun on a propeller and Lisa firing a machine gun really made me feel like I was watching a show that just happened to contain characters from the Simpsons. Where’s the realism? The relevancy? Gone.”

Original airdate: February 28, 2021

The premise: Bart gets a summer job at the country club as a caddy, finding that sucking up to the rich players earns him big tips, building up his “wad” of cash. However, Marge worries the job is changing Bart, leading her to rally to get the whole golf course shut down.

The reaction: Sometimes an episode will just lose me in exactly what the point of the story is and what’s motivating characters through it, like there’s script pages missing and I have to piece it together myself. Act one culminates in Bart thriving as a caddy once he learns that the golfers tip big if you stroke their egos enough. Initially thrilled about her son’s new job, Marge’s tune changes when she sees Bart’s behavior close-up (“I’ve never seen my son suck up before!”) “Sucking up” is a phrase that she repeats throughout the show, and that’s basically the extent of her complaints with Bart’s job. When she fails in enlisting Homer to get him to quit, she teams up with Lisa to try and shut the whole club down. But what exactly is the problem? Bart’s a ten-year-old kid scoring some extra cash off rich people as a summer job. It would be one thing if we saw Bart “sucking up” off the job, at home or at school, like his new mentality was warping his mind in a more negative fashion. But no, Bart’s aware that it’s all a schtick he does to get more money, directly telling Marge this information. So, really, what is the big deal? The fact that Marge never gives any further explanation of her feelings until the very end doesn’t help matter (it’s almost like it’s kept a secret on purpose, as she says to Homer, “I know it’s not logical, but when I saw Bart on that golf course, my mothering spirit just wanted to hurl!”) When her anger expands into wanting to get the entire grounds shut down, a clever idea Bart gives to the club owner has playing golf declared a protected religion, saving the greens. Act three has Marge pleading with representatives from other congregates to join her in rallying against the golf course… but the conflict has gotten so macro beyond Bart, I don’t even know what’s driving her anymore, as she gives some complaints about rich people and golfers. If she was upset about rich entitled people taking advantage of sweet common folk like her son, that’d be one thing, but it’s never framed that way. At long last, at minute sixteen, Marge admits to Bart why she’s upset, that she thinks the job is robbing him of his natural instinct to speak his mind. Bart assures it won’t (“I’m not gonna suck up forever! Just until I’m rich. Then other people will suck up to me!”) It feels like the point is that Bart wanted to make this into his career and is wholly focused on being a subordinate for hire, but again, this feels like another episode where I’m desperately trying to connect dots that the writers should have done while writing the script. Things all wrap up in the most formulaic ending I’ve seen in a while (more details below.) The meat of this story, Marge worrying a job is changing Bart, is a good one, but as usual, it doesn’t feel like enough work was put in to really develop that emotional through-line, and as a result, I just didn’t care.

Three items of note:
– Last week I wondered why Harry Shearer was still voicing Dr. Hibbert, and it’s almost like the show heard my question, because a news article came out about it a few days later, and now in this episode, we see that Kevin Michael Richardson is the new voice of Dr. Hibbert. It’s only one line, so there’s not much to gauge in comparing, but it definitely sounds much lower register, since that’s Richardson’s signature. But I wonder why it took longer recasting Hibbert than any other character. I know Harry Shearer wasn’t pleased with the recasting in general, but I’d also read rumors he was quitting the show because of it, but that isn’t true. Whatever.  Speaking of voices, I’ve noticed in these last two episodes, Bart started to sound a little funky too, like he was skewing closer to Nancy Cartwright’s actual voice. I guess it’s just been a while since he’s had a ton of dialogue, but I can’t say it wasn’t distracting to hear.
– Marge finds a partner in Lisa in hating the golf course, who immediately says that they’re evil. When Marge asks why, Lisa immediately consults “The Woke-ster’s Encyclopedia of Outrages” to formulate her opinion for her. Okay, so they’re making fun of people who claim to care about causes but have no actual information. They’ve done this with Lisa a lot, but do they not realize how unlikable this kind of stuff makes her? Because this episode is about Marge and the local country club/golf course, I resisted comparing it to “Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield,” but as we saw there, Lisa hated the country club too for roughly the reasons she reads off her phone here, but she was an actual character who cared about things, and on top of that, she was also an eight-year-old girl who put her grievances aside to go ride a pony (“I found something more fun than complaining!”) Anyway, Lisa tells Marge she should start an online petition to get the club shut down. In writing the title, Marge discovers it’s too long, and abbreviates it to “Stop Coddling the Springfield Juniper’s Wealthy” to “Stop Coddling the S.J.W.s.” Yep. The petition gets a million signatures overnight, as Lisa explains to her mother (and the audience) what an SJW is and why this is bad. Except it’s just a throwaway joke, it doesn’t really go anywhere. If Marge found herself aligned with a bunch of alt-right psychos, that would be an interesting turn-of-events, but it just ended up feeling like a stretch.
– This is a Matt Selman-produced episode, and as such, you can expect some incredibly generic and trite teevee, and the ending is exactly that. Club owner Bildorf (voiced by Stephen Root, doing the best he can with a nothing role) makes it clear to Bart he’ll never be more than he is, causing him to run off in shame. Meanwhile, Marge seems defeated as she goes to leave the golf course, when Bart returns on an ATV he was eyeing with Milhouse, Nelson and company in an earlier scene (he was aiming to buy one, and when the others asked if they could ride it, he told them to fuck off.) Bart then gives the killer line (“You forgot about the wad! It can buy a pretty nice ATV, or rent a whole bunch of them!”) Cue the other kids riding in on their ATVs as they proceed to wreak havoc on the greens, as fun, family movie-esque music plays and the club owner and his new rich boy caddy are aghast. Just absolute garbage. I guess this is supposed to be their tribute to Caddyshack, but since it’s a bunch of kids doing it, it’s like a scene straight out of a fucking Nickelodeon movie or something, with a bunch of kids getting even with the snooty rich people. Milhouse yells “Kid power!” for God’s sake. It reminded me of the conclusion of last year’s finale “The Way of the Dog,” where it felt the farthest removed from The Simpsons than anything I’ve seen in its thirty-two seasons. I’ve complained a million times about how this show once bucked the conventional, whereas now it warmly embraces it, but this and “Dog” feel like the greatest offenders of that. And in the end, when the club owner gloats that Bart has affected nothing, the police arrive to arrest him because his new golf religion has become a sex cult? Again, this show used to be very reflective of reality, and if there’s one social group that was completely above punishment, it’s rich capitalists. They could have done some schmaltzy ending where the club owner gloats but Bart and Marge unite in talking back to him and leave triumphantly, that would have probably sucked too, but it would have been more honest.