(originally aired November 16, 1997)
Apu’s such a great character, I wish they’d make more use of him. The glimpses we see of him outside the Kwik-E-Mart have revealed a lot about his character. He’s a kind and earnest man who can sell you milk for twelve dollars, and you still like the guy despite the questionable prices and conditions in his store. Driven by his work and his faith, he’s a man who sticks to routine, and this episode comes along to shake it all up. During a disastrous bachelor auction for charity, Marge singles Apu out, and his impressive description of himself grabs the attention of the women of Springfield. Soon enough, he’s a high-flying bachelor, living it up on the town. We’ve seen in the past that Apu’s kind of a ladies man (he was dating Princess Kashmir in “Lisa’s Pony”), but I don’t mind different character interpretations as long as they make sense. Apu’s humble and not much of a braggart, so he’s surprised at all this new attention. Happy days appear to be at an end when Apu receives a notice from India signaling it’s time for his arranged marriage, but he takes Homer’s advice to lie to his mother about already being married. That seems to have solved the problem… until his mother shows up in America.

Homer concocts a wacky scheme where Apu will take his place and pretend to be Marge’s husband. Homer assumes sort of a different role from what we’ve seen in the past two episodes. This is really Apu’s story, and Homer is like his crazy best friend who continually gives him bad advice. It’s definitely better than Jerkass Homer, but it still makes him more of a goofy TV character and less like a real person. Stuck with no place to go in the interim, Homer visits the retirement home and finds himself assuming the role of absent resident Cornelius Talmidge. Things get a little bit more jerky here, like when he demands a poor nurse turn him on his side, but as always, most things are easily absolved if they’re funny. A place where almost everything is done for you with kidney mush and liquid potato chips aplenty? That sounds like paradise to Homer (“It’s like being a baby but you can appreciate it.”) Meanwhile, the other Simpsons are barely maintaining their elaborate ruse to Apu’s mother, in a great performance by Andrea Martin. I especially love Apu’s Krusty sleeping bag he sets up in the bedroom

Eventually, of course, their trickery is exposed, and Apu is forced to go along with his arranged marriage. The third act is kind of bizarre. For some reason, the wedding is held in the Simpsons backyard even though Apu’s mother should be greatly upset with them. They comment on this, but it’s not enough to absolve such a big point. Apu is none too thrilled about any of this, until he sees his bride-to-be, the beautiful Manjula. I’m a bit torn about the nature of the ending. The idea of modern day arranged marriages feel so antiquated that it’s absolutely rife for parody. This show could have had a field day with something like this. But, then again, it almost seems too easy, and perhaps the more subversive route is what’s taken here, positing that there’s a chance that something like this could work out. So it’s kind of a safe ending, but I’m kind of a softie for any kind of emotional content, as long as it’s not out of nowhere. These are two kind people hoping for the best in this odd situation. It could work… maybe.. yeah, the writers say it will. Of the questionable season 9s, this is definitely the best of the three so far, with the same level of great, frequent jokes, and less asshole Homer.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Lots of great stuff at the charity auction: Krusty refusing to read from the teleprompter, the music playing when Barney walks out and his horrifically unsexy little “dance,” the giant ‘REJECTS’ banner, poor old Captain McAllister (“Yarrr, I’m not attractive,”) and last but not least… (“Our last bachelor likes women who take their clothes off for money! Let’s hear it for Moe!”) Moe walks out strutting his stuff to Saturday Night Fever-style music with a big nervous grin on his face. Noticing every woman in the audience shooting daggers at him with their eyes, he keeps on walking to join the rest of the rejects.
– Apu describing himself fits his character and is also a woman’s wet dream (“I have a doctorate in computer science. I run my own business of course. I do like to cook, I’m not such a good talker, but I love to listen. In my spare time I like to build furniture and then to have a discussion about where to put it in a room.”)
– At the end of their date, Miss Hoover comments how Apu was a such a great shot at presumably a carnival game, to which he replies, “All Kwik-E-Mart managers must be skilled in the deadly arts.”
– I love the exchange where Apu asks Homer what he should do about the arranged marriage. Homer frankly tells Apu to tell his mother that he doesn’t want to get married. Apu replies that his mother won’t stop until he is. Homer then tells him to just tell her he already is married. Apu says he can’t lie to his mother. Homer is fed up (“Then get married. What do you want from me?”) This just reminds me of so many conversations I’ve had with friends asking for advice, and when I give them one or two sensible options that they promptly reject, I get annoyed, sometimes using the “what do you want from me?” Apu finally decides to tell his mother he’s married, which gives us the great line “The lie has set me free!”
– I love the montage of Apu’s many different hair cuts, all of which get Homer’s thumbs up. He’s either real easy to please, or barely paying attention. I’d put money on both.
– There’s a few Homer lines here that rub me the wrong way, chastising others for taking advice that he gave, like his air of disappointment when Apu admits the truth to his mother (“He lied to his mother…”)
– Dumb Homer moments are aplenty this episode, but there’s a lot of them I do love: taking his time eating his Yodel when thinking of a plan, and then later fantasizing about said Yodel at home until he notices Apu and his mother in the driveway (“Oh crap, I forgot!!”)
– I love Apu’s “Honey! I am in my home!” I use it all the time.
– More quotables in Homer’s repeated “And here I am using my [blank] like a sucker” at the retirement home. I also like his wheelchair races with Jasper, only to force Homer to actually use his legs and run to beat him to the dinner table (“Someone sure likes their kidney mush!”)
– Slightly out of character for Lisa, but I like her and Bart’s childish inquisition about Apu’s mother’s forehead dot. She is appalled by their lack of understanding of their “father’s” heritage. The kids assure her that’s not the case (“So long you have no follow up questions, then yes. Yes, we do.” “Fully. We have to go now.”)
– I don’t know why Marge and Apu would allow Homer back in the house, especially since they’re one night away from pulling off their scheme, but I love Apu’s half-hearted attempt to keep it going after they’re exposed (“Marge, how could you?”)
– Moe gets his share of laughs: reading his mail order bride catalog, insisting he don’t want no pansies, and tearing up at Apu and Manjula’s ceremony (“I am no good at wedding, I am no good at weddings…”)
– Homer’s Ganesh distraction is pretty stupid (what, he threw that thing together in less than an hour?), but I do love the one Indian guest’s indignation (“You are not Ganesh! Ganesh is graceful!”) and the pathetic sight of Homer stuck up in a tree with children throwing rocks at him. Between this and the elephant attacking him at the end, he’s basically devolved into a cartoon character at this point.

(originally aired November 9, 1997)
So here’s another episode with a somewhat interesting story and a lot of great gags and laughs throughout… but again, tainted by slightly early glimmers of Jerkass Homer. Is this going to be a consistent theme this season? When a local health fair illuminates the fact that Springfield’s kids are overweight, many of them are hooked into peewee football. Flanders acts as team coach, but when Homer’s incessant and overbearing heckling digs into him a bit too deep, he resigns and makes him the coach. Although the rough and ruthless Nelson is essentially carrying the team, Homer goes for nepotism and puts all his stock into Bart as the new quarterback, despite the boy’s objections.

I don’t know what it is about Homer, I guess the writers figured the farther they pushed him, the more ridiculous it would be, ergo more funny. But, as later seasons will show, it just makes him less attached to the “real” Homer we know and love and more into a caricature, dare I say, a “cartoon” of his former self. Sure, he holds a disdain toward Flanders and complains about him, but doing it in such an aggressive manner in public seems way too over the top. Then Flanders confronts him about it and he shirks away from it. Again, like last episode, not a good move when you make your protagonist unlikable. Homer has a lot of negative qualities, but any harm he inflicts on others was always unintentional. You should never not be on his side. There’s an inkling of interesting character stuff with Homer, though. In flashback, we see his father, disgruntled as ever, never supported him during his athletic days, and after being overbearing toward Bart, he decides to go the other way and encourage him too much. I think Homer as an overzealous team dad worked a lot better in “Lisa on Ice,” it seemed a lot less exaggerated than it’s played out here.

But then again, I have to say I’m still laughing a lot at these episodes regardless. While Roy Firestone was essentially a worthless cameo (ditto with the King of the Hill scene), I loved the stuff with Joe Namath, it’s a very brilliant self-aware celebrity appearance. Bart is at his lowest, and against all odds or logic, Joe Namath appears to help him, and is about to instill his greatest football wisdom… but then he leaves. There’s a lot of great Nelson stuff, like his end field dance and many great quotes (“I won’t give you a B but I’ll tear you a new A!”) The health fair at the beginning is a great first act set piece, there’s humor within the games themselves, and I even like the ending where Bart swaps with Nelson in the squad car. Like the last episode, everything works but Homer. I just know this complaint is going to grow larger and larger as we go on here, but I’m kind of startled how suddenly it came upon us. We’re just starting the ninth season here, did someone just turn a dial in his brain? I just watched every episode up to this point, did I forget about more telltale signs in the last few seasons? I don’t think so… But, again, this is a pretty funny episode.

Tidbits and Quotes
– I always crack up at Dr. Nick standing with a big grin on his face at the “What’s Your Sex?” booth. Also great is the old men at the hearing booth (“Nothing yeeeeeeett!”) When the tone gets unbearably loud, Jasper goes to raise his hand, but Abe shakes his head. A no-nonsense Rainier Wolfcastle doles out “FAT” stickers, and he goes through a lot of them (“I loved your last McBain movie, Mr. Wolfcastle!” “Quit stalling, fatty.”)
– I like Marge’s sheepishness over asking for a protective cup for Bart, and the store clerk’s childish behavior regarding it (“Cup? Could you spell that?” “C-U-P. I wanna C-U… oh my God!”) Once he’s all geared up, Bart instructs Milhouse to repeatedly kick him in the groin, which he does with great vigor.
– Another classic Ralph line (“Ralph, you’ll be on special team.” “I’m special!”)
– I like Lisa wanting to join the team on principle only, just to find there’s nothing she can really get uppity about. It’s handled well here, but her rampant activism would only absorb more and more of her character as the years went on. I remember later she’d whip out a bullhorn labeled “Li’l Agitator.” Once the characters get too self-conscious about themselves, things can go a bit too far.
– I love that both teams are the Wildcats. It sounds like the most common name for a kids team (“Who are we?” “The Wildcats!” “Who are we gonna beat?” “The Wildcats!”)
– Homer’s disdain toward Flanders usually works best when he’s seething to himself, like his comment when the coach of the winning team is hoisted up by the players (“Big deal. I’ve been carried out of Moe’s like that hundreds of times.”)
– Clever bit where Bart avoids the tires set up on the stairs by sliding down the banister. I’m sure he does that every morning and didn’t even notice Homer’s “obstacle course.”
– The flashback is great, I love that Homer was into aerobics. Smithers is announcing the event (“Now, that’s the end of the girls floor exercise. Now, let’s bring on the men!”) Homer does pretty well to start, but Abe’s blatant disdain (I always crack up at his sudden, unprompted “You’re gonna blow it!”) screws him up (“That’s what I get for having faith in yah.”) Points also go to Lenny’s “Bull Shirt” shirt.
– Recalling that traumatic memory, Homer vows to be nicer to his son and meaner to his dad, going out to give the former a hug. Bart’s brain informs him it’s a trap and to run like hell. Homer gives chase (“Hug meee!”) Then the scene goes on longer for some reason with them running about the yard. That’s another thing that would carry on from this point, scenes running long. Do the joke and move on, don’t linger.
– I like Homer’s continued cuts (“Steven, I like your hustle. That’s why it was so hard to cut you. Congratulations, the rest of you made the team! …except you, you and you.”)
– Homer is very blatant about his sudden change of heart toward Bart (“Son, you can do anything you want. I have total faith in you.” “Since when?” “Since your mother yelled at me.”)
– I love that Joe Namath scene. Bart tries to recall Namath’s advice… but then remembers he never gave any. Also, he seems to clearly envision Namath’s partner, even though he never saw her.
– Great bit where Homer sarcastically calls up Mr. Burns (“This is Homer J. Simpson, the father of the big quitter! Well, I just wanted to tell you I’m a big quitter, too! And I quit!”) Then he realizes his winks don’t translate over the phone, screams and hangs up. It’s a hilarious performance, and is a total bonehead Homer move.
– This episode gave birth to Skittlebrau, a wonderful concoction Homer appears to have imagined. We see it actually exists in a later episode.
– Part of the episode comes full circle when Abe is at the championship game. Marge comments that he must be proud of his son, to which Abe replies, “You’d think so, wouldn’t you?” and promptly falls asleep.

(originally aired November 2, 1997)
“Homer’s Enemy” put forth the template for a boorish, more obnoxious Homer, one I knew we’d see put into action in regular episodes as the years went on. Now here we are, the first episode of the ninth production season, a show that features dramatic uses of those jerkass qualities. This episode actually has a lot going for it, an interesting story and many great gags throughout, but its prominent sore spot is Homer’s behavior throughout. Following a violent and destructive city-wide riot, Marge beseeches Homer to get something to protect the family with. Homer interprets this as buying a handgun, which Marge is staunchly against. There’s a great balance between the comedic elements and the dramatic, where Marge is very seriously against the situation, urging Homer to get rid of the gun. Amidst the craziness of the NRA members and Homer using his firearm to open his beer and turn on the TV, Marge’s concerns are incredibly valid. She gives the episode sort of an emotional weight, which is mostly successful, as Homer must choose between his gun and his family.

As I mentioned earlier, Homer seems too out of control in this episode. Once we get the smash cut joke of him wanting to get a gun, that’s his complete focus for the rest of the episode: anxiously awaiting getting the gun, using it in the most reckless of ways, and then repeatedly lying to his wife about getting rid of it when she desperately asked him to. Now, some of this follows standard Homer protocol with him having a one-track mind and being stubborn about his convictions. It also could be that he prides and obsesses over his gun as he believes others to do, which gives us the great scene toward the end where the pre-established gun nuts of the NRA are shocked at Homer’s reckless usage of his gun. But there’s just something about his behavior on the whole that feels like it’s too much. Shooting Lisa’s ball out of the tree, then blasting the lights out in the house, all that stuff feels a little too dumb. That and I didn’t care for Homer’s repeated lies to Marge. You never want your protagonist to become unlikable, and lying to your wife on a rather grave issue twice is kind of pushing it.

It seems I’ve placed a dark cloud over this episode, but there’s certainly a lot going on that works. Like I said, it is an interesting issue that plays out with a level of gravitas, with Homer losing his family thanks to his gun purchased to protect said family. Around that, you have all these absurd elements indicative to the series, like Homer’s “potentially dangerous” moniker limiting him to only three handguns, and Moe’s jerry-rigged five gun contraption. We also get the Sleep-Eazy Motel (or Sl-e-azy Motel as the malfunctioning neon sign reads), which makes the Ye Olde Off-Ramp Inn look like a pleasure palace. The show’s still strong in these regards, that in the middle of this huge show about guns, they take the time to lampoon seedy motels as well, and the town’s equally as seedy mayor (“Are you planning to stay the whole night?”) Between that and a good old-fashioned riot scene in the first act, this episode has a whole lot going for it. Despite Homer’s outlandish actions, this one’s got way too many funny jokes and scenes for me to besmirch it for long.

Tidbits and Quotes
– The Continental Soccer Association is coming to Springfield, with all your favorite soccer stars (“Ariaga! Ariaga II! Bariaga! Aruglia! And Pizzoza!”) Homer pays this no mind, until he hears they’ll be signing autographs. The commercial is so convincing, he’s reduced to tears at the thought of attending this wondrous event.
– There’s a lot of great small jokes before game time: Marge commenting on how the stadium used to be an internment camp, the walking paella vendor, and one soccer star announcing a plug for wax paper and getting handed a giant sack of money with a dollar sign on it very discretely. Or rather, very blatantly.
– The pathetic animation of the players kicking the ball back and forth to each other is hilarious. I love how long it lingers as the crowd is in a frenzy… then slowly dies down. Brockman reports the plays quite bored, while the foreign announcer is in a frenzy (“Halfback passes to center, back to wing, back to center, center holds it! Holds it! Holds it!!”)
– I love Homer’s homemade burglar alarm, which I’ve stared at for a bit and have no idea how it’s supposed to work. Someone tries to open the door, then reaches through the mail slot and takes the fish out of the bowl. How would they know it was there?
– I’m not crazy about the home security salesman. He at first seems to be a crooked guy as he’s stealing items from Homer and Marge under their noses, but toward the end he seems to be genuinely concerned about them getting security. Or maybe he just wanted them to give him money. That’s probably it. I dunno, but I did love the exchange at the end (“Surely you can’t put a price on your family’s lives.” “I wouldn’t have thought so either, but here we are.”)
– The gun shop owner, the sarcastic guy (one episode revealed his name to be Raphael, so I’ll just call him that) is fantastic in this show, he’s the perfect foil for Homer (“I’d kill you if I had my gun!” “Yeah, well, you don’t.”) I also like all the standard features that come with a handgun: silencer, loudener, speed-cocker (Homer likes the sound of that), and something for shooting down police helicopters (“Oh, I don’t need anything like that… yet.”)
– Homer reveals the gun to the family. Marge is of course horrified. Bart is interested (“Can I borrow the gun tomorrow? I want to scare that old security guard at the bank.” “Only if you clean your room.”) Lisa rebuffs Homer’s assertion to his constitutional rights about the antiquity of the second amendment, to which Homer is quick to respond (“You couldn’t be more wrong, Lisa. If I didn’t have this gun, the King of England could just walk in here any time he wants, and start shoving you around.”) He then proceeds to shove her around until she concedes the point. When Marge refuses to budge her stance, Homer lays down the sweet talk (“Tell you what. You come with me to an NRA meeting, and if you still don’t think guns are great… we can argue some more.”)
– The speeches at the NRA meeting are great: Lenny’s support of assault weapons to take out today’s modern super animals, like the flying squirrel and the electric eel, and Moe’s heroic story of a would-be robbery (“It could have been a real ugly situation, but I managed to shoot him in the spine. I guess the next place he robs better have a ramp!”)
– I love the fantasy of what Homer’s life would be like if he robbed the Kwik-E-Mart: he’d live in a mansion wearing fancy clothes, a monocle and a sash reading “Mayor,” and Marge would be his dancing trophy wife in a pink bikini. It’s such an absurd vision, like he thinks a local convenience store has millions of dollars stowed away. Before he can come to a decision though, he’s already driving away (“Oh well, I’ll rob it next time.”)
– Great sequence of Homer shooting the plates (“See you in hell, dinner plate.”) Reminds me of clay pigeons in Duck Hunt. Or just shooting clay pigeons in real life, I guess. Regardless, the family is relegated to eating spaghetti out of other dish ware, such as a strainer, cookie sheet and a glass (“Does anyone know where all my dinner plates went?” “You probably left them at work.”)
– The scene at the table with the repeatedly firing gun is pretty disconcerting, which is a great set-up for Marge’s final ultimatum to Homer to get rid of the gun. I especially love the opening where she starts off, “Homer, I think you’d agree that I’ve put up with a lot in this marriage…” Homer goes to respond, but notices the kids silently and sternly staring at him to keep his dumb mouth shut.
– Bart comes upon the gun in the vegetable crisper and prepares to jerk around with it, preparing to shoot an apple out of Milhouse’s mouth. My God, would that have ended badly…
– The NRA is shocked at Homer’s recklessness with his firearm. He turns on the TV with his gun, the third shot being successful, conveniently turning on to a clip from a Western of a man falling over a railing. Even Cletus knows better (“Are you some kind of mo-ron?”) Krusty sets Homer straight (“Guns aren’t toys. They’re for family protection, hunting dangerous or delicious animals, and keeping the King of England out of your face.”) As such, he’s forced to tear up his membership card and get his tattoo removed with a grater. Moe is disappointed that Homer hadn’t gotten his tattoo yet.
– Great stuff at the motel: the coin-operated Bible, the racing vibrating beds, the dead man in the pool, the camera above Bart’s bed, the take-home continental breakfast… this show is still going strong in terms of jokes, there’s no doubt about that.
– I could be wrong, but I think this episode pioneered “Vote Quimby!” Maybe it’s because he says it a good three times in this one, but I don’t remember it being used prior to this.

(originally aired October 26, 1997)
It always bummed me out that later seasons managed to bungle the Treehouse of Horror episodes. I’m sure they’re very tough to write, but it really represented a true fall from grace for the series that they were able to drop the ball again and again on their annual tradition of unbridled creative freedom and craziness. But we’ve got a couple good Halloween shows left in the tank, so let’s enjoy them, shall we? We got three great segments this time around, each one improving on the last. First is “The Homega Man,” where Homer finds himself the sole survivor after a neutron bomb hits Springfield, but he soon finds himself in the sights of his formerly living neighbors, who are now hideous flesh-eating ghouls. There’s a lot of great bits in this one, starting with Quimby’s adamant hatred of the French (“I stand by my ethnic slur!”), and France’s swift retaliation launching a missile from underneath the Eiffel Tower. A completely uninhibited Homer dancing nude in the church to “War” is a pretty classic scene. I especially love after “Say it again!” in the song, he responds, “Okay!” The dramatic chase scene seems kind of like filling time, but the fact that the ghouls have some weird radical roadster for some reason makes it goofy enough that I don’t mind. The finale’s pretty silly too, but I still remain entertained. It’s a Halloween show, it should be a little oddball.

In “Fly vs. Fly,” Homer buys Professor Frink’s old matter transporter, and some shenanigans by Bart results in his DNA getting spliced with a fly. So while Bart’s head is zipping around on a fly’s body, the Simpson family are stuck with Bart’s body with a hideous fly head grafted on it. I’m not sure which cast member voiced Fly Bart, but kudos to him for just doing a great bunch of angry disgusting noises, keeping him not so much a threat as just really animalistic and gross. I love how the family is very quick to take in and accept this new change. In fact, Homer seems to be much more affable toward his son than ever (such as an especially sick scene where he kisses Fly Bart’s forehead, leaving a trail of goo behind). The real Bart manages to get Lisa’s attention to get her to help him, and eventually restores the two to their proper bodies. There’s lots of great stuff floating around this one, from the weird inventions at Frink’s yard sale to all the lazy uses Homer has for his new transporter. The ending is pretty great too, with a swell of dramatic music as Homer seems to be having an epiphany… but is actually going to threaten his only son with murder (“I’ll chop you good!”)

“Easy Bake Coven” takes place in the 17th century, where “Sprynge-Fielde” is in the midst of a massive witch hunt. Marge is quickly signaled out, and in a test of her soul’s purity is pushed off a cliff. But it turns out she actually is a witch, and along with her hag sisters, they set out to rid the town of their delicious children to eat. Like “King Homer,” it’s neat seeing our characters in a completely different setting and how their personalities mesh with the times. Springfield’s traditional mob mentality translates perfectly to Puritan times; their quick ganging up on Marge with no evidence whatsoever is hysterical, as is the swift dismissal of Lisa’s Bible verse urging compassion (“Doesn’t the Bible say ‘Judge not lest ye be judged’?” “The Bible says a lot of things. Shove her!”) The story strangely turns into a tale of the very first Halloween, as Maude Flanders manages to get the witches to swap their children for some delicious cookies instead. It’s kind of a neat ending, especially with Captain McAllister’s random narration (“It wasn’t long before this yearly custom became an annual tradition.”) All in all, three quality segments. Eight years of Halloween shows and they’re still pretty solid.

Tidbits and Quotes
– This is probably my favorite Treehouse intro with the FOX censor, which they nail immediately with his laughing out loud at something in the script, then swiftly crossing it out. I’ve heard quips from many writers about how executives would initially love certain material then later demand it be cut out. The censor appears to be doing a bang-up job with this script (“As the Fox censor it’s my job to protect you, from reality. And thanks to my prudent editing, tonight’s Simpsons Halloween special has been rated TV-G! This means there will be no raunchy NBC-style sex, or senseless CBS-style violence,”) at least until an arm holding a knife emerges from the ratings box and stabs him to death. I think this was also in the infancy of the parental ratings box as well, so pretty clever on them.
– Nice brief appearance by Herman in the first segment, showing Homer the ultimate bomb shelter, the Withstandinator (“It can take a six megaton blast. No more, no less.”) Also great is that when he’s reduced to a skeleton, Homer hands him back his canned goods and causes him to lose his other arm.
– Classic, oft-quoted Comic Book Guy quote, mere seconds before his death: “But Aquaman! You cannot marry a woman without gills! You’re from two different worlds!” And then… “Oh, I’ve wasted my life.”
– I love how quickly it takes Homer to notice what’s going on (“Jeez, what’s with all the death?”)
– I like that Flanders automatically designates the two groups as “freaks” and “norms,” like it’s pre-established rhetoric.
– At Frink’s yard sale, Lisa picks up a blivet, an famous optical illusion that could not and should not exist in the real world.
– Great Frink line welcoming the Simpsons (“Good morning, ma’am. Good afternoon, sir. It passed noon while I was speaking so that was technically accurate.”)
– I love Homer’s pondering over purchasing the matter transporter (“Two bucks… and it only transports matter… well, ah… I’ll give you thirty-five cents.”)
– The fridge contains a full rack of Duffs, except for one similar looking can labeled “Cat Ear Medicine.” Guess which one Homer grabs through the transporter? Dan Castellaneta gives some great disgusted moans after taking a swig.
– Homer sets up the transporter by the toilet during one scene, then the scene ends with him haphazardly throwing his hand through the machine hitting Lisa in the face, meaning a disembodied hand socked an eight-year-old girl while sitting on the can. Stay classy, Simpsons.
– I love the two splices of Santa’s Little Helper and Snowball II, first both their heads (“Twice the pet and none of the mess!”) then both of their rears (“Ehhh, you can be Lisa’s.”)
– My favorite bit of the episode is probably the spider shaking its limbs in anger as the fly Bart flies away after tricking it.
– I love the conveniently marked “Door” button on the microwave. Because if it wasn’t labeled, we wouldn’t get that the button Lisa pushed caused the door to open! It’s integral!
– The ye olde courthouse is basically classic mob dog-piling in Springfield, except set three hundred years earlier. Mrs. Krabappel accuses Marge on how her whites come out much whiter than her’s. Moe is convinced (“Oh, I’ve heard enough, burn her!!“)
– Wiggum lays out how Marge’s due process works (“You sit on the broom and we shove you off the cliff. If you’re innocent, you will fall to an honorable Christian death. If you are, however, the bride of Satan, you will surely fly your broom to safety. At that point, you will report back here for torture and beheading.”)
– Nice nod to the classic Looney Tunes cartoons as the Bouviers float on their brooms and click their heels before they dash off, like Witch Hazel would do. I also love how they cackle loudly whilst airborne, and stop immediately upon landing.
– You know what… I’d eat a caramel cod. Why not? Smother anything with caramel, I’ll take a bite out of it.

(originally aired October 19, 1997)
Flashback episodes always seem to be a slam dunk for this show. Delving back into the past of our favorite family sheds light on the formation of their characters and how they came to be. Also, seeing them younger is always really cute, especially the case with the Simpson children. When Lisa’s saxophone is accidentally destroyed, Homer and Marge tell the tale of how she came to get the instrument. It’s a story that quickly gets usurped by another one about five-year-old Bart’s early school days. We see that li’l Bart was actually pretty excited about starting school before the institution quickly squashed any hope and spirit he had. It actually is kind of a tragic story, with Bart actually trying hard and actively participating. His mind is still developing, all kids minds develop at different rates, but the bitch teacher belittles this poor child at every turn instead of encouraging him. We see how words can be emotionally damaging to a boy like Bart, and how it can turn him off personal betterment forever. Poor kid.

Even before she even became a middle child, Lisa was getting overlooked, until school psychiatrist J. Loren Pryor notices her exceptional observation and critical thinking skills, and informs her parents that she is a gifted child. I’ve got to say, baby Lisa in “Lisa’s First Word” was pretty damn cute, but three-year-old Lisa is absolutely adorable. Yeardley Smith picks her voice up a bit and gives a great performance (I especially love how she mimics her father’s enthusiastic “Wave of the future!”) Of course, encouraging a gift comes with a high price tag for the local private school (Miss Tillingham’s School for Snotty Girls and Mama’s Boys) which the Simpsons can’t afford. Another possible enrichment option is to get her an instrument to fuel her creative brain, but money is pretty tight for something like that too. At King Toot’s, Lisa finds herself drawn to her soon to be beloved saxamaphone, but seeing its price, Homer must make a choice. He’s been sweating like a pig during the recent heat wave and is in dire need of an air conditioner. Will he splurge on that, or Lisa’s sax? Well, what do you think?

I’ll say my only minor complaint about this episode is that these flashback shows are getting a tad redundant. “I Married Marge” and “And Maggie Makes Three” are both episodes depicting how Homer will always sacrifice his personal happiness for the benefit of his family. The emotional impact is still here, but the third time around, it just isn’t quite as effective. But it’s kind of a theme that exists in the series proper as well: Homer is a man driven by his own selfish impulses, but time and time again he must manage to put them aside for the sake of those he loves most. So, again, a really minor issue with this great episode. The resolution to Bart’s story alleviates some of the sadness, where he finds his niche as a class clown and utters his first immortal catchphrase, “Eat my shorts.” In present day, Homer is out yet another air conditioner to pay for a new saxophone for Lisa, giving us a nice jazz tune to go out on amidst clips of her playing the sax in past episodes. It’s a nice little show, another look into the forgotten years of the Simpson family.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Mere years before Family Guy, All in the Family gets the Simpson treatment, with Homer and Marge singing their version of “Those Were the Days,” (“Disco Duck and Fleetwood Mac / Coming out of my eight track / Michael Jackson still was black / Those were the days!”)
– Nice slam on the WB (“We’re proud to present on the WB, another bad show that no one will see!”) That network never really hit its stride… and now it’s dead. But how could it with such fine programming as the Krusty the Klown Story, starring Fyvush Finkel? We learn he was apparently married to Mia Farrow at one point (“Chan Ho, your mother Mia and I are getting a divorce.” “Chan Ho is over there. I am Chin Ho.” “Whoever you are! Just pass it along, kid!”) Watching this, Homer comments, “What a bad father!” As if on cue, Maggie walks by carrying a power drill. I also love the callback later where to cheer Lisa up, Homer offers to destroy something Maggie loves. Cut to the baby clutching the drill in response.
– Homer sets the stage for our flashback, with a very knowing reference (“The year was 1990. Back then, The Artist Formerly Known As Prince was currently known as Prince. Tracey Ullman was entertaining America with songs, sketches, and crudely drawn filler material. And Bart was eagerly awaiting his first day at school.”)
– Homer tries to instill some words of wisdom onto his son as his father did him, but thinking back, he realizes they may not have been the most helpful (“Homer, you’re dumb as a mule and twice as ugly! If a strange man offers you a ride, I say, take it!” “Lousy traumatic childhood!”)
– Li’l Jimbo with the bunny shirt is ridiculously cute (“I look forward to wailing on all of you!”)
– Sad five-year-old Bart is so heartbreaking. This little kid was so full of promise that was completely dashed to bits. Not even “Curious George and the Ebola Virus” can cheer him up. A disturbing drawing of himself with knives in his back in a thunderstorm reading “SAD” raises Marge’s concerns a bit. The best scene is when she brings it to Homer’s attention. Not looking at the drawing, Homer gives an over-the-top enthusiastic reaction to how wonderful little Bart’s drawing is, which then immediately switches to horror when he actually looks it (“Burn it! Send it to hell!!”)
– I never quite got the Milhouse gay jokes considering his well-established crush on Lisa. I guess it’s commenting on the poor work of the psychologists, perhaps in trying to project themselves onto other kids? I dunno.
– I like Pryor’s advice for Bart (“Bart must learn to be less of an individual, and more a… faceless slug.”)
– The headmaster of the gifted school can’t budge on the price, unless of course they’re a minority group. Homer immediately adapts a (terrible) Spanish accent, but the headmaster isn’t fooled. Homer then shifts to Chinese for some reason, “Aah-so…” Marge’s line to her daughter (“Come on, honey, I guess this is a world you’ll never know”) is pretty discouraging. This is kind of a bummer episode up until the end.
– I like Homer’s vision of what museums are like, him playing foosball with Michelangelo’s David. He beats him and asks who’s next. The figure from Munch’s “The Scream” appears, yelling, “Meeeeeeeee!”
– Homer demands Marge to name one man who’s ever been successful without air conditioning. Marge cites Balzac, to which Homer retorts, “No need for potty mouth just because you can’t think of one.”
– Nice that we see the white Snowball I a few times in this flashback.
– Even Flanders can’t stand for Homer’s blatant thievery, ripping his air conditioner out of the wall and shoddily propping it to his. Homer is quick to defend (“I admit it looks bad, Flanders, but haven’t you heard of ‘let he who is without sin cast the first stone?'”) On cue, li’l Todd Flanders, who is definitely without sin, chucks a rock at Homer (“Got him, dad!”)
– Bart’s teacher is such a bitch (“And the ugly duckling was amazed to realize it had grown into a beautiful swan. So you see children, there is hope for anyone.” “Even me?” “No.”)
– Li’l Milhouse is pretty cute too. I love his unusually astute observation that “the world needs a clown,” inspiring Bart to be the kid he is today.
– The ever observant Lisa counts thirteen pickled eggs and one cockroach in Moe’s jar. A nervous Moe laughs, “Who are you, sweetheart, the health inspector?” The actual inspector is just a little bit down the bar. To cover, Moe offers a free margarita… that has a dirty syringe in it (“Uh, that’s a parasol.”)
– So now King Toot’s isn’t right next to Moe’s, but perhaps they moved sometime between now and the present day. Still run by the same guy though.
– I love the two inscriptions on Lisa’s saxes: “To Lisa: Never Forget Your Daddy Loves D’oh!” and “Dear Lisa: May Your New Saxophone Bring You Years Of D’oh!”
– Apu appears for no reason through the episode and sticks around… for no reason, but I still love it, especially at the very end where he appears exiting the kitchen with a sandwich (“Will you get off my lawn?” “Why don’t you make me?” “Why… oh, I give up.”)