(originally aired March 11, 2001)
Let’s talk about silly endings. As insane as episodes in the classic seasons got, they would always end in a way that was believable within the established context of the story, or at least worked as some kind of parody of something. But lately we’ve had a fair share of endings that are kind of random and stupid, and here it’s not just the ending, but the entire third act devoted to this conclusion. It feels like one of those things that you’re either on the train or off the train for, and I was most certainly off. Lisa attempts to make friends with the new girl Francine, only to be viciously bullied for her efforts. She attempts to make sense of why Francine seems to just target the nerdy kids, figuring there must be some logical explanation. The answer surprises her: it’s all chemical. She discovers that the smartest among us emit a certain chemical, which she dubs “poindextrose,” that attracts negative reaction from bullies. And yeah, that’s really the ending.

I do kind of like the first half of this episode, showing that Francine is just this stone wall that Lisa cannot get through to or understand why she’s abusing her so violently. It is, however, an enormous waste of guest star Kathy Griffin, who gets maybe five lines, which boil down to maybe twenty words. I like her bully voice and her screaming, and keeping her mostly mute works for her character, but if that’s the case, they could’ve had anyone do the voice. I like Lisa’s consultation with Nelson, and seeing how organized and efficient the world of bullying is, their rules and regulations, and their own code of ethics. Examining the psychological urges and motivations of bullies, but in an absurdist, comedic way, could have been great. But I really can’t get on board with this ending. Lisa spraying herself with salad dressing stopping Francine from her impending attack, leaving her acting like a confused animal is just plain bizarre. The whole final act is devoted to this ridiculously preposterous finale. I wasn’t so much annoyed as I was bored, I felt like they could’ve come up with a better ending but were apparently quite tickled by this one, I guess.

There’s also a side story here, but not much to report about it. After a visit from an eye-opening, but expensive, baby-proofer, Homer goes on a crusade to make the world a safe place for Springfield’s littlest ones. The reason? I’m not entirely sure, but you know that wacky Homer and all his crazy non-work-related adventures. There’s a strange scene before the baby-proofer shows up with him and Marge sitting at the kitchen table struggling to come up with something to talk about, with Marge about to point out that their marriage is suffering a bit before the doorbell rings. It’s a joke that kind of feels so sour and sad within this overly silly show. Be it filling a dangerous pool with Jell-O mix or bubble wrapping an entire playground, Homer is making waves in protecting youngins everywhere. So what’s the resolution? The answer is there isn’t one. Well, just barely. Homer sees on TV that many industries are being hurt by Homer’s crusade: Dr. Hibbert can’t afford a new boat because of healthy babies, the get-well-soon baby card factory has shut down, laying off hundreds. As such, Homer takes to the streets, calling for all infants to do their part and get injured. It’s not really an ending, it’s just an incredibly bizarre joke. Both stories in this episode has completely ridiculous climaxes, which takes away from any emotional connection or attempt at realism the plots had at the start. This episode had promise, but any goodwill basically evaporates come the third act.

Tidbits and Quotes
– The Itchy & Scratchy cereal commercial is kinda fun, but I feel it goes on a little too long.
– Good Homer line when Marge is shocked that he’s not at work yet (“They said if I come in late again, I’m fired. I can’t take that chance!”)
– I know we’re well past the point that I should be annoyed at overly cartoony stuff happening in this show, but seeing Otto and Marge drag race in the aqueduct system still made me kind of sad, like this is what this series has come to. This is a believable thing that Marge would do now. I kind of like the payoff of Otto getting to the school, then realizing he had to pick up a new kid, and drives back around again, making it all for nothing. Then the kids wonder what the new kid is like, via three thought bubbles that I guess the writers forgot to write jokes for.
– I like how long and how much effort it takes the baby proofer to get the cap off the product under the sink, and her unfazed continuation of her shock spiel when she finally gets it open (“You see how quickly your baby could have been drinking this… Similac Baby Formula?”) Wrapped up in the theatrics, Homer is horrified and stomps the bottle flat (“This is such an eye-opener. I always pictured the kids dying in the living room.”)
– From what we’ve seen of Homer’s past, I don’t really see him as being a bully. Also he seems to be pummeling a nerdy-looking Smithers.
– The scene at the lockers with Lisa and Francine sports some pretty great animation. The low angle of the spit-out Malibu Stacey head, the fluid motion and posing of Francine shoving Lisa in her locker, it all seemed particularly strong.
– I really like the interplay of Lisa and Nelson discussing bullying, and how serious they take it. I almost wish he played a larger role in the third act. Instead, Lisa uses him as an unwitting guinea pig when he swabs Drederick Tatum with nerd sweat. Nelson’s fists have minds of their own and begin punching him and giving him a wedgie. I can’t stress how dumb this is. Though I like Tatum’s non-plussed reaction (“Please don’t hurt me!” “You leave me little recourse.”)
– Willie’s penchant for secretly videotaping people comes out again as we see his lair (labeled ‘Keep Oot’) with dozens of monitors (“Why does the school need to watch us all the time?” “School?”) I also love his shock at seeing one of the men’s rooms (“That roll of paper towels is nearing the end! It’s on double red stripe!!”)
– I have to say, whenever I think about or sing along to “The Safety Dance,” I always sub in Homer’s lyrics (“You can dance! You can dance! Everybody look at your pants!”)
– The only thing I like about the nerd conference is the one voice in the crowd or murmuring scientists audibly saying, “Let’s not listen!” But then they use the clip again after Lisa’s experiment is a success. Absurd? Or lazy?

(originally aired March 4, 2001)
I can’t tell how much this show has numbed me at this point. Here’s an episode that has very few of the glaring issues of the more recent seasons, and even a fair share of admirable ideas and scenes, but as a whole, it didn’t do much for me, and I’m having a little trouble pinpointing why. Maybe there were too many silly elements in what mostly was a more realistic down-to-earth story. Maybe it’s another episode that took way too long to get into the meat of the plot. But whatever it was, something kept this show from getting beyond anything from a slightly good-spirited thumbs up. We open with a family trip to BlockoLand, legally distinguishable from LEGO. When Homer confronts a shopkeep who sold Lisa a building set with a missing piece, he develops a newfound passion for standing up for the little guy. There’s one or two smirk-worthy moments, but this is the whole first act, and in terms of the main story, it’s wholly disposable, time wasted that could have been better spent in getting us to the point quicker.

In attempting to get a season ticket refund for Lenny, Homer discovers a terrible secret at the ballpark: the new owner of the Springfield Isotopes at the Duff corporation is planning on moving the team to Albuquerque. I think my favorite part of the episode is Stacey Keach as Henry K. Duff VIII. He gives a funny and interesting vocal performance, trying all he can to discredit the man in the way of his goals. No one will take Homer’s word over Duff’s, so he vows to go on a hungry strike to get them to fess up. Now, of course, Homer must be absolutely dedicated to do something this drastic, and we do believe his motives for doing this (“I don’t mind being called a liar when I’m lying, or about to lie, or just finished lying… but not when I’m telling the truth!”) He’s an earnest guy trying to do what’s right in his own stupid way. It’s almost a return to form of classic Homer, certainly a refreshing change from the moronic jackass we’ve been watching these last few seasons. For the first time in a while, I’m rooting for Homer to succeed, and when he finally proven right in the end, we’re as happy as he is with the big finale.

Yet even with all of that, there’s still something that’s keeping me from loving this episode. There’s a lot of silly moments throughout that I’m kind of conflicted about. Like the big “PRIVATE” room that has all of the Albuquerque Isotopes merchandise and insignias properly displayed… it kind of felt a bit much, but then I laughed later when Homer opens the same door for a bunch of reporters and reveals a guy playing “wah-waaaaahhh” on the trombone. But what annoyed me most was the ending. I buy Homer identifying the southwestern ingredients on the new hot dog and that being the catalyst for the reveal. I buy Duff wanting to test his new product out and knowing the dummies of Springfield wouldn’t make the connection. But that they have the hot dog wrappers say ‘Alburquerque Isotopes’ on them… really? No one noticed this? They had to cap off Homer’s triumphant moment with that unbelievably dumb reveal. So, yeah, as unusually iffy as I am with this episode, I definitely place it in the better ones this season. Homer’s admirable behavior alone makes it notable amongst a season of him being an insufferable ass.

Tidbits and Quotes
– While I swear it’s been said on the show before, this episode gave us the formal introduction to “meh.” Very notable.
– BlockoLand has a few cute moments: the square wheels on the tram, the girl bumping down the block slide, Marge thinking “Squaresville” sounds cool, and security escorting Nelson out after winning a game of Rock-Em-Sock-Em Robots. The only jerky Homer thing here is him repeatedly splashing Lisa with blue blocks that make up the water in the boat ride, which he then manages to sink in somehow. But that gag is saved by the Blocko leeches.
– I’ll say that there were two gags here that I was expecting to go one way that they actually pushed one step further, which I really appreciate. Homer vows to stick up for the little guy, then notices cops beating down Snake in the road. He revs his car up and scatters the police away. I thought they would leave it at that, but they then reveal the cops were beating out Snake’s shirt fire (“My heart was in the right place, jerk!”) In a later scene, Duff calls in for a special brew of Duff which you’d think would erase Homer’s memory. Then Duffman injects him in the arm and he passes out, leaving Duff to his tasty beverage (“Man, that’s malty. But he’ll never know!”)
– The first act is really a blight on this episode. First we have Homer masquerading as a kid at the school that no one calls out and is never explained. Then later we have a servicable gag where Homer cross-checks the funds at Marge’s salon to see that they would be ruined if they honored her coupon. Then it’s coupled with Homer giving advice on how to lighten one’s loafers (a slightly questionable gag in and of itself) out of nowhere (“You get the same results with a mincing gel!”) These two scenes are precursors to horrible bullshit to come, where characters will just show up wherever and say whatever for whatever the scene or joke calls for, regardless if it makes sense for that specific character. Care used to be put into every scene in this show, whereas now I can’t chart this fumbling up to anything but laziness.
– Duffman is great in this show as Duff’s lackey (“Joel Duffman, ‘The Newsly Times.’  What’s with the smear campaign against this beloved brewer?  And weren’t you once in a loony bin? Oh yeah!”) His line toward the end is bonafide classic (“New feelings are brewing in Duffman! What would Jesus do?”)
– Nice gag with the discomforting omen of the other poor soul who protested against the stadium owners: a skeleton shackled to a pole similar to Homer’s with a sign reading “Clean the Ladies Room.”
– We see Skinner and Krabappel on a date. Krabappel assures the ice cream cone Skinner bought her will go straight to her thighs, and Skinner retorts that that won’t be the only thing. Not only is this too shrewd a line for a lameduck like Skinner, but really, this is twice this season we’ve had an awful sexual inneuendo coming from this guy. It’s a little bit disconcerting.
– I really like the plot turn of Duff having Homer transported to the outfield, and touting him as an Isotopes superfan, negating Homer’s entire platform. His callous attitude toward Marge regarding her husband’s well-being is great too (“We won’t let any harm come to your husband, Mrs. Simpson. He’s fine.” “He’s not moving!” “He’s probably resting from all the moving he did before you got here. He’ll start moving in a second, I’m sure of it.”)
– I criticized this show for being too silly at parts, but I still like the very end in Alburquerque. It still could have worked with the other silliness taken out as our sincere earned ending capped off with a final bit of craziness (“That town’s got too much spirit. Looks like we’ll have to steal some other baseball team. See what Dallas wants for the Cowboys.” “Uh, that’s a football team, sir.” “They’ll play what I tell ’em to play… for I am the Mayor of Albuquerque!”)

(originally aired February 25, 2001)
Ah, boy bands. Meticulously manufactured pretty boys with non-offensive ballads about “true love” to generate huge amounts of profit from young girls. It’s the kind of thing that seems parody-proof, because it didn’t take long before the genuine articles felt like parodies unto themselves. But being the new hip thing, of course the series was going to take a stab at it, and of course they could get *NSYNC to do a guest spot. There’s plenty of this episode that makes no sense and is dumb, but I have to say I have a certain fondness toward it. It’s almost like they knew they had to put a ridiculous spin on it, and when shit goes off the rails in act three, it kind of feels wonderfully absurd, than just plain absurd. Same thing with *NSYNC; they’re unnecessary and crammed in the episode in every respect, but when they show up with their little theme music at the end as they land their speedboat on the aircraft carrier out of fucking nowhere, I’m laughing. Sometimes you push things too far and they become hilarious. This is one of those times.

Things start out randomly as Homer decides he’s going to run the Springfield Marathon, and it’s even more impromptu and head-scratching than you’d think. Bart pulls a “prank” by posing as a foreigner and cutting off the lead runners near the finish line and winning. He’s rescued from an angry mob by LT Smash, a record producer who thinks he’d be perfect for the new boy band he’s organizing, along with Nelson, Milhouse and Ralph. It’s not exactly clear why any of these boys want to be in the band, but I guess that doesn’t matter. The other three don’t even feel like themselves, they’re just thrown in the story because we need recognizable kids there. Boy band protocol usually calls for five members, but we only have four boy characters, so they’ll have to do. By the end when Nelson is commenting, “I can’t sing without dancing!” I’m wondering exactly who are these characters I’m watching. I’m not saying it couldn’t have worked with these kids, but perhaps injecting some of their actual personalities into the episode would have helped.

The episode’s saving grace comes from the twist. Lisa is suspect of the Party Posse’s new song and its eerie chorus, and comes to a shocking discovery: “Yvan eht nioj” is “Join the Navy” backwards! LT Smash is revealed to be Lt. Smash, who is using the band’s music to inject subliminal messages for naval recruitment. But when the navy orders the program to be shut down on the eve of a scathing parody of the band by MAD Magazine, Smash goes insane and hijacks an aircraft carrier to New York, aiming to take down MAD. The subliminal messages angle is an interesting one to go with involving the sinister motives behind boy bands, but it all becomes so incredibly silly. But part of me really likes that, it’s going overboard to the greatest degree. It’s a different kind of silliness than jockey elves or the Prisoner island in that the naval plot makes some modicum of sense, and we can go along that Smash is simply a maniac because he never seemed all that all together from the moment we met him (“Who are you?” “You’ll find out in due time.” “Well, it says here your name is L.T. Smash.” “The time has come. I’m L.T. Smash.”) The characterization in this show is garbage, and there’s a lot of nonsense, but a fair amount of that nonsense is actually really entertaining to me for some reason. As much as I should, I don’t hate this episode. It’s one of the better ones this season, that’s for sure, and for an episode featuring *NSYNC, that’s saying something.

Tidbits and Quotes
– The beginning is very confusing to me. The family is watching a TV program about great Olympic moments, causing Homer to announce that he’s going to run the local marathon. Never mind that we really didn’t need this at all, since the family could have just been watching the marathon for the plot to work. Then it’s as if he lost track of his own conversation, saying he’ll swap jobs with Marge and see who has it tougher, and storms out of the room. Marge and the kids exchange confused glances. So do I. What the fuck is happening? Does this man officially have brain damage?
– I like the quote on the marathon banner: “Ruin Your Knees for Charity.”
– Bart’s faux-Italian accent is a pretty cute bit, but then a bird takes off with his mustache and he’s revealed to be a fake. Not entirely sure why he wasn’t busted earlier, since I’m sure there was registration for this race, and also a whole bunch of people who would have seen him run in at the finish line, but whatever. Then, another problem: we see an angry mob is closing in on Bart on the town hall steps. Then L.T. Smash’s car pulls up in front, and we see from Bart’s POV that all of a sudden the stairs are empty, and the mob is all on his level. Then when he jumps to the car and drives off, we see there’s people lining the sides of the stairs allowing him to get away. Did no one notice how sloppy this scene was staged?
– The secret to the Party Posse’s sweet, sweet vocals? Studio magic. Or more accurately, a voice altering machine labeled ‘Studio Magic’ (“Thank you, NASA.”)
– Why would the Party Posse perform at the school where everybody knows who the kids are? It almost feels like a talent show, not the start of a superstar career. I like Smash’s interplay with Skinner though (“Man, they’re gonna be big. And you stood in their way.” “No, I didn’t. I even came in early and made orange drink.” “Orange drink? What, do you live with your momma?” “She lives with me.“)
– I really do like *NSYNC’s appearance, I gotta say. It’s just so dumb, with Justin Timberlake repeatedly saying, “Word!” and the other guy constantly calling stuff “old school!” And their little dance in to their theme song, and at the very end where they show up out of fucking nowhere, and say, “We heard what you said!” Somehow they heard, as they were randomly speeding around the bay. The dumbness of it all is staggering, but it’s hilarious nonetheless.
– The Party Posse’s songs are almost too good, since they basically sound like the real deal. The “Drop Da Bomb” video (directed by Ang Lee) is pretty amazing, as the boys lift a flag pole a la the soldiers at Iwo Jima, but only to play volleyball with some fine Iraqi girls. And ‘Yvan eht nioj’ is brilliant, one of the last truly inspired and memorable things the series would have to offer.
– The dumbness continues with the reveal of Lt. Smash. First he’s got a navy tattoo, then a nearby fan blows open his shirt to reveal another one on his chest reading “I [Heart] the Navy,” then Lisa removes the period from Smash’s nameplate to make “L.T.” into “Lt. Smash.” It kind of goes a bit too long with his fake wig and pant legs, but it continues to be a great scene, with Smash’s superliminal messaging and informing Lisa that he can’t let her leave… except she already did.
– Homer childishly teases Lisa, to which he rebutts, “Cut it out! You’re a grown man!” I’ve screamed that at the screen many a time in the last few seasons…
– Smash is confirmed to be truly insane as he imagines the mindless Party Posse fans into future soldiers, fighting the hippie menace, striding atop a giant praying mantis sling shotting deadly flowers at their enemies.
– Marge and Lisa escape the aircraft carrier as Smash takes off and they don’t seem to concerned about Bart. Also why did they have to leave Homer there? He proceeds to be a complete irritant in the background for the rest of the show.
– Like “The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson,” this episode was pulled from syndication for a while following 9/11. Perhaps the finale of a maniac blowing up a building in New York City is somewhat offensive in hindsight… but at least no one was hurt. I like the look into the MAD writer’s room (“Why don’t we call it ‘Everyone Hates Raymond’?” “Well, we stayed up all night, but it was worth it.”)

(originally aired February 18, 2001)
“Brother From Another Series” was a brilliant sign-off for Sideshow Bob. After so many false reformations, he actually cleaned up his act and saved the day… but got thrown back in jail as a cruel twist of fate. This isn’t to say that they couldn’t have brought Bob back after that. That’s not even to say they couldn’t have brought him back as a villain again, but if they were, they’d have to do it in a new and interesting way. This episode doesn’t do that at all. It’s the same song-and-dance we see with every Bob episode, except the sharp writing and interesting stories are replaced with a bunch of nonsense and over tread ideas. Let’s start with what ignites Bob to get out of prison to hatch a new evil scheme. He is shocked to hear that Krusty has taped over all of the old episodes of his show, erasing all the work Bob ever did for him. Bob is infuriated that Krusty has eradicated his legacy… for some reason. He hated Krusty’s show and the work he did on it (“My foolish capering destroyed more young minds then syphilis and pinball combined!”) Why would he care that his work was wiped from existence? He should be applauding this. It makes no sense. The episode is pretty much dead from the start since I don’t buy Bob’s motivation at all.

Bob’s convoluted plan involves assassinating Krusty at his “final” show, having been pushed to quit show business after getting fed up with pushy network executives. First he gets a job at the school. Skinner, who a mere three episodes ago took great issue when he found out he hired a convict, has absolutely no qualms about hiring Bob. The two even have a good laugh when he reveals he’s tried to kill Bart multiple times. Bob then calls Bart out to the isolated utility shed over the loudspeaker, with Skinner right behind him, where Bart and Lisa can hear and possibly identify his voice. Once out in the shed, where no one has followed him or asked what he’s doing for some reason, he plans to hypnotize Bart, which I guess he knows how to do. He uses a target with concentric circles, which when he spins it magically turns into a spiral, and Bart is under Bob’s control instantly. At Krusty’s show, he rigs Bart up with plastic explosives, and has a trigger word that will make Bart go on stage and hug Krusty, causing both of them to explode. Do I even need to comment on this? Bob’s plans were never foolproof, since he was always undone in the end, but they were always expertly planned and thought out. This is just garbage, and really insulting to his supposedly intellectual character.

There’s so little of this episode that actually works. Since it’s a Bob episode, it’s all kind of hinged on him, and as I said, since his motivation makes no sense, I’ve pretty much clocked out at the get-go. From this point on, future appearances by Bob would just become more and more odd, with him turning into a more generic villain type, when he was always so much more than that. In “Krusty Gets Busted,” Bob framed his employer partly as retaliation for the abuse he went through, but mainly to hijack his show and bring the high enlightened arts to children over the airwaves. Here, it’s just petty revenge, for a reason that doesn’t fit his character. You could say “Cape Feare” is nothing more than brutal vengeance toward the boy who caused him to go to jail, but that episode is saved by it being absolutely insane and hysterical. “Jackanapes,” like many shows this season, didn’t muster more than a few choice chuckles for me. Bob episodes used to be season highlights, but now it seems they’re just as dull and forgettable as the rest of the lot.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Of all the oddball titles in series history, and there are a lot of them, this one confuses me the most. It’s taken from “The Day of the Jackal,” which is an English thriller novel about an assassination attempt, so that makes sense. But what is a jackanape? Apparently it’s old timey slang for “an impertinent, presumptuous person, especially a young man.” So I guess that could be Bart. But then why isn’t it “Day of the Jackanape”? I’m so confused. If anyone has any ideas, please lay them on me.
– “Me Wantee!” is not so much a parody of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? as it is just that show with different set dressing. I’m not sure why Moe’s on there, or what he did with his enormous cash winnings. I love this line though (“Yesterday, we asked if you wanted to risk it all for five hundred thousand dollars, and you stalled for twenty minutes. But now, we must have your answer in the next ten or fifteen minutes.”) I remember how they would just linger forever on contestants sitting there thinking with that quiet, pulsing soundtrack, where whole minutes would go by with nothing happening. They needed an editor on that show, it was ridiculous.
– The network executives are kinda good with their incessant, impossible to please notes (“We just want you to open it up.” “Run wild. Shatter the boundaries. Slash and burn!” “Without alienating anyone. All we’re saying is be dangerous. But warm. And edgy-cute.”) They’re enough to make Krusty run screaming out of the room.
– Krusty claims he’s been in show business for sixty-one years. Now, even if he includes clowning he did as a child, which I don’t see why he would, that puts him in his seventies, which seems kind of weird. Then again we did find out the Flanders is sixty. And then again Krusty could have just been exaggerating. And then again it doesn’t really matter that much anyway.
– Marge’s line regarding Krusty cancelling his show is so, so painful (“Well, I think it’s a good thing for a show to go off the air before it becomes stale and repetitive.”) But I’ll even say “stale and repetitive” is much too nice of a description compared to what this show has become.
– I like seeing a washed up Rainier Wolfcastle, bloated and disheveled on the red carpet, begging for work. He’s even lowered his price to eight million (“I do nude scene, I play nerd, don’t make me punch your throat!”) Also on the red carpet is Ron Howard, still in a bath robe with some buxom babe on his arm, and Gary Coleman doing his karate moves, making it the third time he’s been credited for the same recycled vocal performance. I’m still confused as to why that is.
– Krusty opens his final show with his trained monkey doing a strip tease to “You Sexy Thing.” Again, I’m not entirely sure what kind of a performer Krusty is. He is, and always has been, whatever we need him to be.
– Good thing the air duct was right below Bart’s seat so Bob could call up to him. That was awfully convenient.
– I like Krusty’s botched appearance of Laugh-In, unable to open the prop window (“Those lousy shutters set me back another twenty-two years.”)
– The third soundtrack CD “Testify” had a cut song from this episode sung by Bob. It actually sounded pretty good, with most thanks to Kelsey Grammer. They could have had it start act three, it would have worked. Shame. The one great thing about the episode wasn’t actually in it. Here’s the song, if you care to listen.
– The whole ending is terrible. As much as I don’t buy Bob’s motivation to get Krusty back, I don’t buy how quickly he’d change his mind based solely on Krusty’s tribute song. Mr. Teeney saves the day, grabbing off the explosive belt, without the detonators, though it still explodes when he throws it in the room with the executives in it. Then later the police roll in a guillotine to kill Bob, who has gotte the death penalty without trial. But don’t worry, he’ll be back. Unfortunately. Ugh…

(originally aired February 11, 2001)
Twenty minutes may seem like plenty of time to craft a meaningful story with a beginning and end, but it really isn’t. The writers in the past have talked about how precious every second was in keeping the story moving forward and building everything up to its rightful climax. A trend that would present itself in the later seasons is disjointed first acts, where the main story barely even kicks in until the start of act two. There’s nothing wrong with a slow burn start to a plot, but in some cases there would literally be no connection. This is one of those cases. Homer takes Abe to look at cemetery plots, but concludes that they are far too expensive. The caretaker tries to sell him on their deluxe model, touting that it has as much concrete as a regulation tennis court. Cut to a tennis court being put into the Simpson back yard. It’s such a ridiculous leap that at least they have the decency to comment on it (“I can’t believe we went through all that just to wind up with a tennis court.” “Bet you didn’t see that coming”) but it just makes me feel like I’ve just wasted my time. Abe doesn’t appear for the entire rest of the episode, it’s like none of it matters.

A first act can also set up your characters for the main story, but here, the Simpsons are all fairly competent at tennis right away. For some reason, Marge cares a lot about how well they play, and Homer takes it upon himself to be a court jester, like all the other lovable sports clowns, which I guess is a thing that exists. There’s no real build-up or explanation for any of this, it’s just things that happen and we’re meant to accept. Whatever emotional content with Marge feeling embarrassed of being a laughing stock is sort of diminished in that we’ve really only been in this story for like three minutes. And me asking for emotional content from this episode is a big stretch, since there’s mostly just gags here, and Homer acting like an absurd buffoon for reasons that escape me. When he refuses to take the game seriously, Bart fills in for him as Marge’s doubles partner in a local tournament, leaving Homer incredibly judgmental of his wife and son. He gets back at them by teaming up with Lisa, leaving the family divided.

The third act is really painful, where the entire Simpson family devolves into petty competitive children. There could have been a way to make this family strife work, but they’re just making infantile swipes at each other. This whole show is just so odd, in that it’s all about tennis, but never do any of the family members even seem to express any interest or enthusiasm about it. Homer has Bart fill in for him while he goes inside the house, and he seems to be playing somewhat competently like an adult. And when Lisa comes in, we haven’t even seen her play. The point is they’re getting all ruffled up about a game I’m not even certain they enjoy. The big tournament arrives and Homer is so desperate to win he subs his daughter with tennis legend Venus Williams. Eventually this swap continues until all the Simpsons are switched out for professional athletes. This is some of the most pathetic stunt casting we’ve seen so far. Not only is there no reason for these tennis stars to be here, they barely have any lines. The Williams sisters have a few, but Pete Sampras has like two, and Andre Agassi gets a check for only saying his name. And “Yoink!” Lame. Did I mention this episode is awful? I don’t know if I explicitly said so, but it is.

Tidbits and Quotes
– This is the second episode done in digital ink and paint rather than cels, the first being season 7’s “Radioactive Man.” Clearly the writing was on the wall in this period regarding the show’s inevitable move to digital production, as would finally happen in production season 14.
– When an episode is particularly horrible, I take a quick listen to the audio commentary for curiosity’s sake. But like many in this era, I got no answers. During the abrupt first act ending where they’re building the tennis court, they have Phil Rosenthal do his line from the movie and talk about that for a few minutes. Do these guys get paid to do these? Though it can’t be much, I imagine they don’t do it for free.
– I never laughed at anything at the funeral home, but I did smirk at the different brands of anti-stink spray, and the on-payroll weeping widow.
– I don’t know who to blame for this exactly, but a lot of the times we see the actual tennis game being played, it looks wrong, or we won’t hear the ball bounce when it goes over the court and then they hit it. Marge and Bart hit the ball back and forth to each other without it hitting the ground for a good twenty seconds, which there’s nothing wrong with, but it seems kind of odd. More egregious is when Homer misses a shot from Kent Brockman that clearly goes out, but then declares game, set and match to himself.
– The end of act two when Homer remains oblivious to Bart being Marge’s new partner is so painful to watch. I get what they were going for, but it was so unfunny and felt like padding. Then Homer rips the little puff balls off Marge’s shoes and throws them at the car, which smash the back window somehow.
– The exchange about the Krusty Klassic is one of the only great bits in the episode (“It’s for charity. It benefits victims of balcony collapse.” “We can wipe out BC in our lifetime.” “I don’t care about BC. I care about ME: My Enjoyment!”)
– The whole Oedipus thing is a little bit weird, but I feel like the episode would have been better suited in that direction, where Homer starts losing his mind thinking that his son is replacing him. I can’t be bothered to think of a climax for this story, but anything would have been better than what we have here.
– Homer is so fucking petty that he’s constructed crude devil-version cutouts of his wife and son for his daughter to practice smacking tennis balls at (“Aim straight at your mother’s heart!”) The whole bit of him trying to take down his family in act three is really disturbing. Homer was once the man who would do anything for his family, now they’re just people he lives with, and his opinion of them changes from week to week.
– I genuinely like Krusty’s “raquet-earrings” joke, and his defense toward the audience’s non-reaction (“What do you want? I’m not going to do ‘A’ material for charity!”)
– As much as I hate almost all of this episode, I like Homer’s surmising of the moral at the end (“There’s a lesson here for all of us: It’s better to watch stuff than to do stuff.”)