(originally aired December 7, 1997)
I think Marge is an incredibly interesting character, but she seems like one of the hardest to center an episode around. Wanting some excitement out of her life, she takes a job at Red Blazer Realty, but finds that her frank honesty is getting in the way of the little white lies needed to make a sale. I’ll circle back to this main story later, because I have to address two major points first. Let’s get the dumb subplot out of the way first: Homer, sitting comfortably in jerkass mode, buys Snake’s fancy hot rod at a police auction, drives around like a maniac and abandons his wife on the sidewalk. Always keep your lead likable, right? Snake busts out of prison and attempts to reclaim his beloved vehicle, ultimately resulting in an all-out fist fight between the two while the car remains in motion. Their fight lasts sooooo long, with no real jokes along the way, and it’s just so tedious. I do like Snake’s great affection for his baby, but all the Homer stuff is just aggravating. It’s just amazing how low he’s sunk in just a few short episodes.

Marge works under Lionel Hutz, in pretty much his final appearance. Surprisingly, he’s in a weird authoritative mode, not the pathetic shyster we normally see him as. At first it was a little strange, but I kind of think it’s fitting as his swan song. He actually has a job he’s somewhat competent at (“The law business is a little slow, and since most of my clients wind up losing their houses, this was a natural move for me.”) His smarmy persona fits perfectly with his new practice (the best scene is his terminology for questionable homes: “dilapidated” is “rustic,” and a house in flames is just a motivated seller.) Phil Hartman is fantastic as always, every line of his is hilarious. We only have one or two Troy McClure bits left, but this is it for Hutz. He will be missed. Oddly enough Hutz’s last show is his pseudo-replacement Gil’s first. Based off of Jack Lemmon’s character from Glengarry Glenn Ross, Gil basically stepped in as the Simpson family’s incompetent lawyer. He’s definitely a horse of a different color, and has sort of worn out his welcome a bit over the years, but I think he’s a strong character, and I can think of plenty of great Gil moments over the next few seasons (“I brought this wall from home!”)

Okay, so back to the main story. The conflict ends up being Marge selling Ned Flanders a beautiful spacious mansion, while omitting the minor detail that an infamous multiple homicide occurred in it. The drama is so heavy-handed here, with tense music and voices in Marge’s head before she forgoes mentioning it to Ned before he signs the check, then all of the dumb fake-outs… Like why would Marge think they would be in danger? I’m all for idiotic fake-outs, but the one here takes the cake: Marge finds the Flanders family lying on the floor covered in blood, but it turns out they were painting Todd’s room red and they just happened to pass out in the middle of the foyer. Totally makes sense. Marge tells them the truth, but discovering the house’s history only makes Ned more pleased. Then Homer and Snake, followed by Wiggum, smash their cars into the mansion and it collapses. Totally realistic, huh? Of course I’m not going to be a stickler for realism in all cases, but it’s just such a lame and dumb ending. This episode has a few good points, most of which being the always incredible Phil Hartman, but I feel like this is the first show of the season I can truly place in the ‘dud’ pile.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Homer eats popcorn just like I do, with a lizard tongue. I don’t choke quite as often as he does though.
– There’s a few funny bits at the police auction (“These prestigious wrought-iron security gates are bullet-proof, bomb-proof, and battering-ram resistant.” “Then what happened to Johnny D?” “He forgot to lock ’em.”)
– We get a pretty classic and quotable Homer line out of the gate: “Trying is the first step towards failure.”
– Cookie Kwan makes her first appearance in this show. She oddly became a somewhat regular character, not that she has much of a personality, but I think the writers were just glad they came up with a new female character, considering the show has about… six.
– I love the Lumber King billboard and its hypnotic moving buttocks (“Lumber… we need lumber…”)
– Dang, Sideshow Mel’s got a hot wife, with hair to match his. His scene is so damn ridiculous. The writers needed scenes of Marge talking people down sales, so logically, a house with a bowling alley and someone who doesn’t care for bowling. Lots of homes have bowling alleys, right? But I’ll take any excuse to get more lines out of Mel, I love him so much.
– Homer egging Skinner on to drag race after he admits his high school sweetheart was killed in a similar fashion? Stay classy.
– I love Snake breaking the honor system (“NO ESCAPING PLEASE” on the unlocked prison gate) and his loud shout out to a driving off Homer (“She needs premium, dude! Premium! Duuuuude!!“)
– Classic bit with Hutz’s two versions of “the truth,” and his glib attitude toward Marge (“You’d better sell something, because cubicles are for closers, Marge. Anybody that doesn’t sell a house their first week gets fired. I probably should have mentioned that earlier.”)
– Kirk getting his arm sliced off feels like a pivotal moment, when the writers figured they could do ridiculous (and violent) cartoony jokes like that and get away with it. Bending the reality of the world you’ve established is really dangerous: if it works, it’s amazing, but if it doesn’t… well, not so good. I don’t care for the joke, or similar ones down the pipeline.
– I like Homer’s cold attitude toward Ned leaving, and his comment moments after they leave (“That old Flanders place gives me the creeps!”)
– Great small bit with Wiggum calling in a 318: waking a police officer.
– The end at the unemployment office with George Bush, and the old TV-style freeze frame and music… it’s kind of weird. A pretty bizarre ending, and not in a good way.

(originally aired November 23, 1997)
I gotta tell you, we’re barely into season 9 and I’m already kind of bumming about the immediate road ahead. It’s just that there’s so much good about these episodes but for some reason or another, it doesn’t work as a whole. It makes me marvel at the amazingness of the earlier seasons more, that now we see if a few elements are removed or dampened, the show becomes that less memorable. Lisa arranges an archeological dig on the site of a future mall to make sure no important artifacts are being paved over and makes a shocking discovery: a human skeleton with wings. The townspeople immediately think it must be an angel, a notion that Lisa scoffs at. Homer absconds with the discovery, keeping it in his garage and charging admission to see it, but soon it disappears. It turns up elsewhere in Springfield with a foreboding inscription: “The End Will Come at Sundown.” Everyone save Lisa awaits the apocalypse, but ultimately the angel is revealed to be a prop in a cheap publicity stunt for the newly opened mall. But with 20% off everything, including rat spray, the people of Springfield don’t seem to mind.

Premise-wise, this episode is a slam dunk. Heartless corporate entities exploiting a poor gullible populous and their faith to make a few bucks selling loofahs and cheap vases? Perfect. The ending is the best part of the whole show (“Prepare for the end! The end of high prices!”) With the suspenseful tone and dramatic music through the entire episode, it’s just such a stupid but brilliant reveal that almost makes up for everything else. Almost. The running theme before the ending is basically science vs. religion, as blatantly stated in the third act. As such, we get fair play by Flanders and Lovejoy, who both are very staunch in their beliefs and frankly kind of act like jerks to Lisa. Once more, she’s the town pariah, the bearer of bad news, but I felt it should have come full circle in the end. Where are their reactions at the reveal that they were duped? With all that build-up, you’d think there would be something, but no, the two are running off with the rest of them to lap up sweet, sweet commercialism. Just seemed like kind of a let-down.

There’s also an attempt for a more personal conflict within the story, where Marge puts her faith into the angel, only to be met with confusion and scorn by her daughter. I get what they’re going for, but the result really rubbed me the wrong way. Marge tells Lisa that if she can’t make a leap of faith, she feels sorry for her. Really? To an eight-year-old? Marge has never come anything close to a negative thing to say, especially that unprompted. Meanwhile, Lisa, staunch on her beliefs, acts quite horribly to her mother (I always cringe when she rebuts, “Don’t feel sorry for me, mom. I feel sorry for you.”) But their reconciliation at the end makes up for it, right? I guess a little bit (although because I’m a big wuss, I do like, “Any time, my angel.”) So while the storytelling and some of the characterization sits on shaky ground, there’s some parts of the episode that work. We get to see Lionel Hutz again after a long absence, I like the dumbness of the police’s sting operation at the beginning, and while a completely random-ass guest star, I enjoyed how they made Stephen Jay Gould a jerk for no discernible reason. All and all, I love the idea of this episode a lot more than its execution, but it still ain’t bad.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Homer’s in complete idiot mode in falling for the police sting: responding to Marge’s valid suspicions about it (“You’re the most paranoid family I’ve ever been affiliated with,”) requesting a yellow boat “with extra motors,” screaming about his boating arm upon being cuffed, and after all that, still demanding he get his boat. Cut to him bitterly driving home. When asked where the boat is, he claims the mast had termites.
– I guess the mall planners must have had the angel skeleton already made for the building, but it’s very impressive that they came up with the ruse of burying it presumably on the spot like that. Clever bastards.
– Great bit where Skinner announces the archeological dig to be a simultaneous reward and punishment depending on the student. I also like Bart shoveling mounds of dirt down the shorts of a sleeping Martin. Crude, but hilarious.
– Moe always seems to be prominent in crowd scenes, as he’s the perfect lowbrow dope to sway the mood of the crowd. When Lisa protests his loud claims about the angel, he gives an articulate response (“Well if you’re so sure what it ain’t, how about telling us what it am?”)
– Lionel Hutz’s appearance is brief, but he gets in a classic line (“It’s a thorny legal issue alright, I’ll need to refer to the case of ‘Finders vs. Keepers.'”)
– Homer’s safe deposit closet is full of relics from older episodes. Curiously, the Dancin’ Homer outfit is hanging on the wall. Guess he must have dug it up. Also, we get another reference to Billy Beer (“We elected the wrong Carter.”) I also like Bart’s response to Homer’s plan of hoarding the angel to wait for it to increase in value (“It’s probably a million years old dad, I think it’s as valuable as it’s going to get.”)
– I lve Homer’s horrible decorative arrangement of the angel, with Christmas lights and fuzzy dice, and his recorded anthem (“Here’s the angel, see the angel, it’s my angel, no one else’s, next to the rakes!”)
– Lisa on Smartline is a pretty good scene (“Miss Simpson, how can you maintain your skepticism despite the fact that this thing really, really looks like an angel?” “I just think it’s a fantasy, if you believe in angels, then why not unicorns, sea-monsters and leprechauns?” “That’s a bunch of baloney, Lisa, everyone knows that leprechauns are extinct!”)
– There’s a Ned line that I love, but feels kind of forbearing (“Science is like a blabber mouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. Well I say that there are some thing we don’t wanna know. Important things!”) It’s kind of like “Homer’s Enemy,” it works in the science vs. religion context of this episode, but I can’t help but be reminded of how Flanders would soon devolve into a super-staunch conservative Christian caricature, and that line fits him to a T.
– The last act is really so heavy-handed. Look! The angel on the hill! Look! There’s a message! Heavy dramatic music abound as all the characters look scared. At least we got the great ending, but it’s kind of a heft to get there. I like the quick bit in Vatican City though, with the Pope cavalierly reading the paper in a lawn chair (“Your holiness, there is word from America, they say an angel has foretold the apocalypse.” “Errmm… keep an eye on it.”)
– Having Smithers kiss Burns kind of pushed it too far. At that point they should have just stopped all Smithers gay jokes, because really, where could you go from there? Might as well show him banging a dude. Although I do like Burns’s questioning look when afterward Smithers admits the kiss was “merely a sign of my respect.”
– I keep praising the ending, but one thing to tear it down a bit. I get they had to hide it, but not only is there twine or rope holding the angel up, but it’s also on a giant aerial track that nobody ever saw? Come on.

(originally aired November 16, 1997)
Apu’s such a great character, I wish they’d make more use of him. The glimpses we see of him outside the Kwik-E-Mart have revealed a lot about his character. He’s a kind and earnest man who can sell you milk for twelve dollars, and you still like the guy despite the questionable prices and conditions in his store. Driven by his work and his faith, he’s a man who sticks to routine, and this episode comes along to shake it all up. During a disastrous bachelor auction for charity, Marge singles Apu out, and his impressive description of himself grabs the attention of the women of Springfield. Soon enough, he’s a high-flying bachelor, living it up on the town. We’ve seen in the past that Apu’s kind of a ladies man (he was dating Princess Kashmir in “Lisa’s Pony”), but I don’t mind different character interpretations as long as they make sense. Apu’s humble and not much of a braggart, so he’s surprised at all this new attention. Happy days appear to be at an end when Apu receives a notice from India signaling it’s time for his arranged marriage, but he takes Homer’s advice to lie to his mother about already being married. That seems to have solved the problem… until his mother shows up in America.

Homer concocts a wacky scheme where Apu will take his place and pretend to be Marge’s husband. Homer assumes sort of a different role from what we’ve seen in the past two episodes. This is really Apu’s story, and Homer is like his crazy best friend who continually gives him bad advice. It’s definitely better than Jerkass Homer, but it still makes him more of a goofy TV character and less like a real person. Stuck with no place to go in the interim, Homer visits the retirement home and finds himself assuming the role of absent resident Cornelius Talmidge. Things get a little bit more jerky here, like when he demands a poor nurse turn him on his side, but as always, most things are easily absolved if they’re funny. A place where almost everything is done for you with kidney mush and liquid potato chips aplenty? That sounds like paradise to Homer (“It’s like being a baby but you can appreciate it.”) Meanwhile, the other Simpsons are barely maintaining their elaborate ruse to Apu’s mother, in a great performance by Andrea Martin. I especially love Apu’s Krusty sleeping bag he sets up in the bedroom

Eventually, of course, their trickery is exposed, and Apu is forced to go along with his arranged marriage. The third act is kind of bizarre. For some reason, the wedding is held in the Simpsons backyard even though Apu’s mother should be greatly upset with them. They comment on this, but it’s not enough to absolve such a big point. Apu is none too thrilled about any of this, until he sees his bride-to-be, the beautiful Manjula. I’m a bit torn about the nature of the ending. The idea of modern day arranged marriages feel so antiquated that it’s absolutely rife for parody. This show could have had a field day with something like this. But, then again, it almost seems too easy, and perhaps the more subversive route is what’s taken here, positing that there’s a chance that something like this could work out. So it’s kind of a safe ending, but I’m kind of a softie for any kind of emotional content, as long as it’s not out of nowhere. These are two kind people hoping for the best in this odd situation. It could work… maybe.. yeah, the writers say it will. Of the questionable season 9s, this is definitely the best of the three so far, with the same level of great, frequent jokes, and less asshole Homer.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Lots of great stuff at the charity auction: Krusty refusing to read from the teleprompter, the music playing when Barney walks out and his horrifically unsexy little “dance,” the giant ‘REJECTS’ banner, poor old Captain McAllister (“Yarrr, I’m not attractive,”) and last but not least… (“Our last bachelor likes women who take their clothes off for money! Let’s hear it for Moe!”) Moe walks out strutting his stuff to Saturday Night Fever-style music with a big nervous grin on his face. Noticing every woman in the audience shooting daggers at him with their eyes, he keeps on walking to join the rest of the rejects.
– Apu describing himself fits his character and is also a woman’s wet dream (“I have a doctorate in computer science. I run my own business of course. I do like to cook, I’m not such a good talker, but I love to listen. In my spare time I like to build furniture and then to have a discussion about where to put it in a room.”)
– At the end of their date, Miss Hoover comments how Apu was a such a great shot at presumably a carnival game, to which he replies, “All Kwik-E-Mart managers must be skilled in the deadly arts.”
– I love the exchange where Apu asks Homer what he should do about the arranged marriage. Homer frankly tells Apu to tell his mother that he doesn’t want to get married. Apu replies that his mother won’t stop until he is. Homer then tells him to just tell her he already is married. Apu says he can’t lie to his mother. Homer is fed up (“Then get married. What do you want from me?”) This just reminds me of so many conversations I’ve had with friends asking for advice, and when I give them one or two sensible options that they promptly reject, I get annoyed, sometimes using the “what do you want from me?” Apu finally decides to tell his mother he’s married, which gives us the great line “The lie has set me free!”
– I love the montage of Apu’s many different hair cuts, all of which get Homer’s thumbs up. He’s either real easy to please, or barely paying attention. I’d put money on both.
– There’s a few Homer lines here that rub me the wrong way, chastising others for taking advice that he gave, like his air of disappointment when Apu admits the truth to his mother (“He lied to his mother…”)
– Dumb Homer moments are aplenty this episode, but there’s a lot of them I do love: taking his time eating his Yodel when thinking of a plan, and then later fantasizing about said Yodel at home until he notices Apu and his mother in the driveway (“Oh crap, I forgot!!”)
– I love Apu’s “Honey! I am in my home!” I use it all the time.
– More quotables in Homer’s repeated “And here I am using my [blank] like a sucker” at the retirement home. I also like his wheelchair races with Jasper, only to force Homer to actually use his legs and run to beat him to the dinner table (“Someone sure likes their kidney mush!”)
– Slightly out of character for Lisa, but I like her and Bart’s childish inquisition about Apu’s mother’s forehead dot. She is appalled by their lack of understanding of their “father’s” heritage. The kids assure her that’s not the case (“So long you have no follow up questions, then yes. Yes, we do.” “Fully. We have to go now.”)
– I don’t know why Marge and Apu would allow Homer back in the house, especially since they’re one night away from pulling off their scheme, but I love Apu’s half-hearted attempt to keep it going after they’re exposed (“Marge, how could you?”)
– Moe gets his share of laughs: reading his mail order bride catalog, insisting he don’t want no pansies, and tearing up at Apu and Manjula’s ceremony (“I am no good at wedding, I am no good at weddings…”)
– Homer’s Ganesh distraction is pretty stupid (what, he threw that thing together in less than an hour?), but I do love the one Indian guest’s indignation (“You are not Ganesh! Ganesh is graceful!”) and the pathetic sight of Homer stuck up in a tree with children throwing rocks at him. Between this and the elephant attacking him at the end, he’s basically devolved into a cartoon character at this point.

(originally aired November 9, 1997)
So here’s another episode with a somewhat interesting story and a lot of great gags and laughs throughout… but again, tainted by slightly early glimmers of Jerkass Homer. Is this going to be a consistent theme this season? When a local health fair illuminates the fact that Springfield’s kids are overweight, many of them are hooked into peewee football. Flanders acts as team coach, but when Homer’s incessant and overbearing heckling digs into him a bit too deep, he resigns and makes him the coach. Although the rough and ruthless Nelson is essentially carrying the team, Homer goes for nepotism and puts all his stock into Bart as the new quarterback, despite the boy’s objections.

I don’t know what it is about Homer, I guess the writers figured the farther they pushed him, the more ridiculous it would be, ergo more funny. But, as later seasons will show, it just makes him less attached to the “real” Homer we know and love and more into a caricature, dare I say, a “cartoon” of his former self. Sure, he holds a disdain toward Flanders and complains about him, but doing it in such an aggressive manner in public seems way too over the top. Then Flanders confronts him about it and he shirks away from it. Again, like last episode, not a good move when you make your protagonist unlikable. Homer has a lot of negative qualities, but any harm he inflicts on others was always unintentional. You should never not be on his side. There’s an inkling of interesting character stuff with Homer, though. In flashback, we see his father, disgruntled as ever, never supported him during his athletic days, and after being overbearing toward Bart, he decides to go the other way and encourage him too much. I think Homer as an overzealous team dad worked a lot better in “Lisa on Ice,” it seemed a lot less exaggerated than it’s played out here.

But then again, I have to say I’m still laughing a lot at these episodes regardless. While Roy Firestone was essentially a worthless cameo (ditto with the King of the Hill scene), I loved the stuff with Joe Namath, it’s a very brilliant self-aware celebrity appearance. Bart is at his lowest, and against all odds or logic, Joe Namath appears to help him, and is about to instill his greatest football wisdom… but then he leaves. There’s a lot of great Nelson stuff, like his end field dance and many great quotes (“I won’t give you a B but I’ll tear you a new A!”) The health fair at the beginning is a great first act set piece, there’s humor within the games themselves, and I even like the ending where Bart swaps with Nelson in the squad car. Like the last episode, everything works but Homer. I just know this complaint is going to grow larger and larger as we go on here, but I’m kind of startled how suddenly it came upon us. We’re just starting the ninth season here, did someone just turn a dial in his brain? I just watched every episode up to this point, did I forget about more telltale signs in the last few seasons? I don’t think so… But, again, this is a pretty funny episode.

Tidbits and Quotes
– I always crack up at Dr. Nick standing with a big grin on his face at the “What’s Your Sex?” booth. Also great is the old men at the hearing booth (“Nothing yeeeeeeett!”) When the tone gets unbearably loud, Jasper goes to raise his hand, but Abe shakes his head. A no-nonsense Rainier Wolfcastle doles out “FAT” stickers, and he goes through a lot of them (“I loved your last McBain movie, Mr. Wolfcastle!” “Quit stalling, fatty.”)
– I like Marge’s sheepishness over asking for a protective cup for Bart, and the store clerk’s childish behavior regarding it (“Cup? Could you spell that?” “C-U-P. I wanna C-U… oh my God!”) Once he’s all geared up, Bart instructs Milhouse to repeatedly kick him in the groin, which he does with great vigor.
– Another classic Ralph line (“Ralph, you’ll be on special team.” “I’m special!”)
– I like Lisa wanting to join the team on principle only, just to find there’s nothing she can really get uppity about. It’s handled well here, but her rampant activism would only absorb more and more of her character as the years went on. I remember later she’d whip out a bullhorn labeled “Li’l Agitator.” Once the characters get too self-conscious about themselves, things can go a bit too far.
– I love that both teams are the Wildcats. It sounds like the most common name for a kids team (“Who are we?” “The Wildcats!” “Who are we gonna beat?” “The Wildcats!”)
– Homer’s disdain toward Flanders usually works best when he’s seething to himself, like his comment when the coach of the winning team is hoisted up by the players (“Big deal. I’ve been carried out of Moe’s like that hundreds of times.”)
– Clever bit where Bart avoids the tires set up on the stairs by sliding down the banister. I’m sure he does that every morning and didn’t even notice Homer’s “obstacle course.”
– The flashback is great, I love that Homer was into aerobics. Smithers is announcing the event (“Now, that’s the end of the girls floor exercise. Now, let’s bring on the men!”) Homer does pretty well to start, but Abe’s blatant disdain (I always crack up at his sudden, unprompted “You’re gonna blow it!”) screws him up (“That’s what I get for having faith in yah.”) Points also go to Lenny’s “Bull Shirt” shirt.
– Recalling that traumatic memory, Homer vows to be nicer to his son and meaner to his dad, going out to give the former a hug. Bart’s brain informs him it’s a trap and to run like hell. Homer gives chase (“Hug meee!”) Then the scene goes on longer for some reason with them running about the yard. That’s another thing that would carry on from this point, scenes running long. Do the joke and move on, don’t linger.
– I like Homer’s continued cuts (“Steven, I like your hustle. That’s why it was so hard to cut you. Congratulations, the rest of you made the team! …except you, you and you.”)
– Homer is very blatant about his sudden change of heart toward Bart (“Son, you can do anything you want. I have total faith in you.” “Since when?” “Since your mother yelled at me.”)
– I love that Joe Namath scene. Bart tries to recall Namath’s advice… but then remembers he never gave any. Also, he seems to clearly envision Namath’s partner, even though he never saw her.
– Great bit where Homer sarcastically calls up Mr. Burns (“This is Homer J. Simpson, the father of the big quitter! Well, I just wanted to tell you I’m a big quitter, too! And I quit!”) Then he realizes his winks don’t translate over the phone, screams and hangs up. It’s a hilarious performance, and is a total bonehead Homer move.
– This episode gave birth to Skittlebrau, a wonderful concoction Homer appears to have imagined. We see it actually exists in a later episode.
– Part of the episode comes full circle when Abe is at the championship game. Marge comments that he must be proud of his son, to which Abe replies, “You’d think so, wouldn’t you?” and promptly falls asleep.

(originally aired November 2, 1997)
“Homer’s Enemy” put forth the template for a boorish, more obnoxious Homer, one I knew we’d see put into action in regular episodes as the years went on. Now here we are, the first episode of the ninth production season, a show that features dramatic uses of those jerkass qualities. This episode actually has a lot going for it, an interesting story and many great gags throughout, but its prominent sore spot is Homer’s behavior throughout. Following a violent and destructive city-wide riot, Marge beseeches Homer to get something to protect the family with. Homer interprets this as buying a handgun, which Marge is staunchly against. There’s a great balance between the comedic elements and the dramatic, where Marge is very seriously against the situation, urging Homer to get rid of the gun. Amidst the craziness of the NRA members and Homer using his firearm to open his beer and turn on the TV, Marge’s concerns are incredibly valid. She gives the episode sort of an emotional weight, which is mostly successful, as Homer must choose between his gun and his family.

As I mentioned earlier, Homer seems too out of control in this episode. Once we get the smash cut joke of him wanting to get a gun, that’s his complete focus for the rest of the episode: anxiously awaiting getting the gun, using it in the most reckless of ways, and then repeatedly lying to his wife about getting rid of it when she desperately asked him to. Now, some of this follows standard Homer protocol with him having a one-track mind and being stubborn about his convictions. It also could be that he prides and obsesses over his gun as he believes others to do, which gives us the great scene toward the end where the pre-established gun nuts of the NRA are shocked at Homer’s reckless usage of his gun. But there’s just something about his behavior on the whole that feels like it’s too much. Shooting Lisa’s ball out of the tree, then blasting the lights out in the house, all that stuff feels a little too dumb. That and I didn’t care for Homer’s repeated lies to Marge. You never want your protagonist to become unlikable, and lying to your wife on a rather grave issue twice is kind of pushing it.

It seems I’ve placed a dark cloud over this episode, but there’s certainly a lot going on that works. Like I said, it is an interesting issue that plays out with a level of gravitas, with Homer losing his family thanks to his gun purchased to protect said family. Around that, you have all these absurd elements indicative to the series, like Homer’s “potentially dangerous” moniker limiting him to only three handguns, and Moe’s jerry-rigged five gun contraption. We also get the Sleep-Eazy Motel (or Sl-e-azy Motel as the malfunctioning neon sign reads), which makes the Ye Olde Off-Ramp Inn look like a pleasure palace. The show’s still strong in these regards, that in the middle of this huge show about guns, they take the time to lampoon seedy motels as well, and the town’s equally as seedy mayor (“Are you planning to stay the whole night?”) Between that and a good old-fashioned riot scene in the first act, this episode has a whole lot going for it. Despite Homer’s outlandish actions, this one’s got way too many funny jokes and scenes for me to besmirch it for long.

Tidbits and Quotes
– The Continental Soccer Association is coming to Springfield, with all your favorite soccer stars (“Ariaga! Ariaga II! Bariaga! Aruglia! And Pizzoza!”) Homer pays this no mind, until he hears they’ll be signing autographs. The commercial is so convincing, he’s reduced to tears at the thought of attending this wondrous event.
– There’s a lot of great small jokes before game time: Marge commenting on how the stadium used to be an internment camp, the walking paella vendor, and one soccer star announcing a plug for wax paper and getting handed a giant sack of money with a dollar sign on it very discretely. Or rather, very blatantly.
– The pathetic animation of the players kicking the ball back and forth to each other is hilarious. I love how long it lingers as the crowd is in a frenzy… then slowly dies down. Brockman reports the plays quite bored, while the foreign announcer is in a frenzy (“Halfback passes to center, back to wing, back to center, center holds it! Holds it! Holds it!!”)
– I love Homer’s homemade burglar alarm, which I’ve stared at for a bit and have no idea how it’s supposed to work. Someone tries to open the door, then reaches through the mail slot and takes the fish out of the bowl. How would they know it was there?
– I’m not crazy about the home security salesman. He at first seems to be a crooked guy as he’s stealing items from Homer and Marge under their noses, but toward the end he seems to be genuinely concerned about them getting security. Or maybe he just wanted them to give him money. That’s probably it. I dunno, but I did love the exchange at the end (“Surely you can’t put a price on your family’s lives.” “I wouldn’t have thought so either, but here we are.”)
– The gun shop owner, the sarcastic guy (one episode revealed his name to be Raphael, so I’ll just call him that) is fantastic in this show, he’s the perfect foil for Homer (“I’d kill you if I had my gun!” “Yeah, well, you don’t.”) I also like all the standard features that come with a handgun: silencer, loudener, speed-cocker (Homer likes the sound of that), and something for shooting down police helicopters (“Oh, I don’t need anything like that… yet.”)
– Homer reveals the gun to the family. Marge is of course horrified. Bart is interested (“Can I borrow the gun tomorrow? I want to scare that old security guard at the bank.” “Only if you clean your room.”) Lisa rebuffs Homer’s assertion to his constitutional rights about the antiquity of the second amendment, to which Homer is quick to respond (“You couldn’t be more wrong, Lisa. If I didn’t have this gun, the King of England could just walk in here any time he wants, and start shoving you around.”) He then proceeds to shove her around until she concedes the point. When Marge refuses to budge her stance, Homer lays down the sweet talk (“Tell you what. You come with me to an NRA meeting, and if you still don’t think guns are great… we can argue some more.”)
– The speeches at the NRA meeting are great: Lenny’s support of assault weapons to take out today’s modern super animals, like the flying squirrel and the electric eel, and Moe’s heroic story of a would-be robbery (“It could have been a real ugly situation, but I managed to shoot him in the spine. I guess the next place he robs better have a ramp!”)
– I love the fantasy of what Homer’s life would be like if he robbed the Kwik-E-Mart: he’d live in a mansion wearing fancy clothes, a monocle and a sash reading “Mayor,” and Marge would be his dancing trophy wife in a pink bikini. It’s such an absurd vision, like he thinks a local convenience store has millions of dollars stowed away. Before he can come to a decision though, he’s already driving away (“Oh well, I’ll rob it next time.”)
– Great sequence of Homer shooting the plates (“See you in hell, dinner plate.”) Reminds me of clay pigeons in Duck Hunt. Or just shooting clay pigeons in real life, I guess. Regardless, the family is relegated to eating spaghetti out of other dish ware, such as a strainer, cookie sheet and a glass (“Does anyone know where all my dinner plates went?” “You probably left them at work.”)
– The scene at the table with the repeatedly firing gun is pretty disconcerting, which is a great set-up for Marge’s final ultimatum to Homer to get rid of the gun. I especially love the opening where she starts off, “Homer, I think you’d agree that I’ve put up with a lot in this marriage…” Homer goes to respond, but notices the kids silently and sternly staring at him to keep his dumb mouth shut.
– Bart comes upon the gun in the vegetable crisper and prepares to jerk around with it, preparing to shoot an apple out of Milhouse’s mouth. My God, would that have ended badly…
– The NRA is shocked at Homer’s recklessness with his firearm. He turns on the TV with his gun, the third shot being successful, conveniently turning on to a clip from a Western of a man falling over a railing. Even Cletus knows better (“Are you some kind of mo-ron?”) Krusty sets Homer straight (“Guns aren’t toys. They’re for family protection, hunting dangerous or delicious animals, and keeping the King of England out of your face.”) As such, he’s forced to tear up his membership card and get his tattoo removed with a grater. Moe is disappointed that Homer hadn’t gotten his tattoo yet.
– Great stuff at the motel: the coin-operated Bible, the racing vibrating beds, the dead man in the pool, the camera above Bart’s bed, the take-home continental breakfast… this show is still going strong in terms of jokes, there’s no doubt about that.
– I could be wrong, but I think this episode pioneered “Vote Quimby!” Maybe it’s because he says it a good three times in this one, but I don’t remember it being used prior to this.