Original airdate: October 25, 2015

The premise: In “Wanted: Dead Then Alive,” Sideshow Bob finally kills Bart, but when that proves unfulfilling, he repeatedly resurrects him to murder him again and again. “Homerzilla” is a Godzilla “parody.” “Telepaths of Glory” is a Chronicle “parody.”

The reaction: And now, back to our regularly scheduled Halloween shenanigans, which are just as lifeless and uninspired as ever. The first segment involves Sideshow Bob (not hitting rock bottom after his last appearance, I suppose) who takes great glee in killing Bart over and over and over again. This whole segment is endlessly seeing this ten-year-old get brutally killed and dismembered, which rides the line of being somewhat amusing in its overkill (literally), but overall felt more uncomfortable to me. But I can give the episode some credit, this is the first time I’ve been genuinely unsettled at a Treehouse of Horror in a very long time, since normally they’re just goofy and dumb and not even trying to be scary. The following two segments are exactly that description, however. The second tale takes on the original Godzilla films, featuring a labored set-up, then a long montage of disconnected gags of Homerzilla destroying the town. Then it turns into a satire of American remakes, with a bunch of executives agreeing to remake Homerzilla and fill it with product placement. It’s not so much targeting the 2014 Godzilla as much as the awful 1998 version, which is not a fresh target, although this concept of shitty localization is not exclusive to one franchise. But it’s all very rushed, as there’s not enough time devoted to the different ideas here, although I’m sure even with a whole episode, they’d manage to screw it up. The final segment is even more rushed, at barely four minutes, as we are treated to a re-telling of Chronicle. Bart, Lisa and Milhouse get super abilities, but there’s not even a hint of tension until the end when Milhouse “goes mad with power,” with Lisa says this verbatim. But then we see that Maggie is more powerful, incapacitates Milhouse, does a few things, then goes to sleep. For all the effort they put into the last episode, it’s surprising to see so much laziness here. I guess not so surprising, really. Things are getting back to normal.

Three items of note:
– Our special Halloween opening is done by John K, his second animated piece for the show. As I said for his couch gag, I really don’t care for his modern visual style. Everything feels very weird and floaty, and characters and body parts twitching for no reason and reacting in bizarre ways. It’s also very long, almost two minutes, time that could have been devoted to expanding the incredibly condensed latter two segments. But if someone else animates something for us, we’re responsible for less work! Yay!
– The inclusion of montages in Treehouse of Horrors always felt wrong to me. Creating a strong creepy, unsettling tone is pretty important, and to rush through information with a montage seems counter intuitive. But of course, these specials aren’t even trying to be spooky anymore. Here we get two montages, one in the first segment and one in the third. The latter seems especially egregious considering they were attempting to go for the found footage look like in the actual movie with Lisa holding a camera, but they do a montage anyway, albeit with a shaky cam style. They didn’t even make one found footage joke. I guess if they didn’t bother doing it in their Paranormal Activity “parody,” they’re not gonna do it here.
– Kang and Kodos get squeezed in at the end, breaking the fourth wall in commenting on how once again, they’re a mere afterthought. You’d think after twenty-six of these, they’d remember to include them somewhere in the actual episode. When the episode goes into 4:3 for some reason, Kang yells, “Just because it looks like season 4 doesn’t make it season 4!” No shit. It’s lines like this that make me pretty sure the writers know the show is terrible now, but they don’t seem to really care.

One good line/moment: I did enjoy seeing Sideshow Bob take a stab at being a college professor, and being incessantly irritated by his intellectually inferior students (“Rubbish! Drivel! What is this Game of Thrones they’re referencing?”)

Original airdate: October 18, 2015

The premise: After getting traumatized by Krustyland’s Halloween Horror Nights, Lisa decides to sit the holiday out, but terror comes home thanks to a trio of disgruntled thugs who are out for Homer after he got them fired from Apu’s Halloween pop-up shop.

The reaction: It’s interesting that after all this time, we never got a “canon” Halloween episode. Outside of brief glimpses we’ve seen in the first few Treehouse of Horror wraparound segments, we’ve never been privy to seeing how the Simpsons celebrate the holiday, until now. This episode is also a rarity in that it seems like the writers actually gave a shit, crafting a logical story with an emotional payoff and some real tension, albeit at the expense of some laughs. One of the best things is seeing Lisa actually act like a child for once: she’s super psyched to be old enough to go to a Halloween event, but ends up getting scared out of her mind by the realistic looking monsters and ghouls. Things get real bad from there: Homer and Marge are dismayed to find Lisa has retrieved “Tailee,” an old stuffed raccoon tail she used for comfort when she was younger. As a result, Homer stays home with Lisa for a spook-free night. But unfortunately, the house ends up besieged by three jerks who got fired from their cushy temporary Halloween shop gigs thanks to Homer’s idiocy. We get a lot of dramatic music, stingers, some use of shaky cam, and some pretty great acting from Dan Castellaneta and Yeardley Smith being genuinely out of sorts and scared. They surmise that they can alert others for help by using other holiday decorations, namely 4th of July fireworks. Unable to light the fuse, Lisa offers up Tailee to help (“This ratty piece of polyester has been soaking in face oil for eight years.”) This ending feels straight out of a movie, as Alf Clausen’s music drops out as Lisa offers up her sacrifice, then swells again as the fireworks start going off. The framework and story progression is pretty solid and it’s a sweet Lisa story, but the problem is that it’s not really all that funny. There’s long stretches in the second half where the tension, scary moments, and Homer spouting the moral of the story completely eclipse attempting to be funny. The episode held my attention, and it’s definitely the strongest episode story-wise we’ve seen in almost a decade, but ultimately, it just makes me wonder what a true Halloween episode from season 4 or 5 would have been like.

Three items of note:
– We open with a meta moment with Homer and Flanders explaining that the Treehouse of Horror is in fact next week (“It’s gonna be Psycho with Skinner’s mom, Muppets Wizard of Oz, I’m Scarecrow Fozzie, and then one where furniture gets smart and takes over the world or something.” “Sounds chilling!” “Eh. People love it.”) Homer’s apathy toward the annual specials feels very representative of the writers, given how awful the Treehouse of Horrors are nowadays. Also, Kermit was the Scarecrow in Muppets Wizard of Oz. And it’s the shittiest Muppet movie ever made.
– The Simpsons are all gung ho about Halloween at the start, elaborately decorating their house in preparation of the night. But after Lisa’s big scare, everything frightens her, which leads Marge to sadly request Homer take down their display. A barren house incites Bart, which motivates Marge to drive him around Halloween night in search of the perfect place to trick-or-treat, leaving Homer to care for Lisa. This all may seem fairly simple, but it was pretty stunning to me to watch an episode with logical plot progression as a result of characters acting believably.
– Marge and Bart end up staying out too late, and they end up bearing witness to sexy adult Halloween, featuring the denizens of Springfield in risque costumes and getting into PG-level shenanigans. They even have a Rocky Horror-esque song to go along with it. This scene fell completely flat for me. What scathing commentary, some people use Halloween as an excuse to dress sexy? These writers are on the cutting edge here.

One good line/moment: For once, this section is not a chore. I had a few chuckles, but I laughed out loud at a line from Homer as Bart gets upset at them taking down the decorations (“Lisa goes nuts and you turn us into… into skippers?!” “I know what this makes us.”) He’s seething in his delivery of this. Plus this ties into the beginning with Homer and Marge admonishing neighboring homes who don’t celebrate. Again, plot and jokes threads that connect. Just like a real story!

Original airdate: October 11, 2015

The premise: After finding out their father died of lung cancer, Patty and Selma decide to finally give up smoking, but this is easier said than done. Meanwhile, Maggie has a solo adventure with some happy little animal friends.

The reaction: For whatever reason, we’ve never really known all that much about Marge’s father. Outside of “The Way We Was” and “Fear of Flying,” there’s barely been any mention of him at all. It sure would be nice to learn some more about the Bouviers, but at this point, I don’t really expect much of anything from this show anymore. Case in point: Jacqueline Bouvier finally admits to her children that their father died of lung cancer, and never told Patty and Selma about it because smoking made them look cool. And that’s the end of the discussion. Does this sound normal to you? So this is seemingly a Patty and Selma episode, something we haven’t seen in a long time, but thanks to a time consuming B-plot, there’s really not much to it at all. After they go cold turkey, we get a scene of them at the DMV, and it actually wasn’t that bad. Seeing these two characters talk to each other and going through an actual story was novel, and I wanted to see more of it. Turns out Selma quickly went back to smoking, then we get a quick cut of Patty leaving her to live with the Simpsons. After that, we have Selma alone in the apartment as she exposits to herself what her dilemma is and what she has to do (“Who am I kidding? The one I should be talking to is the one who’s always been there for me.” “Looks like I have a choice to make.”) As we get to the second half, their story’s time is monopolized by our side plot of Maggie hanging with cute little animals and trying to save a possum from Cletus. Titled “Maggie’s Extraordinary Animal Adventure” and with its own chapter title cards, they’re clearly trying to make a new “Longest Daycare,” but that just makes it feel even more derivative. It’s kinda cute, I guess, but it’s completely bereft of laughs. The climax involving the troupe fighting a big dog is just a fight scene. No twist, no real gags, it’s just straight forward and boring. It’s odd that in an episode featuring a major life change with two important secondary characters, we get this completely isolated B-plot to eat up as much time as possible. Considering Patty and Selma are harder to write for (ergo why we see them so infrequently), I guess it shouldn’t be so surprising. And by the end, none of it matters: the two go back to smoking in the last scene, for no real reason other than they have to. Status quo forever!!

Three items of note:
– Selma’s daughter Ling continues to be nothing more than an easily forgotten prop. Our last Selma episode featured her marriage to Fat Tony where she barely appeared whatsoever. Here, we see Selma feeling sad and lonely in her apartment without Patty, so her solution is to phone up some booty calls. Wouldn’t it make sense to have part of them wanting to give up smoking because it would be less endangering to Ling? But again, out of sight, out of mind. We see Ling at Jacqueline’s birthday party, and then not at all afterwards. Even worse, we see her in the photographs that Selma is longing for, but she never mentions her when she’s talking out loud to herself. They might as well have figured out some way to write Ling out of the show completely considering they keep neglecting to acknowledge her.
– At Jacqueline’s birthday party, Mr. Burns randomly shows up to woo her over, with celebrity guest Yo-Yo Ma. Shortly after that, he admits that he only wanted to cock block Abe and leaves. Does this count as fan service? If you hadn’t seen “Lady Bouvier’s Lover,” what would you make of this bit?
– When Homer accidentally walks into the shower on Patty, he freaks out and pours bleach into his eyes. Later, he does the same to Bart as he’s about to walk in. He does this about two more times, and then he also pours bleach into his ears too. I guess this got big laughs, or something. Heh heh heh… well, you all know what laughter sounds like.

One good line/moment: I did get a surprise laugh out of the randomness of the parrot among the critters being Duffman’s. Although they do a gag at the end where he returns talking like Cletus, and Duffman calls him a cracker. What’s that about? Is Duffman not “white”? I just assumed he was just super bronze/tanned.

Original airdate: October 4, 2015

The premise: Homer’s amazing new smoker catches the attention of a celebrity chef, who challenges him on his show. But when the smoker ends up stolen, Bart and Lisa try to track down the culprit.

The reaction: Bart and Lisa teaming up to right a wrong was a staple of the show back in the day, enough that they eventually lampooned themselves with the ending of “The Day the Violence Died.” I can’t remember if that was the last time they pulled that premise, but here we are, twenty years later, and for whatever reason, they’re doing it again, but this time, much, much, much worse. We start with the Simpson family becoming town pariahs because of their stench, due to their deeply in disrepair washing machine. Rather than buy a new one, Homer blows a bunch of money on a barbecue smoker off some guy cooking on the side of the highway for some reason. Marge is momentarily upset, but soon the whole family, and later everyone in town, is won over by Homer’s new magical BBQ. Marge comments, “Look how popular we are! That smoker is the best thing that ever happened to us!” She says this while wearing her old wedding dress, as the family is dressed in various outfits through the whole episode. As this stupid plot continues to transpire, Marge becomes cheerleader to the rest of the family over this stupid smoker, which she seems to care more about than actually having clean clothes and a functioning washing machine. So, loudmouth celeb chef Scotty Boom shows up to their backyard to challenge Homer, then later the smoker is stolen. This kicks off Bart and Lisa’s sleuthing: they find a clue that leads them to the supermarket, then to Nelson, then to the dump, where everything plays out like a straight-forward mystery, instead of focusing on jokes like the show used to do. When we get to the competition, it’s revealed Scotty Boom cooked his meat using the smoker, disqualifying him. But the show’s not over yet, as things don’t add up. The final minutes are absolutely awful: Bart and Lisa chase down the shadowy figure they saw earlier, which is revealed to be Scotty Boom’s son. He immediately explains who he is, why he wanted to sabotage his dad, and how he did it. It’s just a gigantic info dump from this character we’ve just met. Then he and his dad immediately make up. Bart and Lisa mystery stories were never really like serious mysteries, they always served a greater story purpose. Trying to reunite Krusty with his father, saving Springfield from a tyrannical Sideshow Bob, finding out who took their dad’s stupid smoker. Which of these three doesn’t belong?

Three items of note:
– The episode begins with Skinner screening a movie for the kids, Doctor Doolittle. They show the actual live action film on the screen, we see several clips of it, and hear the kids making commentary for a good two minutes. What the hell is all this about? Where did this idea come from? It just felt so, so weird, and it just kept going and going. What’s the point? The movie is boring? Did one of the writers have a serious vendetta toward Doctor Doolittle? There was no opening titles, we went from the clouds straight to the first scene, so apparently this shit was deemed too good to leave on the cutting room floor.
– Homer spends all of act two lying on the floor depressed about the missing smoker, and by act three Bart and Lisa join him, having given up on their mystery solving. Marge must now carry this plot, so she competes against Scotty Boom in Homer’s place. Again, it’s incredibly strange seeing her completely tied into this premise given that we’ve completely dropped the washing machine plot thread. If anything, Homer’s impulsive, irrational purchase over a household necessity feels like a greater marital deal breaker for Marge than not buying narcolepsy medication from the last episode. But it just goes to show, stuff like this doesn’t matter anymore. The characters will act in whatever fashion the writers want them too, regardless of the scenario.
– They wait until over the credits to show Marge giving the smoker to Nelson in exchange for a new washing machine. What’s that about? Then we look into the future of the smoker at he and Shauna’s wedding, then a post apocalyptic future where their grown up kids are violently killed by a pack of warthogs. What the fuck is this shit?

One good line/moment: At the health food store, a clerk swaps out a “Nature’s Superfood” sign from pushing acai berries to goji berries.

Original airdate: September 27, 2015

The premise: Homer’s recent bout with narcolepsy proves to be the last straw for Marge, causing them to legally separate. He then ends up dating a twenty-something pharmacist, voiced by cancerous polyp Lena Dunham.

The reaction: At this point, I would really love to see a really serious episode where Homer and Marge get divorced. I mean, why not, at this point? I remember they drummed up news coverage for this premiere, crowing about how Homer and Marge were going to split up, for real, we swear, guys! Come on. It was almost embarrassing to see, like who’s falling for these cheap gimmicks anymore? So what causes this seemingly unbreakable couple to finally call it quits after twenty-six years? We see them in therapy after Homer didn’t get his medication for his narcolepsy because the line was too long. We don’t see how this medical condition is negatively affecting Marge, or anything else other than Homer’s normal annoying behavior. In perhaps the greatest example of characters just saying things to move the plot along, the therapist recommends that they separate, and Marge follows her words to the letter (“Kids, a professional felt the best way for your father and me to work on our relationship was to give up on it.”) Someone told her to do something, and she did it! And then repeated it! So Homer ends up going on a drug trip with a young attractive pharmacist named Candace, who for whatever stupid reason is interested in this old tub of lard. At this point, I have no idea where this episode is going and how it’s going to resolve itself by the end. But then Homer goes to dinner to meet Candace’s father, only to find out he’s invited the new woman in his life: Marge. As fucking dumb as all of this had been so far, I at least could see how this could pan out: father and daughter immediately begin arguing, and Marge would see what a hassle all of this is, and realize she’s content to go with what she knows, and that’s being with Homer. Quick and dirty, get out, episode over. But no, it turns out that everything we’ve seen over the last twelve minutes or so has just been a dream Homer had while passed out at the therapist. He resolves he’ll clean up his act, and over the coming month, he does. But it turns out all that was just a dream too. And then that itself was all a dream Marge had, and then that was all just a tattoo on the back of Dunham’s Girls character. Woof. This could have potentially been interesting if they had worked in earlier that Homer’s narcolepsy was causing him to lose time and become more and more disoriented, but there wasn’t even the slightest attempt to do anything like that here. They didn’t want to bother writing an ending, so they gave us this great big wank. It’s like a big slap in the face for anyone stupid enough to think Homer and Marge were really going to get separated, and a second slap for anyone foolish enough to still be watching this nonsense. I guess that includes me, doesn’t it? Sigh.

Three items of note:
– As all one-off characters are in the last decade-plus, Candace has no discernible personality, and this is especially damning considering this is the girl that’s making Homer forget about the love of his life (although it changes from scene to scene whether he’s still pining for Marge or he’s completely moved on.) Their relationship begins when she just says it does (“Are you asking me out? I mean, you’re not, but it looks like you’d be fun to hang with, and I’m pretty fascinating myself. I’m an author.”) But it really doesn’t matter. As evidenced by the cop out dreams-within-dreams ending, the writers had really no intention to make this a believable story that makes sense. As I mentioned at the start, it’s just a flashy gimmick episode where they managed to generate some minor press for the new season. The only woman that strayed Homer’s eye before was Mindy Simmons, a woman seemingly tailor-made for him that he cursed fate for placing before him. Would it have been too much to ask for Candace and Homer to bond over just one shared interest? Anything whatsoever? I guess so. We also get cameos from Dunham’s Girls co-stars, who all get a line each. They’re also joined by gay stereotype Julio, because he’s a catty gay guy who loves gossip and drama (those crazy gays, amirite?)
– The second act opens with a sad montage of Homer now living at the power plant, where we follow him at night looking forlorn and depressed, complete with somber music. Cut to the morning, where Homer happily hums walking out of the shower and is pleased as punch walking to his work console. Lenny and Carl comment on his sudden mood change, to which Homer responds, “Oh, you guys missed a very sad montage.” Again, more proof that the writers didn’t care about making any of this serious or meaningful at all.
– More bits of fan service with Candace’s tattoos and hallucinations in the drug trip montage: Smilin’ Joe Fission, Mr. Sparkle, Space Coyote, and the creepy clown bed make repeat appearances. From the modern era, we have Plopper, the Grumple and Fatov, that little Homer Olympic mascot. Which group sounds more fun to hang out with?

One good line/moment: The only explanation we’re given why Candace likes Homer is that he reminds her of a childhood snowman, which is one of many guesses that her friends throws at her. But Homer’s response to this is kind of cute (“Man, I would love to get back into snowman shape. Can’t even fit in my scarf anymore.”)