(originally aired October 3, 1999)
Putting Bart on ADD medication seems like a pretty obvious premise. In terms of satirizing the recent trend of warping rambunctious youngsters with pills, this episode succeeds. A fair amount of this episode is pretty solid and enjoyable, at least until the last five minutes or so when things get dumb and weird, and even then, I still like it for some odd reason. Bart’s latest destructive prank forces Skinner to give Homer and Marge an ultimatum: Bart will be expelled unless he goes on a new experimental drug called Focusyn. I like how this subject is treated with a bit of seriousness, where Bart is resistant to take the drugs at first, with Marge remaining unsure about it herself. As silly as the ending of the show gets, this first act at least grounds the episode emotionally to some extend, that Homer and particularly Marge want what’s best for their son and must ultimately face the crazed nutjob they inadvertently turned him into in the end.

It’s not long after Bart starts taking the pills that he becomes a totally new kid. Focusing on schoolwork, doing acts of kindness unto the family, and helping around the house… as Homer succinctly puts it, “He’s gone from Goofus to Gallant! And we owe it all to mind-bending pills!” I like Nancy Cartwright’s performance throughout the show as Bart’s tone becomes subtly more ticked and frantic, as well as the animation where his eyes become more squinty and manic through the second act. Everything seems to be building toward Bart cracking, but we can’t figure out to what end. Eventually we find him wrapped in tin foil with a trash can lid hat and coat hangers from the ceiling, spouting paranoid theories about secret agencies spying on him. What organization in particular? Major League Baseball. A bit nonsensical, yes, but I guess it kind of works to how manic they’re trying to make Bart out as.

Whacked out on drugs and determined to unveil the truth, Bart steals a tank off an army base and drives it through town. He then shoots a round off into the sky, hitting and bringing down a satellite belonging to, who else, the MLB. Then Mark MacGwire shows up and attempts to instate a big cover-up. So yeah, the ending is by all means stupid, but for some reason I don’t really mind. Bart hijacking the tank works for the scene where Marge must confront her son, warped by the pills she agreed to give him. Even if it makes no sense that Bart was able to accurately hit the satellite and for it to land right next to him, I buy that he was able to figure out exactly where it was in the sky or something. And for some reason, I love the resolution with MacGwire. It knows it makes no sense, but it’s not like the painful self-awareness of something being shit that we’ve seen as of late. MacGwire wowing the town by hitting a few dingers to distract them from wanting an explanation is a fantastic hand wave over the whole thing. He basically could have just distracted Springfield with a shiny object while he conspicuously made off with the satellite data. So as dumb as this episode gets in the end, I think most of it still works really well. It has a deeper meaning and some level of emotional content that’s been missing from the series for a while, and a steady collection of laughs that make a great antidote for the shit pile that was the season 11 premiere.

Tidbits and Quotes
– The fire safety fair has some good bits. Bart may have been pushed a bit too far into the insufferable child direction, but I was still amused by his antics (“Look, a fire! …engine. Help! Help! Fire! …helmets.”) Also great is Hosey the Bear, who Ralph seems to mistake as Santa Claus (“And I want a bike, and a monkey, a friend for the monkey…” “You’re not going to start any fires, are you?” “At my house, we call them ‘uh-ohs.'”)
– Interesting to note, I guess, but here we have one of the few instances where Marcia Mitzman-Gaven voices Maude Flanders. Voice actress Maggie Roswell had a falling out with FOX over her salary, which apparently was over it not being financially viable anymore for her as her pay didn’t even cover her plane tickets from Denver to Los Angeles. In this episode, Maude is voiced by both actresses. I guess they rewrote her scene after the fact and had Mitzman-Gaven do a few lines. Why not redub the whole thing? But then again, I didn’t notice, but her voice did sound pretty off overall. And, sidebar, is it just me, or did Maude look pretty damn good in that hippie getup? …actually, let’s move on…
– I like how angry Skinner gets following Bart’s prank, punching the crap out of his therapy blow-up clown doll. It’s a return to the more ruthless, war-addled character of the past, not the consistently sniveling spineless wimp we’d see later on.
– All the stuff at the pharmaceutical lab is pretty great right from the start (“I don’t want to pump my little boy full of drugs.” “Yeah, yeah, we get a lot of that.”) The name ‘Focusyn’ itself is pretty brilliant, as are its supposed effects (reducing class clownism 44%, with 66% less sass-mouth.)
– We get some great David Silverman drawings of Homer’s twisted freakout upon test tasting the pills. It’s always fun to see some more far-out poses and animation in the show.
– Purposely childish, but I love Bart’s orange-testicle prank (boy, will this make sense out of context) as well as the rest of the scene (“Back in the lunches you go!” “Eww, Mom!” “Oh, grow up.”)
– An interesting subversion with the class rushing to the window to watch two dogs “going at it,” with “it” revealed the dogs fighting over a fan belt, of all things. Reminds me of way back in “Bart the Genius,” with Krabappel asking whether those “naughty dogs” were at the window again.
– Great Krusty bit where he almost chokes to death on his electronic spinning bow tie and proceeds to attack his associate producer (“I said start it at 60rpm, then move it up to 100 on the skirt blow!” “Sorry, Krusty, I choked.” “You choked? You choked?!”)
– I like that Homer and Marge’s adult night out involves seeing the infamously awful Showgirls (“Screw you! Screw everybody!”) I also like their conversation on the way home regarding their next night out (“I heard about a new club that opened up where men dance with men. Isn’t that adorable?” “Yeah, if it’s true.”)
– I don’t really know why, but the two showering soldiers is probably my favorite part of the episode (“I can’t believe that Sarge said we’re the worst bunch he’s ever seen.” “See, I have to believe he’s seen worse bunches than us.” “But he said…” “I know what he said. He was just trying to motivate us.” “Well, it ruined the whole hike.”)
– Great bit when Bart’s tank rolls past the Android’s Dungeon. Comic Book Guy and Otto take notice (“Egad! A maniac cutting a swath of destruction! This is a job for the Green Lantern, Thundra, or possibly… Ghost Rider.” “What about Superman?” “Oh, please.”) I also love Krusty’s clown car, and the unfortunate “end” of Sir Widebottom (“I’m alive… but why?”)
– It’s a bit too convenient that the satellite has actual printouts inside of it that Lenny can automatically decipher. For what purpose? But again, for some reason, I accept the dumbness of it. My favorite bit is how MacGwire tucks said printouts under his hat so obviously, darts his eyes, then tucks another stray bit back under. Also great is the souvenir bat, which is another surveillance item, which has some great data for Homer in a POV shot (Snack Preference: All, Squalor Index: 97).

(originally aired September 26, 1999)
Cut from similar cloth of “When You Dish Upon A Star,” here’s an episode centered around a celebrity, featuring bits that rather than poke fun at them, serve only to put them on a higher pedestal and kiss their already lipstick-smeared ass even further. In this case, it’s made even more bizarre that said celebrity is Mel Gibson, who at the time was a well-respected and admired Hollywood hunk, and not the anti-Semitic misogynist religious wacko nutcase that he is now. So while seeing Marge and the citizens of Springfield fawn over this man is a little disconcerting now, I can’t hold these uncomfortable-in-hindsight moments against the episode, which is okay since there’s plenty more to hate here. Homer and Marge score tickets to an advance screening of the remake of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington starring Mel Gibson. Starstruck when they discover Gibson is at the screening, everyone in attendance gives glowing feedback, except for a terminally bored Homer. Gibson takes his comment to heart, and flies him and the family to Hollywood to fix his film.

Homer starts out with a dissatisfaction towards Gibson, seeing him as a Hollywood pretty boy serious actor, harboring even more resentment after seeing that his wife has the hots for him. This makes a lot more sense than him getting buddy-buddy with Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger in an instant. It’s a more interesting role for Homer to play, and when Gibson needs Homer’s help, it’d be neat if he were kind of pressured into it by his family, who’d love a chance to see the sights in Hollywood. Homer starts out resistant to help Gibson, then finds that they have a similar interest in mindless bloodshed and violence, and he slowly warms to the guy. That would be engaging and make sense. But forget that, instead, Gibson asks Homer to help him, and all of a sudden he’s instantly his best friend and we get to laugh it up at his insane suggestions to make the film in fast forward and include a villainous dog with shifty eyes. Har har har. The moment Lisa questions Homer’s sudden turn from hate to love regarding Gibson and Homer tells his daughter to shut up, the episode tanks. It’s not really funny when you fear your main character may either have bipolar disorder or have severe brain damage.

The only thing I like about this episode is the revised Mr. Smith ending and how absolutely stupid and gratuitous it is. The cheesy action movie catchphrases, Homer’s dumb cameo, the over-the-top blood and gore… it’s just so wonderfully ridiculous. It also plays to the Gibson we know now, considering the sadomasochistic nature of his later films. The studio execs, expecting this to be their big award picture, are not happy with this. So what do we do? Have a fucking action chase sequence. Boy, am I getting sick of these. So much of this episode just feels so lazy and wrong. The opening with the electric car, the family’s sight-seeing, the executive banter, none of it seemed to work at all. This was the season premiere, but last in the production season of season 10, and it was written by Mike Scully. It’s pretty astounding to just see how far not only the show has fallen, but Scully himself. He wrote such great episodes as “Lisa on Ice” and “Two Dozen and One Greyhounds,” and now we have this slop: a series of dumb easy jokes and insider set pieces, serving as a 22-minute blowjob for Mel fucking Gibson. We’re one episode into this season and I think this one’s the worst, but I know there’s a lot more awfulness to come. And I apologize for sounding pessimistic, but at this point I can’t really help it.

(originally aired May 16, 1999)
This is one of the only post-classic-era episodes that I have particularly fond memories of. I remember loving it when I was younger, thinking it was the best travel episode, and even ranking amongst the best in the series. I don’t know why, but I just loved the Japan show. And while some parts of it are kinda dumb, I have most of the same sentiments now. “Bart vs. Australia” still firmly holds the ‘best travel show’ mantle, but this is still a really entertaining episode, excelling in its first and third acts particularly. We start at the newly opened Internet cafe, where Homer is cyber-robbed by Snake, depleting the family’s vacation funds. On the advice of Flanders, the family attends a seminar by mega savings expert Chuck Garabedian, who teaches the value of squeezing every penny. He’s a pretty great one-off character, exhibiting this manic, affirmative persona with somewhat questionable advice. I love how proud he is of wearing a dead man’s suit on his urine-soaked yacht with transgender women, he’s truly living the American dream.

Through living the Garabedian lifestyle, the family gets cheap plane tickets, but only if they don’t care what the destination is. So, it’s off to Japan. The second act is basically cramming as many Japanesey segments together as possible. Sumo wrestling, square watermelons, hyper-advanced toilets… they’re all entertaining as isolated bits, but it’s not as engaging as it would be if there were some kind of through-line plot here. But being a bit aimless is a minor problem in the grand scheme of issues we’ve seen this season, especially since the episode manages to stay funny throughout. Although there is the Jerkass bit where Homer throws the Emperor into a bin of used sumo thongs, and then is not reprimanded in the least. I guess the joke is that they’re more polite and that’s why he and Bart are treated so well in jail. But I have a different theory… although I would have loved it if they did, I get why they didn’t make any Mr. Sparkle references in this episode, since it would make no sense if people didn’t get the callback. But why do you think Homer got the five-star treatment? Think about it.

The family ends up losing their last bill of yen and are out of luck on how they’re going to get back home. But salvation comes in the form of Japanese game show “Happy Smile Super Challenge Family Wish Show,” hosted by Wink, voiced by George Takei. Part of me can’t tell whether I should be praising the writing, or Takei’s excellent delivery for each of his lines, so I guess I might as well praise both. But this section is pretty genius, as if you’ve seen any one bit of Japanese game shows, this is exactly what they’re like. And this one actually might be even more tame than the genuine article. Even when things get a bit too silly, like Homer getting electrocuted repeatedly, they manage to save it. Or rather, Takei manages to save it (“He seems okay, but he is being burned internally.”) Did I mention I love George Takei? But anyway, we end with yet another fucking action suspense sequence like every damn episode this season, but at least this time there’s a payoff, where it was manufactured by the show and it was all a big goof. So in the end, I wouldn’t say I have the same unconditional love for this episode as when I was younger, but hands down it’s one of the best ones of this season.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Why would Wired magazine print about an Internet cafe opening in some small town? Minor gripe, I guess.
– It’s really really stupid, but I like how Snake seemingly robs Homer via floppy disk, as well as his exit (“Yoink-dot-adios-backslash-losers!”)
– I don’t really care for Homer burglarizing Flanders. It’s sort of like taking his constant “borrowing” of his things to the next degree, where it’s no longer slightly amusing and realistic, and now it’s just flagrantly illegal and dumb. Though I do like how Homer just starts making himself a sandwich as Ned is talking to him.
– Burns seems to be popping up a lot of places where he doesn’t belong lately. Why would he be at the Mega Savings Seminar? But we do get a great bit from Uncle Pennybags (“These yokels are pure Baltic Avenue. Uh-oh! I’m late for the Short Line Railroad!”)
– The Simpsons go to shop at the 33-cent store, with a lot of great background products (Onions?, Cool Ranch Soda, “That 70’s Show” mugs.) There’s also Skittlebrau, the beer that Homer seemingly made up in “Bart Star.” Marge also finds her dress (“Thirty three cents? I paid almost double that!”) and is put off by an odd blue variant.
– Great exchange after Homer smashes the piggy bank (“Homer, you could’ve just unscrewed the bottom.” “A little late for could’ves, Marge.”) I use that line every time someone pulls out a “could’ve.”
– Garabedian appears at random in the Simpson backyard, which just serves to remind me how later characters will just appears wherever they’re needed for no reason whatsoever. But the payoff to this makes it worth it (“You fat cats didn’t finish your plankton; now it’s mine!”)
– I love the pilot’s announcement upon landing (“Welcome to Japan, folks. The local time is… tomorrow.”)
– Classic bit with the Battling Seizure Robots, riffing off of that one Pokemon episode that gave kids epileptic seizures. Never made it here to the States, I guess for good reason.
– I love Americatown. So so much. We’ve homogenized and bastardized every other culture on the plant, so this is the Japanese take on us: the Kool Aid Man marching with George Washington, an astronaut boxing Mohammad Ali, and ET looking up Marilyn Monroe’s skirt. I love the layout too, where the tables are all fifty states. Homer bemoans having to sit at “Taxachusetts,” then proceeds to reflect on an anecdote (“You know, I once knew a man from Nantucket.” “And?” “Let’s just say the stories about him are greatly exaggerated.”) He’s also quite amused by the “American” waiter (“Don’t ask me; I don’t know anything! I’m product of American education system. I also build poor-quality cars and inferior-style electronics.” “Oh, they got our number!”)
– I think it’s a sweet moment when Homer makes Lisa the paper crane out of the yen. And then of course it blows away, and we get Homer saying “D’oh!” in Japanese. I wonder what that actually translates to.
– I love how unhelpful the American ambassador is in helping the family out (“Try getting a job and earning some money. That’s what I did. By the way, ambassador’s taken.”)
– I don’t see Lisa condoning working gutting fish, but I guess it’s not like she had much choice. Maybe one bit of her expressing her disgust would have been nice.
– Great categories on the game show: “Ow, that hurts!,” “Why are you doing this to me!” and “Please let me die!”
– The ending almost works as a stupid subversion of the overdramatic action endings we’ve had as of recent. It’s literally a manufactured ending for the game show, so it’s all playing to that fictional studio audience’s entertainment. Plus it’s pretty funny anyway (“At least we’ll die doing what we love: inhaling molten rock!”) Homer’s shaming speech before they leave is pretty excellent too (“Game shows aren’t about cruelty, they’re about greed and wonderful prizes like poorly-built catamarans, but somewhere along the line you lost your way. For shame.”)
– I guess following my anger toward the Loch Ness Monster two episodes back, I should be just as pissed that apparently Godzilla, Rodin and all the other monsters apparently exist as well. But I’m not, really. It’s just for one stupid joke at the end of a silly episode, not the crutch of the entire third act like Nessie was. I’ll excuse it.

Season 10 Final Thoughts
So, what a season, huh? All the problems that started creeping in over the last season or so are exhibited full force here: thin, ineffective storytelling, plot turns and conceits that make no sense, and flimsy characterization, including more and more Jerkass Homer. The laughs are still present in some capacity, but there were a fair share of episodes that didn’t get more than a few chuckles out of me. Humor can absolve a lot, but sometimes an episode just has a shoddy aura to it that left me terminally displeased, which quite a few this season did for me. It still feels like The Simpsons, but there’s something fundamentally wrong. Subtlety and witty jokes are being replaced with bombastic slapstick and over-the-top action sequences; the show’s getting more ridiculous and less grounded in any sort of reality. It’s become just another wacky cartoon, not the sharp, smart animated series we fell in love with to begin with. As of now, I think there’s no greater divide in quality between seasons than there is from season 9 to 10. If season 9 was the show teetering over the edge of the cliff, season 10 was the fall. How far until we hit the bottom? Is there even a bottom? I guess we’ll have to see. Season 11 away.

The Best
“D’oh-in’ in the Wind,” “Wild Barts Can’t Be Broken,” “Mom and Pop Art,” “They Saved Lisa’s Brain,” “Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo”

The Worst
“When You Dish Upon a Star,” “Homer Simpson in: ‘Kidney Trouble,'” “Viva Ned Flanders,” “Make Room For Lisa,” “Monty Can’t Buy Me Love”

(originally aired May 9, 1999)
It’s kind of strange at this point that I feel the need to praise the show just for telling a competent, cohesive story and having consistent characterization, but I guess that’s the point we’re at now. There’s a few minor issues with this one, but most are pretty much absolved by being a pretty damn solid episode. Springfield’s role as a town inhabited by impulsive, mindless dopes is re-solidified at the start as a riot breaks out at a radio station gross-out contest, which absolutely mortifies Lisa. She writes an open letter to the paper regarding the dumbing down of society and emphasizing the joys of intellectual pursuits, but no one seems to take notice… or so it would seem. Before long, she is sought after and inducted into the town chapter of MENSA. The group is comprised of regular characters we’ve seen before, who all make sense as to being there, and they have an interesting dynamic. They’re not the most tight knit group, there’s a fair amount of squabbling between them, but they at least acknowledge that if nothing else they’re leaps and bounds above the common folk intellectually.

Lisa is quite pleased to be in a group of like-minded smart types, but they are still hindered by the restrictions of their slack-jawed troglodyte town. I like how the group is all talk and no game, as none of them exhibit the gall to go ask a bunch of drunkards to vacate their reserved gazebo. They do however bring this news to Mayor Quimby, who, upon thinking they have incriminating evidence on him, flees town, and possibly the country. The town charter dictates that the smartest among them shall govern in the mayor’s stead, so MENSA takes over. This leads to a finale in which the group each proposes their own edicts upon the town, which has them squabbling amongst themselves and the local lower life forms quite incensed over these sudden changes. A riot ensues, as all season 10 episodes need an action ending, and Lisa realizes in the end that everyone has their own version of a perfect world, and you can’t push your ideals and impressions on others so hastily.

So yeah, it’s an episode with a pretty solid story, and it’s equally engaging throughout the whole show. The only gripe I can think of is that normally in episodes where Lisa feels she’s the only bright bulb in a sea of morons, Marge’s role needs to be diminished. We have her encouraging Bart’s stupid, dangerous stunt at the beginning, and then later we see her and Homer in the angry mob that eventually tries to tear down the gazebo with her daughter inside. Just kind of bothered me. But small potatoes; this episode gives us a lot, the MENSA collective, the sarcasm detector, Grandma Plopwell, and guest star Stephen Hawking, who actually is one of my favorite guests, partly because having such a brilliant, high-minded person on the show further solidifies the series’s genius and wide-range appeal. Even the B-plot with Homer’s erotic photography works: none of the scenes go on too long, Homer remains pretty dim and modest, and it has a great payoff. Funny throughout, with a memorable story and nice stuff with Lisa, this is a pretty sharp episode amidst a very troubled season.

Tidbits and Quotes
– I weirdy like the promo screen for “Ethnic Mismatch Comedy #644” with the two actors dancing on a white background, just because I’ve seen that done on many a network. FOX included, now that I think of it. It’s this weird marketing thing where if you show characters are having a grand old time, you’ll want to watch their show, I guess?
– I like Homer’s popcorn suit stunt, though I think the title he’s announced by is too clever to have been thought up by him (“It’s Homer Simpson and his Amazing Redenbacher Dreamcoat, with a number he calls, ‘Kernel Knowledge!'”)
– I don’t get why Burns and Smithers are at the contest, being two halves of a horse. But I do like Kirk Van Houten in a diaper getting clocked in the head with a urinal cake. Doesn’t get much funnier than that.
– It’s great that Madeline Albright is one of the judges at the gross-out contest, and even better is her feral turn she makes during the riotous food fight.
– Homer gleefully shows off his ill-gotten loot to Lisa (“Look! I got runner-up prize!” “You won second place?” “No, but I got it!”) He gets in a quick “Stealing is wrong” before he goes off to see his prize: a free boudoir photography session. Homer is intrigued. He looks up ‘boudoir’ in the dictionary. Then ‘photography.’ Then ‘boudoir’ again. It’s a well timed scene.
– Lisa’s letter is pretty amusing (“We are a town of low-brows, no-brows, and ignorami. We have eight malls, but no symphony. Thirty-two bars, but no alternative theater. Thirteen stores that begin with ‘Le Sex.’ I write this letter not to nag or whine, but to prod. We can better ourselves!”)
– Great bit with Reverend Lovejoy’s Book Burning Mobile. It can’t be very safe for him to be driving around with an open flame in the back. Much later in The Simpsons Road Rage video game, you can play as Lovejoy driving the vehicle.
– Riveting discussions at MENSA regarding the town library: they’re replacing the English literature section with a make-your-own sundae bar (which honestly sounds pretty delicious.) I love Hibbert’s shocking reveal regarding the reference desk being cleared for an air hockey table (“Even the microfilm?” “Even the microfiche.”) Lisa is impressed (“My family never talks about library standards.”)
– Of course the photographer is Annie Lebowitz, who is oh so disturbed by every aspect of Homer. This subplot is filled with great bits: her Vaseline tub at the ready to slab all over the lens, “Light is… not your friend,” Bart and Milhouse at the window, and Homer’s horror at Marge being more interested in the decorations in the photos than of its erotic nature (“But I was gonna score!” “No you weren’t.”)
– Quimby’s staff shredding documents, then shredding the shredder, then him taking off on a horse into a private jet to take off, and ejecting the horse out by parachute is pretty great classic wackiness. I also love the ADR sound clip “Faster, you moron!” of Quimby apparently yelling at the horse.
– The MENSA changes to the town are all great: the revised jury duty summons (“You have been chosen to join the Justice Squadron, 8am Monday at the Municipal Fortress of Vengeance. Oh, I am so there!”) and keeping only yellow and green lights (“Stay yellow, stay yellow! Man, I’m making record time! …if only I had some place to be.”) Comic Book Guy takes note of their accomplishments (“Springfield has moved up to #299 on the list of America’s most livable 300 cities. Take that, East St. Louis!”)
– Comic Book Guy dons his Star Trek uniform with a proclamation to his people (“Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you, this will be much less breeding. For me, much, much more.”) The crowd isn’t pleased, especially Willie, channeling a fellow Scotsman (“You cannot do that sir! You don’t have the power!”)
– Stephen Hawking is accompanied by the obligatory introductory namedrop that’s been common as of recent, but he’s got so many great bits: calling the town a Fruitopia, “I don’t need anyone to talk for me, except this voice box,” his boxing glove function, and wanting to steal Homer’s idea of a donut shaped universe. My favorite is probably this exchange (“Don’t feel bad, Lisa. Sometimes, the smartest of us can be the most childish.” “Even you?” “No. Not me. Never.”) I also like Homer referring to him at Lisa’s “robot buddy.” Innocently offensive coming out of him.
– The best bit in the whole show is right before the mob tears down the gazebo. Carl is revved up (“Let’s make litter out of these literati!”) Lenny counters (“That’s too clever, you’re one of them!”) before punching him in the face.

(originally aired May 2, 1999)
This episode really confused me, as I’m not sure exactly who the main character is. It certainly looks like Mr. Burns, it sounds kinda like Burns, but he acts absolutely nothing like him. This is the first Burns episode we’ve had in a long while, and if this is honestly the best kind of material they can give him, perhaps it would have been best to retire him. I’ll set the stage, I guess: the arrival of affable showboating billionaire Arthur Fortune makes Mr. Burns realize that his life is strangely empty without public approval, and sets about to improve his image and be liked. Now we have a big fundamental problem right off the bat here. Since his inception, Burns has been a man who holds the common man in the utmost contempt, barely even considering them fellow humans. He treats his workers and his assistant like shit and could not be more pleased with himself for it. Now all of a sudden he’s desperate for someone like Homer’s approval? It really betrays the entire basis of his character.

To be fair, an episode where Burns tries to gain public praise, perhaps with some secret ulterior motive, could work. But this is just absolutely baffling. The second two acts of this show are beyond a doubt the most bizarre and odd I’ve seen yet on this show. Act two begins with Burns approaching Homer to get help on being liked, which he agrees to. No reason is given for this. In the past we’ve seen him bend over backwards in fear for Burns when he seeks his assistance for fear of losing his job, but here it’s like they’re old buddies or something. We’ll just see Burns standing in the Simpson dining room and driving around in Homer’s car, like what the fuck is going on here? Burns has absolutely no teeth here either. Rather than digging his public image hole deeper and deeper with his crotchety and evil actions, he’s rendered more and more pathetic after each and every scene. They go on a Howard Stern-type shock jock radio show, and Burns ends up collapsing thanks to the host’s crude candor. The real Burns would have had that jock taken away and executed at the first sign of trouble. He’s always been frail in body, but absolutely ruthless in spirit. But not here.

The episode was bad enough, but then we make an impromptu trip to Scotland to search for the Loch Ness Monster. Who turns out to be real. I repeat, they found the Loch Ness Monster. He’s a real thing here. And he’s gigantic, seemingly a huge presence in the now drained lake, it should have been kind of tough for him to hide. But it turns out Nessie has growing powers, since when he’s brought back to Springfield he’s significantly smaller, the size of a large water tank. Then later he’s maybe twice as tall as Burns. Aside from the shitty story and awful characterization, there’s also so much in this episode that defies logic and makes no sense, as well as particularly shoddy animation in certain sequences. This episode is pretty astounding, it’s the first show that I can honestly say that not only did absolutely nothing work, it felt like I was watching a different show. Burns being a harmless softie, random inter-continental trips, mythical monsters being real, what the fuck am I watching? All the other shitty episodes this season have at least a few things I can point at as being good, but this one’s got nothing. The worst this season, bar none.

Tidbits and Quotes
– The Simpsons taking a walk and the Fortune megastore are all bits that appear to have jokes, except they’re not at all funny. They’re just excuses for Homer to whine and moan, and for his ass to appear on every jumbo screen in range, even though it makes no sense. Some of the jokes don’t even have punchlines, like when Marge comments the megastore is better than the Kwik-E-Mart with a sad Apu in range. The bit just kind of hangs there, then ends.
– I guess we’re at the point where Burns relishing the idea of a talking banana is supposed to be funny. I’d think it would be too silly for Homer, let alone for Mr. fucking Burns.
– Homer and Burns attempt to emulate Fortune’s dollar shower by chucking silver dollars off the rooftops in the town. Which somehow rains down on both sides of the street, and manage to not only break through car windows, but one pierces through Lenny’s forehead, causing blood to spurt from his wound when he takes it out. I don’t expect absolute realism on this show, but at least make shit make some kind of sense…
– Burns has Homer deliver a sizable check to the Springfield Hospital, but since Homer is the one who delivered it, the donation gets put in his name, as well as a brand new wing of the building. How? Why? The check is in Burns’s name, as well as his account. How the fuck could this happen? Though I’ll say this bit had the only thing in this show that made me smirk, the ‘Cricket Gas’ button at Burns’ desk.
– So we have Michael McKeon in to do his Howard Stern voice, and basically they’re not really parodying Stern as much as emulating his bits, albeit as basically as possible. And this is even insulting to Stern, who’s a lot more clever than that (not recently though, but that’s a whole other issue). Watching Burns flail about like a harmless old man screaming, “Won’t someone please stop the farting!” is really a sight to see. It’s not even infuriating or saddening, I just don’t even know how to react to that. The Burns in this show is so un-Burns that I’m not even offended. This is an entirely different character.
– We bring in Willie for act three for no real reason other than we’re in Scotland. I guess the unaffected Irishmen are kind of amusing, but seeing their disinterest in witnessing their entire town get flooded was more sad than funny.
– Frink manages to drain the entire Loch Ness in a night. Then they go down in to inspect the homecoming float, and then they notice the giant fucking monster that’s right by them.
– I’ll say the reverse King Kong ending with the monster flattered by the photography and Burns freaking out is a creative idea, but the staging, the context and the overall shittyness of the prior twenty minutes just didn’t help it at all. Burns’s event is a disaster, and he realizes being evil is who he is. Makes total sense. Then we end with Nessie at a mere eight feet tall working at a casino. Fuck you.