Original airdate: October 16, 2016

The premise: “Dry Hard” is a Hunger Games “parody.” “BFF R.I.P.” features Lisa’s imaginary friend killing people out of jealousy. “Moefinger” is a Kingsman “parody.”

The reaction: Treehouse of Horrors nowadays are usually just condensed would-be parodies of non-horror movies, but now we’re at the point where they’re a hodgepodge of multiple movies at once. The first segment features Lisa as Katniss in a Hunger Games-style Springfield fighting for natural resources from the all-controlling tyrant Burns. This show already did a parody of this franchise back in the LEGO episode by mocking the love triangle, and they do it again here too, and it’s just as limp (“My name is Pita, like the healthy bread!” “My name is also Peta, like the animal rights organization!”) When Lisa convinces everyone to just go after Burns and reek hell, then it becomes Mad Max: Fury Road with everyone in their souped up vehicles and people tied to those waving staffs. References! The third segment puts Bart in Moe’s secret service society, a la Kingsman. I guess if they consider Mr & Mrs. Smith appropriate Halloween material, why not this? The first half consists of Moe expositing endlessly to Bart about who they are, what they do, what their mission is… yawn. Then Homer turns out to be the villain, who looks like Blofeld from James Bond, and Bart engages in a big action set piece with him killing a bunch of people. I guess they’re trying to riff on the big action sequence in the church from the movie, but does “parody” mean you take an amazing scene and make a worse, less engaging version of it? The second story actually had some potential in its idea: people closest to Lisa getting killed and her being under suspicion for the murders. But any tension or intrigue is ruined by overexplanation per usual (“Oh, no, she’ll kill Mom! What do I do?”) These specials were once so imaginative, a once-a-year respite from the limitations of the normal series to try something different. Now, they’re filled with the same debilitating problems as every other episode. But this isn’t new. None of this is.

Three items of note:
– The opening features the Simpsons facing down their various main antagonists: Sideshow Bob, Kang (or Kodos), the ghost of Frank Grimes, and the crazy leprechaun for some reason (how random, they haven’t used him in almost a decade.) I’ve talked before about how lame and cartoony it feels for the Simpson family to have arch rivals, but I guess this is what counts as fan service these days, milking another laugh out of Homer not remembering who ol’ Grimey is. Maggie instantly kills the three live characters because that’s her schtick, and Grimes watches in horror as the screen fills with all 600 episodes playing at once (“In hell, they make you watch all of them in a row!”) The latter two-thirds, yes. Then we get a second intro, our couch gag, “Planet of the Couches,” which I think the show has done already. Ah, whatever.
– The first segment features authoritarian Burns hoarding all the water for himself, and during his broadcast to his lowly subjects, he continually wastes it in a multitude of ways, culminating in him doing an extended tribute to Flashdance with him dousing water on himself leaning back on a chair. I liked it better when Willie did it. I feel like this is going to be a very shitty season for Burns.
– The episode ends with a rearrangement of “Goldfinger” called “600,” as the show flaunts its latest meaningless milestone (remember when they used to make fun of those?) It ends with a scroll of shows that were “so very bad” over their lifetime on FOX, ending with The Critic and Futurama just to get people’s dander up. Al Jean’s credit warns, “You’re Next, Gunsmoke.” The Simpsons is currently the longest-running primetime series, but it needs to get past show #635 to have the most actual episodes, which they will hit come season 30. My thought for the last few years is that’s when they would finally stop. 30’s a nice round number, and they’d have finally beaten that last record. But, really, why stop now? FOX seemingly doesn’t see the need to quit at this point, so I honestly don’t know. As grim as it may be, part of me feels the only thing that would halt the show now is the death of one of the core six cast members. I mean, how much worse can this series sink? Once I think it hits bottom, it keeps plumbing those depths. Well… I guess we’ll find out, won’t we?

One good line/moment: The second segment actually had a few alright lines (“The only invisible killer I believe in is God,”) and Lisa’s imaginary friend suffocating Milhouse with his plastic baggie was actually kind of disturbing, which happens very infrequently in Halloween shows of late.

Original airdate: October 9, 2016

The premise: In the midst of a heated Springfield-Boston football rivalry, Bart’s Beantown allegiance infuriates Homer, prompting him to plan a family vacation to Boston to convince his son the town sucks.

The reaction: Vacation episodes normally have some kind of larger character story going on alongside the sights and sounds of dropping the Simpsons into new surroundings. As time went on and the family jumped from continent to continent, the stories became looser and looser as the aim became to just make a bunch of jokes and references to other places. This episode feels like the ultimate example, a Bostonian love letter that I hope the people of that good city enjoyed, because I barely understood any of it. I’ve never been to Boston, and there are just so many one-off characters and locations and lines of dialogue that I really don’t know what to make of, because I can’t tell if they’re Boston references, or just the usual breed of inane nonsense this show normally trots out. When Boston beats Springfield in football, Homer is shocked to find Bart wearing a Boston hat. Unable to sway his allegiance, Homer arranges a trip to fuel his hate fire. This episode feels so inside baseball, like I said, there’s a lot of this I can’t tell if they’re supposed to be jokes or not, and that’s not really a good sign. They sure got their mileage of funny accents though, as it seems like everyone they meet has the strongest Boston accent and they’re taking full advantage of it with the dialogue (“pahk my cah in the yahd” type stuff.) So Homer hates Boston just like New York City, except with a flimsier rationale, but all it takes is him to play candlepin bowling and he’s completely won over. Lisa is won over by their arts scene, Marge by their local healthcare, Bart is a fan from moment one… man, Boston is just so great, they decide to move there! Between the loving recreation of all the landmarks and the Simpsons talking about how great everything is, this feels more like something Boston can use for their tourism campaign than actual satire. Bart quickly learns Boston is not the criminal slum he hoped it would be from his favorite movie The Departed (???), so he wants out. He incites Homer’s rage at a parade, goading him to putting on a Boston hat, but he snaps instead. But why is Homer so mad? His hatred of NYC was irrational, but it was also very consistent, hilariously so up until the end. If his emotions can turn on a dime after learning candlepin bowling lets you bowl thrice instead of twice, then who cares? As I say again and again, we’re at the point where characters can just change emotions at the drop of a hat, so the show has completely lost its ability to have any sort of tension or emotional investment. When Homer struggles to put the hat on, and when Boston-loving Lisa growls at Bart for putting him up to it, why am I supposed to care? What’s at stake? Why is this happening? Who cares?

Three items of note:
– Even though I couldn’t pick out a lot of the references, I could still recognize that they weren’t really jokes. Bart shows Lisa a clip of a crime movie set in Boston, where three guys prepare for their heist, but not before they all take a swig of their Fribble shakes. Fribbles are a staple of Friendly’s, a diner/ice cream shop chain based in the Northeast, and having grown up in New Jersey, I recognized that. But that’s just it. The “joke” is literally, here a thing you know. So much of this episode felt like let’s just cram in as many identifiable Northeastern U.S. things as possible. It’s pushed to the limit at the end where we get a bunch of shots of a crowd at a parade as we see a bunch of pop culture figures hailing from Boston. Conan O’Brien, the cast of Cheers, Steven Tyler, Michael Dukakis (who I only recognize because he’s wearing a tank costume), Mark Wahlberg and Ted the teddy bear… there’s also someone who’s a ghost? There’s at least twenty others I can’t recognize, is this supposed to be like freeze frame fun? Count the references! We couldn’t think of any jokes, but we could look up “celebrities from Boston” on Google!
– Speaking of references, Homer’s love of Boston is cemented with him taking a roll at every bowling alley in town, in a montage set to Bob Dylan’s “The Man in Me.” You know, the song used at the beginning of The Big Lebowski, which also played as people bowled? Again, I ask, what am I supposed to laugh at here? That they’re using the same song in the same context? Comic genius!
– Bart’s love of Boston stems from him wanting to be a “Southie,” whatever that is, and wanting to join the Irish mob. He tries to get in detention at his new school to find a gang to run with and pull off jobs… it all felt very strange. And it’s not like they’re playing off his naivete with anything, or making any kind of point, other than Boston in this reality is sanitized and cultured. Seeing Bart be so eager to get into a life of crime felt kind of uncomfortable for me. We’ve seen dream bubbles of him being a drifter or breaking the law, but to dwell on it this much to make this ten-year-old’s main motivation to join a gang… something about that feels unseemly.

One good line/moment: There were a couple sections of this episode that sported some more fluid animation than we’ve seen in a long time, most of which being Homer getting angry at Bart, and later at the end as he twists with rage and tears the hat in two. I would say I liked it, but it was almost jarring seeing this greater animation after years of bland nothingness, and only for certain scenes. Plus the acting was all flimsily motivated, but that’s the script’s fault, not the animators.

Original airdate: October 2, 2016

The premise: Discovering the wonders of VR technology, Mr. Burns hires Marge and the kids to serve as his simulated family. With an empty house, Homer forms a friendship with a like-minded woman from the neighborhood.

The reaction: Last episode I kept wondering why Burns was being so accepting of the Simpsons. Now I find myself wondering the opposite. Burns auditions people to be his virtual reality family, and of course he chooses the Simpsons. But he only needs Marge and the kids, since he will be serving as the patriarch. Then we go right to it, suiting them up in mo-cap outfits to shoot their scenes. No discussion as to what he’s paying them, why Marge would agree to this, nothing. This gets even more ridiculous when Burns tells them he has an option to keep them with him for ten years. Cut to his guest house where Marge is talking to Homer on the phone, where she tells him how he can keep himself busy by cleaning the house. Are they indentured servants now? Can they never leave the house? Why did Marge not read over the contract we didn’t see them sign? And again, why on Earth would she agree to any of this? One of the VR scenes features Burns’ excitement to bring Marge to the bedroom for his birthday present, where we see her disrobe and him lustfully glaring at her virtual nudity. What in the ever loving fuck is this? This show has been so woefully broken for so long, but we’re at the point where they don’t even bother with set-ups anymore. Apparently those details don’t matter, because seemingly it’s just the excuse to get Homer alone in the house and to meet Julia, the woman who lives behind their house, and the two to form a friendship. Over half of the dialogue in their scenes is Homer wondering if it’s okay to have a female friend, and him repeatedly saying they’re just friends over and over to gawking on-lookers, because apparently in the year 2016, it’s a radically subversive concept that a man and a woman can be friends. Did Mike Pence write this episode? With the Burns plot going nowhere fast, the Homer story becomes our sole focus. When Marge and the kids return home after an indeterminate amount of time (it had to be at least a couple of weeks), the only thing they care about is who this woman is on the phone with Homer. Marge goes ballistic, but then Julia (just now being given a name at the end) shows up to exposit Homer out of trouble (“I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you you’ve got a great husband.”) And that’s it! What a fucking mess.

Three items of note:
– As much as I complain again and again on this show’s crippling reliance on over-explaining its jokes, there are still bits that make me shake my head in exhaustion. This is a perfect example: Smithers is explaining that the VR headset has limited software since it’s so new (“At the moment, it’s really just lots of pornography, a roller coaster, pornography, pornography…”) Already this joke is pretty old hat. Wow, people using the Internet to jerk off? What fresh satire! Smithers pulls up a fantasy setting where two dragons fly in, seemingly to duke it out, but then, the pink one addresses camera (“Dragon porn!”) and the two start making out. Wouldn’t it have been “funnier” if they had built it up like they were going to fight, and then you get the surprise of them kissing? They ruined their own set-up by prefacing it! And it that weren’t enough, after ten seconds of watching dragons mack on each other, Smithers cuts in, “Sorry, sir, this one is also pornography.” Why did they need to say it again? This entire thirty second bit is just them explaining what the joke is three separate times.
– As with last episode, Mr. Burns doesn’t go through any kind of story at all. His therapist urges him he needs a family to have a fulfilling life, which he scoffs at. Later, when he gets enamored by VR, Smithers repeats this, and they come up with the idea of a virtual family. Through all their scenes, Burns doesn’t seem all that thrilled with actually having family members who care, acting indifferent at best. Then, toward the end, he just decides he’s sick of it and fires the Simpsons. So, he never really cared about family, had one, then got rid of them. That’s not a story. He wanted to make up for his humiliation at the Bowl, suffers the same humiliation again, then just decides he’s over it. That’s not a story either.
– The ending is so artificially manufactured, it’s truly tremendous. There’s no emotional build-up for a Homer-Marge story throughout the entire episode. The family is gone from the house for weeks or months without any real discussion about them missing each other, or how often they stay in contact, or anything. So when Marge and the kids return home to Homer, they both seem pretty disaffected toward each other. Marge instantly locks on to the Julia scenario, and goes from zero to sixty immediately. She hustles the kids from the room, knocks over Homer’s TV tray, and angrily storms him around the house with him repeatedly backing up in terror (“Homer Simpson! After all I’ve put up with for all these years, if I’m not your best friend then what is this marriage about?!”) Stuff getting knocked over, Homer tripping over furniture and getting genuinely frightened at his wife… this is the point where the cops would get called. And this is coming from Marge! After that, Julia just happens to walk in and gives that exposition line I cited earlier, and the situation is quickly diffused. None of these characters have felt like actual characters for years now, and shit like this is the reason. Characters will just start and stop having emotions on a dime. Whatever plot contrivance is needed, they’ll just perform, like soulless marionettes.

One good line/moment: Nothing. I hated this one too. The season just started and these first two episodes honestly feel like the worst I’ve ever seen.

Original airdate: September 26, 2016

The premise: Following a town wide catastrophe, Mr. Burns agrees to foot the bill to rebuild Springfield in exchange that he put on a children’s variety show, hoping it will help him live down a traumatic event from his past.

The reaction: To me, the biggest character casualty outside of the Simpson family over the years has been Mr. Burns. Springfield’s very own heartless plutocrat was once treated as an actual threat. Frail of body, but ruthless in spirit, he reveled in his superiority over all the slack-jawed troglodytes who live beneath him. The classic years made plenty of jokes de-fanging Burns, yes, but never at the expense of his formidable nature. But here we are now: the times where Burns is actually an antagonist, he’s easily foiled, sometimes even by himself (getting the plant shut down by incriminating himself, openly pointing out an unsigned form thwarting his fracking operation.) But even worse, he seems to have no real issue dealing with Homer, Lisa, or any of the other poor loathsome individuals he would never have wanted anything to do with over twenty years ago. The set-up here is that the entire town of Springfield is destroyed except for Burns’s mansion, and the Simpsons plea for him to help fund the rebuild. Burns had previously used a trap door on them, but now is perfectly fine with continuing to speak with them. He agrees to help on the condition he hold a variety show at the Springfield Bowl (why he didn’t just arrange this himself is not explained.) So we get Burns watching child acts and arranging this big production… it feels the farthest removed from this character we’ve seen yet. Lisa is suspicious, and eventually she’s shown the truth. As we see through various flashbacks, Burns performed at the Bowl as a child, which ended with his pants falling down to raucous laughter. Even though this was perfectly understandable from the first flashback we see, this point is reinforced again and again (“I think you’re trying to make up for what happened to you then by putting on a perfect bowl show now.”) In the end, Burns sets out to perform his same act from decades ago to redeem himself, his pants fall down again, to enormous derisive laughter. After that, he tells Lisa he’s over it. Makes perfect sense, right? He tells Lisa that he’s too old to hold a grudge. So not only does this feel completely alien to Burns’s fundamentally vindictive character, it goes against his characterization through this very episode. He harbored this painful memory for decades, let it fester and enrage him, and now all of a sudden, he’s fine? It’s also implied that that one event is why he’s been evil all these years? What a load of fucking shit. I just don’t get why they bother writing for Mr. Burns anymore, they’ve completely watered down or removed all of the great things about his character. When your show’s biggest villain happily interacts with your protagonists and is a big pushover, what’s the damn point?

Three items of note:
– The couch gag is a recreation of the Adventure Time opening title. As I say over and over and over, this is not a parody. When you recreate something shot for shot and change nothing but add in your own characters, that doesn’t count as a joke. You’re just making a reference. Also, the long opening shot traveling through the various different landscapes of Springfield is played almost at half speed compared to the Adventure Time titles. The theme music doesn’t kick in until 20 seconds in. And it’s not like it’s going slow to pause for jokes, it’s just moving really slow just to kill time, I guess? They also barely changed the character designs, it’s just the Groening-style heads slapped onto weird noodle arm bodies. Adventure Time creator Pen Ward sings the new “Simpsons Time” theme song; having just read the Art of Adventure Time book and learning he was a huge Simpsons fan as a kid and it being a big influence in his work, I’m sure this was a great honor for him. Stuff like this and the Rick & Morty couch gag are like a win-win for both parties: the creators of new and fresh TV are thrilled that a show they used to love is validating them, and The Simpsons gets to pretend they’re still relevant by crossing over with a popular contemporary show that is actually watchable.
– The beginning of the episode doesn’t really matter, it’s just the stupid excuse to start the Burns story. Lard Lad gets a makeover thanks to their Japanese holding company, transforming the mascot into a gigantic steel post-postmodern monstrosity. The reflective ring of the donut ends up acting as a gigantic magnifying glass, and as the statue is on a turntable, it ends up lighting huge fires, which due to some “hilarious” chain reactions, result in the utter decimation of the whole town. You’d think the Lard Lad owners would fit the bill for this, or at least have some kind of joke of them leaving town, but they’re immediately forgotten. I’m just guessing that Burns Manor is only safe because of its high elevation, but again, that’s me adding in details that the show just doesn’t bother with. Also, throughout the episode, we see the Simpson house, the power plant the school, the Springfield Bowl, all of which seem perfectly fine. We’ve gotten to the point where the entire destruction of the town can be turned into an afterthought. It’s just a dumb cartoon, who cares?
– The Springfield Bowl is obviously modeled after the Hollywood Bowl. They had a Simpsons live show there two years before this aired, I’m going to guess that was a big inspiration for this show. Burns’s show opens with a pre-recorded skit of he and Smithers getting to the Bowl, just as the real-life Simpsons one did. Burns walks out and his opening joke is about how hard it is to park at the Hollywood… I mean, the Springfield Bowl. It’s just more making Springfield into Los Angeles Jr. Why the hell does this jerkwater burg have a performing arts bowl that size?

One good line/moment: I got nothing, this episode was just awful. There’s still plenty of bad stuff I didn’t get to, like all the boring acts by the kids being played straight with no jokes at the end, or Amy Schumer as Burns’s mom licking his face over and over for no reason other than to be creepy as hell. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

Original airdate: May 22, 2016

The premise: After sending Bart outside to play unsupervised, Marge is put in prison, where she ends up thriving in an environment with no chores and no responsibilities.

The reaction: Sometimes I try to avoid direct comparisons, but in episodes like these, it’s almost impossible. Marge in a women’s prison? Been there, done that. But now, there’s a popular Netflix drama we can pretend to be parodying. Make it the episode title, and perhaps we can glom onto another culturally relevant show! As pictured above, we get characters that look like Red and Suzanne from Orange is the New Black, but the “parody” stops there. The initial set-ups of this and “Marge in Chains” are identical: Marge is the beleaguered workhorse of the family who has a thousand things to do in a day, and one minor slip-up gets her in trouble with the law. Here, she gets Bart out of her hair by sending him outside, but when Wiggum finds him at the park without a parent, he promptly arrests Marge. I guess there’s some social commentary to be made here, but as usual, the surface is barely even scratched. Once in prison, Marge is naive at first, but later gets pushed too far and knocks out a brutish inmate with her hair (there’s barely any build-up to this.) After that, the plot shifts to her being a peaceful influence to the other prisoners by taking up gardening, and her being thrilled about early bedtimes and exercise time. So her knocking that woman out was just to get their respect? It doesn’t matter. In no time at all, she finds she loves it in prison, so much so that when Homer manages to have her sentence cut short, she steals a guard’s gun and fires it in order to get more time. Even if the plot were better developed, this would be a hard pill to swallow. “Marge in Chains” was one of those episodes more focused on wall-to-wall gags than its story, so I guess the core difference is this episode’s attempt to do the opposite. With Marge needing a break, it’s like they blended it with “Homer Alone,” but then that brings the tally to two classic episodes they’re retreading in a much poorer fashion.

Three items of note:
– Just like “Chains,” we devote time to Homer and the kids to see how they’re faring without Marge. But unlike the wonderful quick gag of the entire house going to shit within seconds, it’s multiple scenes of just bland nothingness. Neighbors chip in with gift baskets and baked goods to keep their spirits up, and eventually Homer decides he should probably get off his ass and do something, but not before envisioning a Ned/Marge hybrid to lust after. Between this and “Fland Canyon,” I guess these two are friends now? And like “Chains,” Marge makes friends with her fellow inmates, but none of the three pictured above have names or any real personality. Remember Philips? Tattoo Annie? And that was all within the last five minutes that Marge was actually in jail, compared to a whole two-thirds of this episode. Again, when the plots are this similar, it’s impossible not to think how fucking inept this is compared to the original.
– To kill time, we get an elaborate sequence of Homer envisioning himself as a retro 50s housewife, spurred by him vowing to step up as a parent. We then revisit it again for the end tag, which I promptly turned off. I’m still not sure why they do this four-act bullshit. Other FOX shows don’t, even comedies airing the same night. They’re just a waste of time. The story reaches a conclusion (in some cases, just barely), and then there’s just this worthless vestigial piece at the end of it.
– The ending involves Bart getting all the other kids to play without adult supervision, just in time for a tornado to roll into town and endanger them all. This occurs during a riot at the prison, where Homer just magically appears, having disguised himself a guard. But when the two of them hug and make up, the tornado magically disappears. And Marge is free to go just because. Why bother giving an explanation? We also see Wiggum talking to all the other parents, and I guess they get off with a slap on the wrist for losing their kids, unlike Marge. The very ending involves the family all hugging in the pantry, as Marge quips, “I want to say two things. I love you guys, and we’re out of peanut butter!” They all laugh. They end on a group laugh. And the line is a sub-par version of that awful sitcomy set-up for a group laugh. Once again, tired old tropes that the show mercifully skewered in the past are now embraced and played 100% straight.

One good line/moment: Michal Socha returns for another guest couch gag, featuring the family and the assemblage of the couch in the style of IKEA building instructions. A very cute and clever sequence.