(originally aired December 9, 1993)
Going waaaay back to season 1’s “Life on the Fast Lane,” we saw Marge contemplating an affair, which doesn’t seem too out of the ordinary considering the dumb ape she’s married to. However, the flip side of this would be unthinkable: Homer is the luckiest guy in the world that he’s got Marge, and moreover, he knows it. The man’s shortcomings could fill a novel, but the one thing he’s not is unfaithful. That’s what makes this episode so interesting: Homer finds himself impulsively attracted to another woman, and he has no idea how to deal with it. It’s like fate put all the pieces together to screw with him and make him want to be with this other woman. It’s a great throwback to early Homer where life seems to be conspiring against him in every way.

The femme fatale in question is Mindy Simmons, new power plant hire thanks to the Department of Labor forcing Mr. Burns to have at least one woman on staff. Upon first sight, Homer is completely bowled over by how attractive she is, and promptly bolts out of the room, not sure of what just happened. As the show progresses, he gets more and more paranoid about his situation. He learns that Mindy shares the same love of junk food and slacking off at work, which only makes things worse. He attempts to take solace in his beloved family, only to be further perturbed by a very sick wife and the oddball antics from his children. Not even an out-of-body experience can give him relief: his guardian angel, taking the guise of Colonel Klink from Hogan’s Heroes, pulls an It’s a Wonderful Life to show Homer a world where he marries Mindy instead of Marge, only to find Homer is fabulously wealthy, and Marge is the President. Klink quickly gives up, leaving Homer even lower than he was before. Sure, this was presumably all in his mind, but even his wildest fantasies prove to betray him.

Homer’s continuing losing battle reaches a head when he and Mindy are sent off to Capitol City to represent the plant at a big energy convention, and are later gifted to a romantic dinner for two. Then, the last straw: Homer’s fortune cookie reads, “You will find happiness with a new love.” Even sweets have turned on him, and Homer concludes that he can’t fight fate. In one of the sweetest, most genuine scenes in the entire series, Homer breaks down with Mindy about their situation, where she tells him to look in his heart and go from there. It’s a spectacular performance by Dan Castellaneta, as well as guest star Michelle Pfeiffer, and  it looks amazing with the moonlight and shadows in the hotel room. In the end, Homer sticks with Marge, of course, and everything turns out alright. It’s a very intriguing episode regarding Homer, a real human-like portrayal after all the wacky stuff he’s been up to this season. But that’s one of the great things about the show, you never know what shade of character is going to be illuminated each week.

Tidbits and Quotes
– There’s also the B-story with Bart being prescribed glasses, special shoes, scalp salve amongst other treatments and becomes the ultimate social outcast. It’s got a few funny bits, but ultimately is just time filler since the A-story is so much more interesting. I do like the ending where the bullies are shocked to find Bart back to normal… then proceed to beat him up anyway.
– I love Martin’s anger and frustration over not being picked on, as Bart struggles to read a blurry chalkboard (“It’s ‘photosynthesis’!! Damn your feeble brain!”)
– More plant safety: the emergency exit doors are just painted on the walls. When Charlie goes to complain, Burns shoots him off in a tube, that apparently seems to lead all the way to India. Preposterous, yes, but still funny. With him gone, the plant needs a new dangerous emissions supervisor. Burns first goes with foreigner Zutroy until the Department of Labor flags him as an illegal alien (“That’s preposterous! Zutroy here is as American as apple pie!”)
– Homer finishes off his work day (“Another day, another box of stolen pens.”) He tosses them in his backseat with a whole bunch, some of which have been leaking copious amounts of ink on the seat.
– Classic bit with Homer coming up with a fake name to disguise his own story: Joey Jo-Jo Shabadoo. Moe comments, “That’s the worst name I ever heard,” causing another man at the bar to run out crying. Barney calls out, “Hey! Joey Jo-Jo!”
– Homer is befuddled to find Mindy seems to share all of his interests (“Foul temptress. I’ll bet she thinks Ziggy’s gotten too preachy too!”)
– Homer in the elevator with Mindy is a fantastic sequence, starting with both of their inadvertent Freudian slips. Homer attempts to think unsexy thoughts, starting with Patty and Selma shaving their legs, then Barney dancing in a bikini humming the I Dream of Jeannie theme. But he quickly morphs into Mindy and his plan is foiled. Homer decides to abort mission, hit the emergency stop and get off, where he slides down one of the cooling towers. This already makes no sense, but they seem to have been going down in the elevator. Down from what point? Whatever, I still laughed.
– TV betrays Homer too, with each channel featuring programming about adultery. He stops at a commercial with women in workout clothes and the slogan “Just Do It.” He screams and runs out before the end, where it turns out it’s for the NRA (the other one, the National Ringworm Association.)
– Very quick Lionel Hutz appearance, annoyed to find Homer in the knocked over telephone booth (“Hey, you, get out of my office!”)
– I love Stuart the duck, animal worker at the plant, and that later on, when Burns is surveying the antagonism amongst employees on the security monitors, the last is Stuart pecking at an unconscious co-worker.
– Great one-off character with the cheeky bellhop and his inappropriate noises regarding Homer’s king-size bed. Homer is not amused (“Stop that! I love my wife and family. All I’m gonna use this bed for is sleeping, eating, and maybe building a little fort. That’s it!”)
– The sexual tension between Homer and Mindy grows ever thicker. Mindy comments that a mere wall keeps the two from sleeping in the same bed at the hotel. Homer feebly responds, “Walls are a necessity in today’s society.” Later, Mindy seductively suggests the two do something that could get them in a lot of trouble… order room service. Burns becomes aware of this and sends his flying monkeys to stop them a la Wizard of Oz, but alas, the creatures fall out the office window into traffic. After a beat, Burns tells Smithers, “Continue the research.”
– Great bit at the convention with passer-bys chiding the nuclear power booth and Mindy and Homer shooting back insults (Homer yells, “Go to hell!” while throwing a brick.)
– Hilarious quick line from Mindy after finishing her meal at Madame Chao’s (“What a perfect evening. It sure was nice of them to make us cheeseburgers.”) Also, fate screws Homer again, as he was one cookie away from them cracking open the “Stick With Your Wife” barrel.
– That last scene with Mindy is amazing, as I’ve said, even from the start: Homer invites Mindy in, she sheepishly says, “Okay.” Homer then parrots what she said in a kidding fashion, like mocking her because he’s so fed up and defeated with the situation, feeling he has no choice but to sleep with her.

(originally aired November 18, 1993)
We’ve seen Homer pushed to many radical degrees this season, getting dimmer, more reckless, and more impulsive. He’s pretty much all of this toward the final act of this episode, and while he does certainly dance around the tipping point of being a jackass, he thankfully never quite gets there. Before we examine this, let’s set our stage first: Bart and Milhouse come into some money and buy an all-syrup Super Squishee. The unimaginable sugar rush leads them to go crazy, Broadway style, in a great musical number and montage depicting a kid-friendly drunken bender (a highlight is the rub-on tattoo parlor, open all night). Unfortunately for Bart, his lost night also included signing up for the Boy Scou… err, the Junior Campers, an organization he derides as lame, but soon enough grows an affinity toward. Homer, meanwhile, mocks his son for it at every turn.

Homer’s questionable behavior starts with his constant teasing of his son. It works though, as it’s never really dwelled on too long, and fits Homer’s immature mindset. It also helps that Dan Castellaneta is hilarious doing his taunts (“Egghead likes his booky-wook!”) He’s not acting out of any malice or cruelty, he’s reveling in these schoolyard antics that tickle him so (it reminds me a bit of his glee of hearing childish quips at Flanders’s BBQ in “When Flanders Failed.”) This all comes to a head in a spectacular sequence where Bart and Homer are coaching themselves on how to respond when Bart, out of obligation, has to ask Homer to go on the father-son rafting trip. Bart rationalizes that his father will say no, so he’s got nothing to worry about. Despite concerns by his brain, Homer thinks the way to go is to say yes. Then, as angrily and bitterly as possible, the two storm out into the hallway, take antagonistic stances, and have a heartfelt father-son moment through gritted teeth (“Dad, I really want you to come on this trip with me.” “Bart, I’d be delighted to go on your trip with you.”) Both realizing what has happened, they utter a nice “D’oh!” in unison. Fantastic.

The last act consists of Homer and Bart stuck in a raft with Flanders and his oldest son Rod, lost out in the middle of the ocean. Every attempt to make a rescue or any piece of knowledge Ned provides, Homer is quick to screw it up or belittle it. At times this can be amusing, like his indignation regarding rationing the water (“Don’t you know the poem? ‘Water, water, everywhere, so let’s all have a drink.'”) Over and over, though, it gets a bit tough to stay on Homer’s side. I think the show might have benefited by having Homer know that Flanders is the scout master early on in act two, so the seeds of bitterness could be sewn in earlier. Instead, they really only clash at the end of the act, so it’s almost like building on top of the taunting of Bart to get the belligerence toward Flanders too. As questionable as the Homer stuff is, the episode is still heavy on laughs, and a great send-up of the scouts from Bart’s point-of-view, sticking around thanks to his interest in knives and trapping wild animals (or an oafish father). The ending with the Krusty Burger on an oil rig is the bizarre icing on the cake for this episode.

Tidbits and Quotes
– The My Dinner with Andre video game is one I really wish existed. Makes me think back to the old Simpsons arcade game that they never released on home console. They could have put out that game, and as extras, have smaller bonus games like the arcade games we see in the show, like this one, the boxing game in “Moaning Lisa,” and so on. The closest we got was in the “Virtual Springfield” CD-ROM game where at the Kwik-E-Mart, you could play Larry the Looter, which was kinda neat. But I want more, dammit.
– There’s a great Homer bit at the beginning catching up on some of his favorite reading: the ingredients off a container of honey roasted peanuts. Later, he has to consult his brain as to why finding a twenty dollar bill is better than finding his lost peanut.
– I’m really not quite sure how Bart and Milhouse could afford their wild night, as they seem to have used up their twenty bucks on the Squishee. It’s still a classic scene, regardless; my favorite part is when they’re front-row at Cats, and Bart blows a spit wad at the actors, distressing them. Milhouse, who had been looking away, looks back, darting his head back and forth like some kind of confused dog.
– At breakfast, Homer puts in his two cents regarding Bart (“Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! …except the weasels.”)
– Great scene where the bullies play keep away with Bart’s uniform, but are put upon when they discover Bart could care less (“You better pretend you want your uniform back, twerp!”) Bart then proceeds to half-heartedly beg for his precious uniform back. They get comeuppance later when Bart weasels out of a pop quiz to attend a meeting. Nelson is stunned.
– The knife sequence, while feeling kind of ancillary, has some great stuff, like the badass moment of Moleman whipping out his huge knife, and Dr. Hibbert removing a man’s burst appendix, which he flings like a bomb, and it actually does burst (“Don’t thank me, thank the knife!”)
– “The 10 Do’s and 500 Don’t’s of Knife Safety” is just great. I like Bart’s labored reading of it (“‘Don’t do what Donny Don’t does.’ …they could have made this clearer”), and the amazing photos of Donny Don’t using a knife as a toothbrush, as ammo for a slingshot and for hunting wild game: the house cat.
– I’m not quite sure how Bart was able to dig through the concrete driveway to make that trap hole for Homer. Still funny, though.
– Great bit of Bart critiquing the accuracy of an Itchy & Scratchy cartoon. Lisa shoots back that cartoons don’t have to be 100% realistic, and then we see Homer walk by the window even though he’s still sitting on the couch.
– Another wonderful guest appearance, here by special celebrity dad Ernest Bourgnine. He’s a pretty good sport, being introduced coming out of the bathroom, getting lost in Deliverance territory and presumably getting killed in the great Friday the 13th ending. The best part is his laughter attempting to cheer up his camp buddy, which quickly deflates into a groan.
– Nice petty moment in the raft when Bart laughs at one of Flanders’s jokes, Homer, behind them rowing, quips, “You are not my son!!”
– The third act drags a little bit, since not much happens other than jokes about them being stranded. The resolution is great, though: a distressed Krusty apparently didn’t listen regarding the financial viability of building a restaurant on an unmanned oil rig (“I’m taking a bath on this.”) Immediately after Krusty orders the place shut down, Homer burst through the door (“Get me seven hundred Krusty Burgers!!”)

(originally aired November 11, 1993)
Self-help gurus are a pretty open target, and this episode brilliantly nails them in a fantastic scene: self-described “PhD in Pain” Brad Goodman invigorates his crowd of suckers with catchy slogans and platitudes, leading them to grab all his books and tapes off the merch table and leave piles of money behind. Viewing the madness, Lisa points out, “He’s just peddling a bunch of easy answers.” An enthusiastic Carl passing by responds, “And how!” Perfect. All the stuff in the second act is fantastic. It’s just a little too bad we have a first and a third that have a lot of funny bits, but feel very disjointed. We open with Homer, who can hardly contain himself (or even speak properly) upon seeing an ad for a free trampoline. He sets up a backyard business charging kids to bounce, but when injuries start to pile up, he is forced to get rid of it. This is our first sign of truly insane Homer: ramming cars off the road thinking they’ll beat him to the trampoline, his dream of Homerland, his descent into madness when he repeatedly fails to get rid of the thing… first act Homer is crazy, but his incredible passion and giddiness over this bizarre venture keeps it funny.

The through-line emotion that brings us to act two is that Marge fears she is too much of a nagger, having been against the trampoline from the beginning. The segue is fair enough, especially considering the insanely disconnected act ones we’d see later on. Marge, Homer, and later the whole town are hooked onto self-help expert Brad Goodman, Albert Brooks’s most forgettable role, but still a strong outing. He delivers ridiculous lines with such a level of professionalism and calmness. At Goodman’s seminar, he latches onto the cheeky outburts of Bart, exemplifying him as a well-adjusted free spirit, turning the boy’s half-hearted excuse of “I do what I feel like” into a mantra to live by. This sort of becomes a plot line, where Bart feels a lack of identity in a town desperately trying to be as rebellious and irreverent as him. It never seems to amount to much though, as there’s no real concrete resolution to the story. The climax sort of ends on a joke and we have a scene of the family on the couch trying to recap the show, a la “Blood Feud” or “Rosebud.”

In terms of character-driven stories, we have two: Marge’s attempts to loosen up, and Bart’s losing his sense of self. The first is basically dropped half way, and the second doesn’t amount to much. Brad Goodman disappears in act three, and the story has no real ending. This isn’t exactly the most cohesive twenty-two minutes of television, sure, but there’s nothing egregiously off about it. The episode itself is saved by, as usual, the laughs. The only reason I can shrug off the ending is because it’s hilarious, and I quote it all the time (“They’re heading for the old mill!” “No we’re not!” “…well, let’s go to the old mill anyway and get some cider!”) The trampoline plot has nothing to do with the rest of the episode, but I love the black comedy that comes with seeing young children getting horribly hurt jumping on the thing. And of course Albert Brooks, who’s fantastic as always, with Phil Hartman as well. Great jokes and hilarious bits can save even the most fractured of episodes; this one may not be perfect structurally, but it’s damn funny.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Homer’s excitement over free items is great; we all know people who are more than willing to take in junk solely because they don’t have to pay for them. It’s taken even further here where Homer raves over soiled mattresses and surplus drums of mayonnaise from Operation Desert Storm.
– I’m not sure what Krusty is doing living in a residential neighborhood, nor why he appears to have sinister motives in giving away the trampoline. Regardless, him sitting on the porch aiming a shotgun at Homer when he tries to return it is hysterical (“You just keep right on drivin’.”)
– The reveal of the trampoline, with Homer jumping up and down from Bart’s window, is pretty neat, as are some of the camera angles, like Homer and the kids jumping up and down and the POV up-and-down shot from their view of a worried Marge.
– Fantastic Gone with the Wind parody with the endless lawn of injured kids. Again, children in pain are always funny. Also, it’s a perfect example of how you can break the rules and do stuff that makes no sense, like show that the lawn is thousands of feet long, only if it’s funny. Laughter excuses anything.
– I’m not a big fan of Homer’s attempts to get rid of the trampoline. It got a bit too wacky for me. I do like when his buzzsaw wraps around it and the entire electrical outlet rips out of the kitchen wall though.
– Brad Goodman is hilarious from the start with his “Feel Bad Rainbow,” listing off the personality disorders he treats. The icing on the cake is the disgruntled leprechaun depicted on the graphic.
– A wonderful bit of animation at the start of act two where Homer walks in the TV room doing a weird little strut until saying, “What up, Marge?” It’s given no context, but I love it so much. Maybe Homer was just having a particularly nice day outside and was having some fun.
– Troy McClure, brilliant as always. Two particularly great catalog titles this time, too (“Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Confident, Stupid!”) Brooks and Hartman together is like a match made in heaven. I only wish they had shown more of the special (“Troy, this circle is you.” “My God, it’s like you’ve known me all my life!”)
– There’s a bit with Goodman after having brought Homer and Marge on stage that’s really great. Goofing around, Bart identifies himself as Rudiger. Goodman continues spewing his gospel, and when Marge tries to correct him by telling her son’s actual name, Goodman snaps, “His name’s not important!” and continues. Marge immediately gives a half-lidded annoyed look, dually ending the first story of Marge’s elation toward Goodman, and illuminating Goodman’s slightly rougher side.
– Great look into Springfield history as Kent Brockman reports the “Do What You Feel” festival will replace the annual “Do As We Say” Festival started by German settlers in 1946.
– Wonderful Burns and Smithers moment, with Burns quite excited to eat his “iced cream” and Smithers confessing that he loves him… in those colors (“Who am I kidding, the boathouse was the time!”)
– Nice, brief appearance by James Brown. Nothing that amazing, but I do love his only line (“Hold on here! This bandstand wasn’t double bolted!”) How would he know that just from examining the rubble?
– The very ending is great, with the infamous McGonigle, which is another thing I quote a lot (“You’re off the case, McGonigle!!”)

(originally aired November 4, 1993)
Marge is a woman with a lot of gumption, she just needs someone to get it out of her. That’s why I wish Ruth Powers had become more of a regular character, like a Kelsey Grammar role where she’d come back every season or so as Marge’s wildfire friend who’d drag her on another adventure. This also is inadvertently a Homer/Marge relationship show, but not in the overdone way implying their marriage is in trouble. It’s partly based in miscommunication, and Homer’s unconscious dependency on Marge as a friend and a life partner. I appreciated the episode’s efforts to not make things lazy right from the start: Marge gets tickets to the ballet, and while Homer isn’t thrilled about it (especially after finding out there are no bears riding in tiny cars involved,) he is still ready to fulfill his promise to his wife. As always, fate smacks Homer in the face when their night out is thwarted after getting his arms trapped in two vending machines (in a spectacular sequence.) As a result, Marge takes Ruth, where they quickly form a bond and have a swell evening, with more to come.

Obviously this episode is a Thelma and Louise parody, not that it matters much. I haven’t seen the movie, but I know enough about it to understand what they’re getting at, and in that frame of mind, the episode still works. It’s not just blatant disconnected references, it’s weaving our characters into this familiar story. Around that we have the much more interesting story of Homer wandering aimlessly about town, trying to occupy his time. He’s a man who willfully tethered himself to Marge and his family, and despite his occasionally bombastic behavior, they’re who he cares about most. Without Marge, he’s lost, and he knows it. It’s intriguing to see our protagonist, who’s usually at the forefront of a story in control, not really knowing what to do with himself. Also around this we have some genius Lionel Hutz material, who sinks to a new low as Bart and Lisa’s babysitter, bitterly grumbling watching a legal procedural with the kids (“Oh, sure, like lawyers work in big skyscrapers and have secretaries. Look at him! He’s wearing a belt! That’s Hollywood for ya.”)

The two stories collide pretty seamlessly, culminating in a big police chase. I like the tag team of Homer and Wiggum, two dimwits playing off each other. We have our big finish, toying with the infamous Thelma finale and giving the conclusions to all the characters, Dragnet style, which wraps things up quickly and sufficiently. I feel an episode like this is probably pretty underrated and unnoticed, a lot of Marge episodes feel that way, but I think this one is elevated with the flip side Homer angle, and a lot of hilarious material. It’s got heart, it’s got jokes, it got Marge out of the house, I got no complaints about this one.

Tidbits and Quotes
– I’m not really familiar with Garrison Keillor, but again, the joke still works, as it could really be any sort of soft-spoken comedian, and Homer’s aggravation of not getting the humor is great (“Stupid TV! Be more funny!”)
– Some of the best Homer bits are when he adapts a serious tone, such as his response when Marge is shocked at his enthusiasm over ballet (“Marjorie, please. I enjoy all of the meats of our cultural stew.”) And of course he imagines the ballet as a circus.
– Homer’s trials with the vending machines is a real classic moment. Again, his dedication is exemplary, managing to pull a heavy vending machine down the corridor to fulfill his promise to Marge… but he gets waylaid by another machine. I love his vision of the future of being at Maggie’s wedding with his arms still stuck (“Candy and sodas for all!”) and the solution to the problem: Homer just lets go of the cans. Also great is Homer covering his bases, providing a note to Marge written by the firemen (“Mrs. Simpson, while we were rescuing your husband, a lumberyard burned down.”) Homer is crushed (“D’oh! Lumber has a million uses!”)
– For some reason, there’s a sky box in the high school gym, specifically for the ballet, I guess.
– Homer watching Marge get ready and asking her where she’s going and when she’ll be back is a cute scene, like he’s a little kid asking his mother. Also great is his attempt to use the kids to elicit sympathy, but they only give their mother praise, much to his annoyance (“Man’s best friend indeed!”)
– Bart and Lisa provide Homer with no comfort, from Bart proposing he give a makeover to his father (“Oh, that would be delight… quiet, boy!”) and Lisa’s whip noise. Homer’s attempt to call friends proves fruitless: Lenny is preoccupied with his wife (?), we get a disturbing look at Burns’s personal life, who seems to be adapting the persona of a 50s teenage girl, and Flanders, who Homer immediately hangs up on.
– I love the scene at Sh_tkickers with the unusually polite rednecks propositioning Marge. I assume this is also a Thelma and Louise reference, but again, it works just as well as a joke in and of itself.
– My favorite bit may be the grizzled old farmer lamenting over his antique cans. Dan Castellaneta puts in a lot for a one-shot role, and it has a great payoff at the end revealing Marge had to pay fifty cents for the cans, and two thousand in punitive damages and mental anguish. Also, it seems like the farmer is the same one from much later in “Natural Born Kissers.” He has his pitchfork, but has yet to add a shotgun to it.
– The flashback to Homer and Marge’s dating life is hysterical. Homer is a madman smashing a weather machine with no real reasoning, then snaps back to Marge (“You got real purty hair…”) It turns bittersweet when present day Homer giddily prepares to take revenge on the new weather machine, but sadly observes it’s not the same without Marge.
– More disturbing insight into Wiggum’s personal life, with his homemade moonshine and his story about apparently having bought a male blowup doll.
– We also learn a bit about Marge’s murmur; as her mind puts it, it’s a way to say something reassuring but noncommittal.
– Classic bit when Ruth turns off her lights and Wiggum automatically jumps that it must be a ghost car. He and Homer is terrified.
– I love the stuff at the truck stop, pushing Marge to go back to Ruth (“I hate it when the waffles stick together.” “Sticking together’s what good waffles do.”)
– Homer’s apology to Marge is really funny (“I’m sorry I haven’t been a better husband. I’m sorry about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub. I’m sorry I used your wedding dress to wax the car. And I’m sorry… oh well, let’s just say I’m sorry for the whole marriage up to this point!”)
– Oh, and props again to Lionel Hutz! He’s brilliant, as usual (“As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!”)

(originally aired October 28, 1993)
The first three Halloween shows are fantastic, but number four is the first one that really knocked it out of the park. It encapsulates all that a Treehouse of Horror special should be: beautifully directed, have at least some suspense and chills, all with snarky humor throughout. These are fantasy stories, so you should be aiming to do stuff you could never do in the show proper. They should be good, damn spooky fun.

No segment better encapsulates this than our first, “The Devil vs. Homer Simpson,” if not the best Halloween short, then at least among the top 3. Impulsively wishing to sell his soul for a donut, Homer is approached by Satan himself, who is none other than Ned Flanders. I really want to know who thought of this idea, it’s absolutely brilliant. The Devil, at least in the context of making deals with unsuspecting mortals, should have this facade of niceness to him, but be menacing when necessary, so Flanders is really the perfect choice (“It’s always the one you least suspect!”) Harry Shearer makes Ned sound the part too; you believe he’s this different shade of our favorite neighbor-eeno. The entire segment looks absolutely gorgeous: the fiery vortex in the kitchen, Homer’s dizzying descent into Hell, Devil Flanders’s true form as a monstrous devil (reminiscent of Chernabog from Fantasia.) On top of all this, the show is hilarious. Homer is fortunate enough to find a small loophole in his contract and gloats about it right in Lucifer’s face. We have the infamous Jury of the Damned, including Richard Nixon, who at the time wasn’t dead yet (only six months left, Tricky Dick!) and one of Lionel Hutz’s best appearances, and since he only has about three lines, that’s saying a lot.

“Terror at 5 1/2 Feet” is the weakest of the two, but that’s only because it’s sandwiched between two powerhouses. It’s pretty great though; like the famous Twilight Zone short, Bart becomes increasingly paranoid that a gremlin is dismantling the school bus from the outside. Even in such a small environment, the direction remains just as intense, with appropriate flashes of lightning and dramatic angles and push-ins toward the window where the monster may or may not be wrecking havoc. There’s particularly great animation on Bart as he becomes a twitchy, unhinged mess over the situation, especially when he desperately tries to get his beloved friend Milhouse to believe his ravings. I also love that they retained elements of the source material even though it makes no sense, like the airplane window shade and the pressurized cabin. I also think this is the first appearance of Uter, the giddy German exchange student (just in time for him to be eaten in next year’s Halloween show.) In the end, Bart is proven right, but to Skinner, that don’t matter (“Right or wrong, your behavior was still disruptive, young man. Perhaps spending the remainder of your life in a madhouse will teach you some manners.”) Sometimes the best way to end one of these shorts is with a punch in the face. Or someone get decapitated (“Hidely-ho, Bart!”)

“Bart Simpson’s Dracula” is pretty much just as masterful as the first segment. Mr. Burns lures the Simpsons into his spooky castle, clearly nothing suspicious, and Bart and Lisa discover he is in fact a vampire. Again, the direction is spectacular; almost every shot in the episode feels dynamic and suspense-building. It also may be the funniest segment, a lot due to everyone’s complete obliviousness to Burns being a vampire, despite increasingly glaring clues (“Dad, this is blood!” “Correction: free blood!”) A lot of the greatness of these segments is managing to keep the dramatic aspect of the stories going while cramming in as many jokes as possible. Bart smashing through Lisa’s window and going to bite her is kind of intense, but it’s put between a whole mess of jokes. In the end, Homer kills Burns (first staking his groin, then his heart), but it turns out he wasn’t the head vampire. Marge was, and the entire family except for Lisa are vampires too. Right before they go into the kill, the show inexplicably ends with an homage to A Charlie Brown Christmas. Why? No reason. Simple holiday mix-up. It’s an unbelievable show, one that all future Halloween specials are now forced to live up to.

Tidbits and Quotes
-This episode has the very last wrap-around framing device for a Halloween show, and it’s a great one, with Bart posing as a sub for Rod Serling in Night Gallery. Marge puts in her traditional Halloween warning, and we’re treated to many parodies of famous paintings, from the obvious (Lisa as Munch’s “The Scream”) to a bit more obscure (Homer in Jacques-Louise David’s “Death of Marat” holding a grocery list instead of a dying note.) Sweet, sweet candy for those who have taken their share of art history courses.
– I love the donut fashion show dream opening of the first segment, and the reveal that Homer seems to have dozed off while standing up in the break room. Narcolepsy? Also great is his anger toward his past self for having eaten his emergency donut (“Bastard! He’s always one step ahead!”)
– The genius of dim-witted Homer: he appears to have outsmarted the Devil, since if he doesn’t finish the forbidden donut, he’s in the clear. Throw out the donut, toss it in a woodchipper, chuck it in the ocean. Nope. He puts it in the fridge, albeit with warning post-its, but a sleepwalking Homer eats it anyway.
– Bart and Devil Flanders’s nonchalant greetings to each other is great. As is Flanders’s annoyance at Lisa’s insistence on a fair trial (“Oh, you Americans with your due process and fair trials. This is always so much easier in Mexico.”)
– The Hell sequence is brilliant, and I only wish we saw more. Homer getting chopped to bits is pretty brutal, but hilarious nonetheless.
– As mentioned, Lionel Hutz is absolutely hysterical, showing up in the Simpson house combing his hair with a fork (“I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn’t on, but I think I got the gist of it.”) Later, he backs himself into a corner by defining a contract as unbreakable, then runs off to the bathroom. When Marge checks on him later on, Hutz has already taken off, the window wide open with wind blowing through.
– Strangely enough, Blackbeard steals the show amongst the jurors, from being forced to sit in a high chair (“This chair be high, says I!”) and being exposed as illiterate (“‘Tis true. My debauchery was my way of compensatin’!”)
– Great twist ending regarding the wedding photo, and of course, spectacular big finish with Donut Head Homer.
– I love the half-assed Krusty trading cards: Krusty visits relatives in Annapolis, Maryland, Krusty poses for trading card photo.
– Again, at this point I might as well just run off all the great jokes: Skinner on the bus (“I’m riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it,”) Otto running Moleman’s AMC Gremlin off the road, which comes to a stop before a tree, and then violently explodes, Ralph saying “You’re deceptive,” Kang’s Charles Nelson Reilly nervous murmur finding a gremlin is dismantling their ship, “Now I’ve gotten word that a child is using his imagination, and I’ve come to put a stop to it,” “Me mule wouldn’t work in the mud. So I had to put seventeen bullets in ‘er!” Homer driving by during the climax with all his stolen marina goods, and Nelson’s well-timed “Ha-ha!” as Bart is being hauled off.
– As I said, everyone is incredibly dense regarding Burns being a vampire: the police destroying the Egyptian wing of the museum, the Simpsons being told to wash their necks (Homer proudly holds up a filth-ridden rag), and Burns flat-out admitting his plans over the intercom accidentally (“Oh, son-of-a-bi-“) Also, great animation with Burns’s shadow’s independent movements. A lot of the acting is so great, through the whole show, but the third act has a lot of it. Every character is so full of life, so animated, if you will.
– This is getting too long, it happens when the episode is so great. Let’s finish this off: Yes, I Am A Vampire, with forward by Steve Allen, Bart’s Three Stooges impersonations, the effects of Homer’s drinking (“Now let’s go back to that… building… thingy, where our beds and TV… is,”) Abe wanting to stake Bart before realizing he’s a vampire, “Kill my boss? Do I dare to live out the American dream?,” “Super fun happy slide!” (with Homer’s excited elbow movements), and Burns coming back alive briefly just to fire Homer before expiring.