Original airdate: January 11, 2015

The premise: Homer is hypnotized into believing he’s a ten-year-old, and Bart is delighted to find Homer is a much better best friend than a father.

The reaction: This episode got some minor buzz, as it was based on an old spec script Judd Apatow had written twenty years ago that I guess the crew found at the bottom of a dresser drawer or something and decided to actually use it. Apatow wrote it back in the show’s heyday, but I can’t imagine them doing a premise like this back then. But it’s almost impossible to judge; like all other episodes “written” by guest writers, this one went through the writer’s room machine to where it’s indecipherable from the rest of the slop. Homer is forced to actually do his job for once when the other sector 7G safety inspector retires, leaving him a work-obsessed mess. The family goes to a circus to calm his nerves, where a hypnotist turns him into a kid. From that point on, the work plot is over. You’d think it would be potentially funny, and a no-brainer story-wise, if you had Burns or Smithers interacting with Kid Homer, or Lenny and Carl try to bring him to Moe’s, and them being shocked that Homer doesn’t like beer, and so on. But nope, nothing. All we get is an off-hand remark from Lenny and Carl that the retired safety inspector came back as they are observing Bart and Homer from their backyard for absolutely no reason, because I guess they forgot about the first act’s plot and crammed that line in last minute. Kid Homer really doesn’t do much of anything in the episode, and after he comes home from the hospital, he interacts with almost no one except Bart. The thin premise is that Bart feels closer to his dad as a kid and doesn’t want him to go back. They attempt a sweet, serious moment of Homer saying goodbye to him before he’s turned back to normal, but it holds absolutely no weight whatsoever. We saw them playing in a montage, but that was sandwiched between two exposition-heavy sequences of Kid Homer talking about how he would never want to grow up like adult Homer, and Bart talking about how he doesn’t want him to change back, and then they repeat this two or three more times just so you remember it, per usual. It’s just another episode where they want you to care about something, but there’s so little we actually see of that thing, so we’re just told we should care instead. As usual, it’s tell, not show. Hmm. Well, given how interminably long Apatow’s last couple movies were, maybe this episode has more in common with his original script than I thought. Zing!

Three items of note:
– The couch gag felt pretty lazy and not well thought out. It’s Homer, Marge and Bart as the Three Bears coming home to find Lisa/Goldilocks has defiled their couches, done in a nondescript classic (sorta) animation style. The Bears are irate, Lisa screams, they get into a huge tussle… then we end on Marge, Bart and Lisa feasting on Homer’s ripped apart body. Huh? What happened here? Why would Marge and Bart be eating their husband/father? Homer getting hurt or maimed is just par for the course for couch gags at this point, they always do it regardless if it’s motivated or makes sense. All it did was make me think of the bit from “Treehouse of Horror XI” where Goldilocks is viciously mauled and killed off-screen, complete with ear-curdling screams and blood pooling under the door. Now that was wonderfully grim.
– There’s a scene here that’s pretty indicative of the tell, not show problem. The bullies go to beat up Bart, who retorts that Kid Homer will beat them up right back if they do. Then we get this (“That’s not your friend, it’s your screwed up Dad.” “Pretty sad, really.” “We’ll leave you alone.”) And then they leave of their own accord. It’s just these characters standing and explaining what we already know, and surely they must have seen Homer before they walked up to Bart and almost wedgie-ed him. Then we get this gem from Bart (“You did it, Homer! You saved me from the bullies! You’re the coolest kid I ever met!”) Homer didn’t do anything. He literally just stood there, motionless and silent. The scene is all about how great Kid Homer is to Bart, and he didn’t have to do a thing. Why have characters do any actions relevant to the story when characters can just say that they did them? It’s so much easier to just tell the audience what’s happening and what characters think about stuff than to, you know, actually show that stuff is happening.
– Bart takes Homer to Itchy & Scratchy Land to enjoy a little more time as a kid. It’s jarring how the theme park humor was so on point last episode, but now, everything’s back to normal. We get a Soarin’ “parody,” which goes on very long, and is just a bunch of limp gags going over areas of Springfield, in very awkward and flat 2D zooms. Unlike last episode, nothing about this is riffing on Soarin’, it’s just, “Hey, look, this is Soarin’!” It’s also a very unique ride to recreate, something that I think if you hadn’t been on it, you’d be a bit confused as to what it was.

One good line/moment: As a sucker for theme park gags, this one made me chuckle (“We’ve only been on two rides!” “You should’ve used Fastpass.” “Fastpass can’t solve everything!” “Spoken like a kid who’s never lived in a non-Fastpass world.”)

Original airdate: January 4, 2015

The premise: The Simpsons are tricked into boarding a UFO to Rigel 7, Kang and Kodos’s home planet, where they are kept in a zoo and must escape before they are devoured by Rigelian royalty.

The reaction: In the last decade and a half, this show has drifted further and further from any semblance of realism, so a concept this alien (laugh track) honestly doesn’t phase me that much. I remember seeing some adamant contention online about this episode when it aired (including a “D” rank from the A.V. Club, and they treat this show with the softest of kid gloves over there), and I kinda don’t get why. What sanctity is this show be protecting at this point? All my goodwill is drained at this point; if anything, I’d respect the show more for doing more crazy shit like this. Shockingly enough, I found this to be the most bearable episode in a good while, in that it felt like I was watching subpar Futurama. Also, why the hell does this feel more science-fiction-y than the goddamn crossover? Anyway, we start with the family taking a trip to Dizneeland, a set piece that I actually kind of enjoyed, since I’m a big theme park nerd, and a lot of the jokes were pretty well done. Through a ridiculous contrivance, the Simpsons are catapulted into outer space via a space craft disguised as a ride building (whatever) and end up in the clutches of Kang and Kodos. From that point, as mentioned, it becomes B to C-grade Futurama: the space gags, all of the stuff involving Rigel 7 and the other aliens… I’m surprised they didn’t have J. Stewart Burns or another Futurama alumnus write this one. Actually, Al Jean, writer of last week’s train wreck, shares the writing credit with David Mirkin, which I guess makes sense given the show started getting crazier (in a good way) on his watch during seasons 5 and 6. The actual plot I’m slightly fuzzy on: the family is kept at a zoo (which we had seen a year prior in Futurama‘s “Fry and Leela’s Big Fling”), and explained to that the Rigelians are a learned species, and that “at the end of a life well lived, there is one final ritual: we must eat one of you.” Who is he talking about? They must eat an alien creature before they die? Is this just for royalty, or for everyone? I wasn’t really clear as to what this section was all about. I guess it doesn’t matter, but even in a batshit crazy show as this, some logic and meaningful plot progression would be helpful. A lot of this material is more bizarre than funny, but in this specific scenario, I can accept it because the entire episode is set up to be out-of-this-world, literally. I’m certainly in no rush to watch this one again, but I can honestly say it was the funniest episode I’ve seen in maybe over a decade. Yes, I’m as surprised as I assume you are.

Three items of note:
– This episode was directed by series forefather and animation extraordinaire David Silverman, his first in eight years. He had done a couple Treehouse of Horrors before then, and I was a little disappointed that there weren’t a lot of visually dynamic scenes or bits of neat character animation as he’s known for. The only thing that stood out was at the very, very beginning with Homer driving and getting more and more irate at Bart and Lisa’s constant “Are we there yet?”s. The timing felt a little snappier than normal, and I felt we’d be seeing more nice moments like that going forward, but nothing else really jumps out at me thinking back on the episode.
– When the family first goes into space, we get a long sequence featuring Homer eating chips in zero gravity, in an incredibly extended tribute to “Deep Space Homer.” Again, I don’t really understand the purpose of this kind of fan service. Are we supposed to jump up and applaud that they’re doing this gag again? And outside of just copying something that’s already been done before, they alter it to make it worse; the humor of the pure serene and quiet joy of Homer indulging in salty snack food is replaced with him squabbling with Bart as he eats some of the chips. Bah.
– Tress MacNeille voices the alien leader of the rebellion, which is another of her voices that sounds like we’ve heard it a thousand times, but later, I actually very much enjoyed her as the Rigelian Queen, where she got some good laughs (“This ass is most disagreeable,” “I have seen many glories and have only one regret: that my breasts aren’t bigger.” “I don’t see any breasts.” “…and those will be the last words I ever hear.”)

One good line/moment: Wow! For once, I actually have a bunch of stuff to choose from! There’s a bunch of gags that work on Rigel 7, but I’m a sucker for anything ripping on Disney Parks, and most of the first act jokes were pretty successful. Making fun of Tomorrowland’s outdated view of the future, Hall of Diznee C.E.O.’s (No Shareholder Questions), and the politically correct Pirates of the Caribbean, which given recent news, feels more timely than ever (“They revamped this ride because of massive complaints from two people.”)

Original airdate: December 7, 2014

The premise: Marge kicks Homer out on Christmas Eve for coming home late, but when she finds it was only because he was keeping a terminally lonely Moe company, she and the kids go out to look for him.

The reaction: I was mildly intrigued to see Al Jean has the solo writing credit on this one, the first script since “Day of the Jackanapes” over a decade ago. I wonder what in particular made him want to jump back in and take charge of writing this one. But whatever the reason, it feels no less lackadaisically awful as the rest of the lot, with this one feeling even more purposeless than normal. The conceit is that Homer’s getting off work on Xmas Eve, and Moe causes him to crash his car in a snow bank by the bar, and then begs and pleads with Homer to not leave him all alone. It’s less of the actually effective and endearing sad Moe, and more of the pathetic and cloying sad Moe, throwing himself at Homer’s mercy, and perching on his… head? But Homer has to get back home to his family, or Marge will be quite cross. What is he to do? Well, Moe’s predilection to suicide is well known to everyone in town; there’s even been at least two past holiday episodes featuring “hilarious” sequences of him attempting to take his own life. So, why not give Marge a ring or a text and tell him his ol’ buddy needs him for a couple of hours. Or, better yet, take the poor man home so he can have a nice, warm Christmas with some caring loved ones. Instead, Homer is radio silent all night, returns home, and before he can give any sort of explanation, Marge boots him out of the house. Homer attempts to return to Moe’s, but the doors are locked, for some reason. A little later, Moe drops in through the Simpson chimney (sure, why not?) and despite not knowing Homer got in trouble and is currently out missing, he explains what happened that night. This freak appearance by Moe is enough to make Marge do an instant 180 (“This is what I was hoping for: for it not to have been completely his fault!”) On Homer’s end, we get a random assortment of scenes of him wandering around places open late at night: talking with Apu at the Kwik-E-Mart, going to a late night movie with other lonely freaks, bonding with Flanders by his Leftorium kiosk… it’s all like him trying to find a place that will have him for Christmas, or somewhere he can do some good, or something? Then Marge finds him and everything is okay, as she gives another one of her patented joke excuses for her husband’s terrible behavior (“I’m not going to always assume that you screwed up, because I realized that maybe there’s a good explanation for what you do, or a crazy one that’s pretty entertaining.”) I don’t think I’ve seen an episode this aimless since the iPad show a few seasons back. The simplicity of it would almost be charming if it were actually building to something and was, y’know, well written. And with jokes. Jokes would’ve been nice.

Three items of note:
– There’s a gag here that’s exactly like one from “Super Franchise Me,” where a thought bubble appears to extend a joke out further for no reason. Upon learning the lottery is a big sham that helps no one, we get this exchange from Homer and Apu (“Doesn’t the money go to schools?” “You’ve been to our schools, what do you think?”) Not a bad joke on the sad state of public education. But no, I guess because we need to spell the joke out further, or we need to kill more time, or both, we get a thought bubble from Homer featuring he and Marge at the school and them having to bring their own toilet paper. Was that really necessary? We’re in season twenty-freaking-six, we’ve seen how shitty Springfield Elementary is, I can connect the dots without you scribbling it in for me.
– Thinking back on it, in creating such an elaborate set-up to keep Homer out late, including tampering with the clock at the bar, it almost seems like Moe was intentionally keeping Homer out so Marge would be angry. Later on, at the Simpsons, he seems just fine enough that he attempts to lock lips with Marge not once, but twice. What’s that all about? And Marge doesn’t seem too perturbed about it either. I guess the suicidal angle wasn’t much part of it after all, Moe was just being a huge asshole.
– We get our first mention of Edna officially being dead in the Homer-Flanders scene, which feels especially deep and overall kind of saccharine. This would hold more weight if the episode was actually about something, instead of just wandering from vignette to vignette. Is it a parody of empty, schmaltz-filled Christmas specials with overplayed morals of kindness and brotherhood? Or is it one and the same with those trite exercises of pseudo-entertainment?

One good line/moment: When the Simpsons arrive at the retirement home to see if Abe has seen Homer, the old people are all up and about to swarm the new visitors and request things of them. Crazy Old Man demands, “Make them turn the TV to CBS!”

Original airdate: November 23, 2014

The premise: Homer teams up with other neighborhood musicians to form a small town cover band, with Apu as the lead singer, who uncannily channels the spirit of 80s crap rock. It isn’t long before the washed up band Sungazer shows up to tap Apu to join them on their new tour.

The reaction: Boring… so boring… When you’re getting flashbacks to “How I Spent My Strummer Vacation,” that’s not the best sign. We’ve got Homer, Lovejoy, Kirk Van Houten and Dr. Hibbert together in a dude band… okay. These are four characters I don’t see gelling together, but of course, the latter three don’t exhibit any unique personality, or really do anything except stand in the background and occasionally say a line about how great things are going (“Guys, are you feeling this? Are you feeling this?” “I’m feeling it.” “I’m definitely feeling it.” “I felt something earlier but I was afraid to bring it up.” “I think we all felt something.” ACTUAL DIALOGUE) The real highlight of the band is Apu, who sings in a completely different voice that’s not Hank Azaria’s (I think) due to some bullshit about 80s wuss rock bleeding into his brain after years of all-night Kwik-E-Mart shifts. So now it’s like “Strummer” meets “Homer’s Barbershop Quartet,” except a drunken Barney being discovered lying on the bathroom floor singing in an angelic voice is actually funny, and this shit isn’t. They sing covers from the fake 80s band Stargazer, and like we’ve seen with style “parodies” this show has attempted over the last few years, they more or less just replicate shitty songs, not actually do anything clever to make fun of them. Later, Stargazer shows up, and despite being a fictional band, Kirk names off all four members individually when they first appear as if they were actual celebrities that they always namedrop all the time. They want Apu to replace their deceased bandmate, and he agrees, but Homer gets jealous about his friend’s newfound fame. The writing is so fucking bad: Apu gets on the tour bus, and we get this exchange from Kirk and Homer (“Gotta say, I’m kind of jealous of Apu getting a break like that.” “Not me. I’m nothing but happy that our friend is heading for fame and fortune.”) Then Apu flies away in a helicopter, that I guess was on top of the tour bus that nobody noticed, shouting how they’re gonna play Las Vegas. Homer then breaks (“I want his fame and fortune so much!”) The whole episode is this, and, for the thousandth time, is nothing new: characters just explaining what they’re feeling and what’s happening. Every fucking episode is like this now. In the end, Homer’s anger subsides when he finds Apu is being held against his will by a contract, he and the other guys scheme and get Sungazer sick, and Apu gets his buddies back together to play to thunderous applause at a packed house in Springfield. So it’s like the ending of “Strummer,” except not as bad, considering it’s a fake 80s band that Homer and company are replacing and not the Rolling Stones, and I also could give less of a shit. Ugh.

Three items of note:
– Our opening features Moe getting into a back-alley fight with his neighbor, King Toot himself, played by Will Forte (I guess ownership has changed hands since “Lisa’s Pony.”) So many super talented guest stars have been completely and utterly wasted over the past decade-plus of shows, and now Forte joins them. Occasionally we see guest stars put in extra effort on their end, like Willem DeFoe did last show, but they have absolutely zero material to work with. The Last Man on Earth, created by and starring Forte, would premiere on FOX a few months later, and is such a wonderfully cringey and dark comedy series, and he is masterful in it. Shit like this is beneath him. MacGruber is smarter than this. Honest and truly, I fucking love that movie.
– There’s a line early on that really annoyed me. Homer plays his bass in the garage, attracting the attention of the rest of the family. Lisa comments, “It’s so cool to have another musician in the family!” Let’s ponder this. Lisa is smart enough to be able to see right through her dad that he isn’t truly serious about being a great musician. He bought it on a whim, thinking it would be easy, or he was suckered into it. Which is what happened. It happened at the same store that Lisa was in. She was there when, over the course of what must have been a couple hours, he was suckered into buying the bass and a whole bunch of other musical equipment. But this show has the memory of a mayfly, so I guess they forgot Lisa was in that scene. But again, the line makes no sense if Lisa was there or not. It’s just empty, meaningless dialogue that pushes the story forward. It doesn’t matter who says it, as long as we explain what’s happening. And in the end, Covercraft is a big local hit, so I guess Homer and company were instantly great, just like every other character that tries a new skill. Wonderful.
– The stupid story with Apu, besides the thing with his voice, is that he only feels comfortable singing at the Kwik-E-Mart, so Homer has him wear his uniform under his clothes so he’ll feel comfortable. Later, he attempts to sabotage him by stealing the uniform back when he’s on stage with Sungazer. This feels so fucking thin, like the plot of a shitty tween sitcom or something. And I guess we’re just forgetting about Homer and Apu playing around the world as the Be Sharps then. I don’t care that much about continuity at this point, but it doesn’t help when they put a framed picture of the Be Sharps on Apu’s dressing room wall for the sake of fan service. So they remember the episode enough to throw in a reference to it, but not enough to realize that it makes their flimsy premise completely fall apart.

One good line/moment: Guitar Central (Where Dreams Become Purchases) was a decent set piece. The conceit of the salesman preying on midlife-crisis-suffering men and over-complimenting them into buying as much as possible was good. Not perfect, but there were some alright lines (“Usually it takes years to learn such neck confidence!”)

Original airdate: November 16, 2014

The premise: Bart’s new teacher is a bonafide sadist out to humiliate and injure him, so he plans to humiliate him back at the local “Blazing Guy” festival. The whole family is invited too, saving Homer’s skin from Marge after forgetting to reserve their big camping trip.

The reaction: Were people clamoring for the Simpsons to take on Burning Man? …oh, sorry, Blazing Guy? Since Mapple, this show has been doing this all the time, so this is nothing new, but they drive the knife further in toward the end of the episode when a woman slips and says “Burning Man” before correcting herself. They realize this isn’t satire, right? This is like material straight from the trash bins of MAD Magazine. Before we get into all this, let’s address our set-up. Willem DeFoe returns to the show after nearly two decades to play Bart’s new psychopathic teacher. This reminded me of Tina Fey as Lisa’s bitch teacher from a season or two back, where they can just get away with openly torturing a student, but even worse in that Mr. Lessen not only humiliates Bart by shaving his head, but also purposely electrocutes the child as well. He’s a complete maniac, and I don’t know what we’re supposed to feel about this. But Bart wants his revenge, and eventually discovers that Lessen is going to play a pivotal role at the upcoming Blazing Guy festival. That seems kind of odd; is this a set-up to some kind of joke on how people of all kinds might enjoy such a festival and let their hair down? How first impressions might be deceiving? Nope. There’s no discussion or explanation whatsoever as to why Lessen is there in the first place. Eventually, the Simpsons haul ass to Blazing Guy, but when we get there, there’s no material to be had. The only joke is, over and over, boy, aren’t these festival people weird and crazy? They’re so weird! And crazy! You get it? Oh, and we’ll have Marge drink some laced tea and hallucinate! That’ll be funny, right? In the end, Bart’s plan to cut Lesson down a peg succeeds, and he’s fired, and that’s it. No twist, no examination of what’s wrong with this psycho, nothing. The Tina Fey episode gave a disposable bullshit last-minute reasoning for her actions, but at least it was there. With any of these episodes, rarely does it feel like there’s ever a purpose or a real meaning toward anyone’s actions, but that of course won’t stop them from expositing what they’re doing every step of the way. Another stagnant outing for the pile.

Three items of note:
– Bart’s plan to learn more about Lessen seems unnecessarily convoluted. Through a secret camera in the teacher’s lounge, he catches him sweet-talking Miss Hoover. After that, he creates a fake online profile for her that he friend requests, therefore giving him access to Lessen’s Facebook. Good thing Lessen friended the fake Hoover instead of the real one. Then, to find out what Blazing Guy is, Milhouse scrolls to a video labeled, “Blazing Guy: An Explanation.” “That’s convenient,” he comments. It sure is, buddy.
– I keep having to dock my expectations for these episodes lower and lower as these storylines have so little ambition. One such moment was when Lisa eagerly ran into a drum circle to jam with on her sax, and then proceeds to be joined by a few other musicians playing crazy instruments, which starts creating a bit of a musical discord. At least to me it seemed like it. I thought maybe Lisa would feel uncomfortable to have these other people step on her toes or overshadow her or be annoyed by their music, or something. Anything. But no, absolutely not. Later on, we see Lisa is still jamming with them and everything’s fine. Despite it being the entire back half of the episodes, there’s no jokes made about Burning Man at all. It just seems like a fun cool place that you should definitely go to. It’s less of a parody and more of a commercial, bizarrely enough.
– After spending two scenes re-explaining his intention to humiliate Lessen, Bart comes across an emergency services tent with big barrels of fire retardant. It says what they are on the cans, but that won’t stop Bart from reading it out loud and saying he’ll use them to enact his plan. Jeez, I’m surprised Milhouse didn’t run in with an iPad and start playing a “Fire Retardant: An Explanation” video. Then Bart douses the gigantic Blazing Guy statue with retardant and not a single person seems to notice. Sigh.

One good line/moment: David Silverman makes a cameo at Blazing Guy performing his trademark flaming tuba, which was pretty sweet to see. But then in the climax, Lessen steals his instrument to shoot flames at Bart, which was much less sweet.