(originally aired March 16, 2003)
Here’s an episode I barely remembered anything about, and after watching it, I understand why. It’s so aimless, with characters saying and doing things that don’t make sense, and the plot shifts so much, I have no idea exactly what the show is supposed to be about. We begin with Homer making a big to-do about Valentine’s Day, only to find Marge is far too tired to do the deed with him (perhaps it was the relaxing bath and all the liquor he pumped her up with). From this, for some reason, we get that Homer doesn’t think his wife finds him sexually attractive anymore, so he takes a stripping class at the learning annex taught by Dr. Hibbert. Confused yet? Don’t worry, a minute later, he ends up in a class about becoming successful, which is one of the only good things in the episode. The instructor is a loud, in-your-face self-made man hawking his seemingly helpful wares (“Friends, there’s a force that runs through the universe. We used to call that force God. We now call it… ‘Megatronics: The 48 Tips to Corporate Success’!”)

Homer vows to live more efficiently and follow the book’s code, for reasons that escape me. But let’s just say he wants to better his life, I can see him putting a modicum of effort into this. He performs a safety report, something as safety inspector he hasn’t done in years, and presents it to Mr. Burns, who coldly and predictably boots him from his office. Later, Homer sadly muses about how Burns is so ruthless and has no respect for him. No shit? You’ve worked for this man over a decade, this is something you’d think you’d have grown a callous over. So now the story is about getting revenge on Burns, but also tying into his get-up-and-go attitude, when Homer discovers that for ass-covering purposes, the power plant is actually legally owned by a canary in Burns’s office. Homer frees the canary, gets Burns to think there are nuclear inspectors afoot, so Burns makes him the new plant head as a cover. Homer then fires Burns, taking over the plant for himself. We’ll get to all that in a sec, but I’ll say that I like Burns being impressed before he gets angry (“So, the caterpillar has emerged from its cocoon, as a shark with a gun for a mouth. I only have one thing to say to that: bravo.”) Then Homer throws the old man off the balcony. Hrm.

I can buy Homer wanting to improve his station at work, but falling his way into CEO and then staying there? Act three switches gears once more to be about Homer becoming a workaholic and not spending enough time with his family. Shots of Homer sitting at his desk mulling over papers just does not compute. What is he doing? Does he even know? It would make more sense if this act had Homer knowing he’s way over his head and working on a scheme to get Burns back in charge, realizing he bit off more than he could chew and wanting to go back to his lazy ways. Instead we wrap things up with more sad Burns where the miser attempts to seal Homer into his mausoleum, but over an entire night only gets four lines of bricks completed. At one point in this series Burns actually presented a threat to the Simpsons with his power and resources. Now he’s just a doddering old fool whom they pity, as Homer just walks away and puts a blanket on the old man . Then everyone celebrates with a “Homer’s 305th Everything is Back to Normal BBQ,” which, like the counter in “Barting Over,” bothers me that this is the encapsulate of the series. Tune in next week on The Simpsons as that wacky Homer gets in another craaaaaazzzyyy scheme! TV off.

Tidbits and Quotes
– The “Strip For Your Wife” class is filled with a lot of familiar faces like Legs, Louie, Superintendent Chalmers, Lou, Arnie Pye, Martin’s dad, one of the barflies… almost too many familiar faces. Also there is Mr. Largo, which seems to be an error, because he’s gay, right? I’m sure one of the recent episodes has made this “canon.”
– “Successmanship 101” has most of the episode’s only good lines, from the instructor (“You see that car out there? That’s a Bentley Mark 12. They gave one to me, one to Steven Spielberg, then they shot the guy who made it.”)
– Marge’s “Woopdee-doo!” bit is really bizarre. I had the same awkward reaction as Bart and Lisa. Her callous reaction to Homer drowning his sorrows every night has this really sad undercurrent that the episode is not prepared to, or frankly cares to address.
– “Wait’ll Burns steps on this flaming bag of… Lisa’s college fund?!” Yep, that’s dumb Homer!
– Not sure why they made it Burns dumping toxic waste under Lego Land when they could have made it Blocko Land.
– The bit with Flanders sitting at the window staring in the Simpson bedroom with his flowing pipe is so creepy… is that a reference to something?
– “Check and mate! Now king me!” is a pretty good line I use often.
– As the super-intelligent know-it-all as she is, Lisa alerts her father to the plant’s earnings report as she goes over the books. She’s eight fucking years old.
– Man, I really don’t have a lot to put here. Really, this episode’s biggest fault is that it’s completely innocuous and disposable, two words that I really wish I wouldn’t have to apply to a Simpsons episode.

(originally aired March 9, 2003)
So here we seemingly have a big change episode: Krusty runs for Congress and wins! A crowd-pleasing yet self-serving wacky man in makeup in the government? This is a concept with limitless possibilities… oh wait, never mind, status quo. I think we see Krusty in this new position one other time, and then his congressional career is never seen or mentioned again, correct me if I’m wrong. But despite all that, I found myself liking this episode more than I thought I would. Through all the silliness, good and bad, is a streamlined story of the family dealing with an issue, and when they can’t rely on the government to help, the only option left is to change it. Said issue involves air traffic being rerouted over the Simpson house, causing it to be unbearably noisy all day and all night. It’s not clear exactly why planes are flying so low to the ground, or why this doesn’t seem to be bothering Flanders or any other neighbors, but those gripes aren’t that bad. Their options nearly exhausted, Homer and Marge go to speak with their Congressman, who a mere minute after being told the story, drops dead, leaving an open seat to be filled.

Needing to get someone elected to help them, the Simpsons eventually land on getting Krusty to seek the nomination. It’s sort of quick and random how this story kicks into gear, but I guess it has to since we have a lot of ground to cover. The scene we get where Krusty ponders how being in Congress would get big government off his back is pretty decent (“I could tell the FCC to take a hike! Look at this list of words they won’t let me say on the air!”) His campaign trail consists of him learning how to appeal to normal working class schmoes, which takes some acclamation, but soon he wins the people’s hearts and minds. Once he sees the devastation of the Simpson house because of the air traffic firsthand, Krusty kicks it into gear, and despite his normally selfish ways, you believe that he actually wants to make a difference. Plus, as a Republican, he gets the might of FOX News behind him, which is played up to such a ridiculous, cartoony level that it doesn’t even feel petty. Tired shots at the GOP would become common place for the show, but here they work fine. Even the scene we have at the Republican Headquarters in Dracula’s castle is handled well, unlike the ham-fisted bit in “Brawl in the Family.”

Krusty wins the election and goes to Washington guns blazing to get the air traffic bill passed, but finds that government works in a different way than he’d thought, in that it doesn’t work at all. Stuck on worthless committees with yammering idiots, Krusty’s hopes for reform quickly dribble away. Now it’s up to the Simpsons to help him get the bill past. The whole second act, Krusty stuck with them like glue during his campaign, and now they’re just hanging out in Washington, but I buy that they’d just be sticking around since he’s basically their only hope to get their lives back to normal. A miracle comes in the form of a mysterious janitor who may or may not be Walter Mondale, who lets the family in on how a bill really becomes a law: by blackmail and manipulation. It’s a bit silly how they pull it off, with characters just appearing in government buildings and Homer getting beaten up by security, but it works for as representative of the inside, backwards system of government, and ultimately closes our story by finally getting air traffic away from the Simpson home. Despite the show doing nothing with Congressman Krusty beyond this point, I enjoyed this episode for what it was: a solid through story, laughs throughout and an honest portrayal of Krusty.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Though it doesn’t quite work now watching it off TV, I still love Homer eating the Joe Millionaire bug (and spitting out the FOX logo). Those little promotional things on the bottom of the screen are still used, but I remember at the time they were really obnoxious, with all this elaborate animation taking up a large portion of the screen while I’m trying to watch something. It’s not even a parody, really, since what they showed is basically accurate.
– I really like Homer on the roof swatting a rake at jets flying by. It just shows how desperate and crazed he’s gotten over it.
– Homer and Marge go to complain to the air marshal. After telling them fill out a phony form 1790 (“It was an application to open a Cinnabon stand,”) the marshal sets them straight (“We’re the government. We make the laws, we print the money, and we breed the super soldiers. So go home, learn to live with it, pay your taxes, and remember, you didn’t hear anything about super soldiers.”)
– The bits of the family trying to sell their house are pretty joke-less, and also begs the question what Flanders feels about all the noise. We see him at the end of act one when Homer pounds the pro-Krusty sign on his lawn, but that’s it.
– I love Krusty’s opponent using one of the skits from his show against him: a comedy UN featuring Krusty playing French, Jamaican and gay stereotypes. He does a kid’s show, right? Watching at home, Krusty is on the defense (“You can’t judge me by the sketch! It was a different time! 1998!”)
– In classic fashion, Krusty appears on the back of a train on his campaign trail and vows to fix all his future constituents’s problems (“The government wants to shut me down because the pipes under my toilet don’t lead nowhere!” “Elect me and I promise those pipes will lead to a better tomorrow!”)
– I really like the FOX News bit, since it’s just so over-the-top, it can’t even be viewed as a cheap shot parody. Actually, this is the episode I believe that FOX got upset with the show using the phony ticker tape on the bottom of the screen, thinking viewers might be confused and think it to be actual news. Well, with headlines like “Rupert Murdoch: Terrific Dancer” and “JKF Posthumously Joins Republican Party,” I completely see their argument.
– The committee Krusty is stuck on couldn’t be more useless: decisions about dollar coins (“I say we make them out of chocolate. Kids eat them anyway, why fight it?”)
– The janitor’s plan to work the system involves blackmailing the bill’s dissenter (“I have a tape here of you using your free mail privileges to send a get well card to your aunt!” “If they hear about this in Medesto, I’m ruined! Maybe I wanted to be caught…”), drink a Southern congressman under the table (“How about a drinking contest, boy? Right after I vote on the latest bill.” “How about before?” “You remind me of my high school drinking coach!”) and attaching the air traffic bill to a more popular one (“We will now vote on the Flags for Orphans and… Airline Rerouting Bill… oh well, it’s paper-clipped.”)

(originally aired March 2, 2003)
I really don’t like single Flanders. It just doesn’t work. As mentioned before, what made Flanders so great in the past is that he represented all that Homer didn’t have, but now with his wife gone, he’s now a sad, lonely man who Homer elicits some sympathy for, at least enough to not be as much of a dick to him. So now every Flanders plot has to involve him finding a new romance, even though we know they won’t work out, and they all make no sense at all, and of course, like all one-episode love interests, they have little to no characterization. The dame here is actress Sara Sloane, voiced by Marisa Tomei, who Flanders unwittingly serves at the Leftorium (“You don’t know who I am, do you?” “I sure do. You’re the most important person in the world, because you’re my customer!”) Sloane is filming a movie in Springfield, and takes comfort in Ned’s simple way of living. Tomei gives her a degree of likability, and the ultra-revealing dress she wears in the third act doesn’t hurt, but ultimately, she’s pretty much disposable.

So even though a scene prior he muses how he’s “happily married to a dead woman,” Ned proceeds to date Sloane, and the two have a whirlwind romance. Or at least as whirlwind as Ned can allow, which doesn’t go much further than holding hands with her. The main running “conflict” here is that Sloane is a lot more uninhibited than Ned, making her a source of temptation, but most of the middle portion of the episode kind of just kills time, with reactions from the Simpson family about the relationship, and Rainier Wolfcastle appearing as Sloane’s ex-boyfriend. The one bit I do like is the crazed tabloid reporters storming Ned’s home, breaking all of his possessions and taking photos of the mess they caused (“Let’s concoct more lies!”) Then instead of running with that, they kill the bit off with a stupid gag about a Cher-crow. The stuff with Sloane and Ned is kind of sweet, but there really doesn’t feel like a big connection between the two, at least not as big as we’re supposed to believe. I get Sloane is into Ned for his quaint, small-town charm, but what does Ned like about Sloane? That she’s pretty and nice? Through the whole show, it just feels like he’s being very polite rather than he’s head over heels in love.

As her movie wraps up, Sloane proposes Ned move out with her to Hollywood, but that being a wicked, sinful place, he refuses. So Sloane decides she’s going to stay in Springfield, even though it’s incredibly inconvenient and detrimental to her career being that far away from Los Angeles. But she’s only got one thing on her mind: fucking Ned Flanders. Ned of course is hesitant, premarital “doodly” being a sin and all, but after consulting the Bible and all of its passages that affirm this, he eventually relents and just bangs Sloane anyway. Sure, it’s out of character, but look, he’s a guy, and she’s a hot movie star, so I’ll be gracious and give him a pass on that. Plus he then expects her to marry him right afterwards (“I’m like Baskin Robbins, you get one free taste, then you gotta buy the scoop.”) Sloane declines, telling him she’s not ready to be tied down. Oh? But you already moved to this jerkwater berg away from your job to be with Ned, how is this any different? Oh, because I guess all she wanted to do is to get her rocks off, because she leaves him after this, then goes off and has a three hour celebrity marriage as a finale gag. So how genuine was Sloane through all this? Was Ned proposing marriage just her easy out? They wrap it up so quickly that it’s hard to discern. And we get a “happy” ending in that since he dated a movie star, Ned is more attractive to the ladies of Springfield, even though that doesn’t matter since he’ll never remarry ever, ever. Except he just did recently, but I’m not even going to touch upon that, because I never watched it.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Maggie encased in sunscreen with her sunglasses and sun hat is pretty cute.
– Twice in this episode, Ned consults Homer for advice about Sloane, and both times Homer rambles on some nonsense that is barely related to the subject, and both times the scene ends with Ned looking contemplative. Contemplative over what? What Homer just spouted was not helpful in the least, stop asking him for advice about everything.
– “She’s had more stars on her than Lisa’s homework!” When did Bart become catty? It’s like that stupid bit at the WNBA. Of the whole family, it seems Bart has turned into the hardest character to write. Homer is a moronic insane man, Marge is cautious and makes lame jokes, Lisa is the know-it-all/substitute narrator, and Bart… well… there’s no simple personality traits you can imprint onto him, he’s just a regular ten-year-old. So instead of writing him like one, we’ll just throw random lines at him and hopefully people will think it’s funny.
– I really like this line from Ned (“We occupy that useless mass of land between Los Angeles and New York called ‘America’!”)
– One of the paparazzi yells at Ned, “Do you plan to kill Sara like your last wife!” a horrible, despicable line, but out of the mouths of bottom-feeding tabloid reporters, it works just fine.
– Sloane is shooting her film at PolyStar Pictures, which is the studio we saw in Hollywood in the Mel Gibson episode. Couldn’t they have pulled a shot of Krustylu Studios? There must be dozens of establishing shots they could have reused. Or did they not give a shit?
– “Ned, I haven’t seen you this happy in years!” “I haven’t felt this good since we stole the 2000 election!” Yep, Ned’s an ultra wacko religious conservative Republican now! The GOP is evil and he loves George Bush!
– I like Ned’s twisted nightmare of “Hollyweird,” complete with an appearance from James L. Brooks (“Perhaps you’d like to go to a football game?” “Well…” “We don’t have a team!” “Nooo!!”)
– The scene at the Kwik-E-Mart is like a perfect storm of shit: distasteful dialogue (“The last thing I bought for a lady was a casket,”) Apu trying to pawn off two of his kids on Sloane, and apparently has already given away three to Mia Farrow, then the Simpsons walk in and we get this dialogue from Bart and Lisa (“Look, it’s celebrity boy-toy Ned Flanders and his arm candy Sara Sloane!” “Miss Sloane, how are you handling the change from La-La-Land to Blah-Blah-Land?”) Nobody talks like that. At all. Especially not small children. If they’re going to keep writing dialogue like this for these kids, they might as well age them up to teens so it makes a little more sense.
– Sloane attends the local book club, where they all make excuses for why they didn’t read the week’s book and crack open the margaritas. I like that conceit, but then it’s ruined when Sloane brings in Bridget Jone’s Diary author Helen Fielding (voicing herself) to do a stupid bit, which then comes back later when the writers had absolutely no idea how to end the episode.
– I love this dialogue when Sloane shows Ned her skimpy outfit (“Loosen up, honey, this dress just creates the illusion of nudity.” “Well, Siegfried and Roy create a lot of illusions, but I doubt their girlfriends dress like that!”)
– Honestly, I can see Ned being tempted and sleeping with Sloane. It would have worked a lot better if the entire episode was focused on it, because it’s a huge leap for his character. Call it “The Last Temptation of Flanders.” Instead we got this, and a cop-out ending. Le sigh.

(originally aired February 16, 2003)
This episode aired directly after “Barting Over,” dubbed the “301st” episode, and while it has its problems, it’s a substantially better episode than the much-hyped “300th.” Lisa wins a school spelling bee, and is entered into a competition known as the Spell-ympics. The entire town is really psyched about her success, and while it’s not exactly clear why this is, it’s nice to see Lisa get some modicum of respect (which she quickly loses when she suggests that maybe academics can be viewed above athletes as national heroes for once). Meanwhile Homer tries out the new Krusty Burger concotion the Ribwich, and is instantly hooked. He’s surprised to find out that the “food” was only being tested for a limited time, and soon hooks up with some fellow “rib-heads” to travel to San Francisco to catch the foodstuff at its last stop. Homer’s Requiem for a Dream-style freakout to eating the sandwich is one of the more inspired bits in the last few years, a great representation of what it must be for these people who eat that goddamn McRib, and the frenzy they go into when McDonald’s releases it every so often. I can’t even imagine what’s in that sandwich, I assume a mixture of lips, assholes and tripe. Of what animal, I’m not entirely sure though.

George Plimpton guest stars as the head of the Spell-ympics, playing a very peculiar character. He’s of a serious air and seemingly standing for honesty and intellectualism, but it proves to be mostly a facade. But Plimpton plays it completely straight, and he’s pretty fantastic (“If spelling is to compete, it needs a charismatic champion. Someone like me, back when I was a white-haired little boy.”) And now for Lisa’s dilemma: the competition is down to three finalists, one of them being a sickeningly precocious little boy named Alex. The kid being a real crowd-pleaser, Plimpton sees him as the poster child of the “sport,” one who can bring it real legitimacy. Why this is, I’m not quite sure though. He mentions how people care more about Ozzy Osbourne than high-minded academics, meaning educational material is too strait-laced and safe. So why is your goal to have a saccharine sweet kid representing you? Wouldn’t you want some edgy, too-cool-for-school type as your champ? Whatever, the point is that Plimtpon urges Lisa to throw the contest, and in exchange, he will offer him a full scholarship to any of the Seven Sisters colleges.

So we’re at the start of act three and we know the ending from the start. Of course Lisa is not going to take the fall, and of course she’s not going to win. But let’s think this through. It’s not like the scholarship is coming from ill-gotten means, like Lisa’s dilemma on whether to accept Burns’s money in “The Old Man and the Lisa.” It’s also not clear on exactly what she gets if she wins the Spell-ympics. Just the trophy? Is that it? So she can either win the competition and get a trophy that will sit on her shelf and collect dust, or she can flub a word and get a full scholarship to a school she knows full well her parents can’t afford, but that academically she would be accepted to. Honestly, I would have just taken the fall. I know Lisa’s a girl of integrity, and it wouldn’t be much of an ending if she sold out, but really, come on. It would be totally excusable and satisfying if she did that. But regardless, Lisa returns home to find that the town still thinks she’s great! Overall, this episode is a bit dry and thin, and I have my own issues with the ending, clearly, but it’s alright, with its share of laughs, and it even manages to cram in a little sweet Homer-Lisa moment at the end, when Homer chooses his daughter over his last chance at some sweet Ribwich goodness.

Tidbits and Quotes
– This is our first appearance of Elvira “parody” Booberella. Parody is in quotes, since the great observation they made is that Elvira has big tits, and wore outfits that showed them prominently. I’ll admit, I was slightly amused by Tress MacNeille’s performance the first time around, but for some reason, this character kept coming back. Why, I don’t know, but I guess they thought the “Boooooobs!” schtick had legs. So there you go, our great new female characters for the later seasons: Lindsay Naegle, Cookie Kwan, the Crazy Cat Lady, and Booberella.
– I like the Ribwich commercial, with the product being made in some kind of steel mill, completely divorced from any kind of natural cooking process whatsoever. Krusty approves (“I don’t mind the taste!”)
– It’s great how Milhouse chokes on the word “choke.” He is laughed at incessantly by the children. Skinner opposes this at first (“Stop laughing! It will scar him for life!”) until he eventually gives in to a good chuckle himself. The animation of Milhouse slowly and despondently walking off stage in the background is pretty amazing.
– Chalmers heads the state spelling bee finals. The word is ‘ameliorate’ (“Can you use it in a sentence?” “Nothing can ameliorate the ineptitude of Principal Skinner.” “I wish he wouldn’t use me in every example.”)
– Lisa’s Rocky training montage is pretty great, with Otto asking her to spell AC-DC, Cletus getting his new young’n’s middle name (Scabies), and the very end bit with Moe berating her to spell “Little Miss She-Thinks-She’s-So-Big,” then losing interest when she actually complied (“I don’t got time for this, I got a bar to run.”) Then of course we have relapsed Barney. I guess the writers exhausted everything they could do with sober Barney, so they made him drunk again! …oh wait, they did nothing with sober Barney. Nothing. At all.
– Plimpton gives his credits while Homer shouts from the stands. Plimtpon is so straight-faced, that’s what makes it great (“Founder of the Paris Review, and I also played the evil dean in Boner Academy.” “You monster! Why did you expel Boogerman!” “He replaced my tennis racquet with a rubber phallus.”)
– Homer has to miss Lisa’s big final competition to follow the Ribwich to San Francisco, a terrible act that’s made somewhat excusable when you see that he’s actually going through physical withdrawal (“It’s not just a sandwich! It’s about brotherhood, it’s about freedom, it’s about three days since I’ve had one! I’m getting the shakes! Oh, and I’m getting the fries!”)
– Lisa dreams of the Seven Sisters actually personified as women. I remember this episode had a minor controversy over two of them kissing. Like there was literally a news article about it. The issue I have is why would an eight-year-old girl be dreaming about lesbianism in college, with the one urging her to “explore” with her. I don’t much like that. But I do like Plimpton popping in hawking his hot plate. “And a hot plate!” was often quoted by me and my friends.
– Homer gets his hands on the last Ribwich, but gives it away to a man offering him his car so he can get back to Springfield for Lisa’s competition. The man eats it in five seconds (“I have the buyer’s remorse…”)
– Quimby claims Lisa is the biggest winner in Springfield history by placing second, even though Homer went into outer space, was in a Grammy-winning group, and other such accolades. Maybe they were just humoring her. And then they show they’ve carved her likeness on the side of a humungous mountain, something we’d never ever see again. Okay. Whatever.

(originally aired February 16, 2003)
Homer strangling Bart has always been one of the show’s comic staples. When you think about it, it really is a horrible abusive action, but as Matt Groening puts it, it’s always done very quickly, and only when Homer is so incensed and feels he has no other recourse. This episode, for some reason or another, feels the need to illuminate this kind of behavior and make a semi-serious story out of it. Not specifically about the strangling, but of Homer’s uncharacteristic assholey behavior to his son on this show. Seeing the two at odds is kind of uncomfortable, which is really weird considering this is the “official” 300th episode. During spring cleaning, Bart and Lisa uncover a box of old video tapes, one containing an old baby product commercial starring an infant Bart. When Bart demands an explanation from his parents, Marge explains that the money he made went straight into a college fund, but of course Homer blew it all to buy back some incriminating photos of him dropping baby Bart off a hotel balcony a la Michael Jackson. Who’s taking these photos? Just the cavalier manner he discusses dropping his infant son potentially to his death is pretty horrible, so yeah, this is another ‘Homer-is-an-insufferable-asshole’ show.

Since Homer is apparently a raging madman and hates his son, Bart decides the best course of action is to get himself emancipated. Judge Harm surmises that he is clearly unsafe being around his father and rules in his favor. Okay, well, if that’s your flimsy excuse to get a ten-year-old out on his own, then what about Lisa and Maggie? They must be just as unsafe, put them in foster care or something. I feel so weird pondering over all this, like Homer is this abusive monster who tortures his kids, but in this episode, he doesn’t seem too far off. Bart should want to get the hell out of there, but that’s not what I want to see. We’ve seen a lot of examples of Homer being an excessively unlikable “protagonist,” but this might be the worst, where his asshole behavior has cost him his own son, and for good reason. It just puts this really dark cloud over the entire episode when Bart and Homer are at such serious odds with each other, which they of course put a flimsy bow on at the end to mend fences, but it couldn’t feel more forced.

With half of Homer’s wages, Bart rents a loft in a seedy part of downtown. He’s understandably uneasy being on his own at first, until he discovers the floor above him is a happenin’ skate pad where he meets Tony Hawk and blink-182. Okay. So our big finale is Homer getting Hawk to lose to him in a skateboarding contest using a magic skateboard, where they then duke it out in midair, floating on what must be invisible wires. Okay. Really, this entire episode has been dour and somewhat depressing, and now in our third act we just go full out ridiculous and crazy, but in the worst way possible. Why does Homer think that Bart left because he thought he wasn’t cool enough? It’s clear what Bart’s reasons for leaving were, he said it a thousand times, this confusion doesn’t make sense at all. If Homer can’t be expected to remember or care about the problems in the episode, then I shouldn’t either. This show is just a hot mess, made even more egregious in how much it was touted as the 300th episode. Not because it wasn’t actually the 300th, I don’t care about that. Within the show, Marge wonders how many crazy schemes Homer’s gotten into. With clicker in hand, Lisa counts 300. I guess that’s what the show thinks of itself now: Homer doing some zaaaanny each week on The Simpsons! I’m kinda bummed out right now.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Why would Bart or Lisa want to watch a tape labeled “Homer and Marge Get Dirty”? It’s not what you think it is, but what if it was?
– Lisa taunting Bart in English, then again in French is a little odd, but Maggie imitating her on the couch is pretty adorable.
– Why would the show make that Michael Jackson joke with Homer? Doing it with a deplorable side character, sure, but not our hero. That’s a fucking awful thing, and all Homer can do is joke about it doing the flipbook in reverse. “See? I saved you!” Terrible.
– Tired jokes come in spades at the end of act one. They lampoon on the age-old silly law firm names with “Hackey, Joke & Dunnit,” then have a character do the “Ee-wha?!” noise in surprise, but it’s actually Blue-Haired Lawyer calling for his Hawaiian secretary. Now that’s a fucking stretch.
– I keep pulling examples like this, but it illuminates how the show focuses more on writing “jokes” than actual believable dialogue. The family gets the subpoena that Bart wants to leave the house, to be divorced from his parents. What is Marge’s reaction? “I wanted a sewing room, but not like this! Not like this!” Her son, whom she loves more than life itself, has announced he plans to leave and never come back, and that is her knee-jerk response?
– Homer honestly is a maniac in the courtroom, threatening everybody, yelling at his son, tackling one of the guards… Really, all of his kids should be taken away from him at this point.
– The heart-shaped Indian burn Bart gives Lisa is kind of sweet (“If I did it right, it’s permanent.”) I also like Bart thinking that a loft has hay.
– The whole thing with Tony Hawk and the crew is another example of the writers wanting to write Bart older, but not quite as damning in that Bart already skateboards so it would be logical that Hawk would be an idol of his. Except we see Bart on his skateboard for about three seconds, so it doesn’t matter. blink-182 get fifteen words of dialogue between the three band members, they collect their checks and go on their merry way.
– Somehow, Bart is about to afford to furnish his apartment with a bunch of awesome stuff, plus still pay rent and food, with half of Homer’s salary. How could he swing all that? Plus the Simpson family is hard up as it is, the homestead must be falling apart having to pay for four people with their budget slashed in half. Perhaps they could have made that a plot point? …nope!
– The self-skating skateboard, Homer and Hawk floating in mid-air… why should I even bother commenting about the ending? I’ll say that Hawk seemed like a pretty good sport. He gave a good effort, it’s just he barely had any good material to work with (“You’re going down, Homer! Then back up. Then down, then back up again. That’s how the game is played.”)
– Lindsay Naegle appears on top of the skating ramp out of nowhere for the ending of the plot: Homer stars in his own commercial and gives the money to Bart as retribution. It’s for Viagragay, a product for hair growth and erectile dysfunction. The only great line in the whole episode comes from the very end with the fast disclaimer, and it’s one I quote with friends to this day (“Possible side effects include loss of scalp or penis.” “What’d he say about my scalp?”)