(originally aired February 11, 2001)
Twenty minutes may seem like plenty of time to craft a meaningful story with a beginning and end, but it really isn’t. The writers in the past have talked about how precious every second was in keeping the story moving forward and building everything up to its rightful climax. A trend that would present itself in the later seasons is disjointed first acts, where the main story barely even kicks in until the start of act two. There’s nothing wrong with a slow burn start to a plot, but in some cases there would literally be no connection. This is one of those cases. Homer takes Abe to look at cemetery plots, but concludes that they are far too expensive. The caretaker tries to sell him on their deluxe model, touting that it has as much concrete as a regulation tennis court. Cut to a tennis court being put into the Simpson back yard. It’s such a ridiculous leap that at least they have the decency to comment on it (“I can’t believe we went through all that just to wind up with a tennis court.” “Bet you didn’t see that coming”) but it just makes me feel like I’ve just wasted my time. Abe doesn’t appear for the entire rest of the episode, it’s like none of it matters.

A first act can also set up your characters for the main story, but here, the Simpsons are all fairly competent at tennis right away. For some reason, Marge cares a lot about how well they play, and Homer takes it upon himself to be a court jester, like all the other lovable sports clowns, which I guess is a thing that exists. There’s no real build-up or explanation for any of this, it’s just things that happen and we’re meant to accept. Whatever emotional content with Marge feeling embarrassed of being a laughing stock is sort of diminished in that we’ve really only been in this story for like three minutes. And me asking for emotional content from this episode is a big stretch, since there’s mostly just gags here, and Homer acting like an absurd buffoon for reasons that escape me. When he refuses to take the game seriously, Bart fills in for him as Marge’s doubles partner in a local tournament, leaving Homer incredibly judgmental of his wife and son. He gets back at them by teaming up with Lisa, leaving the family divided.

The third act is really painful, where the entire Simpson family devolves into petty competitive children. There could have been a way to make this family strife work, but they’re just making infantile swipes at each other. This whole show is just so odd, in that it’s all about tennis, but never do any of the family members even seem to express any interest or enthusiasm about it. Homer has Bart fill in for him while he goes inside the house, and he seems to be playing somewhat competently like an adult. And when Lisa comes in, we haven’t even seen her play. The point is they’re getting all ruffled up about a game I’m not even certain they enjoy. The big tournament arrives and Homer is so desperate to win he subs his daughter with tennis legend Venus Williams. Eventually this swap continues until all the Simpsons are switched out for professional athletes. This is some of the most pathetic stunt casting we’ve seen so far. Not only is there no reason for these tennis stars to be here, they barely have any lines. The Williams sisters have a few, but Pete Sampras has like two, and Andre Agassi gets a check for only saying his name. And “Yoink!” Lame. Did I mention this episode is awful? I don’t know if I explicitly said so, but it is.

Tidbits and Quotes
– This is the second episode done in digital ink and paint rather than cels, the first being season 7’s “Radioactive Man.” Clearly the writing was on the wall in this period regarding the show’s inevitable move to digital production, as would finally happen in production season 14.
– When an episode is particularly horrible, I take a quick listen to the audio commentary for curiosity’s sake. But like many in this era, I got no answers. During the abrupt first act ending where they’re building the tennis court, they have Phil Rosenthal do his line from the movie and talk about that for a few minutes. Do these guys get paid to do these? Though it can’t be much, I imagine they don’t do it for free.
– I never laughed at anything at the funeral home, but I did smirk at the different brands of anti-stink spray, and the on-payroll weeping widow.
– I don’t know who to blame for this exactly, but a lot of the times we see the actual tennis game being played, it looks wrong, or we won’t hear the ball bounce when it goes over the court and then they hit it. Marge and Bart hit the ball back and forth to each other without it hitting the ground for a good twenty seconds, which there’s nothing wrong with, but it seems kind of odd. More egregious is when Homer misses a shot from Kent Brockman that clearly goes out, but then declares game, set and match to himself.
– The end of act two when Homer remains oblivious to Bart being Marge’s new partner is so painful to watch. I get what they were going for, but it was so unfunny and felt like padding. Then Homer rips the little puff balls off Marge’s shoes and throws them at the car, which smash the back window somehow.
– The exchange about the Krusty Klassic is one of the only great bits in the episode (“It’s for charity. It benefits victims of balcony collapse.” “We can wipe out BC in our lifetime.” “I don’t care about BC. I care about ME: My Enjoyment!”)
– The whole Oedipus thing is a little bit weird, but I feel like the episode would have been better suited in that direction, where Homer starts losing his mind thinking that his son is replacing him. I can’t be bothered to think of a climax for this story, but anything would have been better than what we have here.
– Homer is so fucking petty that he’s constructed crude devil-version cutouts of his wife and son for his daughter to practice smacking tennis balls at (“Aim straight at your mother’s heart!”) The whole bit of him trying to take down his family in act three is really disturbing. Homer was once the man who would do anything for his family, now they’re just people he lives with, and his opinion of them changes from week to week.
– I genuinely like Krusty’s “raquet-earrings” joke, and his defense toward the audience’s non-reaction (“What do you want? I’m not going to do ‘A’ material for charity!”)
– As much as I hate almost all of this episode, I like Homer’s surmising of the moral at the end (“There’s a lesson here for all of us: It’s better to watch stuff than to do stuff.”)

(originally aired February 4, 2001)
Comic Book Guy was my favorite character as a kid, and he’s definitely still up there (I’ve grown a love for so many of them at this point, I can’t possibly rank them.) That being the case, I remember greatly anticipating this one when it first aired. It’s always iffy when you try to develop a side character. It can provide a more interesting angle to them and tap a new interesting vein to explore with the character, but if you handle it wrong, you might end up tainting them, or making them more than what they are. This episode dodges that by really barely exploring CBG’s character at all, which is kind of a bummer. Bart and Milhouse get banned for life from the Android’s Dungeon, and what poor timing that they’ll have to miss a late night talk with Tom Savini, special effects wizard. I love that since very little of the audience will know who he is by name, Marge literally reads his credits out of the newspaper. During the show, CBG suffers a heart attack, and while he is attempting to reduce his stress, he allows Bart and Milhouse to run his store, in gratitude for calling 911 to save his life.

A fair deal of the episode is focused on the kids, so we don’t even see much of Comic Book Guy, really. Homer brings him to Moe’s to try and socialize (why he’s suddenly his friend now, I have no clue), but to no avail, as he immediately insults the drunkards and is tossed out on his ass. He then goes to attend a class on how to make friends, which could have been an interesting scene, but he is interrupted by Agnes Skinner, and the two immediately bond due to their mutual bickering. This leads to a queasy relationship where they show their love of each other by causing misery to others. First, let’s put aside the fact that this union is… slightly disturbing. And by slightly, I mean very. But the two are sinking a little kid’s sailboats and ruining their good times, which feels very off. Agnes is just a bitter old woman, and CBG is a sarcastic quipster. They’re not out to cause misery, only comment upon ignorance. And CBG doesn’t even end up back at his store before the episode is over, the romance just kind of runs until time’s up, and we get no resolution to anything.

Bart and Milhouse as co-owners of the comic shop isn’t nearly as interesting. As expected, Bart puts himself in the “boss” position with Milhouse as his lackey. Eventually Milhouse breaks and the two have a scuffle, resulting in them discovering CBG’s secret stash of illegal video tapes, ranging from alien autopsies to secret government-issue films. The two make up and hold a private screening of the forbidden tapes, only to be busted by the police. But since the tapes aren’t theirs, the charge is levied on CBG, who is arrested mid-copulation with Agnes. Then the episode just ends. To be fair, there are amusing moments throughout: an episode centered on CBG is going to have some classic lines from him, and other stuff like the Lenscrafters superhero Biclops and the different illegal tapes are good. This episode just feels like so much wasted potential. Seing Comic Book Guy have to enter the real world, he could have inadvertently fallen into a different social circle who accepts him, but then realize that his store is where he belongs. Or something, anything but the Agnes romance, which is pointless since we never see the two together since. A somewhat enjoyable, but ultimately disappointing show.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Lisa tops her pancakes with Ms. Butterworth, a bottle shaped with a get-up-and-go business woman with cell phone and briefcase.
– Homer eating the baking soda is pretty ridiculous, but is almost worth it when Lisa claims her father is having an “antacid trip.” Also, Marge was standing right there, why did she not stop her husband from eating a big spoonful of chemicals? Another example of Marge not even bothering to stop, let alone comment on, her husband doing stupid and dangerous shit.
– Nice bit where CBG demonstrates that Radioactive Man #1000 is so powerful, if you spill something on it, it will bounce off and land on a lesser comic. The lesser comic in question? Bongo Comics.
– Martin’s mother comes in the shop trying to sell some of her son’s old junk. CBG is aghast at its contents (“Handwritten script for Star Wars by George Lucas? Princess Leia’s anti-jiggle breast tape! Film reel labeled, ‘Alternate ending: Luke’s father is Chewbacca’?! Ooh! Ooh!! …I’ll give you five dollars for the box.”) When Bart and Milhouse stop her from the shoddy deal, she is indignant (“Well! If this is valuable, then back to the leaky basement it goes!”) We’ve seen Mrs. Prince before, but is this the first time we’ve heard her speak? I think Mr. Prince did all the talking in “Kamp Krusty,” and that’s all I can remember.
– Also on CBG’s Banned For Life wall: Sideshow Bob, Nelson, and Matt Groening.
– Dr. Hibbert advises CBG avoid stress, and is shocked to find he runs a comic book store (“Oh, dear Lord! We call that profession the widow-maker! Or we would, if any of the proprietors were married.”) He advises he take a break and have a friend run it for him (“You do have friends, don’t you?” “Well… the Superfriends.” “You should get some friends who aren’t printed on paper.” “What, you mean action figures?”)
– Moe seemingly shoots a man dead in his bar with no mention of it after. Whatever. I love the animation and sound effect when CBG is thrown out of the bar, with his flabby body just sliding across the sidewalk.
– Great performance by Dan Castellaneta as a drunk Mr. Rogers (“Whaddya mean I can’t take off my sweater? I’m hot!!”)
– The defense briefing tape is pretty funny (“If you’re watching this tape, you are the President of the United States. Hello, sir, or ma’am. Hopefully sir. Springfield has been classified NWB, for ‘Nuclear Whipping Boy.’ In the first moments of a nuclear war, Springfield will be bombed at will by all friendly nations to calibrate their missiles.”) The kids watching wildly cheer for this.
– Low on metaphors, Wiggum looks to Lou to complete them for him (“Well, well, well. This place’s got more pirated tapes than a…” “A Chinese K-Mart?” “Well, that’ll have to do.”) And then again (“The owner is in more hot water than…” “A Japanese teabag?” “Why don’t you lay off the Asians, Lou?”)

(originally aired January 14, 2001)
A Scully-era Marge episode with a zany Homer B-plot? A recipe for disaster if I ever heard one. Or… actually not! I was surprised how much I enjoyed this one. It’s not perfect for sure, but it definitely stands out amongst the rest of the schlock this season. The idea of Marge’s unwavering belief in thinking the best of people being tested and biting her in the ass is sort of a neat thing to explore, and while this episode didn’t delve into it as much as I’d hoped, it was still interesting to watch unfold. While attending a prison rodeo, Marge meets convict Jack Crowley (voiced by Michael Keaton), a gifted artist with a jail sentence for the easily hand-waved act of shooting Apu at the Kwik-E-Mart. Inspired to help this man, she volunteers to teach art classes at the prison, and eventually lobbies to get Jack out on parole. She succeeds, but ends up having him put in her custody. Marge helps him get a job at the school to paint a pride mural, but Jack ends up butting heads with Skinner over his creative vision.

Unlike the last Marge storyline where they tried to make her insane for some damn reason, this one explores elements of her personality we are already familiar with. True to her loving, nurturing nature, she immediately sees Jack as wasted potential and wants to do what she can to get him on the right track. Meanwhile, Jack is this grizzled, soft-spoken guy who seems tough, but is very mannered and speaks rather gently. But through the whole show, you can just sense there’s something wrong with him. He and Marge’s interplay is kind of neat to watch, where Marge is helpful but is still somewhat intimidated by this criminal, and Jack appears grateful for her but something seems to be bubbling beneath the surface. He’s pushed even further by Skinner, who forces him to sanitize his passionate mural in exchange for his poorly scribbled version, but then blames him when his design is a bust. Ultimately, Jack is revealed to be a maniac when he burns Skinner’s car. You basically see the twist ending coming by the end, but I still liked the ride there, so yeah.

There’s also the side story of Homer starting his own chiropractic business. Sounds awful right off the bat, but it actually was pretty amusing. First off, the groundwork is set from the start when Homer is seriously injured at the rodeo, which I like immediately because it actually shows a realistic outcome to the over-the-top violence that normally we don’t get. Homer sees a chiropractor about his back, which will cost him a pretty penny, but then he finds that when he accidentally falls backwards onto a turned over trash can, his back feels as good as new. So he makes a makeshift office in his garage, treating patients with his new “Spine-O-Cylinder” (patent pending). There’s not much to this story, it’s just a silly thing that’s going on in the background, which is usually good to have in a Marge episode. So in all, not a bad episode at all. Any problems I had were pretty minor, and I enjoyed a fair amount of it. And it certainly took some of the awful taste of “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge” out of my mouth. Maybe Marge can be salvaged after all.

Tidbits and Quotes
– I kind of wish we had seen the apron expo, but it works just as well as a joke that the Simpsons are riding back from, where everyone had a good time except Marge, the one who wanted to go in the first place. Her complaint? Too many aprons.
– The prison warden is voiced by Charles Napier. I know him primarily as the voice of Ted Turner expy Duke Phillips from The Critic. He’s gone on to voiced a few other characters on the show, mostly all the same kind of character. At least one more warden for sure, in the episode where Bart goes to juvenile hall. But I love him, and his voice. R.I.P., Mr. Napier (“Maybe it’s the tear gas, or maybe this was the best damn prison rodeo ever.”)
– As one convict rides out, Bart yells at the bull, “Toss his salad!” Stop. With. All. The. Sex. Jokes. …please.
– I suppose Homer using his daughter as live bait to goad the bull into charging at full speed should bother me more, but for some reason it doesn’t. Maybe I’ve just been desensitized. Or maybe it’s saved by Homer looking to tone the bull down with some “calming blue,” but is shocked to see Bart’s wearing an orange shirt, not blue. Bart attests he doesn’t own a blue shirt, referring to how a lot of early Simpsons merchandise would have Bart’s shirt as blue, which always confused me as to why they made that change.
– I like this exchange between the warden and Homer. This is some good dumb Homer dialogue, which we see so little over nowadays (“He painted a unicorn in outer space. I’m asking you: What’s it breathin’?” “Air?” “Ain’t no air in space!” “There’s an air-in-space museum.”)
– Homer explains his back pain to Lisa (“Well, there’s a dull ache, certainly, and overlaid on that is a club sandwich of pain. Only instead of bacon, there’s agony. Marge, could I have a BLT?”)
– I like this line reading from Keaton as Jack is up for parole (“I’m sure your macaroons are scrumptious, Marge, but I’ve seen this warden turn down brownies… honest-to-goodness, brownies!”)
– Marge looks out the kitchen window and sees clear to the prison… then later she sees the school in the exact same spot. It’s not so much continuity I’m annoyed with as much as it is laziness. They could have come up with something else to remind Marge of the school or vice-versa with the prison, but they were just like fuck it, we’ll just have them both out the window.
– I love Skinner’s criticism of Jack’s first pass at the mural, a bold painting of a female warrior riding a puma (“The shapely female form has no place in art!”)
– Bruce Vilanch appears for no reason not only attending the unveiling of a elementary school mural for a small town, but I guess also wrote jokes for Skinner. It’s such a small scene and I don’t pay it much mind, but it is just a perfect example of how it doesn’t matter anymore why celebrities are appearing left and right. They’re just there, accept it, whatever.
– Skinner rearranges the school lunch menu in a manner similar to executives shifting their network TV schedules (“Pizza’s working well on Thursday, but I think the kids will follow it to Tuesday.” “That’s what you said about the stuffed peppers, and you lost the young males!”) Perhaps there’s still some sour grapes about the show’s move to Thursdays early in its run?
– Why would the new mural burn up to show the original one completely intact underneath? Aside from the fact that it makes no sense and is impossible, it doesn’t make sense for the scene to be there anyway. Nelson’s positive critique earlier implies it would have been a hit (“Finally, art that doesn’t suck!”), especially in comparison to Skinner’s lame drawing. So why need to reaffirm it? Ehh, but it’s nothing to get upset about. Small potatoes, really. Tater tots.

(originally aired January 7, 2001)
There are really only two season 12 episodes I can think of that were generally heralded as being great, and this is the first one. It certainly isn’t bad, but I’m not exactly thrilled about it. It was really grasping for an emotional push at the end and I just wasn’t on board, but I’ll get into that in a bit. Homer ends up losing all of his life savings to a bankrupt company, giving us our ten thousandth money-woes story. To save face this time, he agrees to be a guinea pig for science experiments, which gives us more opportunities for Dan Castellaneta to scream his head off. The scientists soon discover Homer’s limited intelligence is the result of a crayon lodged in his brain, and once they remove it, his IQ raises by a good fifty points. Now Homer’s a brainiac, and Lisa is thrilled to have more common ground with her father. The financial troubles plot is kind of dropped off here, which isn’t a huge deal, but perhaps a scene showing a newly smart Homer being more money conscious would have tied up that thread, and also showed another contrast between the dumb Homer we know and love.

Structure-wise, this episode is pretty solid and entertaining, but I kind of had some problems with it. First off, the crayon in the brain thing is kind of silly. It’s not overly ridiculous, but it felt like a little much. I kind of feel the idea of the Simpson gene from “Lisa the Simpson” makes more sense and is a more satisfying answer for Homer’s idiocy than this explanation. Second, there’s the resolution, which suffers a bit thanks to this plot line being done in one of the Simpsons comics I remember reading when I was younger. In that story, Professor Frink experimented on Homer to enhance his brain, and smarter Homer bonded with his daughter. Homer was miserable being smart, as he is in the episode, but wanted to go through a final, more permanent operation for his daughter’s sake. But Lisa stops him, not wanting to sacrifice his happiness just for her. That feels a bit more meaty than what we have here, which functioned more like the opposite. I can’t say Lisa is selfish in wanting to keep her dad smart since there’s really just one scene of Homer expressing his dissatisfaction. Maybe if they had had act one end with Homer becoming smart, they’d have more time, but overall, I think the comic really trumps the show in terms of emotional weight. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

The individual joke scenes save the episode from these comparisons though. The animation festival has some great bits, like the ridiculous over-the-top anime and the old-time Itchy & Scratchy commercial parodying the days when The Flintstones was sponsored by cigarette companies. I also love Animotion, if only because I’ve been working with motion capture animation for the last few weeks or so. Also great is the Julia Roberts movie “Love is Nice,” containing a laundry list of terrible rom-com cliches in about ten seconds. The audience is completely aghast when Homer reveals the incredibly obvious “twist” ending and expels him from the theater (“Point out your plot holes elsewhere!”) Following this is Homer’s hopeless quest for intelligence in town, but all he finds are “Smart People Not Welcome” signs and the Disney store. Though I kind of like it better when Futurama did it with Bender’s sobriety spree. It’s in “The Mysterious Voyage of Homer” too… Does anyone know what these scenes are a parody of? Anyway, not a bad episode, but not one I’d put on a pedestal as a shining beacon of a subpar season. Hopefully I can find one worthy of that title…

Tidbits and Quotes
– Springfield tops the title of Spike & Mike’s festival by calling theirs the “Sick, Twisted, F***ed-Up Animation Festival” (children half-price).
– The Flanders flock watching “Gravey and Jobriath” feels very ominous, with the cartoon being about blowing up Planned Parenthood. It’s the first time Ned’s been involved in parodying extremist religious types. It won’t be long before we have jokes about him being intolerant of gays, ultra-conservative, and just be an all-and-out religious nut instead of a kindly neighbor-eeno. Also, what happened to Todd thinking talking dogs are blasphemous?
– I like the voice-over artist coming under fire for his voices lifted from celebrities, similar to many of the classic Hanna-Barabara characters, and then of course the show pointing at itself for similar “crimes” with Professor Frink as Jerry Lewis.
– I feel obliged to say how the Animotion presentation makes no sense. The animated character’s eyes and mouth wouldn’t move since Homer has no sensors on his face. Also it wouldn’t capture his movement in the bathroom as I assume there’s no cameras rigged up in there. I sure hope someone got fired for these blunders.
– I hate the bit of Homer mimicking his wife and Lisa behind the plant at the bank, but I do like the casual way he returns back to the desk for his life savings (“Ah, yes, I see that it’s in bill form. Excellent.”) Later he goes to I.P.O. Friday’s at the mall (great name) to invest his cash. The broker asks if he understands the risk of stock ownership, which Homer responds he does, by which he means he’s imaging himself in a kick line singing “We’re in the Money” with King Kong behind them holding fistfuls of cash.
– Homer has a brilliant plan to solve their financial problem (“You rent your womb to a rich childless couple. If you agree, signify by getting indignant.” “Are you crazy? I’m not going to be a surrogate mother.” “C’mon, Marge, we’re a team. It’s uter-us, not uter-you.”)
– I think the flashback of li’l Homer shoving the crayons up his nose puts me off more than anything. How is he able shove up a dozen of them up there? Crayons are pretty long. It’s not so much disgusting as much as it seems like it would be incredibly painful.
– Here’s an instance where I actually like the casual way the show attempts to cover its ass vis-a-vis continuity with Hibbert’s random appearance and his explanation of why he never saw the crayon before (“You see, whenever I picked up an X-ray, I’d always hold it like this. His thumb falls right where the crayon would be. My thumb must’ve covered up the crayon every time. I’ll show myself out.”)
– Homer’s intelligence post-op is 105, which is pretty much average, yet he’s solving Rubick’s cubes and disproving the existence of God like a super genius. Maybe the gag is that it’s mind over matter, and if Homer thinks he’s a genius, then he is. Yeah, that works. Sure.
– Nice bit with Homer turning Nelson’s prank around on him (“A moron says what?” “Not being a moron, I wouldn’t know. However… [mumbles]” “What?” “Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your moron!”)
– “One groom? Two grooms? Oh, my medication!” is a line I’d quote a lot for some reason.
– Moe starts off act three being pissed at Homer (“I was a lot happier before I knew Dame Edna was a man. A lot happier!”) but then he agrees to operate him on the end. It’s not a big deal, though.

(originally aired December 17, 2000)
This is another one of those episodes that just kind of falls into the ether. There’s nothing terribly wrong with it, but there’s not much notable about it. The kids get snowed in the school, and eventually run wild? It’s kind of a base and simple idea with no real unique or interesting twist added to it. As such, there’s not a lot I can comment on, but I’ll try and scrounge up something. We have our select kids who chose or were forced to come to school on a big snow day, which explains why they’re all put in one class, so that’s fine. But we have a mix of the bullies and smart kids like Lisa and Martin, and the entire ending is about the school going under kid rule and them wrecking up the place. The more sensible thinkers either disappear, or the more minor characters show up in montages, like Allison for some reason accepting a mouthful of relish from Nelson. Maybe some more interplay between the kids regarding a plan of escape or their co-existence would be good, but then maybe it’d just be a rehash of “Das Bus.”

Before that we have Skinner’s feeble attempts to keep the kids in line, who are quickly beginning to challenge his authority. He’s then inspired by his old sergeant days in ‘Nam to take charge of the situation. He sits atop his old army chest, which is brazen with “S. Skinner,” and reminisces of the “good ol’ days.” Now either he stole the real Skinner’s chest, or perhaps this is from when Skinner re-enlisted in “Baaadasssss Song.” This is the first time since “Principal and the Pauper” that they’ve tried to bring up Skinner’s old past, and it definitely does feel a bit different. Certainly Skinner wouldn’t remember something that just didn’t happen. Or maybe he’s deluded himself to a point where he thinks he actually was Sgt. Seymour Skinner. Maybe that’s fodder for another episode, like Skinner has gotten so ingrained in the lie that he can’t distinguish himself and the persona anymore. I know this is a long, nonsensical tangent, but I honestly don’t have much to say on this episode.

The kid power havoc through the school is pretty much what you’d expect, and as such is not all that funny. Meanwhile, Homer and Flanders attempt to drive through the storm to rescue their kids. And wouldn’t you know that Homer is actually kind of a nice guy in this time of crisis? Just kidding, he’s still an asshole, somehow sawing off part of Ned’s roof to use as a plow blade, wrecking his car and insulting him at nearly every turn. Pretty rough stuff. Also, considering we have Ned to the rescue, why don’t we get anything from Rod and Todd? Even though we’ve seen them there a few times (including the opening titles), I always have a hard time remembered that Rod and Todd even go to Springfield Elementary. In this episode, they do appear in the background, but they don’t have one piece of dialogue. They just silently get into Ned’s car at the end. But then again, they certainly would clash with the havoc that goes on in act three. Maybe they could have been huddled with fear under a desk or something. I dunno. Anyway, am I done here? Looks like it. One of the most banal episodes ever.

Tidbits and Quotes
– There’s been a bizarre multi-season running gag with Homer holding up pennants for various events (or non-events, like in the last episode, he held a “Justice” flag in the courtroom.) I certainly didn’t laugh the first time they did it, and each future re-appearance has always left me scratching my head. Here we get a payoff of sorts in seeing Homer has a whole bin of pennants, as he swaps out “TV Sports” with “French Circus.”
– The Cirque de Puree is okay. There’s a few amusing bits, mostly from Marge, commenting on the obvious plant in the audience (“They always pick the guy with the wires”) and telling Homer that the contortionists are giving her ideas (mainly on how to become more efficient with housework.)
– It’s a quick bit, but I love the gag with seeing Captain McAllister hunkered down seemingly for the storm, but he reveals he was tied down as a prank by teenage pirates.
– I love the radio announcer jerking around the kids of Springfield regarding school closings (“The following schools are closed today: Shelbyville, Ogdenville, Ogdenville Tech, and Springfield ‘Elementary… My Dear Watson’ Detective School. And lastly, Springfield Elementary School… is open. And it’s open season on savings at Springfield Menswear… which is closed.”)
– “The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t But Then Was” feels like it should be a lot funnier. The show has done a lot of jokes about bad productions in the past that were way better. I do like the stagehand sheepishly trying to get out of frame though.
– We see a lot of establishing shots of the school in this episode, and up until the very end when the entire building is covered in snow, we see that the second floor windows are basically out in the open. While I don’t recall ever seeing people go upstairs in the school, there’s definitely a second floor, which everyone could have easily escaped out of. Then later when Skinner sends out the hamster ball for help, they’re on the second floor, and he squeezes him out through a hole the kids easily could have dug through. It feels like kind of a huge plot hole.
– Kent Brockman gives a report (“And where are the city’s snowplows? Sold off to billionaire Montgomery Burns in a veritable orgasm of poor planning.”) Guys… seriously, stop with the sex jokes. Stop it. And Burns playing indoor soccer with a snowplow? Very out-of-character and not funny.
– Homer knocks into a fire hydrant, which erupts, and then immediately the water freezes and encases the car with ice along with it. Is it below zero out there? The water froze in less than three seconds. Between this and the goddamn ending with the giant salt silo… I hate everything about the Homer and Ned segments.
– “Okay, Skinner, that’s the last time you’ll slap your Willie around. I quit!” Now that’s a good dirty joke! That works. One gold star for you, writers.
– It’s a small joke so I can hand wave it, but the bit with the permanent record page Milhouse rips up reattaches itself, puts itself back in the book and the shelves slam shut by themselves is a bit much.
– I like this exchange between Skinner and Nelson (“If you get me out of this, there’s a hall monitor position coming open in the spring.” “I spit on your monitors.” “I know. That’s why the position’s available.”)
– “You did it, Nibbles! Now, chew through my ball sack!” Again, writers, stop. Way too easy.