(originally aired September 24, 1997)
Right at the top of season 9, we have a show we’d see plenty more of in the future: travel episodes. We’ve certainly seen the family venture outside of Springfield in the past, but many times they were tied to a larger story, like “Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington” or “Bart vs. Australia.” The Simpsons trotting the globe would become more a frequent event, almost once a season at some points, featuring isolated set pieces showing how wacky Brazil or Africa or England or wherever is. But enough grimness, this one is actually pretty good, as the Simpsons travel to the Big Apple. The lead-in is pretty fantastic; Moe is forced to instate a designated driver for the night, which ends up being Barney. Turns out it’s the worst possible night, as Moe’s receives a visit from  Duffman, the party hardy company spokesman. I was dying the first time I watched this. Hank Azaria is hysterical as Duffman, such a loud, gregarious character who loves to party down with his favorite distilled alcoholic beverage. With his “Oh Yeah” theme music and cheerleader sidekicks, he’s the ultimate macho mascot for a beer company. Such a booze-fueled fun-packed night of which he cannot partake in drives a sober Barney mad, who drives his buddies home with Homer’s car and isn’t seen again for two months. Homer eventually discovers his car is impounded in New York City, so the family makes a trip there to retrieve it.

The running bit through the episode is Homer’s fear and hatred of the city due to his one bad experience there as a youth, which we see in a glorious aged film flashback. Every bad thing that could possibly happen to young Homer does, scored and timed like a Charlie Chaplin silent film. It’s not exactly clear if he’s exaggerating any of these happenings or not, but I don’t believe so. Stranger things have happened in the Simpsons universe. Begrudgingly returning to the city, Homer warns his family about its many dangers, becoming increasingly more irate and paranoid as the episode goes on. Some may think this is pushing Homer a bit too outlandish, but I don’t think so. It’s like when one bad incident in a place you’ve been to turns you off to that place for good, except in this case, it’s put through the ignorant Homer filter. To him, New York is a town of insane people, and he’s got to get out of there before it taints himself or his family. I personally love how insane it gets in the end. I laugh so hard at the boot scraping off all the metal around the fender, and his personal satisfaction of jackhammering said boot once he’s got it off the car, at the cost of nearly destroying his entire vehicle.

While Homer is having a miserable time, the rest of the family sees the sights of the city. It’s more what we’ve come to expect later with these travel shows. With new material to mine, the writers have a field day, with plenty of great jokes: Marge marveling at lame “landmarks” like Fourth Avenue and Governor’s Island, crazy bums on the subway, Bart warding immigrants away from Ellis Island (“Country’s full!” “Alright, you heard the lady,”) and skinned rabbits in Chinatown. The highlight is when they take in a musical, “Kickin’ It: A Musical Journey Through the Betty Ford Center,” a show-stopping production on how money and fame gives you plenty of legal wiggle room (“I should put you away where you can’t kill or maim us / but this is LA, and you’re rich and famous!”) It’s such a well written number. I’ve seen a fair share of shows on Broadway, and this definitely sounds like it was pulled right out of one. This episode is a nice love letter to New York. With its good and bad representations, it does capture the aura of the city, in an exaggerated Simpsons fashion. It’s a really enjoyable watch, and definitely slides into the “good travel episode” category.

Tidbits and Quotes
– I like seeing Barney walking out of Moe’s back room with a robe brushing his teeth. In later seasons it’s revealed that he lives upstairs, on the second floor that the bar clearly doesn’t have.
– Dan Castellaneta does a great job as Barney here, getting more unhinged as his sober night goes on. I especially love when he hears the faint sounds of “Oh Yeah” in the background, he knows exactly what’s in store (“Oh no… not tonight… not tonight!!“) I also like when the drunk masses are chanting for him to chug his prize beer, he insists he’s the designated driver in a close-up shot of his crazed, sweaty eyes. Later, he expresses his displeasure to his inebriated friends spouting nonsense in the car (“Oh, that’s just drunk talk! Sweet, beautiful drunk talk…”)
– Homer’s homemade car is kind of silly, but I love his devotion to the idea (“Marge, you can stand there finding faults or you can knit me some seat belts.”)
– Lisa reads the note regarding Homer’s impounded car (“If you do not remedy this malparkage within 72 hours, your car will be thrown into the East River at your expense.”)
– Highlights of Homer’s New York flashback include the titles on the porno theater (“The Godfather’s Parts, II”) and the marquee ticker Homer reads (“Crime up 8,000,000 Percent”) before he’s pickpocketed and a bird steals his hot dog.
– The Internet picked up the unfortunate image on the magazine Lisa holds up, New York: $9, with the Twin Towers right next to it acting as “11.” As if this episode needed more unfortunate allusions. I guess I should touch on this point: given the show is centered around Homer waiting at World Trade Center Plaza, this episode was pulled from syndication for a few years following 9/11. It returned mostly intact, though I think they removed the bit with the two guys in the towers yelling back and forth, and the unfortunate line, “They stick all the jerks in Tower 1.”
– Second appearance of Very Tall Man! It’s not the best joke, but it’s great to see him back.
– I love the phone call to the parking violations bureau, with the alternating voices between cheery and gruff (“You will be assessed the full fine, plus a small large lateness fee.”)
– Ah, the classic Klauh Kalesh vendor. Highly quoted in my high school days (“Mountain Dew or crab juice.” “Ewwwwww… I’ll take the crab juice.”) Great performance by Hank Azaria too.
– I don’t think Lisa would be so naive to think the rabbits in the window wouldn’t be dead, but I like Marge’s weak response (“They’re just sleeping, upside down… and inside out…”) Also great is Bart’s hijinks caused at a Chinese vendor (“Chinese fire drill! Serious this time!”)
– Now, that the Twin Towers would only have one working bathroom each on the top floor is really dumb. And what bathroom has a giant window by the urinal where you can look outside? But whatever, I still love the frantic sequence as the ending of our second act, as of course Homer just missed the parking enforcement guy and lets out a “D’oh!” that echoes through the entire city.
– I really love how furious Homer gets as the third act goes on. A highlight is when he turns the radio on, “Everything is Beautiful” plays, and in a rage, he kicks it in, busting it.
– “Kickin’ It” is fantastic, as is the family’s commentary (“When I grow up, I want to be in the Betty Ford Center.” “You better start saving now. It’s very expensive.” “Shhh, they’re strapping down Liza Minelli.”)
– Homer goes pretty nuts at the end, trying to cut off the horse and carriage and getting whipped in the eye. It’s bordering on the crazy insane Homer of later years, but it’s all built to this point and still makes me laugh so I don’t mind. After the day he’s had, it’s understandable that he may not be in his best sorts. Then of course, the end where a twitching Homer drives across the bridge out of town behind a garbage truck, as dirty wrappers and bags of biohazard waste hit him through his smashed windshield (“What a magical city. Can we come back next year, Dad?” “We’ll see, honey… we’ll see…”)

(originally aired May 18, 1997)
Sort of like last season, we had our big flashy episode that felt like the season finale (“Homerpalooza,” “Spin-off Showcase”), but actually there’s one more left, and in both cases, it’s a Lisa episode. We begin with one of Bart’s wacky pranks going horribly awry, creating massive damage city-wide. As a result, Homer and Marge decide to send him to military school to straighten him out. Upon their arrival, the family is shocked to hear that Lisa wants to attend as well;. She’s tired of how interminably slow her public education is and seeks a greater challenge. Now, I guess I can buy this premise. The lynch pin for her is one quick scene where we see the cadets studying poetry, a class that she’s logically intrigued by. But would Lisa really be for, or want to do, any of the war training or obstacle courses? The girl got an F in gym after all. She sought an intellectual challenge at the school, and then we never see any of that stuff. I dunno, it sort of makes sense that Lisa would want to take this stance, but part of it doesn’t sit right with me.

A military school allowing ten-year-olds to wield rocket launchers and other heavy weaponry seems like it should be rife for brutal parody, but most of it kind of takes a backseat to Lisa’s story. She is immediately ostracized from the other cadets for being the only girl in the school. After a round of strict hazing, Bart is accepted into their clique, leaving him torn between being a social outcast and standing by his sister. You do feel bad for poor Lisa. There’s a particularly touching moment when alone in her barracks, Lisa listens to a tape of her mother singing “You Are My Sunshine.” This all leads to our finale featuring the final assessment: the “Eliminator,” a brutal exercise where one must shimmy across an airborne rope forty feet over beds of thorn bushes. Will Lisa be able to do it? Of course she does. The ending reminded me of “The Canine Mutiny,” where it’s all played so dramatically yet we know exactly what’s going to happen and we’re checking our watches until it’s over. Lisa briefly falters and the other cadets cheer for her to drop, then Bart steps up to cheer his sister on, which gives her the strength to finish. Hoorah.

There are a lot of bright spots in this episode though. The beginning field trip to the police station with Chief Wiggum is fantastic, with many great jokes. It also segues into Bart’s prank utilizing the dozens of megaphones, which is kind of ridiculous and cartoonish, but no more so than his shaken up beer can blowing the roof off the house in “So It’s Come to This.” Also fantastic is Willem DeFoe as the Commandant, who gives a great performance and has a fair share of hilarious lines (“Traditionally, the Academy tested these virtues by pitting you against each other in a two-day battle royale. That was prior to 1957, thank you very much, state Supreme Court.”) He gives the character a share of nuance, like his quieted confusion over Lisa wanting to enlist, and the great bit where he stubs his toe at lights out and mutters to himself as he walks out with a limp. There’s a few scattered bits of humor, but a fair share of the back half of the episode felt kind of dry. I remember seeing this one a lot in syndication, so maybe it’s dulled for me. But great episodes stand the test of dozens if not hundreds of reviewings. This one’s just… alright. I guess. It’s alright.

Tidbits and Quotes
– The beginning at the police station is fantastic, particularly of course the museum (aww…) of crime (yaaay!) The first mannequin is of “Johnny Welfare,” a dirty hippie with a joint duct taped onto his mouth. Not disobedient enough? The guitar he’s playing is stolen. And? He’s playing acid rock. And his old lady’s eating a sandwich. A baby sandwich (“She’s got the munchies for a California Cheeseburger.”) A great reference to those horrible urban legends, like where the babysitter gets so high that she mistakes the baby as a pot roast or something and puts that into the oven. Horrifying if true. I also love later that all the banana stickers are all vague representations of actual logos to avert copyrights, and that the children are so impressed by “Gorilla’s Choice.”
– The movies shown to Lisa’s class are fantastic, brought to you by Monotone Films. We catch the tail end of the sand one (unfortunately), but “The Moon of Earth” is hilarious, showing the future colonies of the moon (by 1964) and how you’ll weight considerably less there (“Slow down, tubby! You’re not on the moon yet!”) Miss Hoover took the opportunity during the movie to just bail on class altogether. Upset, Lisa goes to complain about how slow the class is to Skinner, who quickly rebuffs her (“Of course we could make things more challenging, Lisa, but then the stupider students would be in here complaining, furrowing their brows in a vain attempt to understand the situation.”)
– I love Wiggum suggesting behavior-altering drugs to Homer (“How wedded are you to the Bart you know?” “Not very.”) In a few seasons, they’d do that plot anyway.
– Homer’s childishness of throwing rocks at young children is kind of bothersome, but not so much as the fact that he throws a clump of rocks that somehow manage to hit four different kids.
– I love how the Commandant talks about the winds of change, that now there are female motorists and female singers. Progressive!
– All the other cadets seem to be older, like maybe thirteen, fourteen? So what’s with enrolling a ten and eight year old? Kind of bugged me a little bit.
– In her loneliness, Lisa is able to even wipe Grampa out of ridiculous stories talking on the phone. He can’t even pass the buck over to his fellow housemates, especially Jasper (“I’ve already talked to her twenty damn minutes.”)
– I like the bit where Bart uses analogies based off his line of vision (“I’ll just stick by you in secret. Like a sock maker secretly working on a top secret sock that…” “Will you stop looking at your feet?”)
– A really big animation cheat where Lisa’s testing the Eliminator, slips and falls… but hey, she’s on a pulley system Bart has rigged up tied to her waist, one that just magically appeared. Come on, they could have framed the shot so you wouldn’t see that.
– I do like the exchange of the cadets to Bart for cheering on his sister (“We’re going to make your life a living hell for the rest of the semester.” “But, graduation’s in three hours.” “We’d better go change!”)
– The Commandant’s best line is his graduation speech (“The wars of the future will not be fought on the battlefield or at sea. They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall mountain. In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by small robots. And as you go forth today remember always your duty is clear: to build and maintain those robots.”)

Season 8 Final Thoughts
I was quite flabbergasted to find that Dead Homers Society cited season 8 as the tipping point of the show’s quality. Absurd. It’s a classic season! Oakley and Weinstein, the people who gave us season 7, the best season! It’s in the Complete Guide to Our Favorite Family book, for cripe’s sake! Seasons 1-8 being flawless classics had just been burned into my brain ever since I’ve been a fan, so I just thought they were exaggerating. Well… maybe not so much. Of course, none of the episodes were bad. There were just things I noticed throughout that either bothered me individually, or felt like smaller versions of things that would get exacerbated in later seasons. Lapses in story, a great number of jokes falling flat, characters acting slightly off, there were scattered problems throughout the season, though none that were that humungous and distracted from each episode. Then of course “Homer’s Enemy,” as I talked about, drew out the template for who we know as “Jerkass Homer.” But for the issues that were present, season 8 is still a tremendous season. I can complain and nitpick all I want, but the fact is that the episodes are still memorable. Homer’s chili pepper freakout. Rex Banner vs. the Beer Baron. Shary Bobbins. Mr. Sparkle. All classic Simpsons material. It’s kind of like seasons 1-7 were bright blue skies beautiful for sailing, and in season 8, the wind got a little blustery and the waves a bit choppier. But now we enter the Mike Scully era, and a storm’s a brewin’. We’re in for the long haul here, folks, but don’t worry, we’ll make it through together. Season 9, here we come…

The Best
“You Only Move Twice,” “A Milhouse Divided,” “Bart After Dark,” “Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala-D’oh-cious,” “Homer’s Enemy”

The Worst
For the many sorted problems this season, there are only two I can point out for being specifically bad: “Hurricane Neddy” for tainting Flanders’ character, and “The Canine Mutiny” for being terminally boring.

(originally aired May 11, 1997)
“Spin-off! Is there any word more thrilling to the human soul?” Spin-offs are kind of like sequels in that they’re easy-to-green-light productions. It’s an established brand that the audience recognizes, so it requires studio heads to do less work in testing their products. They’re kind of less frequent nowadays (unlike sequels), but they were quite plentiful in the golden age of television. So here, we have three hypothetical Simpsons spin-offs, all aping a different TV show genre and featuring some of our favorite supporting players in different ridiculous scenarios. Troy McClure hosts the fourth-wall breaking show as he did “The 138th Episode Spectacular.” We haven’t heard much from Phil Hartman lately (unfortunately he’s only got a few more appearances left), and it’s such a joy to see him back again. The first show is “Chief Wiggum, P.I.,” a parody of buddy cop shows featuring Wiggum and his new partner Skinner (or “Skinny Boy”) working their new beat in New Orleans. Each one of these segments really do feel like they’re pilots to spin-offs. The first scene is so knowingly expository, with Wiggum talking about why he left Springfield and why Skinner came with, finding out he’d been a Louisiana-bred street punk all along (not as shocking a revelation as what would come three episodes from now, of course). This one doesn’t really get that great until the end, with the absolutely silly chase scene with criminal king pin Big Daddy and his hideout of the stolen governor’s mansion in the middle of the bayou. The cheesy music stings, the commercial break fake-out, the freeze frame ending with credits… the attention to detail on these tropes is fantastic.

Next up is “The Love-Matic Grampa,” where Moe finds his love tester is inhabited by the spirit of Abe Simpson, who apparently must spend his afterlife assisting him with his romantic life. The set-up is kind of My Mother the Car, but it’s more a parody of cheesy bad sitcoms in general, complete with live studio audience laughter, cheering and hooting. We start with a really neat stylized animated opening, sort of like I Dream of Jeannie or The Nanny, showing the stupid backstory that Grampa died at the supermarket and his soul was re-routed on the way up to heaven. Now he must help the incredibly lecherous Moe get a date. The premise is so absolutely ridiculous, but it couldn’t be more perfect as the conceit for a dumb sitcom. Comic situations are a-go as Moe must bring the love tester with him to his date at a fancy restaurant, carting him off to the men’s room, dressed in a tuxedo for some reason. As star of the “original” show, Homer makes a cameo appearance, to massive audience applause, which gives us a wonderfully brutal joke when he cuts the power on the love tester (“That’s the second time he’s pulled the plug on me…”) The skewering of conventions is so great. I love Moe’s smiling shrug to the camera leading to a scene change as Grampa rambles on, a non-verbal “He so crazy!” Of everything, the theme is probably the best part. I love that jingle (“He’ll fill our hearts with looooooooovve.”)

The last segment is my favorite, just because it’s the most incredibly bizarre. “The Simpson Family Smile-Time Variety Hour” is an entertainment extravaganza starring the Simpson family, borrowing heavily from 70s musical variety shows. The most direct inspiration is from The Brady Bunch Variety Hour, where the family plays “themselves,” but one member has been auspiciously replaced. “Lisa” here is a dim, vivacious teenager (“Sophomore prom queen five years running!”) but nobody seems to mind. This element just makes me envision Lisa’s falling out with the real family over this stupid show, a sorted past swept under the rug for the sake of their careers. The show is a collection of purposely horrible comedy sketches and musical numbers, intercut with quick bits from other characters, dubbed the “Springfield Baggy Pants Players.” The cheese factor is ramped up pretty high: the stilted acting, and the sorry lead-ins into sketches (“Have you wondered what we would be like if we were beavers?” “Yes!”) and the 50s diner locale of the “I Want Candy” number, which blends Jasper attempting “Lollipop,” with Smithers in Western chaps doing “Whip It,” a segment where any sliver of doubt of his homosexuality is swiftly eliminated. My favorite bit is at the end of the big number seeing the family members breathing heavily, exhausted but still keeping their big smiles for the audience. Everything about this episode is so absurd, but all three segments are so well crafted, they feel like genuine examples of the genres they’re parodying. It’s a really unique episode. The series has only gone completely meta a few times, but it’s always interesting and entertaining when it does.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Troy McClure is brilliant as the host of course. His best bits are at the beginning when he’s walking and talking and hits a dead end unexpectedly, and his introductions after the commercial breaks: act two opens with him getting caught staring at the chest of one of the Charlie’s Angels statues, and act three has him abandoning his talk with the curator of the Museum of Television.
– “Not long ago, the FOX Network approached the producers of The Simpsons with a simple request: thirty-five new shows to fill a few holes in their programming line-up.” Basically all they got is The X-Files and Melrose Place. Fair enough for the time. King of the Hill had started, but was still in its infancy.
– In a weird way, I’d like to watch all of these proposed shows. A gritty crime drama with a slightly more serious Wiggum and Skinner? Great. A cheesy sitcom with Moe? That’s excellent telvision.
– Another hand wave of unseen backstory is that Wiggum is now divorced (“It’s no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and family like so many juggling balls… two, I suppose.”
– Ralph gets his fair share of gems in so little time (“These rubber pants are hot!” “Look, Big Daddy! It’s Regular Daddy!”)
– Nice cameo of sorts by chef Paul Prodhomme (“I gua-ran-tee!” “Would you stop saying that!”)
– It’s great that Skinner mentions he read about Big Daddy in Parade Magazine, and it’s even better later when the man himself lists the reference on his calling card.
– The alligator attack is so wonderfully stupid, an exaggerated version of the creative animal assassins (“Lucky for you this is just a warning gator.  Next one won’t be corked.”)
– The Simpson family has a brief cameo in Wiggum’s new show (“Chief Wiggum, I can’t wait to hear about all the exciting, sexy adventures you’re sure to have against this colorful backdrop.”)
– I love the ending of “Wiggum, P.I.” and how dumb it is. Big Daddy hurrying to sit in the main office with the chair turned around so he can dramatically turn around, the stupid dialogue (“New Orleans is my town. Nobody going to mess with me. I got interests, and I ain’t talking about stamp collecting, though I do find that extremely interesting,”) and his “Blagh!” as he throws Ralph at Wiggum and escapes out the window. I guess I should give recognition to Gailard Sartain for voicing Big Daddy, he makes the small role very memorable.
– I love the ending of the “Love-Matic Grampa” opening where Moe horns in on the titles, and flicks away an invading cherub.
– The studio audience is in full swing right away (“I’ll have you know I wrote the book on love!” “Yeah, ‘All Quiet on the Western Front’!” [audience ooooooooos!] “Ah, kiss my dish rag.” [audience laughs])
– I love the bit we hear of the start of Grampa’s ramble about how he invented kissing (“It was during World War I, and they were looking for a new way to spread germs…”)
– Moe is not exactly the most romantic guy (“You know what’s great about you, Betty, is you’re letting your looks go gracefully. You’re not all hung up on looking attractive and desirable. It’s just so rare and refreshing.”)
– Kent Brockman’s introduction to the “Smile-Time Variety Hour” (“And now, a family that doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘cancelled'”) may have been cute then, but is depressingly more accurate now.
– I really like all the Laugh-In-style interstitials, especially at the end where they have a few of them all in a row, like they had to cram them all in. The best being the shot of Captain McAlister with his hat raised (by an obvious wire) and steam shooting from his pipe (by an obvious tube system around the pipe). And of course, a poem by Hans Moleman (“I think that I shall never see, these cataracts are blinding me.”)
– I like the sign-off of the show with the family (and Tim Conway) in bed, and Marge’s seemingly signature line, “We’re like this all the time!”
– Nice nod to the fall of The Flintstones in Ozmodiar, a parody of the Great Gazoo, the weird little great alien that appeared toward the end of the series.

(originally aired May 4, 1997)
Oh man, is there a lot to say about this one. “Homer’s Enemy” has always been, and still remains one of my favorite episodes the show has ever done, but it’s incredibly unique, and an interesting prelude for a lot of the content and tone of later seasons. Homer’s dimwitted nature and bravado are ramped up to a ridiculous degree in this episode, but within a specific context where it makes sense, but much of said behavior would bleed into his regular personality later on. But let’s set the stage first. The power plant has a new hire: self-made man Frank Grimes, a normal, no-nonsense kind of guy. He’s instantly put off by Homer’s laziness, his oafish demeanor, and his disregard for reading labels on lunch bags. It isn’t long before he openly says to his face that he hates him and that they’re enemies. This deeply affects Homer, who does his best to try to get ol’ Grimey in his good graces, but all he does seems to aggravate him further. Grimes attempts to humiliate Homer by tricking him into entering a children’s modeling contest, but it completely backfires when he wins and is applauded for it. Past his breaking point, Grimes snaps and runs about the plant mimicking Homer’s careless behavior, ending with him grasping electrical cords without safety gloves, resulting in his demise.

The alleged idea of the episode is that Frank Grimes represents someone from the “real world” who finds himself in the bizarre town of Springfield. It totally makes sense, as Grimes feels and sounds unlike any other character we’ve seen. Hank Azaria gives an absolutely fantastic performance. The voice and design have shades of Michael Douglas from the movie Falling Down, just this regular guy who is moments from being pushed over the edge. He’s right up there with Hank Scorpio for best one-off character ever. So Homer is a man of unbelievable incompetence and stupidity, yet he’s the safety inspector at a nuclear power plant, a position where he could ultimately doom the entire town. That’s one of the overall running jokes of the series, but here it’s shone upon more, as it would with any one of us seeing this in action in real life. The point is for all his redeeming qualities, at the workplace, we would be put off by a guy like Homer. A man who should have been killed dozens of times by now by his own ignorance should not be in that position.

Along with his slacking off at work, Homer is much more absent-mindedly annoying in this episode, stealing all of Grimes’s pencils, loitering at his workstation, and so forth. He’s almost like a caricature of himself, but in this episode it makes sense because that’s what he’s called on to be. It’s all the negative aspects of Homer all at the forefront from Grimes’s perspective to drive him absolutely bananas. The issue here is that I guess the writers loved writing Homer like this and wanted to carry on some of those exaggerated traits. And so from here on out, slowly but surely, we get more jokes of Homer being unabashedly dumb, thoughtless, careless, pompous, and just being an overall caricature of his previous self. The good folks at Dead Homers pointed out a particularly striking line: during his freakout, Grimes madly remarks, “I’m better than okay. I’m Homer Simpson!” To which Homer cockily responds, “You wish!” Homer may be a man comfortable with his lot in life, but he’s well aware that he’s just an average schmoe. His great achievements and accolades over the run of the series are contrasted with this, and that’s why they’re funny; Homer never acknowledges how amazing all these things are. But in later seasons, he seems almost aware of how great his life has been, thinking that he deserves things, and worst of all, thinking that he’s somebody. And worse than that, when times call for it, he becomes a celebrated town hero (a la winning the model contest) instead of a barely-tolerated working schmuck. Former Homer was more thrilled over a tray of brownies than meeting George Harrison. Two seasons from now, he cozies up to Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger in a matter of seconds. I don’t know to what degree this episode was a specific catalyst for what’s to come, but it does feel like it played some sort of role in it.

But despite any and all visions of future doom, “Homer’s Enemy” on its own is absolutely brilliant. The idea of a real man’s frustration over Homer’s relatively easy road through life is pretty sharp, and executed splendidly. The best scene is when Homer invites Grimes to the Simpson home to hope to smooth things over, which ultimately makes things worse when it only illuminates more wonderful things about his life. Again, Hank Azaria is frigging amazing as Grimes, absolutely shocked and bewildered at the blessed life this absolute moron lives. There’s plenty of other great gags throughout the episode, like Lenny and Carl’s cavalier attitude toward Homer (“That’s the man who’s in charge of our safety? It boggles the mind!” “It’s best not to think about it,”) the new executive vice president (a dog), and the other kids at the model contest. There’s also a B-story involving Bart winning an abandoned warehouse at auction for a dollar, and he and Milhouse using it as their extremely dangerous playhouse. It’s amusing if not disposable, but it actually does play into the main story in a good way. Everything about Homer’s life is seemingly perfect, but Bart is a bit of a gray area. So now, irrepressible hellion becomes young entrepreneurial factory owner in Grimes’s eyes. So, in summation, “Homer’s Enemy” is fucking amazing and an inventive, solid episode. It’s just what followed in its footsteps that I got issues with.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Grimes’s life could not have been worse. Abandoned by his parents as a child (who were shooting footage of them leaving him from the back of their car for some reason), he spent his youth delivering toys to more fortunate kids. Then as a young man, he was greatly injured in a silo explosion (as we see, he was just running by said silo, which exploded only when he got directly next to it). He studied science by mail in his spare minutes of each day, and eventually got his correspondent’s in nuclear physics, “with a minor in determination,” according to Kent Brockman.
– Great character bit of Frank wiping his hand on his pants before going to shake hands. A small thing like that tells a lot about a character instantly.
– I love how even Burns is swayed by television fluff pieces: one day he’s swayed by Grimes’s story, the next of a particularly heroic dog (“He pulled a toddler from the path of a speeding car, then pushed a criminal in front of it!”) The dog becomes his “executive vice president,” getting a sash to that effect, and is later heard chewing out (or barking, rather) Grimes in Burns’s office, and also attends his funeral at the ending.
– Homer aggravates Grimes instantly, admiring one of his personally mongrammed pencils, knocking the coffee cup full of them over. I love how freaked out Grimes is over this.
– I’ve always loved how Homer claimed he had no idea what a “nuclear panner plant” was, then Grimes gives an unsure forced laugh, unable to determine if it was a joke or not.
– More great Hank Azaria as the fast-talking auctioneer.
– Grimes notices alarms at Homer’s workstation, informing him it’s a 513. Homer checks his watch. Grimes explains it’s a 513 procedural. Homer checks his watch again. When he finally registers there’s a problem, Homer returns to his workstation, pours a bucket of water on the console, frying it, “solving” the problem. Grimes watches from the window, mouth agape.
– Grimes is bewildered at how cavalier Homer can act after almost just drinking a beaker of sulfuric acid. The blank, grinning look on his face is so hysterical, and that one shot so summarizing of the episode, that there was no question what the header picture for this review would be.
– Homer goes to Moe for advice on having an enemy, to which the bartender reveals his own enemies list, but Barney points out it’s just the same one as Richard Nixon’s. Moe then tries to give Homer some real guidance (“Why don’t you invite him over. Turn him from an enemy to a friend. Then when he’s not expecting it, bam! The ol’ fork in the eye.” “Do you think it might work without the fork in the eye?” “There’s always a first time.”)
– Everything about the dinner scene is fantastic: the haggard Grimes at the Simpson doorstep, his slow registration of Homer’s lavish living space, revealing he lives above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley, and the piling on of Homer’s accolades to further infuriate him (“I’ve had to work hard every day of my life, and what do I have to show for it?  This briefcase and this haircut!”) Homer is nervous, but still clueless (“I’m saying you’re what’s wrong with America, Simpson. You coast through life, you do as little as possible, and you leech off of decent, hardworking people like me! If you lived in any other country in the world, you’d have starved to death long ago.”)
– I love Homer’s attempt to look professional, with his Mr. Good Employee poster and eating donuts with a fork and knife, and his insistence that he continue his conversation with Grimes during the designated work period (“Sincerely, Homer Simpson.”) Grimes is not swayed.
– Excellent foreshadowing when Grimes claims he could die a happy man if he could prove to everyone that Homer is a moron. Guess that didn’t work out so well.
– The only great bit of note from the B-story is Milhouse’s interpretation of his title as “watchman” when Bart returns to find the warehouse collapsed (“I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over, then it fell over.”) Then all the rats flurry into Moe’s (“Okay, everybody tuck your pants into your sock!”)
– The model contest is a great scene. First up is Ralph with a Malibu Stacy dream house, which Smithers is of course impressed by, but Burns, not so much (“Hot tub? Media room? It’s supposed to be a power plant, not Aunt Beaulah’s bordello!”) Martin provides an extremely impressive design, which happens to actually generate power, but Burns isn’t so receptive (“Too cold and sterile. Where’s the heart!”) Then we have Homer, with an extremely crude model. Grimes cries out about the ridiculousness of the scenario, but is quickly shushed. Homer points out how he copied the existing plant, added fins to the cooling towers for “wind resistence,” and added a sharp racing stripe. Burns is sold: first prize. Grimes is stunned (“But it was a contest for children!” “Yeah, and Homer beat their brains out!”) It’s the perfect absurd catalyst for Grimes to finally go mad.
– Grimes’s freakout is astounding, and oh so quotable (“I’m peeing on the seat! Give me a raise!”) The animation, Azaria’s performance, everyone else just following Grimes silently, the uncomfortableness of it really plays, that this is a man who’s truly lost it (“Hello, Mr. Burns! I’m the worst worker in the world! Time to go home to my mansion and eat my lobster!”)
– I love not even in death can Grimes catch a break, that in the eulogy, Lovejoy remarks that “Grimey” was his preferable nickname.

(originally aired April 27, 1997)
Here we have another Marge episode coupled with an examination of an unexplored secondary character. But forget about all that, the most important thing this show has to offer is the immortal Mr. Sparkle, one of the greatest and most bizarre creations of the entire series. I’ll get to him later though. Despite that wacky and amazing sub-plot, the main story is actually quite strong, which surprised me as I didn’t really remember it all that much. It gives a real humanity to Reverend Lovejoy, a man who wishes to help and invigorate his flock, but has just lost his religious mojo. We establish at the start how his stale and droning sermons lull the entire town to sleep, and his advice to the community is rather lacking. A flashback sheds some light on the subject: Lovejoy was a spirited go-getter in the mid-seventies, open to the concerns of his new congregation in Springfield, but met his match with worrywart Ned Flanders. After weeks and months of calls regarding exaggeratedly inconsequential matters (“I think I may be coveting my own wife!”), Lovejoy was beaten down, admitting he just stopped caring (“Luckily, by then it was the eighties, and no one noticed.”)

While we find Lovejoy is a man who’s become completely numbed emotionally, Marge has an open and caring heart toward everyone. She volunteers at the church and ends up falling into the role of the “Listen Lady,” assisting the citizens of Springfield with their problems. This role fits perfectly, as people are instantly taken by her motherly advice. Meanwhile, Lovejoy finds himself effectively replaced. There’s a spectacular sequence when he envisioned the saints on his stained glass windows (which have never been seen before or since, of course) chewing him out. Another great scene is seeing him all by his lonesome in the basement with his train set. It really did bring a tear to my eye. The show is so good at making us care about these minor characters in no time at all. Basically the episode is fantastic up until the third act, where things get a bit strange. Marge’s words of wisdom backfire involving Flanders dealing with some hooligans, which end up with him being chased out of town all night by the bullies on mini-bikes, for some reason. Then Ned hides out in the baboon sanctuary at the zoo, for some reason. And Lovejoy has to fight them off to save him, for some reason. The resolution was just kind of silly and nonsensical, and the big dramatic brawl ending is just a big harbinger for similar over-the-top action-oriented endings to come. I did like Lovejoy’s emphatic sermon at the end though, finally having gotten some life back into him (“A pair of the great apes rose up at me but bam, bam! I sent them flying like two hairy footballs!”)

Okay, enough of that. Miiiisstaah Sparkllllee! On a trip to the dump, Homer is extremely bewildered at the discovery of a Japanese detergent box with his face on it. He seeks out answers, with a return appearance of Akira and a visit to the library, where he asks for a Japanese phone book, then asks to use the phone (“Is it a local call?” “……yes.”) The Mr. Sparkle company sends him a video tape that should clear things up, featuring the Mr. Sparkle commercial, which is one of the best single segments the series has ever done. After watching a fair share of Japanese media after seeing this, it basically is pretty spot on. It’s just such a spectacular piece, where just when you think it can’t get weirder, it does. And you gotta love the subtitles (“I am disrespectful to dirt! Can you see I am serious?”) Homer is initially as baffled as we are, but it’s then revealed Mr. Sparkle is the result of the merging of two companies and their logos. A grinning fish combined with a lightbulb become… Homer’s head. It’s an absolutely brilliant conclusion (“There’s your answer, fish-bulb!”) A solid and interesting A-story, and one of the greatest side stories of all time? Awesome-ah power!

Tidbits and Quotes
– Great read on Homer’s loud “Dammit!” whilst nodding off and hitting his head on the pew. Sacrilicous. Before long, everyone is asleep, and the Reverend must use his noise buttons to awaken his flock (he chooses “Bird.”)
– I like Homer, Bart and Lisa’s joy of coming back from church, touting it the best part of the week (“It’s the longest possible time before more church!”)
– While Marge is doing chores at church, like putting the collection plates in the dishwasher, Lovejoy uses his time wisely (“Did you know, thanks to you, that I discovered a form of shame that’s gone unused for 700 years?”)
– Marge is an instant hit with her advice, first with Moe (“I’ve lost the will to live.” “That’s ridiculous, Moe. You’ve got lots to live for.” “Really? That’s not what Reverend Lovejoy’s been telling me. Wow, you’re good, thanks!”)
– Great meta moment when in response to Homer’s paranoia about the Mr. Sparkle box, Marge comments that it’s absurd that he thinks that they’re being watched. Cut to an aerial shot of the dinner table as the family eats a tad nervously for a few seconds. I love that it’s an underplayed moment and doesn’t get drawn out.
– I love Akira’s explanation of Mr. Sparkle (“He identifies himself as a magnet for foodstuffs. He boasts that he will banish dirt to the land of wind and ghosts. You have very lucky dishes, Mr. Simpson. This soap is from the sacred forests of Hokkaido, renowned for its countless soap factories.”)
– I’m sure some people don’t care for the extended bit of Homer dialing the phone, thinking it’s just filler, but I love just how long it goes, and how he has to look back at the book for each number he dials. He can’t remember more than one number?
– Lovejoy must confront his visions of the saints, accusing him of being uncaring and not doing enough for his congregation (“I thought saints were supposed to be friendly.” “You’re just lucky God isn’t here!”)
– As I said, I love the bit with Lovejoy and his trains. I also like that Helen calls Marge in genuine concern of her husband. It feels so real, it’s great (“Attention, HO-scale passengers. The dining car is closed. Root beer is still available, but the cost is now six-fifty. If the passengers will look to their right, you will see a sad man. That is all.”)
– Where does one get gas at the cheap price of $1.49 and eight-tenths? Donny’s Discount Gas! And holy shit, you’re damn right that’s a discount from today’s standards.
– The only things I like about the ending is the zookeeper explaining why he can’t help Ned (“If they don’t kill the intruder, it’s really bad for their society,”) and Lovejoy’s thank-you to Marge (“She taught me that there’s more to being a minister than not caring about people.”)
– One minor bit, I kind of wish that when the family went to Japan, they’d have made a Mr. Sparkle reference. Considering those tourists at the zoo immediately identified Homer, it would seem to make sense. But then, of course, if you’re watching that episode and have never seen this one, it makes no sense, so I get why they wouldn’t have done it.