(originally aired January 10, 1991)
Sometimes I wonder what the show would be like had Phil Hartman not died. His last appearance was in “Bart the Mother,” an early season 10 episode, about the time the series started to turn sour. Coincidence? Yes. But can you really imagine Troy McClure showing up in a season 14 episode? I dunno, his characters are just such a staple of high quality the show once had, it would feel weird. But anyway, I mention this because this is the first episode where Phil Hartman guest starred, here voicing one of his two regular characters, and one of the best supporting players ever, Lionel Hutz, questionably accredited (if at all) lawyer. Everything about the character is sleazy, smarmy and undercutting, but he does his darnedest to appear on the level, almost to the point where he’s deluded himself to that effect. With his welcoming powder-blue suit, he tries to propagate a just and caring air for himself, and son-of-a-bitch, it almost works. Hartman gives such a phenomenal performance as Hutz, creating a shockingly lovable character out of such a sleazeball.

Lionel Hutz appears, almost from thin air, into the Simpson family’s lives to represent them when Bart is knocked off his skateboard at a crosswalk by Mr. Burns’s limousine. Before we get here though, Bart has an out-of-body experience, takes a gilded escalator to heaven (with an angelic announcer voice, done by Hartman), but then is sent straight to Hell for a quick meeting with the Devil, before finally being sent back to Earth. This all happens in less than three minutes, by the way. It’s an epic example of Simpsons pacing, nothing feels rushed, all organic, and completely within the show’s rights. I’ve always loved the show’s depiction of the Devil, an impish, almost nerdy creature (with an appropriate voice by Harry Shearer), pulling up mortal’s timelines on computerized spreadsheets. When he finds he’s taken Bart prematurely, he chuckles, admonishing himself, “Boy, is my face red!” Almost seems like kind of a nice guy.

Anyway, back to Earth. When Homer is offered a pathetic, no-hard-feelings compensation by his boss, he decides to seek consultation from Hutz, in his office conveniently located in the middle of the mall. No punches are pulled on the credibility of his character; right as he and Homer sit down, his eyes light up as he hears an ambulance siren in the distance, but figures he’ll have to pass on that one. He then addresses his potential client (“Mr. Simpson, the state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement. But just between you and me, I promise you a big cash settlement”) The settlement in question is a cool million, which Homer immediately responds to. This leads to a follow-up examination of Bart by another first appearance of a character with similar questionable morals, Dr. Nick Riviera. Like Hutz, Dr. Nick tries to put forth a smile on his line of work, but not much to disguise his run-down, filth-ridden office. Homer, however, is a-OK with the good doctor’s workplace also located in the mall and framed plaque denoting Dr. Nick as a female body inspector.

With phony bandages and phony testimony, Hutz and Homer are ready to go to court. This looks to be an absolute open-and-shut case, with all sympathy in the room immediately landing on a crippled-looking Bart, and Mr. Burns’s constant outbursts don’t much help his case (“I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!”) An episode highlight are the sequences of the two accounts of the accident from Bart and Mr. Burns. Bart’s recollection is of an insane maniac Burns sadistically mowing Bart down in “his luxury car of death.” Burns’s version, which he is clearly reading from cue cards, is a bright, wonderful tale of his selflessness and good will: off to deliver toys to orphans, a rambunctious Bart runs into his car, and Burns is quick to comfort the child, screaming to the heavens, “Take me! I’m old!!” The jury is not moved, much to Burns’s shock (“You believed his cock-and-bull story!”)

Marge ends up being Hutz and Homer’s undoing, as she is not as quick to tarnish her moral code. Called to the stand, she reveals her feelings on the legitimacy of Dr. Nick’s medical opinions, and of Bart’s exaggerated mental anguish. Homer is absolutely devastated at this. With the fantastical opening of Heaven and Hell and courtroom shenanigans, the back half of the third act seems a bit out of place, but feels like something that was built toward. Homer is concerned that he’ll never be able to look at his wife the same way again, that to him, she’ll be “the dame that blew [his] one big chance.” The denouement of this story is pretty silly and over-the-top, playing against the gasps in unison by Moe and the barflies, but it still manages to be sweet, even though we know the inevitability of Homer realizing his love for Marge will never fade. All in all, it’s a pretty wacky episode, a big part thanks to Hartman’s wonderful work with Hutz, with a sweet, grounded end.

Tidbits and Quotes
– I don’t know why, but I love that the title appears on screen (timed brilliantly to come up just seconds before the promise of the title is realized). This happened in “The Telltale Head” as well, as if it denotes this is a very special episode or something. I also liked that it said “Episode 23,” so I knew I haven’t been miscounting.
– I love the nod to Hieronymus Bosch in the depiction of Hell. It was later repeated in a much much later Treehouse of Horror, which was ruined by some dumb jokes to go with it.
– It’s so hard to pick a great Hutz line since every word he says is so great. It’s just the performance Hartman gives, so loud and commanding, killing with questionable kindness, and even more questionable scruples, not above chasing down a gurney rolling down a hospital hallway (“What’s that, a broken neck? Great!”)
– Great early bit of Burns’s lack of strength (“Tangle with me, and I’ll crush you like a paper cup!”) He strains and strains but eventually does it, and seems oh so satisfied of his achievement.
– Oh God, I LOVE the sequence of Burns imagining the “fallout” of him firing Homer after having mowed down his son: the newspapers reading “Burns Fires Ungrateful Employee” and “Hooray For Burns!” For some reason, the voice-over of Burns making positive murmuring noises makes it even funnier.
– We also get the first appearance of Mr. Burns’s lawyer, still unnamed to this day. When he was released in action figure form (unbelievable), he was just dubbed “Blue-Haired Lawyer.” He’s mostly Burns’s lawyer, but he’s always on the side against the Simpsons, a very skilled, methodological man who can crack and twist testimony out of anyone. He’s such a wonderful character, and a great foil to bumbling types like Hutz, and later Gil.
– I’ve always liked Burns screaming at his legal team after the session (“Hang your heads in shame, you overpriced, under-brained glorified notary publics!”) He’s usually such a reserved and calculated man, always in total control due to his affluence, but when things aren’t going his way, it makes sense for him to just lose it like that.
– My favorite line in the show is probably after Marge hesitates about her swearing to tell the truth in court, Hutz worriedly comments, “She sounded like she was taking that awful seriously.” I also love Blue-Haired Lawyer’s examination, starting antagonistically to get Marge to talk, then mellowing out, almost being glib toward the end, since he knows he’s got it in the bag. The scene where Marge is talking about the very minute negatives as a result of Bart’s mild injuries and Lawyer makes small commentshere and there is great; definitely another instance where Dan Castallaneta and Julie Kavner were in the same session just going off on each other’s reads.

(originally aired December 20, 1990)
The Simpsons is always up to tackle any subject, but never approaches things in a cut-and-dry manner. Characters with viewpoints from both sides are questioned and held under equal scrutiny, as the show examines both sides of a particular coin. This episode is a key example of this, as the show takes aim at the media in general and censorship, what is acceptable for general audiences, in almost a veiled commentary on the show itself. I was a mere infant when these episodes aired, but I’m aware that FOX was a nothing network until controversy from Married with Children caused a public interest (any publicity is good publicity). Not long after, our favorite family caught some flack for its off-beat content, and this show almost acts as a response to all of that, a brilliant look at what one screwball can accomplish.

The in-universe target is the grossly violent antics of cartoon cat and mouse Itchy & Scratchy. We’ve seen them a few times previously, but this is the first episode to really highlight them. The idea of a cartoon within a cartoon is interesting enough, let alone the content, like Tom & Jerry but taken to an overly graphic extreme. We get our fair share of I&S clips here, all of them extremely gratuitous in their carnage, but so funny for that very reason, just different bombastic variations for that mouse to brutally murder that poor cat. After a highly impressionable baby Maggie whacks Homer on the head with a mallet, Marge discovers it was television where she witnessed it and emulated the act. Stepping to her soapbox, she starts a campaign against cartoon violence, picketing the animation studio behind I&S. Her efforts build momentum, leading to an appearance on late-night panel discussion show Smartline where she faces against I&S studio head Roger Meyers, Jr. and Dr. Marvin Monroe. She urges the viewers to write in their complaints, leads to a flood of letters at the studio’s doorstep, creating a rift in the cartoon world.

The final act is filled with so much stuff on different topics, but is always true and on-point with the story. It begins with Marge getting a call from Meyers Jr. and the distressed I&S writers who are trying to figure out how to retool their show. I’m sure the Simpsons writers have had to deal with many a corporate executive with no creative experience giving them notes on what to change about the show, so the frustration of the scene feels so organic. In the end, the show is reduced to the most bland, offensively inoffensive material imaginable: a doe-eyed and stoic Itchy & Scratchy sitting on a porch drinking lemonade, with actual voices (like Tom & Jerry were given in later years, to horrifying effect). The kids of Springfield find the cat & mouse’s domesticated activities boring, and must find something else to fill their time (Lisa comments, “Maybe there’s something else to do on this planet.”) Following this, we get an absolutely beautiful montage where the children discover that beyond mind-rotting, violent television is a great big beautiful world to explore, where one can fly kites, play baseball, jump rope, or dance around a maypole. Life sure becomes grand and fulfilling.

None of this is to last, of course. Marge’s fellow censor-happy harpies approach her over banning a planned Springfield tour of Michelangelo’s David, but she considers that particular freedom of expression to be high art. In a follow-up edition of Smartline, Marge muses, “I guess one person can make a difference, but most of the time, they probably shouldn’t.” Perhaps our lives would be better without us being glued to the yammering idiot box, but if we must live with new forms of technology and creative output, we have to learn that the bad and the good, as we perceive them, are of equal value and validity, be it the works of Michelangelo, the symphonies of Beethoven, or The Simpsons. At this concession, the playgrounds are empty once more as an ever-violent Itchy & Scratchy returns to the airwaves, as it should be. This is an episode that tackles so much, but still retains a sense of itself, staying with Marge and her crusade the whole way through as these various big topics happen around her. If this episode has any failing, it’s that it makes Marge a minor antagonist, but her journey is a just one, having only best interests at heart, and all is well in the end… sort of. She is pleased to hear that Michelangelo’s David will be seen by the kids of Springfield on a class field trip, and despite her rabble-rousing, we’re happy for her too.

Tidbits and Quotes
– I could write a whole other article just about Itchy & Scratchy. The opening of the show is perfect, with the xylophone melody, high-pitched theme singers, and the two character’s clueless expressions as they bash each other repeatedly. Could you think of any better way to start a cartoon like that? I also love the effort made to make Itchy & Scratchy look and feel more like a cartoon within the cartoon universe of The Simpsons. With a needle drop-esque score, less detailed backgrounds, and an overall zanier feel, it really does feel more like a “cartoon” than the one you’re already watching.
– The Psycho shot-for-shot riff with Homer getting “attacked” is fantastic; remaking such an infamous dramatic scene in a ridiculous fashion like this is such a wonderful parody.
– I love Marge wondering where Maggie got the idea to wield a mallet to her father right as she places the baby directly in front of the television, which then airs an I&S short that opens with the two inexplicably placed in a kitchen whacking each other repeatedly with cooking mallets.
– The cartoon clips seem to get more and more gratuitously violent as the episode goes. We have a short where Scratchy opens his front door only to get a ballistic missile to his face by Itchy, then one that consists of Itchy blowing up Scratchy’s grave with TNT, and finally, a cartoon that is just the two pulling out bigger and bigger handguns until they are larger than the Earth itself, followed by an explosion and Scratchy being shot into the sun screaming. What a treasure trove of hilariously violent cartoons.
– I love Marge’s list of offensive material from I&S, particularly “dogs tricked,” “gophers buried alive,” and one check mark of “brains slammed in car door.” I want to see that episode very much.
– First appearance of Sideshow Mel, and to a lesser extent, another of Krusty’s co-stars Corporal Punishment. I feel we don’t see enough of Krusty’s show, we’ve never seen the Corporeal, or Tina Ballerina, or even much of Mr. Teeny the monkey in action on his show.
– Great line from a self-immobilized Homer on the couch (“You know, some of these stories are pretty good. I never knew mice lived such interesting lives.”)
– Roger Meyers, Jr. on Smartline is so brilliant, with his constant interrupting and undermining of Marge, and his defense of his work with a shocking revelation (“I did a little research and I discovered a startling thing… There was violence in the past, long before cartoons were invented. The Crusades, for instance. Tremendous violence, many people killed, the darned thing went on for thirty years!”)
– Oh my, I LOVE the new Itchy & Scratchy theme (“They love, they share, they share they love they share…”) And the David statue covered up with blue jeans on the Smartline segment.

(originally aired December 6, 1990)
Tonight, we have an episode about hero worship, impressionable youth, and the great lengths a father will go to to teach his son a lesson. We start innocently enough cutting back and forth between Bart at home and Homer at the bar watching a wrestling match. Despite their constant butting of heads, we see they’re not so different, most evidenced by their equally ecstatic reaction to an over-the-top advert for a monster truck rally, featuring the mighty Truckasaurus, a gigantic car-crushing mechanical dinosaur. Their plans to attend encounter a slight speed bump in the form of Lisa’s band recital, but before long, the family arrives at the rally, where they unwittingly drive into the arena and are attacked by the mechanized creature. Seeing the family car trapped within the jaws of a humongous robot dinosaur is quite a way to end an act. I’ve always wanted to know more about the operations of the machine. Why would they pick up the Simpson car? Regardless, the incident is brushed off by the team and the Simpsons are comped for the extensive car damage and given a half bottle of domestic champagne for being such good sports.

At the rally itself, Bart bears witness to Captain Lance Murdoch, world-class daredevil and Evel Knievel parody, who sets up a death-defying motorcycle stunt involving great white sharks, electric eels, piranha, alligators, a mountain lion, and one drop of human blood to get ’em all riled up. Bart is in complete awe, and despite Murdoch getting horribly injured, he decides to start cheating death himself with his skateboard. All it takes is one attempt to leap over the family car (the non-destroyed one) to knock him unconscious. At the hospital, Dr. Hibbert (first appearance) attempts to educate Bart on the dangers of emulating media stunts (though he opts not to subject him to the horrors of their Three Stooges ward), but Bart is a boy on a mission. He performs one successful jump, then another, and another, but soon feels he needs a greater challenge. He finds one in the form of Springfield Gorge, and announces to his fellow classmates his intentions to jump it.

I feel this review has been more synopsis-heavy than normal… I enjoy the subversion that witnessing people’s horrible accidents and disfigurements only encourages Bart more in his death-defying feats, as well as a visit to a hospitalized Murdoch, who applauds his efforts (“Bones heal, chicks dig scars, and the United States of America has the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world!”) There’s a lot of great jokes in this show, but what I love most about it is at its core, it’s a sweet Homer and Bart episode. We begin with the two sharing a bond in their enthusiasm over the truck rally, and we end with Homer genuinely concerned about his son’s safety. The show manages to have very real sincere moments, which are still funny in Homer’s fumbling at trying to get through to his son. In an effort to get Bart to not go through with his jump, Homer has a heart-to-heart with him, pleading him to promise that he won’t do it (“This isn’t one of those phony-baloney promises I don’t expect you to keep! If you make this promise, you have to keep it.”) Bart promises, but is out the door a minute later. Later, Homer catches Bart at the gorge at the nick of time and can think of no other option than to jump the gorge himself to show his son “how much it hurts when a loved one risks his own life for no good reason.” There’s a real sadistic undertone to this if you think about it, but it’s pure misguided Homer logic. These scenes feature some funny lines (an exhausted Homer muses, “I tried ordering you, I tried punishing you, and God help me, I even tried reasoning with you”), but nothing really jokey. There are a lot of sincere moments in this episode that are allowed to just play out, whereas now, I feel there would be a frantic effort to not let any thirty seconds play out without a jokey joke.

The episode ends with one of the series’s most classic moments in Homer jumping the gorge and almost making it. Strange that we can find so much pleasure out of watching this poor man fall down the gorge (twice), horribly injuring himself, but perhaps it was because of his heightened enthusiasm and joy at his disbelief that he was going to make the jump. One must not get too cocky over their station in life, or they’re due for a fall, I suppose. This is another pure classic episode, full of iconic elements in Truckasaurus and Lance Murdoch, great jokes and commentary, and a truly epic ending.

Tidbits and Quotes
– The truck rally commercial is absolutely perfect, with a great finale (“If you miss this, you’d better be dead or in jail! And if you’re in jail, break out! BE THERE!”)
– The recital is like the calm before the crazy stuff in the meat of the episode, but it has a lot of great bits, like Ned weeping with joy over Todd’s solo, and Homer “consoling” him (“Come on Flanders, he’s not that bad.”) I also love Homer, super antsy to leave, lifting Lisa out of her chair at the end of the last number, and the sweet moment where he leaves, then returns so she can take a bow. The great coda to this opening is when Homer is recklessly driving down the highway humming the 1812 overture, and Lisa quietly, proudly tells her mother, “I reached him.”
– My favorite moment in the whole show is when Murdoch appears in a blast of flame inside the arena and addresses the audience whilst still in flames and two guys blast him with extinguishers and put him out. It’s one of those moments where it’s hard to place why it’s so funny; the action itself, but also he’s small in the frame and the animation is so fluid in that Murdoch is completely nonplussed by his condition. Also, his stunt was basically a success, but it was his showboating going back toward the ramp that did him in.
– We see a slightly more serious Dr. Hibbert here, but he has a great line after his serious lecturing (“As tragic as all this is, it’s a small price to pay for countless hours of top-notch entertainment,”) to which Homer gives an “Amen!”
– The first act break was one of the most ridiculous, but the second has a great bit when Bart tells Otto he’s going to jump the gorge (“You know, Bart, as the only adult here, I feel I should say something.” “What?” “Cool!!”)
– The whole scene of Murdoch in the hospital is wonderful. I love when he’s signing a photo with his teeth and reads aloud what he’s writing through gritted teeth, then in the end we see it’s all one big random scribble.
– Something that struck me… Homer’s airlifted up and put in the ambulance, then it drives off not even five tire rotations and slams right into the tree. The timing is so quick, which I love, but it’s weird how it’s so quick, like how could the front of the vehicle have been completely smashed up if it had literally just gotten into motion?

(originally aired November 22, 1990)
I was really surprised watching this episode by how leisurely the pace is. These first few seasons feel a bit slower than more recent shows, but this one in particular seemed like it was really taking its time. There’s an absolutely lovely scene where Maggie is sitting alone on the couch with the TV on, and Marge walks through the room into the kitchen, that lasts a good twenty seconds. That might not seem like long, but that’s a lot of time in a twenty-three minute show. Nowadays, episodes run for barely twenty minutes, so they could never save that much time to do something like this now. Anyway, the real “plot” of this episode doesn’t kick in until halfway through, with the first ten minutes being just the family getting ready for Thanksgiving, and it’s fascinating how amazing and funny the show can be. There’s no complex plot or real tension at the start; just the characters interacting and discussing this holiday. There’s a real beauty in that, and also a great sign that once the conflict arrives in the second half that it doesn’t lose its luster.

So yeah, the first act (maybe the longest ever at 10 minutes) is all the Simpsons preparing for Thanksgiving dinner. More accurately, it’s just Marge, as we open with a gorgeous shot of slimy turkey innards being scooped out. Homer is couch-bound watching the parade to start, later football, and then picks up his father from the retirement home (our first real look at the depressing residence). Marge’s focus is on the dinner, and is much chagrined when her sisters bring over food of their own (“Some people find your turkey a little dry, and if they want an option, they’ll have it.”) Lisa is busy preparing an elaborate centerpiece for the dinner table, a highly decorated cornucopia with figurines of trailblazing women. Also amidst this is the arrival of Marge’s incredibly hoarse mother (“I have laryngitis. It hurts to talk. So I’ll just say one thing… You never do anything right”), Bart’s lazy attempt to assist his mother, and the radio and television broadcast of the halftime show featuring those peppy youngsters of “Hooray for Everything.” There’s a lot of small stuff happening, but it all flows and feels like a real family on Thanksgiving Day. It takes a good nine minutes for the “plot” to begin, but I could have watched a lot more of this build-up.

As Lisa brings in her centerpiece, Bart butts in with the turkey. The two fight over center stage, resulting in the centerpiece being flung into the fireplace, which instantly sets aflame. Lisa is devastated, and Bart is sent to his room. Completely appalled at his treatment, Bart escapes through the window and, along with Santa’s Little Helper, hits the town in search of food. Winding up donating plasma for twelve dollars (and a cookie) and passing out, Bart is assisted by two homeless people, who take him to the soup kitchen. Kind of like the Christmas episode, this holiday special injects a bit of sentimentality into the mix, but never sinks into overt sappiness. The two hobos are kind and helpful to this ten-year-old, but aren’t above quickly accepting money from him. We also get the first appearance of Kent Brockman, who is doing a fluff piece at the mission. He’s clearly a seasoned professional, delivering an extremely pandering speech about the grimy, unloved patrons of the soup kitchen (“So every year, on one conscious-salving day, we toss these people a bone. A turkey bone. And that’s supposed to make it all better.”)

Finally able to express her heavy emotions through a poem, Lisa is once again interrupted by Bart as the family sees him on Brockman’s report on TV. While the family is in a panic, Bart realizes how fortunate he is to have those who care for him and decides to return home. He has second thoughts about how they’ll react to his absence however, in another fantastic dream sequence that starts out normally, but turns into a psychotic nightmare. Heavy red lighting shadows over a deformed Simpson family, insanely laughing at a repeatedly apologetic Bart, blaming him for every problem in their lives. It’s a great sequence, with fantastic direction and drawings from David Silverman. Bart opts to climb the roof and chill for a bit, but is taken aback hearing Lisa crying in her room, and calls her up. Here, we get a beautiful sequence between the two siblings, as Lisa somberly seeks answers for Bart’s actions (“Was it because you hate me? Or because you’re bad?”) while Bart remains adamantly defensive for reasons even unbeknownst to him (“I don’t know why I did it! I don’t know why I enjoyed it! And I don’t know why I’ll do it again!”) With Lisa’s urgings, Bart uncovers a nugget of remorse within him and gives a sincere apology, much to the delight of an on-looking Homer (“You know, Marge? We’re great parents!”)

That’s two-for-two with great holiday episodes. We recognize the Simpsons as a real family, one we can both laugh at because of their exaggerated personas, but also feel for because they’re so rooted in reality. We also can relate to crappy Thanksgiving Day balloons, enduring holiday visits from extended family members, and everyone wanting to bite each other’s heads off in lieu of a peaceful holiday meal. We also briefly see the family at a vulnerable standstill as the search for Bart seems futile, they’re genuinely worried about him. In the end, though, as the family sits at the kitchen table at night, dressed in their pajamas, Homer gives his second shot at a prayer before they chow down in turkey sandwiches (“Oh Lord, on this blessed day, we thank Thee for giving our family one more crack at togetherness.”) The Simpsons are an irrefutable family unit; we love to see them squabble, and we love to see them reunited just as much.

Tidbits and Quotes
– Following the great opening with Marge gutting the turkey, Maggie enters the living room, which pans to a silent Homer… then to Bart smothering his sister with a couch cushion over a glue bottle. Homer takes charge (“Stop it, you two! This is Thanksgiving, so glue friendly or I’ll take your glue away and then no one will have any glue to glue with!”)
– I love the rapid-fire, but ultimately incoherent commentary on the parade by KBBL’s Bill & Marty (their first appearance?) It captures those types perfectly, always quick to get a witty retort or comment in, but not thinking it through to see if it made any lick of sense before saying it. Also, Homer’s observation (“If they start building a balloon for every flash-in-the-pan cartoon character, you’ll turn the parade into a farce!”) followed by a shot of a Bart Simpson balloon on the TV is a nice reference to the Bart balloon that flew in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in 1990.
– I like Maggie crawling up the stairs past all many, many dangerous objects. It’s almost like a throwback to that one Tracy Ullman short where Maggie was off on her own (and put a fork into the electrical socket).
– My favorite line in the whole show, maybe one of my favorites ever, is during that scene with Maggie alone at the TV, the announcer at the football game (“In the Silverdome, now ablaze with flashbulbs, as ‘Hooray for Everything’ leaves the field! Of course, a stadium is much too big for flash pictures to work, but nobody seems to care!”)
– I don’t know if Homer’s ever gotten through a mealtime prayer without either gossiping with the Lord or moaning and crying about his station in life.
– Great stuff at Burns’s mansion, with Burns eating barely a slice of turkey and asking Smithers to dispose of the insanely bountiful feast prepared. I also love the winged angel statue in the garden with a security camera where the head should be.
– I loved the line, “Operator! Give me the number for 911!” as a kid, and you know what, I still laughed at it now.